Long back story but since day 1 I have been expressing most of my son's feeds, with formula to top up when necessary - because I have never been able to keep up with him (he is now 98th centile for weight and 99th for length from 91st centile at birth). I always said I would do it for six months but he is three weeks and a day away from that and instead of being euphoric at packing up the pump I swing between relief and being really sad and choked up.
I used to express eight times a day, then dropped to six and now five. The amount I express is still about 800ml - so four feeds worth. For the last five months I have done two 30 minute pumping sessions at night, at midnight and then at six a.m (also used to do a third one at 3am). DS does not sleep through so I wake a third time at night as well, although DH deals with this one for me. So you can appreciate how knackered I am - I can barely function some days and I know for my own good I should stop and make my life easier.
DH and my mum are telling me to stop too, not that they are anti- BF but because they think "I've done my time" and I need to get some rest. We have started weaning and it is getting more and more difficult to fit the sessions in.
When most people stop BF it is because their milk is drying up, the baby no longer wants it, or some other factor which makes the decision for them. But because I solely express, it will be MY decision to pack away the pump. I feel so selfish - i've got the milk, it is good for him and good for me to continue. If I stop it will be because I can't be bothered to do it anymore.
I would maybe feel better if I got to nine months and he's fully weaned. But in May and early June I have two weddings to go to, one of which I am the matron of honour, plus two hen weekends, both of which I am organising so have to go! Logistically it will be a nightmare to try and pump....
Will I knacker my supply if I drop from five sessions a day to just night and morning, which is the only compromise I can see? How might I go about gradually achieving this? Or should I just give it up altogether.......? I just cannot decide what to do, and I know that if I stop the decision will be very difficult to reverse. Please help.