Breastfeeding/Weaning/Sleeping...Stuck, don't know what to do!

[AlmostHadIt]

Warning, this is going to be a long one! I am reaching the end of my tether and keep getting frustrated and tearful. Something needs to give.

My DD is 9.5 months old. She was EBF up until 6 months when I began weaning. It has been a slow process. She at first refused a spoon so I just gave her finger foods. She has always refused a bottle so always just been breastfed. Slowly she started to get there with finger foods. She was gaining weight so I was relaxed about it.

At around 8 months I took her to get weighed and she had lost. The HV also gave me a hard time about the fact she wasn't eating and said I should only be bf her 3 times a day and not at all during the night. I followed this advice and DD did start to eat 3 meals a day, mainly finger foods but also some purees. I took her to get weighed again and she has put on a bit of weight but was still going down in her weight curve and has now dropped to the 9th percentile.

DD then got ill and once again is refusing food. She throws all her food on the floor, bats the spoon away and has even stopped drinking water. My body has had to go back to EBF a 9.5 month old and I'm feeling exhausted. She's feeding 2-3 times a night and loads throughout the day. I want to get her eating again but I don't want to starve her. I'm so tired. The health visitor also said she couldn't be getting enough nutrition from breast milk alone as it doesn't have all the right vitamins in it like formula does so I'm worried it's effecting her health.

Thanks for reading this, I would appreciate any help or advice.

Poor you, that sounds like hard work. It also sounds like pretty crappy advice from your HV TBH - sounds like she is suggesting formula is better than BM?! Babies quite frequently do very well on nothing but breastmilk up to a year and beyond! I have a good friend whose baby is 10 months old now and she has done BLW but he literally eats nothing. He just doesn't put food in his mouth, he just plays with it. She has tried spoonfeeding but he isn't interested, plus she is very pro BLW. He is thriving, growing and generally doing very well on BM alone and she is avoiding HVs and trying not to worry!

I have read on here that babies often go backwards with their food intake at around 8-9 months, and that they will pick it up again eventually. It sounds like you might just have to go with the flow for now and keep trying with the food. Can you cosleep with your DD to maximise the sleep you can get?

Sorry not to be more helpful - hopefully other people can advise. Just wanted to reassure that your baby will be doing just fine on breastmilk for now. It has plenty of calories in and the more of it she gets the better!

Every time I see my HV she is always very negative with me. I go there for advice and I never get any. It's just crap.

I am cosleeping, which is helping with the sleep. I just don't know whether to go ahead and try and night wean to try and get her to eat more, or just carry on as I am and relax about food. That's how I was before, but is my breastmilk enough for her? She's been sick a few times recently and isn't gaining weight that well...I'm worried it's because she needs more than my milk or it's not good enough for her because I'm tired.

That's reassuring to hear about your friend. Thankyou for your response :)

ds1 didn't eat a thing till 10mo (not for want of trying). he was a 91st centile baby, so ebf certainly provided enough calories.

I don't know the science, but it makes sense to me that human milk should have all the vitamins a baby needs, more so than cow's milk, with extra (artificial) vitamins. I read recently that 100 years ago they didn't introduce solids till babies were a year old, and then began very slowly with gruel, not introducing veg till 3yo. this comforted me about ds1! apparently the introduction of solids happened earlier as formula became popular because the early formulas really didn't provide all a baby needs in the way breastmilk used to. this is a long rambly way of saying please don't worry if she doesn't want food right now, she will eat again when she's ready.

It is tiring looking after an ill baby, can you make sure you are getting enough food to look after yourself? nap when she does for a few days to catch up?

Could you see a different HV or go to your GP for a bit of reassurance? Like anything, it may be worth getting a second opinion, and perhaps some alternative advice?

I too would be worried if DC wasn't gaining weight- it may just because she's been poorly and gone off food?

Is there anything that she will eat? i.e. my DS loves bananas- so if I mash banana on toast I can get him to eat a whole bit of toast no problem- but without the banana he'd just have a nibble of toast...

Sorry not to have any more useful advice!

I do eat plenty and pretty healthy, but my weight's gone down to 8 and a half stone. I haven't weighed that little since I was 16. I don't look well, I look tired and gaunt. Several people have commented, including bloody bitch health visitor.

The thing is I am getting plenty of sleep (although disturbed) because she does sleep for 12 hours a night, waking a few times but not for long.

PPT she will eat lots of different things. She eats omelettes, sandwiches, steamed veg, meat, pasta as well as pouches of Ellas Kitchen stuff. But what she demolishes one day she rejects the next. I might go and see my GP, but she doesn't seem like much of a baby person. Maybe I should try and get referred to a nutritionist or somebody.

I'm worried also that she's stopped drinking water. Will she get dehydrated>

if you're losing weight and exhausted, perhaps a few extra calories would help? I do find chocolate very therapeutic certainly I need a little sugar in the morning to get me going. eating it in the morning means I burn it up during the day.

Does your DD seem happy and contented in herself? Is she reaching her milestones? Is she gaining weight at all?

It is perfectly normal for weight gain to slow down after 6 months. And given that she has been poorly it makes sense that her weight gain has not followed the curve.

DS hardly ate any solids until he was at least 12 months old and even now has days where he eats very, very little solids.
At this stage solid foods are more about learning the skills to eat and experiencing different tastes textures while she will be getting the majority of her calories from milk. Always remember 'food is for fun until they are one'
Breastmilk is by far superior to formua and most certainly contains all the necessary vitamins and far more besides.

Afaik you've only just reached the point (approx 9 months) when your LO will need more nutrients than bm can provide alone - and that's based on averages! The WHO guidelines are that bm should provide 100% of a baby's "food" at 6 months and 50% at 12 months so you're a way off her needing to get most of her calories or nutrients not from bm.

As she's drinking so much from you, I really wouldn't worry about dehydration. Breastmilk is the best food AND drink for babies who are ill.

Plus, it's normal for feeding to regress and weight gain to slow (to the point of dropping centiles - slowing weight gain is absolutely normal) if a baby is ill.

If the concern is vitamins, then ask about more general vitamin drops. Current guidance is that all breastfed babies should get vitamin drops containing vitamin D and a couple of others (A? check the Birth to Five book) anyway.

If your DD seems happy and is developing well, I'd try not to worry and don't force the food issue. You'll only stress both of you out.

On the other hand, it sounds like you need to work at getting more calories and nutrients into you so you don't get sick from giving your nutrients to your LO.

Have you read the Baby Led Weaning book by Gill Rapley? It's illuminating IMO.

Firstly your HV is talking absolute crap about your DD not getting the right nutrition from BM, it DESIGNED TO FEED BABIES WITH FGS!!! sorry about the caps but really it does wind me up

At her age milk should still be her main nutrition, "food is for fun until they're one" remember. As long as she is eating something and BF as well, that's fine, she'll get there. Don't worry about the not drinking water, as long as she is bfing plenty she shouldn't get dehydrated.

Your health is important too though, are you eating enough? Is it worth a few more cakes healthy snacks during the day? Might you be anaemic?

I honestly eat 3 good meals a day plus plenty of treats. I do have small portions though so I may try and go for seconds.

Thankyou japhrimil, I will have a look at that book - am definitely in need of some inspiration!

I have heard the food is for fun before one thing before. It's just difficult as I'm getting all the 'Are you still breastfeeding', 'Rod for your own back' (regarding cosleeping), 'You need to get that girl off the breast' type comments from friends and family. Then it doesn't help when your HV joins in as well. I feel so criticised. Before I always felt so confident in all my decisions, now I'm starting to feel unsure. This is the first time in motherhood I;ve felt this way. Everybody talks about establishing breast feeding being difficult; that I found easy, this I find hard.

Thanks for your responses and help.

Agree. Join a support group. LLL s brilliant (but we don't have one anywhere near us , or your local BF peer support group/bf counsellor may be able to help. MN is also brilliant for these sort of things (just steer well clear of AIBU) and read some supportive books.

Have you read 'The Food of Love' by Kate Evans?

Regarding you feeling tired an run down, perhaps you need to see a dr about your own health? But first try a few early nights, maybe a morning away from DD to have a massage and a few extra slces of chocolate cake.

Thanks for you replies.

I have decided to drop the night feeds because when she's not feeding at night she eats much more during the day and I have much more energy. Last night I didn't feed her at all and she only woke twice and settled back to sleep with virtually no tears, just 20 minutes or so of soothing. Hopefully today that'll mean more solids and more energy for me!

I think I will go and see a doctor about my health and try and get tested to see if I have any deficiencies.

Also I will not go back to the HV unless I'm really concerned about DDs weight - I just feel like crap every time I go.

Just looked through old threads in this topic and I feel reassured after reading about others who are also struggling to maintain weight whilst breastfeeding and have picked up some tips of things to eat! Also nice to read about other babies still breastfeeding a lot at this age. All of my mummy friends DCs are eating properly, most bottle fed or only BF a few times a day. I don't feel so much like the odd one out now!

I'd ignor the HV and just stop going to see her. Your BM woun't be defficent you'd have to be really malnurised for it to cause a problem with your milk. But of course that doesn't mean it can't effect you if your not eating enough.

I have a friend who had this problem with there DD they followed the HV advice and where almost force feeding her. She's now such a picky eater and hardly eats anything at almost 5. There dad said to me recently (we where haveing a discusion about what you would have done differenlty with your first if you had know what you know now) they would have ignored the HV and just gone with the flow after all she's small and probably always will be and there was nothing else wrong with her just not that intersted in eating solids.