How do you feel about breast feeding?

[Lavitabellissima]

I am breast feeding 4 month old twins.

I'm glad I've had no problems, they're growing well and I think I'll probably breast feed until they are a year old.

I don't understand the love of breast feeding though, I love my babies but don't feel like it's breast feeding that provides that connection. Reading some posts it's like breastfeeding is the bond that supplies the love if that makes sense

I do think it's one of the things that helped me bond with my babies but not the only one by any means. Mums who ff bond with their babies too!

I feel its the healthiest way to feed a baby or toddler and I'm glad I bf them, particularly ds3 who was bf till 2.8

When ds1 was born, I was a bit overwhelmed and didn't know if I had bonded with him, IYKWIM! I do think bfing did help with that because it made us a unit. He was dependent on me for food and I do remember when he was a few days old, that he was on my sister's lap and I walked past and he whimpered in recognition. It made me feel that I was his mother and that he knew I was his mother.

I do wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been able to bf. One of my friends bfed all her babies - except one. She was in an overcrowded ward when that baby was born and the nurse in charge, didn't help anyone with bf, just handed bottles to everyone. There were eight in the ward and not one was bfing. My friend felt that she had more trouble bonding with that dd than with her other children but I wonder whether it was the fact that she wanted to bf and couldn't that cause the problem. In the same way, I think if you wanted to ff and were pressurised into bf, that might have the same effect?

I do love breastfeeding - I was lucky that it came quite easy and naturally to me though with no pain or serious problems.

I love the snuggly time with ds, I love how much he loves it, I love how it soothes and comforts as well as feeds. I feel like we'd have just as much of a loving bond without breastfeeding too though (ds has just as strong a bond with his dad), it's just a particularly pleasant activity we enjoy together.

I have mixed feelings about it, and always have had (well, being honest, in the early days, I was so overwhelmed by the amount of time DS fed for, what I mainly felt was deep frustration and resentment, and then guilt when everyone kept telling me what a loving bond it was supposed to be creating!...)

Now he's older and it's less overwhelming - I love the feeling that I'm giving him something JUST for him, from me, that is exactly what he needs. I like thinking about antibodies in my milk, weird as it sounds, like there's something almost magical or superpower-like in doing it.

I love that I can comfort him so easily, that it's a way of reconnecting with him when I've been physically away from him - it seems to 'reset' us both -

I still find it constraining, in that BOY does he pick inconvenient times and places to decide he's hungry and wants feeding - and sometimes when I'm tired and feeling 'overstretched', I feel it's just another demand on me when I'd like to be on my own -

Dunno. Mixed bag. I know I don't feel the overwhelming and unqualified love of BF-ing that some women do, but it doesn't bother me now.

I have thought back to the first few weeks, and how much BF-ing TIED me to DS, physically, and wondered if the fact I couldn't leave him, and he had to be with me almost constantly sort of forced me to bond with him. It's overwhelming, having a little life suddenly attached to you, and I think if I wasn't BF-ing, I would have left him for short times with other people and run away a bit. Just a day away, that sort of thing.

Sometimes I think being able to do that might have eased my way into being a mother and made it a more gradual adjustment. Mostly now, I think that if I'd been able to do that, I would have taken too much time away from him, and not feel as bonded. Who knows.

Tell you what though - bloody well done for BF-ing twins to 4 months. My head spins just thinking about it.

I feel fairly neutral towards it. I'm definitely not looking forward to doing it again in a few weeks when DC2 arrives, but equally it's not something I'm dreading.

I think I'd feel more negative about it if we hadn't made it to that 5month+ stage where it actually seems to be less hassle than formula feeding. I really didn't enjoy the early days, and feeling so very tied to DS and like I couldn't breathe without his permission (can you tell it took me a while to settle into parenting?).

Equally, as gloyw says, I wonder whether being forced to be with him day and night for so long meant that we had to bond, and perhaps that might have been different if we'd FF.

I think it's safe to say that if I didn't think if was the best thing for babies, I would definitely have introduced formula earlier for DS and would again for imminent DC. But, I do think that, and as long as it doesn't cause me major suffering, I'll do it.

I love it because it's more than just nutrition - it's so multi-functional! Immediate calmer-down, sleep inducer, cry-stopper, attention substitute ( though I didn't/don't do this very often. Mainly e.g. when on phone or trying to talk with a friend) pain reliever, tantrum calming, fear calming, distraction technique, often the only food/fluid they want when ill, etc etc etc...

Also I didn't find that I felt restricted by the constant feeds or tied to my baby because I was crazy enough to want him with me all the time

I wonder sometimes if it is a conscious choice to make breastfeeding into more of a bonding/connective thing ie nursing - feeding to sleep, not minding comfort feeding, being very relaxed about how long DS fed for and at what time and when he chose to drop feeds etc. And of course you can get the same bonding from other activities e.g. playing together and cuddles and bathtime and stories and all the things you do with your child. But I wonder if it's a difference between how you see breastfeeding if you take the approach I did and if you take the approach that it's just a feeding method, comfort feeding, feeding to sleep etc is to be discouraged and perhaps leaning towards more of a routine or dropping specific feeds consciously rather than letting them be dropped, whether this leads to more of a functional view of breastfeeding. And of course most people will take a bit of both approaches.

This is no criticism BTW - just wondered whether maybe that was the difference.

I loved feeding my singleton. it felt like a central part of our bond, all those early hours holding him and staring at his face.

but now I'm feeding 5mo twins it feels different. I don't like feeding them at the same time - makes my skin crawl. I had to do this a lot in the early days or I'd have been feeding 36 hours a day and I wonder if this affected our feeding relationship. but even now when feeding one, my attention is normally divided with entertaining the other, so it's harder build a connection.

Bertie I do feed them to sleep when I can, although comfort feeding is a bit less because one baby just wouldn't comfort suck for months and because I needed to develop ways to comfort the other while standing and rocking the first who had colic, so it's less part of our normal day.

I think feeding twins is just different. I do know people who absolutely adored it, am and quite sad I'm not one of them.

I fed a singleton first then twins. I had a much better time with the twins, but that was due to improved knowledge and support. (I did a LLL course when they were little)

Didn't enjoy tandem feeding, especially in public but like mama choco said, needs must, and now they are 6 I look back very fondly.

I didn't love it. I didn't even enjoy it at some points because DS had a tonguetie and fed for soooo long and it was sometimes soooo painful. But after the tonguetie was snipped it got easier and then I enjoyed it more - just that feeling of real closeness with DS, I suppose. I kept going until DS was 23mo, when it came to a natural end.

I can imagine it would feel different with twins though - harder to have that one-on-one time when you know you've got to do it again with another one in a minute. Congratulations on getting this far and I hope you manage your year, if that's what you want.

I have formula fed my first three babies from birth and breastfed one from birth. I have found the experiences to be very different from one another which surprised me as until I actually breastfed I didn't think it would make a difference. the MAIN difference has been that I feel the babyhood has been more intense with breastfeeding than bottle-feeding, I feel more connected to her for longer. I still sit and cradle her for hours which by 7 months with my others I simply wasn't doing as they no longer felt as though they had that newborn type snugglyness. I don't know it hard to explain!. Breastfeeding was hard for the first weeks and I am not anti bottle-feeding as obviously I chose it for my first three but I actually now feel very positive abot breastfeeding and no matter what I do think it has helped build a stronger relationship between the pair of us.

If I'm honest, I hated it. Difficult, painful, faffy, awkward - all this despite a huge amount of support, advice and supervision from several health professionals (latch was confirmed perfect several times, it made no difference). I also acutely remember intense feeling of guilt and failure (because I wasn't enjoying it) and if anything, it had the opposite effect to forming a bond, though I am lucky that I felt a strong enough bond with my baby that these troubles didn't damage it. However, I persevered for 4 months because BF is best, and I could do it. If I am lucky enough to have DC2, I will try my hardest to do the same. But I will not be looking forward to it.

There you go, I've never said that before. And I feel sooooo guilty for feeling that way.

I love breastfeeding. I thought I'd do it for 6 months and then wean onto formula but once I got over the hump at the start, we are still going at 13 months with no end in mind.

I can't comment on the bond as I've nothing to compare it too. Dh has an amazing bond with her too.

But some of the reasons I love it is, the ease of feeding. No preparation beforehand and no cleaning up afterwards.

The immune factors and health reasons.

That I get to rest when we nurse. And those lovely feelgood hormones that get released during nursing.

That i'm 5 kilos lighter than I was prepregnancy.

That travelling anywhere, my milk is in two lovely containers (my boobs) and refill magically.

Just some of the reasons I love it.

Well done on nursing twins. I imagine parenting twins is a completely different kettle of fish in every respect.

I love bf-ing in the same way I love feeding DD good food or humming Brahms lullaby to her to tell her it is naptime. It is something she finds comforting and soothing and it is lovely that I am able to offer it so freely. I now miss the early months when I got to sit and cuddle DD whilst she fed.

I didn't feel that way when she was 4m old and I was still fretting about her weight gain and how frequently she was feeding and how long for. I think I only began to relax about it when she was about 5-6m old and her appetite began to settle down and she also became that bit more independent and communicative and we began to bond in other ways.

In my case I definitely don't think bf-ing helped me bond in the early days. I bonded with DD at birth but it was a pretty primal feeling. At the time I said to a friend it was as not a kittens and flowers kind of love at all, it was more like being a fanatical soldier on a dangerous mission to infiltrate the enemy or die in the attempt! And bf-ing was part of the grim reality I had to endure as part of that mission. That feeling faded once she was about 10-11 weeks, but I suspect if I'd been able to hand her over to someone else for a few hours here or there it would have faded earlier.

mushrooms please don't feel guilty. I felt that way (still do a bit) because I really hated feeding my twins at the same time. didn't want to admit it to anyone in case they thought I was a terrible person/mother. someone very wise told me the emotion just is, it's the action that counts. feeding your baby the way you believe is best, even though you hate doing it, is a very selfless loving act. I think you should feel proud of yourself, not guilty.

I love that I can comfort him so easily, that it's a way of reconnecting with him when I've been physically away from him - it seems to 'reset' us both

^^ This is why we're still going at 16 months. I keep wanting to stop, but this stops me stopping. Pretty much most of the time now I see it as a necessary evil though, and I go through phases when I really really hate it - that someone so small can make such huge demands on my body. 'Touched out' I think I've heard it called, when he's just been around me all day and I can't get a second to myself and the thought of feeding him again drives me absolutely batshit. But then that 'resetting' gloyw mentiond happens and it's all good again.

I certainly don't imagine I'd love him any less/feel less bonded with him had I chosen to ff though!

Have no idea how I'm going to stop this time though! We moved when ds1 was 23 months, and his last bfeed was on the last night in our old house - simply never asked when we moved here, and I didn't offer. Bit extreme to do that again though!

It's interesting hearing from other twin mums, I also don't enjoy tandem feeding, although it's a necessity sometimes! Tandem feeding in public, I just couldn't do, I imagine everyone would be staring and I'd be too

I really dislike it - DS is 7 months old and we're still going, but that's because he refuses a bottle or a sippy cup and he's not really got the hang of drinking from an open cup yet. I'm back at work FT and DH is spoonfeeding him during the day, but it's really hard to get enough down him that way. Basically during the working week I can't do anything except work, breastfeed and sleep, and it's crap. It's especially frustrating that I always have to be home for bedtime, so I can't finish what I'm doing in the office and come home a bit later, I have to bring work home with me.

I'm not planning on having another one, but if I were I think I'd FF, or at least mixed feed. But then I'd feel guilty for not giving the new one the same start I gave DS (who was EBF till we started on solids). Basically I'm a terrible mother.

Petsville You are not a terrible mother, you are doing a fantastic job, I think guilt is par the course of being a mother. Whatever choices any of us make there is always something to feel guilty about.

Hugs all round, I'm excited though that this will be my first mothers day this year

Petsville, don't feel bad! You are doing your very best for him, that's all anyone can ask.

Btw, I have bfed 4 babies and only one was a bottle refuser. Nothing I did differently, it's just the way he is.

The others switched happily between bfing and drinking EBM from a bottle. Never gave me a bit of bother. So maybe your second might be like that?

Have to say though, I do have a soft spot for my stubborn little man. He hasn't changed one bit, either and he's 6 now!

I want to come back to this when I'm online.

The trouble is, so often one's best doesn't feel nearly good enough - I feel rotten about hating it so much, because it's not good for my relationship with DS. I didn't hate it till I had to go back to work, it was just a bit of a chore, but it just feels too much now.

Life would be so much easier if DS would just give in and accept a bottle! He's a dear baby in most ways (and so gorgeous that we get mobbed every time we take him out), but "stubborn" doesn't begin to describe him.

Wave to Lavita

I feel more bonding moments now that DS has started to look at me and smile while feeding. I have had a very easy time really so have not had any bad feelings while feeding.

petsville I'm in a similar situation - I always have to leave work at 5. I only go out in the evenings after bedtime.

I do like BF but feel trapped as DS cant have cows milk or soya. He's 17 months so will end in the next year. But on the other hand I like that I can offer him comfort in my own special way. Also when he's been ill (eg he had the flu in winter), I could feed him which was important as he went off his solids.

The first six months are tough really tough. I couldn't imagine BF twins!!!

I love bf and find it hard not to equate bf'ing with loving my DS. I think I'd really struggle to feel I was able to love another DC if I wasn't able to bf them. However, I didn't feel like that for the first few months, although I didn't have any real problems. It was probably around 4/5 months that I started to really enjoy bf, which was when DS would reliably feed to sleep, and started to accept bf when overtired or upset.

I did struggle with the relentlessness of it all in the early days, but for me that centred around sleeping rather than feeding (DS would take a bottle but no-one other than me could get him to sleep).

Now I love being able to get him to sleep, and when I tell him it's time for milk at bedtime he bounces up and down and flaps with excitement which is lovely. :)

I think Bertie has a good point - the less 'functional' my view of bf became, the more I started to enjoy it.

I meant to add well done, OP - I simply can't imagine how anyone copes with twins, bf or otherwise.

Yes, well done to OP and to other people who've BFed twins. It felt utterly relentless with one to begin with: hats off to those who cope with two!