Does anyone still feel embarrassed feeding in public?

[redandyellowandpinkandgreen]

I'm not sure how to get over it. DS is 4 months now and EBF so obviously I have fed him in public but only feel comfortable in a limited few places. I know I am not showing anything but I probably do flash for a second latching him on. I know it doesn't matter and I really wish I didn't feel like this but I think it stems from concern that I could be making someone else feel uncomfortable and I would hate that.

I fed yesterday in a smart cafe-type-tearoom and the couple next to me left pretty sharpish which may well have been because they had finished but I imagined I had made them feel uncomfortable and worried about it. It doesn't help that I go red and get a bit flustered sometimes so it takes longer to latch DS on as I am fiddling about with my clothing.

I do the two tops thing, I use a muslin to cover myself sometimes if I need it. I meet other breast feeding mums and go to breast feeding friendly cafes but I still don't much like being out of my comfort zone.

Does anyone have any advice?

I wonder if you are over-doing the cover-ups? You must do what you feel comfortable about but I've never bothered with the muslin thing as being 1) a faff and 2) a big sign saying "I'm feeding my baby!"

I'll never forget my MIL building a wall of carrier bags around me in the John Lewis cafe the first time I fed DS1 in public. I'm sure most people were looking at that, rather than me.

I've been breastfeeding in public for nearly five years now. My youngest turns 2 next month and still demands the odd feed when i'm out and about. Maybe I am a little more thick-skinned these days but u just get on with it. In five years no one has ever said anything to me. TBH most people who look are probably thinking what a lovely baby you have.

I don't have any advice as such, but when you fret about the hypothetical possibility of making someone else uncomfortable you ensure that you always feel uncomfortable. In other words you are adding to the sum total of uncomfortableness in the universe without necessarily achieving anything.

Also I think very very few people feel uncomfortable with people breastfeeding babies in public and those people who are very sensitive are likely to feel antsy regardless of how well you cover up. The vast majority of people either don't notice or if they do notice think it is rather lovely.

And people who are very sensitive can only get used to bf-ing if mothers show them that it is normal and straightforward. My best friend has huge issues with bf-ing partly because she grew up with a Mum who always told her it was disgusting. When I had DD she literally couldn't be in the same room as me whilst DD was latching on because she found it so horrifying. And 10m down the line she no longer even notices if DD is feeding.

The things I found which helped me were nursing vest tops (with the split down the boob bit and a clip) so you unclip the cover, but still don't flash anything as most of the boob is covered - like these:

www.mothercare.com/M2b-Nursing-Vest-White/dp/B004CSN72E?ie=UTF8&ref=sr_1_2&nodeId=42764041&sr=1-2&qid=1301256016&pf_rd_r=1SR4A27HA5R1436MSGRE&pf_rd_m=A2LBKNDJ2KZUGQ&pf_rd_t=301&pf_rd_i=0&pf_rd_p=231490887&pf_rd_s=center-7

that followed by going on holiday to centerparcs sorted me! Having to feed everywhere and it being 90% familys and VERY supportive atmosphere literally took away any qualms!

I wear vest tops under my clothing so I don't show my muffin top, and find a cardigan covers any bob that could be on show - although I must admit to feeding anywhere and more fool anyone that has an issue with it!

Afraid I can't offer any advice - after 9 months I still avoid feeding in public unless it's absolutely necessary! You don't have to do it, as long as you accept that you'll need to carefully plan trips out around feeds.

i'm on my 3rd baby and i still squirm if baby gets hungry and needs a feed in certain situations - busy a&e waiting room last night! i do what you do to cover up and always look for a quiet corner where i can have my back to people. generally though i always try to top baby up before i go out then i know i've got a good few hours to go. i usually try and find somewhere with a feeding room if we're out for longer - shopping centres and department stores. i also felt even more self concious once my older boys were over 6months. that's just who i am, i don't think you can get over it other than just doing it more often!

I don't think that the majority of people even notice. Just think that it won't be for long.

I have only recently cracked it myself...

Check the place out before you sit down and position yourself so you are not in full view of everyone entering through the door.

Wear a floaty cardigan or scarf - muslin is overkill and too obvious.

Undo yourself before picking up the little one as this means less fiddling around and clumsy manouvering.

Remember this - You are simply feeding your baby and most people will just think you are giving the little one a cuddle!

The more you do it the easier it gets so get out there and do it girl!!!

I have asked DH how much is on show, and he says not much at all, unless he deliberately leers down my front (and only he's allowed to do that without a slap).

I read a suggestion somewhere to try doing it in front of a mirror to prove to yourself that there's really not much to see. But I always feel the most exposed moments are a) latching on, and I'm not sure how I can watch that in the mirror while doing it, and b) when she decides to pop off for a moment and crane her head round to have a good old peer at the world.

Actually I tend towards Leoniedelt's bolshyness and agree with Veronicacake that if women aren't seen bf-ing in public it will never be seen as normal. Today I fed DD in a packed sunny playground and the only people to stare were small children, who are generally fascinated by babies anyway.

by the way this

"when you fret about the hypothetical possibility of making someone else uncomfortable you ensure that you always feel uncomfortable. In other words you are adding to the sum total of uncomfortableness in the universe without necessarily achieving anything. "

is a sage and wonderful piece of advice!

Thanks Veronicacake, I can now comfortably bf in public knowing that I am minimising the universe's uncomfortableness coefficient.

First of all well done it's not always easy. Im on baby no 4 and have finally cracked it.
I always wear a vest top under whatever Ive decided to wear that day, I pull the vest under the boob Im feeding with so my belly etc is covered and the top Im wearing is above so all you can see is the babies head.
I must add I find if you carry on talking or whatever your doing no one really notices its the moving baby into poistion that 'gives' it away.

I used to feel very self conscious too - a scarf helps but I think the thing to do is persevere unitl it just becomes second nature. I never had anything but encouraging nods and smiles

I find that a quote from Libby Purves' book How Not to Be A Perfect Mother helped me. If anyone tuts at you, look at them and say "Screaming or feeding, squire? You choose."

I've never had to use the line, but having it in reserve helped especially the first time I fed DD on a bus. Now I feed her everywhere. Once I caught an accidental glimpse of myself nursing in the tube and all I saw was DD's head so now I'm even more blase about it.

I consider feeding in public to be providing an educational service for anyone sheltered/weird/prurient enough to feel uncomfortable about it.

Seriously, what kind of person would feel uncomfortable about your feeding a baby in their general area? Exactly, that kind of person. Why would you worry about that kind of person feeling uncomfortable?

I hope I am bloomin' providing an educational service as the squirm factor for me has to have some benefit!

I only do drape a muslin if I am wearing a shirt with buttons, otherwise when you unbutton you are very exposed and I can't see any other way around that. I tried draping my scarf artfully but DS has the knack of pulling my top a lot and flashing more than I wanted.

I think forcing myself is the only way sometimes, a feel the fear and do it anyway thing. I really should worry less about other people!

I don't know about advice, I still feel uncomfortable about feeding in public, even in a friend's house, or here if a friend is round, and I'm feeding my second child who's nearly four.

I've always fed from underneath my top so never flashed anything really...but even so I hate doing it in front of people, even with a tiny baby.

It feels personal and makes me feel vulnerable, mainly because I don't have great self confidence anyway and not having a husband to back me up made it even harder.

I had a LOT of nasty comments and tutting and 'looks' when I fed ds1 in public when he was small. So I stopped. I just fed him at home or found somewhere really discreet if he needed a feed in public...not in a toilet, though. I couldn't do that.

And mainly I suppose I just didn't go out so much. I got fed up with fighting attitudes. Life was easier once I allowed myself not to do it in public if I didn't want to.

"Life was easier once I allowed myself not to do it in public if I didn't want to."

Brilliant Ingrid! I'm BF my 14 month old DD, and don't BF in public at all now. She's usually far to busy being a little monster to want to demand a BF whilst out and about!
I EBF until 6 months, but BF before going to places where I didn't want to feed. Summer months are good for lying-down feeds in parks, easy peasy to cover up.

I think its brilliant that everyone else is super confident to breastfeed as publicly as they want and are happy to challenge peoples views and educate them. But its perfectly ok to breastfeed quietly in the background (or at home) at still breastfeed successfully.