Former extended breastfeeders - could you tell me about your weaning conversations with your breastfed DC? DS is 2.7 and I want to be prepared

[cleanandclothed]

DS is 2.7 and still feeds morning and night and often asks for it more frequently. I would like him to stop on his own (although when he nearly did that age 2 I did get quite emotional) but actually now I wouldn't mind giving him a nudge towards stopping. He really loves it so there is no way I am going to force anything on either of us, but I would love to hear from people who talked to their DCs about weaning before it happened.

I am hoping to get pregnant, and DS knows a few new babies, so I have had a few conversations about little babies only having milk, and then milk and food, and then sometime stop having milk, and he nods and then asks for some!

I discussed with DD1 that at some point she wouldn't have any 'bah' and that she would be a really big girl then. She did think it was a funny idea that she would voluntarily give up her favourite thing in the world and couldn't fathom why she would.

She self weaned just before DD3 was born when the space for her first adult molars came in and she was unable to latch anymore (got the teeth at 4.9y/o). We gave her lots of praise and told her how she was a really big girl now (she was 3.6y/o) and she was okay about it but DH cried as his first baby had left everything of her babyhood behind (was potty trained, no nappies at night, sat at the dining table on a chair, slept in a bed, didn't have bah....). Big sappy thing he is.

DD2 is 3.4 and I haven't had the heart to have that conversation as it relates to her rather than her being aware of it as a vague concept. She is in not great health so I don't want to encourage her to wean and DD3 is too young at 18m to wean (for our family anyway).

DD2 doesn't seem anywhere near ready but your post has prompted me to think about broaching it with her so she is prepared for it. I can't imagine not telling my children that one day they won't be able to bf, it would be a bit like not telling them about periods or puberty until after it happened!

I don't think I had such a conversation with DD, I gradually cut her down as I was finding bf a toddler wearing until it was just one feed at bedtime, but when I decided I'd had enough we had a few evenings where we varied the routine a bit to avoid the issue. However, there were a few occasions soon after when she asked and I did feed her and then once again a few weeks later - I suspect there wasn't much to be had, but she seemed comforted by the experience. I explained that there wasn't any milk any more, it was really for little babies and I couldn't make it any more.
I stopped when DD was 2.5years and we both missed it, I think she still thinks about it from time to time and does occasionally talk about it and has got a bit sad and asked if I could try and make some for her. Bless.

I totally weaned DD at 2.7. She was having jut one feed a day before bed. She dropped her morning feed when I tried the simple tactic of varying our routine - DP had always sent her in to find me in bed in the morning, so I started getting up & coming into the kitchen instead. She didn't even ask for it. Anyway, when it came to dropping the final feed I just told her for several days beforehand that the mummy milk was going to go away, nearly all finished because she's getting bigger & bigger. she also knew a few new babies who had mummy milk so we talked about that. Then I stopped offering mummy milk at bedtime. She took it very easily, but now still "checks" occasionally squeezing my boobs to see if there is any milk there, & has suggeted that when the milk come ack for the new baby (I'm pregnant) she can have some.

sticky keyss on laptop!

Truth your DH sounds amazing

Oh he is - he even cried when Humphrey on the 'Is Breast Best?' programme was talking about how much he loved Emma now she was the mother of his baby. Then he got so cross at how they were filming Emma in pain but not helping her - 'It's not bloody reportage is it? Just get her some help!' - he had to race some cars on the computer.

I swear he would be a fantastic peer supporter if men were allowed to train He helped me to get DD2 to latch when I couldn't (although it was with the aid of that other fabulous male Bfing expert - Jack Newman).

Apologies for the interruption of normal MN service

I didn't cry when we stopped bfing, neither did dd. DH on the other hand? He's TruthSweet's long lost brother I think. We tried to stop co-sleeping when dd was 2 and it upset dh too much. Me too, secretly.

I talked to dd about weaning. We cut out all feeds except for morning and evening at 2.4 and she was happy with that. I then suggested to her at 3.4 that it might be time for us to stop (I'd had enough). We chatted about it, about why she liked it, about other things she'd do instead before bed and it was fine. She let go without a whimper.

When DS was 2.2 I went on the pill even though I was aware it may affect supply. He was having "moolk" one night and I said (in the middle of a conversation about moolk) "One day there might be no milk left. It might be all gone. Would that be okay or would you be sad?"

He said "Yes. My sad moolk all gone." Then he had a bit more. Then he stopped and looked all thoughtful and then almost whispered "It okay, my like dine-saws." I said "What? It's okay because you like dinosaurs?" and he replied "Yes." I said "What, instead of moolk?" and he said "Yes. My like dine-saws stead of moolk." As if that was that!

My supply didn't disappear so haven't mentioned it since. He's 2.6 now.

AcTually, I had that chat with ds2 a week and 3 days ago. And he hasn't fed since. It was very important to me that he showed he understood why we would stop the bfing as the last thing I wanted was to leave him hurt/confused/sad so I understand very well the feeling behind your post, OP. I'd been mentioning for a while that he was becoming a big boy and soon wouldn't need mammy's milk but would be big enough to have fridge milk every time. We have a weekend away in late May and I wanted to at least have reached a point where his dependence on the night feed was lessened so that he wouldn't be upset at night while we were away. Anyway, he really seemed to 'get' it this time and has been very good and accepting (except for a couple of upset moments when half asleep or tired), and indeed quite proud of being the Big Boy and not the baby any more. He is 2.2.

I talked to ds about stopping his bedtime feed (which was the only one left) when he was 3 and a big boy. He was fine about that, seemed perfectly happy. On the night after his 3rd birthday he asked for 'Noo', which was what he called it and I gently reminded him that we'd agreed not to have it any more. I was totally on stand by to give in immediately if he'd cried, I wanted him to be totally happy about stopping, and I was convinced he would cry and demand it. But he gob-smacked me completely by shrugging and asking for story instead, and he never asked again! It was me who was the tearful one, but he didn't mind at all.

DD1 was 2yrs 6mths. We talked about it being just for her baby sister now, although I tandem fed for the first six months to avoid any jealousy. I also explained that her best friend had stopped having Mummy milk as I knew she would want to be just like her. She was perfectly happy with the conversation and we stopped that very day.

Thanks for this thread. I have to do it again at some point this year with DD2 and this has reassured me.

Best of luck

Thank you. Keep the stories coming - all v helpful.

Thanks for asking this, cleanandclothed - I was going to start a similar thread.

I'm building up to stopping feeding my DS (2 yrs 5 months) - it sort of feels like the right time, and I may need some medication for a minor health problem, which would not be compatible with breastfeeding. As of this week, we are down to one feed at bedtime, and have had several conversations about how 'nummies' will go soon, and that as children get older and bigger, they need their mummy's milk less and less. I think that if I said it was all gone, my DS would accept it, but it's hard to do...

It's so helpful to read of others' experiences, as I know no one IRL who is still breastfeeding a toddler, and I do get upset about stopping (my DS is very likely to be an only child, so this would be the end of his babyhood - and yes, I know that is for me to deal with). I love that this kind of information is here on Mumsnet.

Well, DD2 & I talked about this this morning whilst DD3 'blocked' the bahs in an attempt to stop DD2 from having a feed (DD3 is a bit territorial in the morning until she has had her fill).

I told DD2 she is almost as old as DD1 was when DD1 stopped having bahs and I asked her when would she like to stop having them too. DD2 said 'Seven' I said 'We'll see about that'.

I struck gold with DD2- A week before her 2nd birthday I said "You know, DD2, you're going to be 2 next week and that's a bit old for mummy-milk." Her: "OK!". She.never.asked.again. I was flabbergasted. I think it may be a little trickier with DD3, now nearly 20 mo and a total milk monster. But then so was DD2. DS and DD1 were both weaned before they were ready (14 m and 18 m) so I don't know easy they would have been had I waited till 2 to have the conversation.

Feenie- my DD3 calls mummy milk "No-oh" as well. Isn't that strange?

It's funny, I wonder where they get it from?

Dd fed up until her third birthday. I had cut down the feeds a lot, so that she was just having one in the afternoon every few days, just by "don't offer, don't refuse". Had dropped bedtime feed before she was two, because I was getting to really dislike it - too tired and touched out by that time of night.
About a week before her birthday, I suggested that three-year-old girls didn't need mummy-milk any more. She said "ok", finished that feed, had another one the cday before her birthday, then never asked again. She seemed quite happy with it.

Interestingly, though, when she was about two and a half, I was staying at my mum and dads, and dad made a disparaging remark about her feeding when she was actually having a feed. I shot him down, and took her upstairs, to finish, but she didn't ask for another feed for the next five days - the longest she'd ever gone without "nuk"- even though I offered. I was really upset, and as that was not the way I wanted her to stop.
When we got back to our own house though, she asked as soon as I sat down!