Another failed day of bottle refusal

[rollerbaby]

Our nanny started today and we decided to try and give our 17 week old the bottle only (after 12 weeks of refusing). I went up to study at home to work and let her get on with it within earshot.

He refused to take more than an ounce at a time, barely ate all day and by 5pm I was in tears with his pleading tired cries (he didn't do this during the day and actually napped well!). So what do I do? Carry on each day at the same time? Or keep up with the tough love day AND night? Or give up? What's the worst scenario? Will I be breastfeeding at 2 years old?

I am so tired, emotional and confused about it all.

That's up to you but the stress isn't worth it for me, ds2 is 16 weeks I gave up a long time ago and plan to go the cup route but then I am not bothered if I am still feeding at 2

it's a bit of a jump from 17 weeks to 2 years!! you can just skip the bottle stage entirely - they can drink from a cup from 4 months or a straw from 5 or 6 months so it's not the biggest deal if he won't have a bottle. he'll also be learning the new skills of eating food soon enough so will be up for more experimenting with new ways of getting sustenance.
do you have to bottle feed for work? can you still bf in the evenings/night? that might work - he could have just a few ounces during the day and then catch up at night?

Has your nanny any experience of this?

I presume you've tried all the usual tricks of warming the teat? What worked for ds3 was walking around with him facing away from me, singing at the top of my voice!

If all else fails, I would move straight to a sippy cup, one without a valve so the baby doesn't have to do any work to get the milk in.

She's been nannying for 20 years so I have to assume yes. She was very confident and unphased about it all... we only have her 1 day a week (I'm working from home) so not everyday and obviously we need to keep it up.

I don't think she warmed anything as she took him out to try when out in the park as well. I have tried the things you describe though. He is amazingly stubborn an dreally sdidnt eat much between 3am and 5pm this evening. 20-40 ml at most.

I'd love to introduce a sippy cup - when you say valve do you mean the plastic bit that fits inside the cup spout? I can take it off... but as he's never taken a bottle won't it be a bit fast for him? Should I let him hold cup himself or for him?

I feel so upset tonight. He looked absolutely shattered and a bit traumatised by this evening. I really don't feel able to put him through it.

He might be tired and stressed as new nanny started (am sure he will be fine but it was first day). I wouldn't necessarily think it was optimal day to start. Also friends who had this had more success with cup than bottle .

If he takes an oz at a time, could you just try offering an oz every hour?

With cups, my ds point blank refused any cup he had to suck on (with a valve) but was ok with the free flow beakers that just have a little spout with holes in - from 5 months I would just tip it up for him.

honeymoo, with the sippy cup, it is fast but you give them a little, then take it away, then do it again.

Just had a thought, have you tried a haberman feeder? Never tried it myself as ds3 took Playtex in the end but reviews looked promising at the time. They don't actually have to work at the teat and I think if you squeeze the teat the milk comes out as well.

we used one of those beaker things with a lid and one hole in it
sorry - still a bit unclear - are you looking to move away from bf altogether or is it just for one day a week?

We had success with a nuk bottle and teat x

Thanks everyone.

So far we have tried:

NUK (seem to have most success)
Avent
Playtex
Browns
Breastflow

And latex versions of above...

Grandma, Daddy me, upright, lying down, asleep, warm, cold, with formula... I could go on! For the last 11-12 weeks.

I haven't tried the Haberman feeder though! Nor have we really persevered with Doidy or Sippy Cup. The sippy we have is a tommee tippee which says from 4 months. He holds it and lifts to his lips but doesn't actually understand that liquid comes out and so I think I'd need to do it as chipmonkeysuggests. I was a bit worried he'd choke as so strong, but I know he definitely won't suck. Maybe do that in time? Why do they put a valve on there?

I feel really bad starting him on first day with a total stranger to him. His little face when I came down and they were heading out was total distress. I know he was ok though and was smiling away at her when they were out, and wasn't crying all the day despite the fact he must have been hungry. Also worried that 12 hours of not much fluid must have dehydrated him. He's a big baby so not too much an issue of losing weight but still.

I don't need to feed him due to returning to an office, but have started to do PT from home and the odd meeting out of the office which makes it virtually impossible to fit into a 3 hour routine (less in morning due to never hungry at 7am). Also haven't been out anywhere and would love to have the odd evening out with hubby etc. I just wonder the longer I leave it the bigger the problem? He's also still waking once or twice if unlucky in the night and at over 20lbs I think this is too much - he;s the size of a 6-7 month old child. I know if he took a bottle this would probably stop...

Once or twice in the night for a 17 week old is totally normal! My 7 month old still wakes once or twice

honeymoo, the valve is only there so that the liquid doesn't spill. It has no other function. When we were kids no sippy cup had a valve! I think the valve makes them more suitable for ff babies, bf babies don't have a clue what to do with them!

From what you say, if you are mostly going to be working from home popping out for the odd meeting, this may not be as much of an issue as you think? You don't have to have a three hourly routine. Feed him when you can. There may be times when he has to go a while without a feed but possibly might take the cup in between?

We did get ds3 to take a bottle in the end but he never took much and did feed more at night.

btw, I did feed ds3 till he was 2.8 and ds4 till he was 2. It wasn't actually that big a deal

the longer you leave it the easier ime - because you just don't do bottles. at six months he can have snacks with water if you're only away a few hours. they don't feed that often during the day anyway in a few months time. honestly - in a month or so you can use a straw - those always worked fantastically for all of ours. those valve things are really hard going - they don't understand they need to suck.

OK I hear you ladies, thank you. Going to really persevere with the cup for next few weeks and just do the odd bottle offering - no more cold turkey, I really can't handle it and hate to see him so upset.

If he takes the cup in the day, is he still likely to need breastfeeding at night past 7pm? At the moment we are doing 6.30, 10.30ish, 3am and 6-7am.

I have been breast feeding my ds for nearly a year and he has never had a bottle until today! He took the tommee tipee back to nature one with just a little persuasion. With this one he can use the same sucking motion as breast feeding and it still works. Maybe worth a try if you havn't yet?

This was the only bottle my dd would take at 6 mths.

I had the same trouble with my DD when I returned to work - commuting which made it a real issue. We are talking many years ago now but I finally had success with avent bottles with a silicone spout rather than teat. It was easier to control than a regular cup and you could sort of pour the milk in to her. HV said no baby will refuse to feed if they are hungry enough - well I beg to differ. She was so stubborn but we got there in the end.

As you don't have to be away all day, tbh I'd just feed him in breaks when working from home and if you have to go to a meeting or want to go out, just go - either he'll take a bottle or he'll wait the few hours until you get back. At this age, they're old enough to have some longer breaks during feeds. It's not like when they're tiny and you have to get milk into them regularly!

Coming to this thread late so not sure I will be of help or not.

I nanny for a 4.5 month old so similar aged child. Mum has gone back to work so baby has no choice but to take a bottle from me. First couple of weeks, she refused to have more than about 2oz per feed and would only feed once very distressed.
This week has been much better though. The things that have helped I feel are:

Used No.2 size teats - Avent. (stick with a brand of teat so that baby gets used to it. NUK has a teat that is shaped differently to other brands, so that one can work well sometimes.) Check the flow, two holes I've found to be good, as milk flows without baby sucking too hard.

This particular baby likes milk hot. Formula milk made up from powder with near boiling water, then cooled a bit under cold water but not too much as she likes it hot. Experiment with milk temperature, surprising how hot some babies like it.

It takes time for a nanny and baby to tune in to each other. After a few weeks, nanny should be better at spotting the signs that baby is hungry, tried, is wet etc.

This past week, baby I care for has had two 12oz days, whereas before she was only taking 6, 7oz during a 12-hour period. So stick with it, baby will get used to it.

Breastfeed at other times. My boss BFs whenever I'm not there and will BF before leaving in the morning.