Thawing breastmilk, breastfeeding in public and leaving baby for first time advice please!

[Bekki]

I'm going to a wedding on Thursday. Its an all day thing and I will have to breastfeed my 3 week old for the service and afternoon lunch. Its the first time that I will be breastfeeding in such a public place. Do you think that it is out of line feeding him at our table? Should I go off to the toilets (I don't really want to but if its a no-no then I will).

Also for the evening do I will have leave baby in the capable hands of my mil. I have 3-5oz bags of frozen milk. We will have to leave the house at 6.30pm to go out. Frozen milk takes 24 hours to thaw properly (in the fridge) but how long does it last in the fridge once thawed? Basically what time should I put the milk in the fridge and when should it be thrown away? Its very confusing. Will a breastfed baby normally take quite easily to a bootle if needed? I haven't tried him with one since he was a few days old.

And lastly how on earth do I enjoy myself and stop worrying about my baby? I didn't want to go but dh insisted as its both our bithdays and our anniversary on Thursday so he wants to go out and celebrate even if it is at someone elses wedding.

I'm already getting flustered at the thought of organising all of this so any advice would be greatly appreciated, thankyou.

I wouldnt feed at the table. Its up to you - who is there who you know - how much you have to bare etc etc

If yoiu dont want to go then dont - you wont enjoy it.

I wouldn't go off to the toilets but would go and feed him somewhere quieter than at the table (personal choice!)

Not sure how long thawed EBM lasts in the fridge. You can thaw frozen EBM in hot water but it must then be used and not left hanging around. This means you don't have to plan ahead and your MIL can take them out of the freezer and thaw then when needed (or preferably just before they are needed)

Try your baby with more bottles before you go! DS2 took his first like a dream and then refused them thereafter. This gives you a little time to work out a plan for if it goes pear shaped. Get DH to give him the bottle and make sure you are not around.

You can't stop worrying about your baby. You will phone at every possible opportunity and will not stop thinking about him. Sorry! That's not to say you won't have a great time though.

Enjoy it!

Discretion is the name of the game. Get plenty of practice in before hand. Don't see why you should have to head for the loos but it rather depends on who else is seated at the table as to whether you choose to feed there. Perhaps you would be more comfortable in a corner by the bar for example so that you can spread out more and assume a better position. Take a muslin or similar as this can help with discretion.

I used to defrost breast milk from frozen under a running tap or by standing in a mug of lukewarm water depending how soon it was required. If you take it out before you set off any crystals still remaining should be easily dissipated by your MIL. As to whether he will take it, you just have to try. Make sure it is warmed to body temperature and again perhaps have a dry run beforehand but preferably with someone else giving it to him. Make sure you feed him just before you go and hopefully he will only need one or two feeds anyway.

Hope you manage to enjoy yourselves.

Me? I would feed at the table. IME people nowadays love it. They feel all gooey. And if not, sod 'em! You can't stop worrying about it, it's natural. But he won't starve between the afternoon and bedtime. Leave out the milk, It will last for hours and hours. IT WILL BE OK! Have a great time!

At 3 weeks I went to a family thing in a hotel. I didn't feed at the table, because I couldn't do it without flashing seriously doubted I would get a letdown. I went into the foyer, sat on a nice sofa and read a magazine one time - the other time my dh came with me and we chatted. He always did a poo at that stage so it made sense to be near the toilets.

Just a suggestion, but a 3 week old could go to the evening do in a front pack or sling. I went to an evening party at around the same time and dh wore him in the pack - he slept through the whole thing! We wouldn't have gone if we'd had to leave him, as it was we had a great time - though we did feel weird walking through town late at night with a baby.

It sounds like a really tiring day for you - so drink lots of water and sit down when you can.

Aloha - while I agree with you - I think a 3 weeks old might be best fed (and feed better) in a quieter surrounding - though NOT the toilet please!

It takes less than 24 hours to dethaw in fridge !!!! You can keep fresh milk (i.e. never frozen) a few days if fridge at 4 degrees.

I don't think it's out of line to feed at the table at all, but you might be more comfortable feeding elsewhere if you haven't fed in public before. Is the wedding in a hotel? You may well find an armchair somewhere that's much comfier anyway.

My bags of breastmilk defrost in the fridge overnight - I take them out of the freezer at about 10pm, and they're defrosted by the time I need to put them in dd's bottles for nursery in the morning (about 7am).

Happy birthday, and happy anniversary for next Thursday!

I went to a wedding 2 weeks ago and happily fed DS at the table - twice during the meal (It lasted for hours and hours ). No one bothered. But then he was 10 weeks and I would feed him anywhere cause I am so used to it. Just do what you think is best, but I honestly don't think anyone would mind.

Whether to take him or leave him with MIL... Maybe it would be good for you and hubby to have some time out, but if you don't think you'll enjoy it and worry all the time, then bring him with you. The times I have been away from my DS I hated leaving him, but once out enjoyed the time off and actually didn't think about him all the time (does that make me a bad mother?? )

Good luck and hope you'll enjoy the wedding. - oh and happy birthday and anniversary!!

I took ds1 to a wedding and bfed him when he was 5 weeks old. it was my cousin's wedding so I knew a lot of people there. I think I fed him in the lounge area- just outside the sit down bit. Lots of people around but all quite informal.

He also came to SILs wedding when 11 months, but I fed him in a private room then (and only to get him to sleep otherwise I wouldn't have fed him at all there).

Bekki ... have no experience or knowledge here but I probably would not go to the toilets but would not b/f at the table ... would try to find a quiet spot somewhere comfy ... if the wedding is in a hotel there should be sofas all over the place!
Hope you have a lovely time (have no idea about thawing EBM!)

Bobthebaby ... your post made me giggle ... was it your baby or your DH that needed the poo?

Having a baby with you at a wedding is a great excuse to avoid any boring bits like bad speeches!

I also hadn't fed much in public then- the sit down sofas bit gave me a chance ot hjave a bit more room. Now I would just feed at the table- os if you can do it comfortably go ahead- depends how easy you're finding bfeeding

It is difficult to plan ahead when I don't know who I'll be sitting with and what the place will be like but if my grandma orders me to the toilets I will be mortified. I'll try and find a quite spot like you have suggested. It all seems like such a hassle especially with ds1 (3 years old) to consider as well. My dh is absolutely useless btw. If I imagine the nightmare senario then I'll be prepared for anything -i.e ds1 becoming hyperactive due to too much fizzy pop and ice-cream whilst I desperatley try to calm him and attempt to latch screaming baby onto sore nipple, I might eventually succeed ... only to realise that everyone is staring at my milk drenched top.

It will be o.k, it will. I'll just take the frozen milk out tomorrow night and take my chances with bacteria. I'm just worried because I have noticed that if I leave my breast shell out when it contains milk it seperates after 10 mins. I thought it sounded a little crazy having to leave milk 24 hours to defrost but I tend to believe whatever I've read last. I suppose I'll have to try baby with a bottle tomorrow at some point as well. Why oh why is my husband so completely useless, I'm sure its just my dh. He wants us all to go to this wedding but he hasn't any idea what kind of organisation this involves on my part. All he has to do is get dressed.

I'll try not to worry about the seperation part of the day, it might not affect me if I don't think about it beforehand. But then again the thought of someone else feeding my baby is getting me quite upset already. I'm sure baby won't mind though.

Thanks for the advice and for listening to my mad ranting.

The separation part is normal and does not mean the milk has gone off. It will look normal once warmed.

Why not ring the venue, explain and ask them to talk you through the facilities. If a relative asks (or tells) you to go to the toilets, smile and explain its not hygenic for your baby to eat in the toilet.

Be specific with your dh about what you need him to do. Its simply not good enough for him to be useless. If you need him to look after ds1 while you feed tell him that, give dh a book or something to entertain ds1 and let him know that he can't have sweets or fizzy drinks (ds1 not dh). Let him know it will be hard work, and only fun if you both do your bit.

Good luck.

The milk separating out is only like a bottle of full fat milk where the cream floats to the top. Warmed and shaken, as BtB says, it'll be fine.

Bekki, I totally agree with Bobthebaby. We had the opportunity to go to a friend's wedding when ds was 3 weeks, but as I had the baby-blues and was still getting the hang of everything I decided not to go. Also said to DH that I really needed him with me (he was off work at the time) and he too decided not to go (felt only a second of guilt as my boobs were sore, I'd had no sleep, and needed him more than ever). People understood why we couldn't make it.

However, we did manage to go to DH's cousins wedding when ds was 8wks and it was actually a success (-with ds, the wedding had lots of hiccups!) We took him in a pouch and he loved seeing all the people and watching the younger kids play. When I had first arrived I did feed him in the extravagant loo area, but never again! I bf in a quiet corner by the bar whilst everyone was in the main dinner area. Latching on etc still required me to see what's going on so I didn't want to bear all at the table. DH and I took turns in pacing with him and letting him sleep in our arms (broke every rule..) DS was actually surprisingly well behaved! Why can't he be like that at home?!?

I must admit though that at 8wks he was much more alert and interested in things around him. He wasn't at 3wks and I think it would have been a different type of day if we had gone to that wedding. Whatever you decide make your mind up for yourself - it's your feelings that count at the moment and if you're feeling stressed about it all and can do without it, then let DH go and you spend some quality time with your little ones. They will understand.

I'm another feeder at table; I do sympathise, love. I don't think it'll be as much of a nightmare as you worry though (says Queen Worrier) - and never forget how fab your mil has been so far!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

My DD was 3mo when I went to a wedding. I ended up leaving the service because she wouldn't settle even when feeding and chatting to another mum outside having the same problem (except she had twins!).

I wouldn't have bothered about feeding at the table but people were smoking, the roof of the restuarant was quite low and the place was pretty crowded so I left and sat in the hotel lobby on a sofa as it was more comfortable for me. Guess what? Mum and her twins were there too!!!

Personally I would feed at the table, if you want to. But at 3 weeks I was having terrible problems getting dd to latch on, so I might well have headed off elsewhere, just because I would be less flustered, and I needed dp's help for the first 6 weeks to get the dratted infant to keep her hands out of the way and open her mouth and get on the boob!!

Once I got the hang of feeding I was happy to feed anywhere - and no-one has ever protested. I fed my dd at the table during virtually every meal I ate for the first 3 months, as it was the only way to keep her quiet and let me eat. I got brilliant at eating with one hand.

And the milk ... you could just leave the bags frozen and then put them in a pot of warm water to defrost them when they're needed. They defrost and warm up in just a couple of minutes in those bags. Otherwise, I put them out at room temperature for a couple of hours, then leave them in the fridge overnight. And they'll happily keep for a couple of days I would have thought.

I hope you have a brilliant time. Just make sure you demand lots of help from any nice relatives / friends with the baby.

have a lovely time!
sorry but your post made me giggle - it reminded me of when I went to a wedding with 8 week old ds and I started bf discretely at the back of the room while the speeches went on. Suddenly the groom announced that he'd like to thank me and dh for coming so soon after the birth etc and all eyes turned to look at me with my boob hanging out (well I'm sure nothing could be seen really but ykwim). So make sure you're not on any thank you lists!

LOL Morocco! It sounds like the kind of thing my Uncle (its his wedding) would do for a laugh. I'll definatley feed baby out of the way now.

Your right Motherinferior my mil is probably the best mil in the world.

Its obvious now you point it out about the milk seperating, I don't think I have an ounce of common sense sometimes.

Thanks for the birthday wishes! xxx

We are all dying to know - how did it go?

Hmmm, well Dh was useless and my mum had to help look after Ds1. Baby was a dream until the meal arrived and then promptly woke up very hungry. There was no way that I was going to feed at the table. We were all packed in like sardines and my uncle was sitting directly opposite. So I wandered off and found a nice comfy seat-still over-looking the tables so I didn't feel too left out. No one thought that it was inappropriate infact everyone was wonderful, including the groom who made sure my meal was sent back to be warmed up and generally made me feel very comfortable. It was a lovely afternoon. My mil had a hard time babysitting in the evening as Alex refused his bottle and is still having none of it. I was just discussing with Mears if there were any bottles that were more suited for breastfed babies.

Thanks for your advice i might not have gone otherwise. You were right about finding a comfy place and sitting nearer to the toilets. Thanks.

Good on the groom - he has indeed made someone a very good husband. Glad you enjoyed yourself and everyone made you feel welcome.

I'm glad you had a good time Bekki.
Re the bottles - We went through about half a dozen different shaped bottles and teats before we found one DD was happy with, and I've noticed at her nursery that each child has a specific copmbination, they have notices like 'avent teat, wide bottle' stuck next to their names in the baby room, so hopefully you will find one that suits her. Poor MIL!