Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

To much pressure to breastfeed? Furious at HV!!!

34 replies

AliB1 · 21/04/2011 20:15

Do you think there is too much pressure on mothers to breastfeed?
I am not debating the pro's and con's between breast and bottle but am really annoyed at the moment about the amount of pressure to breastfeed.
My DS is 10 1/2 weeks old, Up until two weeks ago I exclusively breast fed him through thrush, mastitus, thrush again, numerous cracked nipples and a tear under one nipple. He ate every 1 1/2 to 2 hours and my son is now 15lbs! He is not lacking food! He is a happy healthy little boy! I have now decided to combination feed as I am so, so sore and got to the point where I felt I didn't want to pick him up in case he would want food - that was my breaking point, I felt we had gone on far enough! He now has three bottles and four breast feeds a day, I feel this is very managable and will continue.
However the lecture I got for HV today made me furious!!! Telling me I am letting my son down, not doing what is best for him, he will get infections, do I really understand the difference between breast and bottle, etc, etc, etc.
I am a mature, intelligent individual, any decision I make about my child is well considered, thought through thoroughly and with his best interests at heart. I am all for health professionals sharing information, but forming judgement and patronising mothers is, in my humble opinion, a step to far!

I would welcome others opinions?

OP posts:
Iggly · 21/04/2011 20:16

I don't think there is. Look at just how low the BF rates are in this country.

Your HV sounds like a loon TBH!

SouthGoingZax · 21/04/2011 20:18

COngrats, Ali, on getting this far with the breastfeeding.

It isn't normal to be so sore after this time - your HV should have checked with you about whether you ight have thrush in your nipples. I had this and it was agony. A few days of canasten on my nips and Daktarin in the baby's mouth cleared it up and it was painless after that.

If you can keep bf, do. It is so much less gaffing than formula!

TurtlesAreRetroRight · 21/04/2011 20:19

No I don't think there's too much pressure to bf at all. I think a lot of it is down to interpretation.

Of course sometimes- such as in the case you describe- it's just a crap hv. My hv was completely anti-bfing past 6 months and made out I'd drop down dead from anaemia and dh would leave me if I continued. That's not about pressure to bf or not bf though, it's about some people being twits.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 21/04/2011 20:19

I agree your HV was massively out of order and I don't blame you for being upset with her.

But bfing rates in this country are still pretty low because we live in a formula feeding culture.

suzikettles · 21/04/2011 20:21

Completely depends on the individual HV ime. My HV when I had a similar experience was badgering me to get ds on the bottle asap - despite the fact that I made it clear that I was looking for support to continue.

Maybe she hadn't read the circular saying that she should be forcing bf down my throat Hmm.

Tbh, I don't know anyone round here who was encouraged to bf if they said they didn't want to. And formula seems to be the answer to any situation that local GPs/midwives/HVs are presented with. Funnily bf rates are lousy.

KaraStarbuckThrace · 21/04/2011 20:22

Oh my SIL successfully mixed fed until her DS started eating solids. She then started dropping the ff and carried on bfing.
So no reason to keep on as you are. Sorry you have had so many problems, the biggest barrier to successful breastfeeding is the lack of decent support.

pregnantpause · 21/04/2011 20:26

There is a lot of pressure from hcps throughout pregnancy and early motherhood. I felt though that the excessive promotion was to meet targets and not backed up with any actual support. It also creates doubt in mothers,bfing is promoted and encouraged and made to seem all but impossible, something to aspire to. The over zealous promotion leads to guilt when mothers chose to stop, meaning that if they have another baby they may not even try.

Thats not to say however that i dont think it should be promoted! it is awful that the bfing rates are so low in this country. but i think there are bvetter ways to encourage and promote bfing.

Your hv attitude is awful! she should be offering support and help not judging and condescending you.

Original poster
AliB1 · 21/04/2011 20:26

BTW I accessed support, I saw HV's, GP, lactation consultant etc I got nowhere apart from people telling me my son had a very strong latch, is slightly tongue tied and to keep my chin up. My breasts look like they have been through blender!

OP posts:
MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 21/04/2011 20:26

Sounds like you have a crap hv. Makes a change though tbh as often crap hv's seem to be anti bf (has no nutrients after 6m etc etc)...at least they are balanced in their crapness?? [buhmm]

Sportsmum · 21/04/2011 20:27

I think there is a lot of pressure to bf - the hospital let dc1 go without a feed for 18 hours as I couldn't and he wouldn't bf. They eventually gave me a bottle as they were concerned about his blood sugar levels. Even after he was established on bottles we were told to keep trying. It was worse with DC2 - but a fantastic mw told me that I shouldn't beat myself up that I had managed for 2.5 weeks and that it would be better for both of us if I switched to bottles. If you can't bf you're not a bad mum, if you don't want to bf you're not a bad mum and anyone that tells you otherwise needs to rack off - it's hard enough being a new mum.

Original poster
AliB1 · 21/04/2011 20:27

I agree about meeting targets. I work in children's services and see those targets. The pressure culture is obviously not working though as breastfeeding rates are not improving. I feel another tactic needs to be employed - maybe freindly support rather than condemnation!!!

OP posts:
DreamsInBinary · 21/04/2011 20:34

Horrible for you, AliB1, and at such a difficult time. I think the issue is with this particular HV, though, rather than general pressure to bf.

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 21/04/2011 21:10

i agree with change of tactics ali. When i say to people in rl that there is too little support for bf they look at me like this Shock ...they, like the nhs, seem to have confused a pile of pro bf dvd's with proper training for midwives/hv's. Promotion and support are not the same.

lukewarmmama · 21/04/2011 21:18

Even a slight tongue tie can cause agony. I would be just as annoyed about the lack of support for tongue tie snips as anything else. The whole healthcare profession seem in complete denial that this is a problem that they should help to address.

And YANBU about your HV. I've only ever met one sane one though.

Hope your breasts are getting better. (and that's not a phrase I've used before on the internet!)

faverolles · 21/04/2011 21:47

Slightly off topic, but would you consider having his tt snipped?
My gp said that because ds was feeding and growing well it wasn't a problem. I still asked for a referral though, and it was snipped last week - the difference is amazing.
Although I never considered stopping (although I probably would have if he was my first) feeds were always painful. Now there is no pain, ds feeds better and goes longer between feeds.

theborrower · 21/04/2011 22:04

AliB1 - in my experience, I thought there was a lot of pressure but really it was me seeing all the BF promotion stuff everywhere and then putting that pressure on myself. However, I DO think that your HV was out of order. It's her job to make sure you have the info and support that you need, and if you have decided to formula feed your child then she should make sure that you have the necessary info to do so. And anyway, you are still BFing your baby! Every drop counts with breast milk and by giving formula you are not eradicating the goodness your son has gotten so far or continues to get (e.g. antibodies). Although, as I'm sure you are aware, introducing formula can affect your milk supply, so make sure you know the facts about mix feeding before you keep going down that route. Also, I picked up the bit you said about tongue tie - as faverolles said, it may be worth getting it snipped to make your BFing easier. There is a TT support thread on this board if you want to see more info. And absolutely - more support, not condemnation is what is going to work for people!

RitaMorgan · 21/04/2011 22:05

Have they snipped the tongue tie? That can make a big difference.

I would complain about your HV - speaking to you like that is totally not on!

pigstrotters · 22/04/2011 00:00

I think there is too much narrow mindedness about exclusive breastfeeding - by both health professionals and some posters on here.

Lots of cultures in this country mix feed with no probloems whatsoever and continue for well over 12 months of age. There is a more relaxed attitude amongst some cultures about mixed feeding and if we adopted this approach a bit more...maybe more others would end up breastfeeding?

Surely some breastmilk is better than none at all - right?

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 22/04/2011 00:28

What a tactless idiotic hv Angry

Frankly she should be congratulating you for BFing at all especially given the rates in the uk.

I belong to a BFing support group and it is obviously very pro bf, lots of BFing toddlers etc, but we are also pro mixed feeding if that is what's needed. Much better for baby to have some bf, than for you to struggle on and end up giving up altogether.

I don't think the pressure to bf is a totally different issue tbh. Needs to just be normalised again but that's a whole other thread or ten

But yeah; your hv is a Twat. Jeez, my DSDs know a 16yo who is BFing her new baby - she's ended up giving some bottles due to family pressure, and if a hv added to the guilt, I'd be livid on her behalf!

You're doing fine. Fwiw you may want to drop the bottles again gradually, it'd be possible - but not necessary if it's not what you want.

FriedEggyAndSlippery · 22/04/2011 00:29

Sorry ignore the don't in paragraph 4 [bublush]

MotherSnacker · 22/04/2011 16:30

Not in general but your health visitor was out of order.
Good luck whatever you decide.

NinkyNonker · 22/04/2011 21:47

I had no pressure, or support at all really. They asked ante-natally what my plans were, and post-natally how we were feeding and that was it.

She sounds like a bit of a fruitloop.

HipHopOpotomus · 23/04/2011 05:46

DD was slightly TT and I was in lots of pain for 2 months. - at which point she somehow matured through it and things improved dramatically.

Sort the thrush out, check babies mouth as others advised. Your HV sounds rubbish and is lecturing you without actually sorting out your health issues around BF.

Best of luck with it - you could be very close to turning a corner for the best.

gallicgirl · 23/04/2011 16:21

Wish my HV had been that bothered. Her advice has been pretty useless and she couldn't care less how I feed the baby.

A big WELL DONE for getting this far with the BF.

Mozette100 · 24/04/2011 10:42

I agree with you. I think there is a huge push to promote breastfeeding but a huge lack of any decent support for new, first time mothers to establish breastfeeding properly. I have a three week old and have had problems from the very beginning. I've got thrush, had mastitis twice and also had baby snipped for posterior tongue tie. I'm in pain constantly and dread being near my baby sometimes as I associate her cries with stress and pain. Nothing seems to be improving the situation at all. All the midwives I've seen just tell me to push through it and persevere, completely disregarding my mental state. They all say everything "looks" fine with her latch and attachment as if the pain and anguish I feel is in my head. I've spent a fortune on private lactation consultants but even they are at a loss as to how to help me now. I can't help but feel that had I had decent support post birth in the wards that we wouldn't have gotten off to such a bad start which has spiralled now into a complete mess. As a result , I've hated my first three weeks of being a mother and I only hope that the situation improves once I get her off the breast.

Swipe left for the next trending thread