Why couldn't I breastfeed?

[cantpooinpeace]

So I have 2 children and intended to BF both. Unfortunately this was not the reality. Just before having my 1st child DD, I watched a good friend BF her newborn and it went like this - lifted her top, baby opened her mouth from a metre away and latched on and fed beautifully.
I however spent 8 nights in hospital trying my hardest to feed DD. It was one of the hardest things ive ever done. You name it - we tried it. Ended up with BF specialist involved who was military like but followed her advice by the book.
Most DD ever fed during those 8 days was 2 episodes of about 6 mins but these took hours to achieve. I was attempting to feed 3 hourly and expressing in-between....producing literally a tear drop amount. Latching on was more painful than labour and had tried at birth to feed instantly too, to no avail. I was so sleep deprived due to a very hungry baby, 3 days slow labour and the demanding expressing routine. I had nipple shields, tried every position poss but just could not do it.
MW did some cup feeding but DD seemed to either aspirate or spit most of it out! Have no hang ups about any of it but felt I had no choice but to offer her formula. Had exactly same experience with DS but admittedly didn't do the 8 days.
I'm sure there must be many a post like this but wondered if anyone knew of any valid reasons why some mothers struggle so much?

Will definitely try a workshop next time :)

cant - breastfeeding is not inherently complicated. Hospitals, and other people, and our own expectations, tend to make it far more complicated than it actually is. When minor problems arise, the 'treatment' of them makes the problems worse.

Hope things go the way you want them to next time.

The thing is, being stressed inhibits letdown. All this manhandling, public exposure of your boobs on the ward, being surrounded by other people, multiple instructions, being told you have to get it right asap - I can't imagine anything more stressful

"Maybe next time I need to forget the past, start a clean slate and not to overthink it too much."

Yup that sounds right! It will be a different baby anyway and it is not inevitable that you'll encounter problems.

Keeping it simple is important, you need support rather than instructions and reassurance and rest rather than a regime.

I definitely agree with TikTok here. What new mums need IMO is support and basic advice on how to make bfing simple. Stress and forceful "help" is counter-productive.

DD and I really struggled with MWs shoving her onto my boob and insisting I use cross-cradle hold and pillows. The best feed we had in hospital was when I was expressing and DD woke up rooting and I popped her on my leg and let her latch herself on, sitting upright while I held the pump to my other boob! We then really struggled until a brilliant infant feeding specialist we saw by chance helped me work out cradle hold. She'd studied bfing in other cultures and had a bit of a rant about how our culture makes bfing out to be complicated (it may not be easy but it isn't complicated ) and also doesn't provide much experience for girls/women of watching successful bfing.

I expressed from day 1 as DD had to go to SCBU and stress really impacts the ability to express IME, as does exhaustion. In SCBU they recognised this and had wonderful expressing rooms with comfortable chairs where no-one ever walked in on you. In the normal maternity ward, everyone walked in on me pumping and didn't care.

I was lucky in that no-one tried to express off me except an amazing MW who did so when I was in recovery and it was becoming clear DD had issues. She was very polite and caring about it and at that point I was desperate to get some colostrum into DD so welcomed it as we didn't have time for me to learn (it took weeks before I could hand express as well as her!).

I always tried on my own to latch also, just when she was awake but settled - never succeeded. My mum also tried to help her to latch as she fed all four of us really well. As soon as I even placed her near the nipple she screamed, and I mean screamed. Bright red with arms and legs going crazy.

I was stressed - not massively but more about conflicting advice shift to shift and also as needed help with latching always felt guilty using call bell for MW as I'm well aware that they are far too overstretched. I think maybe my head was bogged down with all the factors. Maybe next time if I'm more educated pre nataly things could be different. The over handling thing seems to be ringing true too.

I have had all the usual things happen to me medically - smears and so on - but nothing has ever felt as invasive as a midwife standing behind me as I sat on a chair, and expressing my breasts. She meant well. She was a kind person. It did not hurt particularly (though she was a bit uncomfortably forceful). It did produce milk. I didn't even rationalise it at the time - it was only a long time later that I realised this experience was absolutely not a good one and how it made me feel useless and powerless.

When mothers call me and describe how much help they had in hospital, and how 'every midwife there tried to get him on' , and how they were told their baby was lazy or whatever, I suspect this sort of hands-on, disempowering and ultimately counter-productive sort of 'help'.

I had different breastfeeding issues than you, but I am breastfeeding DS3 (now 7 weeks) having failed to breastfeed DS1 & 2, so it can be done!

Getting help from a specialist breastfeeding midwife who came to my home when DS3 was 6 days old made all the difference to me. She watched him feed when we were cosy on my sofa and everything felt natural and comfortable.

Having said that I found bf very tough, it didn't come naturally to DS or me! Horray for support threads like this!

I do think manhandling can definitely be counterproductive. "Traumatised" is a bit of a strong word but I think if a baby has been pushed and pulled around, "shoved" on the breast, etc, that is likely to create a negative association with the mum's breast. And then when you or a midwife offers a bottle it happens so gently in comparison that of course the baby is going to prefer that and there you go - you end up with nipple "confusion".

Pushing the back of the baby's head is a particular one - get someone to push the back of your head forwards and see how you insinctively panic slightly (because it reduces the capacity of your airway) and push backwards. A baby has the same reflex - even supporting their head with a hand behind it can provoke this.

Also I would suggest being checked for different types of tongue tie. One of my friends had her baby checked by 5 or 6 people before someone actually felt rather than just looked under his tongue and found he had a posterior tie, which isn't as obvious.

DD1 doesn't have a TT as far as I'm aware but her mouth is only little as she has doll like small features with huge eyes. Did wonder if her small mouth and nose could play a part.
DS2 initially they said did have TT but then consultant peadiatrition said he didn't. He behaved in exactly the same way as DD1 but was also admitted to NICU for a few nights so have to say after 1st experience I was quicker to FF him. Think I tried for 48hrs but I was adamant that I wouldnt try too hard with him as DD had been fine and healthy being FF.

Would love to experience established BF one day for however long I manage to.