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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Hand holding needed as I stop breastfeeding today...

28 replies

solo · 03/04/2011 13:13

And I'm a little sad about it. I had a talk with Dd on Friday about making Saturday her last day and she asked why. I told her that she is a big girl now and that it was time. She agreed. I'm just not sure I really want to stop yet. It's gone on for more than 2 years past when I thought I would stop, so at 4.3 she has had a good innings with it I think. I honestly didn't think I'd go beyond two years as I felt it 'wasn't right' Hmm. Obviously, my view has changed now. She was only having it before bed every (most) day and sometimes at weekends it was mornings too. Sometimes she would go to bed without even thinking about it and I was taking the never offer, never refuse stance on it.
Is Mothers Day the right day to stop? if I go back on it now, will she never take me seriously again when I say we should stop now?

OP posts:
belgo · 03/04/2011 13:17

Do you not want to stop?

I would see what she says tonight, if she asks to be breastfed, and you want to breastfeed her, then there is no reason for you to stop.

If it's not the right time now, she will stop sometime in the future, 4-6 is the natural weaning age for most children.

StealthPolarBear · 03/04/2011 13:17

This will be me when DS turns 4 at the end of the month and I am dreading it...
Completely agree about the taking seriously thing, I have built up DS's birthday to be the big day and made such a fuss to prepare him. TBH I'd be happy to let it tail off but he wouldn't so it's all or nothing :(

northender · 03/04/2011 13:21

Well done for doing what you've done, what a great start for her!

Original poster
solo · 03/04/2011 13:23

thank yoooou!
it's a really odd feeling. I never thought I'd be a 'beyond age 2 breastfeeder' but I really love it. I even took a few photo's of her feeding last night to mark the end Blush. Dd came into bed this morning and asked for 'booby' and I said that 'there's no more booby is there? yestrday was the last day' to which she replied 'Oh yes! I forgot!' and she didn't push the matter...I almost wish she had.
I think a part of it is that I'm entering the menopause at 47. I always wanted 3 children and I know that this is the last threads of having a baby iyswim? am I going mad?

OP posts:
belgo · 03/04/2011 13:26

Well done, I totally understand why you are feeling sad.

Original poster
solo · 03/04/2011 13:58

I'm so glad you all understand; I kind of felt a bit of a numpty feeling this way. I don't know anyone else that has breastfed this long, so can't phone anyone for a pep talk...
I 'only' fed Ds for 18 months, but may have gone longer if I hadn't been ill/been talked into stopping by my Mum.

OP posts:
kellytoys · 03/04/2011 16:56

hi

My liitle girl will be 5 in June and I am still breastfeeding her. Sometimes feel we should stop too be I feel it will be for others and not for us. Never thought i would feed for this long, first girl 2 days, second 6 weeks now 3 nearly 5 years.

do you dd want to stop or do you feel you should?

StealthPolarBear · 03/04/2011 16:57

I want DS to stop.getting too tired of it, and tired by it now :(

Original poster
solo · 04/04/2011 00:29

I don't know kellytoys; I sometimes don't want to do it albeit just one evening in a blue moon, but mostly, I'd keep going, just thinking that it's time... :( I think that the fact that my nipples feel very sore over the last few days has a bit to do with it too...and I've gritted my teeth through around 12 or more bouts of ductal thrush, mastitis twice although I massaged through it straight away so it didn't get to the point of GP visits and a very sore cracked nipple...I'm very bloody minded about breastfeeding through the problems.

Tonight Dd asked for it and I told her that we weren't doing it anymore 'remember?' and she said with a really big worried look 'why?!!!' so I explained again and she accepted it. It has made me feel incredibly sad though and I might just give in tomorrow...
I am with you SPB, though I am still thinking of keeping it going.

OP posts:
belgo · 04/04/2011 06:53

how was bedtime last night Solo?

TanteRose · 04/04/2011 07:01

if I were you, I really wouldn't give in...it will be sooo confusing for her.

I bf my DS until his 3rd birthday, we had discussed it, and apart from that first night when I said "no" (and he sobbed and sobbed...Sad), he never mentioned it again.

OTOH, he became very touchy-feely and took every opportunity to cop a feel of my boobs Grin

when I stopped that, it was a hand down my back for a while...memories, memories... he is 12 on Wednesday..time flies..Smile

FreudianSlippery · 04/04/2011 07:16

Aww :(

I've no experience of this yet. I fed DD for 8 months - she was mix fed from the start though, due to latching problems, and would only BF through a nipple shield. She started only having really quick feeds and I thought (as I didn't know anyone else BFing to talk to about it) that meant she didn't want it anymore so I stopped. Trauma-free for us both but I really regret it now :(

DS however is still BFing at 19m, no nipple shields/formula. I love it but he's very demanding. Only managed to stop the night feeds after Xmas, and have recently decided to stop BFing in the day too, so it's just morning and night. I love the morning feed but now I'm looking for a job I'm worried I won't have time. Feels like the beginning of the end and I'm not ready for that. :(

Sorry for hijack Blush

crapbarry · 04/04/2011 10:50

I might be stopping feeding this week - I'm away for 6 nights for work, and DH is really hoping that this means the end of bfing - I'm secretly hoping it isn't. Will be expressing every day whilst I'm away, to avoid mastitis, but really not sure I want DS to stop :( he's only 18 months. I'm really teary about thursday morning being his last feed, but can't explain why to anyone IRL. only one of my peers is still BFing, and she gets it, but she wants to stop soon, so can't understand why I had 2 years as my own little goal.

it feels like a massive step from bfing to not bfing, and I'm not sure why?

sorry for hijack no. 2!

Lotkinsgonecurly · 04/04/2011 12:00

Solo - I'm amazed that you've gone on for this long and think you've done wonderfully well. However if you want to give up there is no need to feel guilty.

She has had an amazingly long time to be fed. Continue if you want to but don't feel guilty for wanting to stop.

Well done you, whatever you decide you have her best interests at heart and she will be fine.

belgo · 04/04/2011 13:09

crapbarry - stopping bfing is not a step back, but it is the end of a unique bodily function, and that is especially significant if, like Solo, you don't plan on having any more children.

mawbroon · 04/04/2011 13:29

I hope it all works out well for you and your DD solo.

DS1 and I agreed that he would stop feeding on his 5th birthday, but in hindsight, it was all my idea and he never really wanted to stop. He was ok for a couple of weeks after, but then his behaviour started going downhill and he started being really sad and withdrawn. After 6 weeks, he was becoming really distressed over very minor stuff, so I offered him the chance to nurse which sorted it in an instant and he's still going.

I am in a different situation to you as I am nursing ds2 as well, so it was very hard for ds1 to see ds2 doing it umpteen times a day and for him to be left out.

If your dd is ready, she will presumably not behave like my ds1 did and will be able to adjust to life without it. I can understand you feeling sad, I didn't know if I was coming or going around the time that we agreed for DS1 to stop. I really wanted to, but didn't want to all at the same time. I enjoyed the 6 weeks without nursing him, but also hated seeing him so distressed. It is very complicated, and very hard for anyone to imagine unless they've been there.

Good luck with it all Smile

Original poster
solo · 04/04/2011 14:58

No apologies necessary for 'hijacking', I'm really glad to have an open discussion about it; it's not something that any of my rl friends know anything about. I think the longest that any of them have gone has been 3 years and I'm not so close to her.

Lotkins! lovely to see you :) it's been a year since 'The Ninth Floor' can you believe!!!

I know I've done really well going this long, and so lucky. Thank you :)

Dd has been fine. She asked for it last night and I reminded her about our my decision and she didn't make a fuss really, but I missed doing it ~ probably because it's not just a missed feed, but a different way for our bed times to go from now on.

Mawbroon, I doubt that I'll be able to revert to feeding in a few weeks if she started to play up; I doubt there'll be anything left :( and I completely understand and empathise with the I really wanted to, but didn't want to all at the same time. I am there right now.

Crapberry, you don't have to stop if you don't want to. If you are going to express anyway, then you'll probably have a willing toddler as soon as you get back :) I've found that there isn't the discomfort with the (lack of) engorgement 4 years on that there certainly was when I stopped at 18 months with my Son. And yes, I too think it feels like a massive step between breastfeeding and no longer breastfeeding. It's very final.

FreudianSlippery I'm almost envious that you can, if you want to, have another 3 or 4 years of something that I've found so so special.

TanteRose, I know what you mean as I thought that too...but I'm guessing that if I started again tonight, Dd would ask me why we were starting again and then I think we'd probably go for at least until she turns 5, which isn't until Christmas...I'm considering it to be honest.

You've all been lovely ~ thank you. I might just be starting this thread again in December though!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
solo · 04/04/2011 22:16

That didn't last long then! Dd kept asking tonight and I think the part of me that didn't want to stop stood up. Dd looked like a satisfied lickle baby after the first side, telling me that she had 'milk all round my face and I like it...I love it Mummy!' I really loved hearing that from her. So it looks like we're continuing Hmm Grin

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 04/04/2011 22:26

oh solo
Think I willl be the same - do you think after a point they have to self wean - as in it has to be their decision?

mawbroon · 04/04/2011 22:31

Have you read LLL's HOw Weaning Happens?

mawbroon · 04/04/2011 22:33

I think it might be Stealth.

And IME, pressuring them to stop makes them cling to it even more. Sad

Original poster
solo · 04/04/2011 22:44

Yes perhaps. I mean, they have an opinion at 4yo, don't they?!
Not read that mawbroon, no...helpful?

OP posts:
mawbroon · 04/04/2011 22:49

Well, it doesn't give you instuctions on how to wean Wink but it is full of differerent weaning stories at different ages, so a comfort to read that there are other kids out there that do the same as your own.

Is there a LLL group near you? It's sometimes nice just to talk about this stuff in RL with people who understand.

Original poster
solo · 04/04/2011 23:07

Not sure, but my friend may know; I'll ask her. Thanks!

OP posts:
kellytoys · 05/04/2011 09:30

pleased for you solo, if you are both happy about it than you do not need to stop.

I think husband would like me to stop though

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