it should've been easy

[misdee]

ds is my 5th baby

i have breastfed all my children, the last 2 for around 2years.

so i know what i'm doing.

we started well, with good gains the first few weeks.

at 8 weeks i started suffering pain at feeds. i thought it was thrush but it was because ds had a tongue tie. it was cut at 10 weeks. feeding seemed to be going well.

at 12 weeks he had dipped through 2 centile lines.

at 13 weeks i expressed and topped up. still v v small gain.

at 15 weeks, i have admitted defeat. ds is now on formula and gaining weight.

i am not 100% happy with my decision to stop breastfeeding, but i guess its ok.

how do i get past the feelings of guilt and for letting ds down?

Any-one?

It sounds like you did everything you could. He's had the most important months - three and a half months isn't the end of the world. The decision you made was only made in his best interests. It's not your fault he had tongue tie.

Please don't beat yourself up.

You haven't let him down. He's still here and he's gaining weight. Your DS came first as despite what you wanted to do you chose to do what you believed was best for your DS. Well done you.

How do you get past the feelings of guilt and for letting ds down?

You tell yourself you absolutely have nothing to be guilty for and have definately not let your ds down!! you should extremely proud that despite some definite obstacles you still persevered and breastfeed for over 3 months. You've also made a really sensible decision and the best one for your ds - he is now gaining weight, and is healthy and happy - You've done great! I'd be clapping myself on the back if I were you, certainly not feeling guilty!!!. All is well! - well done.

Huge congratulations on your ds btw, I remember reading your post announcing a boy and seen a few posts on baby names (what did you call him in the end?????)

It's not guilt- it's regret. You feel guilt when you recognise that you should have done something to change the situation, but you didn't.

Regret is what you feel when something didn't go the way you planned, but you know that you did your hardest to make it happen at the time.

You clearly did try very hard to get his weight up. For whatever reason, it just didn't work.

Would mixed feeding be an option for you?

i don't know... i still feel guilty, or perhaps as CB says it's more regret? about stopping breastfeeding ds1, he is 6 now!
i will ALWAYS wish I had pushed harder to find a solution to enable us to carry on breastfeeding, although at the time I felt like I could do no more.

you could always carry on mixed feeding if he will take the breast, if you aren't 100% happy with your decision. it doesn't have to be all or nothing

I think you be proud of doing everything in your power to meet your sons needs. DD1 had poor weightgain. She also refused a bottle. I had no choice but to exclusively breastfeed and it was help - feeding round the clock, appointment after appointment. You have done the right thing.

That should say hell

Oh misdee you have been through such a stressful time with your mum, but despite that you have managed to bf him for this long. Agree with the others - is mix feeding an option? Either way, take some pressure off yourself if you can.

misdee have bumped a thread about this for you - for those who formula feed but are dealing with regret/guilt. Sorry am crap, can't link and dd is squealing

thamks all. until a few days ago we were mixed feeding, but my poor nipples have taken a right old battering.

i hate buying formula, when i produce milk for free.

i hate the faff of bottles, of trying to make sure i have mixed up the right amount he needs. trying to pre-empt when he needs a feed so i dont get a screaming boy desperate for a feed.

i miss the sweet little nuzzlings at night, of curling up in bed feeding him, though he has slept through for weeks now, so maybe i dont miss that as much. i miss the fact that only i could feed him iyswim. now i get others wanting to feed him when i'm thinking 'but it should be me, not you'.

i love that he is finally putting weight on (since birth he has gained 5lb, 1lb of that in the last fortnight).

barbielovesken, he is called Steven and is supercute. i189.photobucket.com/albums/z171/misdee1980/stevenmuzzy.jpg

i189.photobucket.com/albums/z171/misdee1980/stevenmuzzy.jpg

If you want it to be you feeding him then it should be (or DH, presumably).
He is only 15w and for now if the parents want to do all the feed s then they should.
He is cute :)

i had to leave him with others recently (my mums been ill after having a stroke) and i hated it.

how is your mum?

she came home today! bloody miracle. she keeps saying 'i am glad i listened to you as i wouldnt be here now' she had vascular surgery last week, and has got some sight back. she is talking well, and seems good.

fantastic news :)

one week on, some bad days. i hate getting bottles out in public. just feels wrong to me, i should have him all snuggled up.

on a lighter note, i cant figure out how to hold a bottle and have a relaxing cup of tea when out and about either. [shrugs] i could do it when breastfeeding. but bottle feeding takes two hands. ds is so slow at feeding (part of the reason he wasnt gaining, he would just fall asleep at the breast and not take what he needed), that any drink i order would be cold by the time he has finished. am i destined for iced drinks from now on?