urgent help - weaning

[madhousewife]

I'm so frazzled at the moment I'm not sure if i'm thinking straight and I'd really appreciate some thoughts from other mums.

My DS (13 months) is still breastfeeding, A LOT! I breast fed my DD until she was 2 and weaned her b/c I was pregnant with DS, but she was only feeding first thing in the morning and last thing at night. DS snacks on and off all day.

Last week DS was very sick with a virus - vomiting and diarrhea, he's back on his solids now but is still demanding a feed from me every couple of hours. He's also gone from a very happy, contented baby to a very clingy baby and I'm unable to put him down at all without a complete melt down. I'm back at work on Tuesday and he has to go to nursery (which hasn't been going very well - he is not settling). My MIL has offered to keep him at her place for a couple of days to give me a break and to care for him instead of the nursery and she suggested that this might be a good time to end the breast feeding.

I'm surprisingly tempted by this offer - I know he will be in good hands, he is very familiar with MIL and likes her. I won't have to worry as much as I would if he were to be going to nursery. MIL took him out today and he was as happy as can be with her - he just seems to get clingy and tearful when I'm around. And part of me is really feeling tempted to give up the breastfeeding.

Am I making a mistake that I will regret? Will I damage my DS who is maybe suffering some separation anxiety by leaving him for 2 days? I feel so torn, what is best for DS?

I hope this makes sense, I really am exhausted at the moment...

Is Tuesday your first day back at work since he was born?

It's possible he's clingy & tearful due to the developmental spurt at around 55 weeks (calculated from due date) - in the run up to this leap in brain development, lots of babies become clingy, cranky & crying, and some ask for lots of bf. If it's that, it should calm down.

It sounds like your MIL taking him for a couple of days rather than going straight to nursery would be a good idea - but I'm assuming that if you're back at work, you're going to have to leave him somewhere, whatever happens.

On stopping bf, no advice from me as I'm still going with my DS, but I'd suggest not feeling swayed by your MIL on that, but weigh up whether you want to continue.

eggy - I was back 4 weeks ago (working 3 days a week) but I've been off for two weeks with the easter break. But DS hasn't had a full day at nursery yet.

Angel - usually I sway the opposite way from my MIL!! TBH I'm a bit fed up with bf but I hate denying DS and ultimately want to do what's best for him. Thanks for clueing me into the 55 weeks development spurt...it's so reassuring to have a reason for things.

The thing is even if he is fine at MIL's he might still want to nurse when he gets home - would you be willing to carry on nursing afterwards?

If you are going back to work you will, in effect, be limiting his feeds to when you are with him which hopefully would be more manageable.

Toddlers/babies are sometimes (or mostly) clingy/needy/made out of velcro during and following an illness regardless of feeding method. If you wean and the clingyness doesn't subside would you regret it or feel relieved bfing was over anyway?

Sorry lots of questions but not really any answers

Truth - I would still carry on nursing, I posted awhile ago about going back to work and continuing bfing. I found it really difficult to drop any of his feeds, he really is an all day snacker and he is small (9th %ile) so I worry about him not getting enough food. LLL suggested feeding him as much as he wants when I'm around and he'll probably sort himself out at nursery.

I don't know if I'd regret weaning him... I think if it was tear free there would be no problem, but if that's the only way I can comfort him than that's what I'll do. But I would prefer not to be breast feeding anymore.

I do feel guilty that I'm not enjoying it...

I wasn't aware of any of your other threads - sorry!

I definitely get you with the over breastfeeding thing but we do what we have too. I have had times (especially when pg) that if I have to feed any one again I will explode with rage. I don't but I do sneak off to the bathroom for just 5 seconds peace (oh how I empathise with Mrs Large the elephant!) and that helps.

Sometimes they have to go with out a feed and it won't kill them no matter how stroppy they get, they soon learn that there is a time and a place for it and Mum on the loo is not it!

LLL advice sounds like reasonable though you might find he feeds a lot as a reassurance in the early days/weeks of you being back at work.

I found thinking of breastfeeding as 'nursing' help me wrap my head around the toddler years better as it's not really about the food/drink in the breasts but the comfort/love/safe haven/reconnection.

Plus when DD1 was about 7 months old a friend came to stay with her 3 year old and she constantly asked for a hug as she was unsettled being in a strange place. After they had gone my DH said that if she was still bfing her DD would have asked for a feed instead of a hug - it was just the physical presence and connection with her mother she wanted.

I hope this makes sense - it's late, way too late for me!

I went back when DS was 13m, he still fed frequently at that point, when I was around

But I found after going back to work, it was lovely to get back together with a feed when I got home. We carried on til 25/26m when he stopped.

I would take things easy, it would be a big change for both of you to return to work at wean all at once. Don't worry about MIL, he misses you because you're his mum, not just because of the BF, wouldn't you be a little gutted if he didn't miss you at all?[busmile]

FWIW my DS could happily go 1-2 days without feeds from not much older, without it affecting the feeding at all.

If he's been having lots of feeds recently, I would avoid stopping suddenly as you may get engorged.

truth - what? you aren't following my other posts? ;)
i'm a mrs large fan too - I read it to my 3 year old and refer to 5 minutes peace often!

thanks eggy - you are right, it would be too much right now for ds, settling into nursery and weaning.

thanks to all of you and your advice.
ds is coming homw with momma and the bf will continue and he'll get as many cuddles as he needs until this phase passes. i'm feeling better today and i really appreciate everyone's comments