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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

HV insisting on weighing BF baby every week - WWYD

17 replies

humtumteetum · 10/03/2011 21:37

I have namechanged as am identifiable on MN and don't want to out the family involved.

Background - recently I was a doula for a woman who had become a single parent whilst pg with her 7th baby. Of her older DC, two have SN and the youngest has delayed speech. Since being her doula I have become good friends with her and am meeting weekly and have started going to a baby group with her.

She told me the HV has been wanting to weigh her youngest (now nearly 9 weeks) weekly 'because she is BF'. Baby was 6lb 8oz at birth and is now 8lb 5oz. I pointed out that she was under no obligation to go and have her weighed, and she said she felt under pressure to agree as the HV was concerned she was not engaging with services and was hinting at SS involvement. The other services she has refused to engage with were sending her 23 mo to nursery (apparently essential as he has delayed speech) and refusing vaccinations (people may not agree but its a legal and valid choice on her part).

So she is having a different HCP appear at the door every week, with different scales, wanting to weigh the baby. She finds it intrusive and unnecessary esp. as none of them seem to know much about BF
She is not very confident in dealing with the pressure, and is also severely dyslexic so has difficulties with accessing information/guidelines/making formal complaints and so on. She has asked me for advice on what if anything she can say or do to get them to stop it - any suggestions?

OP posts:

barmbrack · 10/03/2011 21:39

If baby has been following the centiles, all advice is to weigh only every month. ( I believe this is written in the red book somewhere)

Maybe they are weighing weekly to 'keep an eye'. Is this what you suspect?

Chappers11 · 10/03/2011 21:52

Poor woman.

Unless they have given her a plausible reason as to why they want to weigh the baby so often, there doesn't seem to be any logic to this decision. As barmbrack said, maybe they are using it as an excuse to go and observe her at home.

My understanding of the charts in the red book was that they are based on stats gained from bottle fed babies anyway, so are entirely wrong for bf babies who follow different growth patterns.

My two bf babies were hardly weighed at all, but that was my free choice. I could see they were thriving and since she has experience of having babies before, surely she must know that this one is doing well too?

newgirl · 10/03/2011 21:54

i am not an expert. from memory that weight sounds low for nine weeks? is that the concern?

thisisyesterday · 10/03/2011 21:56

she should write a letter to the surgery the HV works from, or to whoever is in charge of the HV stating that she does not wish to see the HV unless SHE chooses to go to a clinic

it may be easier for her to write rather than seeing them face to face?

she could also go to her GP and explain the problem and esp the hints about SS due to the nursery and vaccination issues. I suspect the GP will back her in her choices and hopefully can be someone on "her side",

thisisyesterday · 10/03/2011 21:57

she can also then say that she has seen the GP regarding the baby and that the weekly weigh-ins can stop.

doricpatter · 10/03/2011 21:57

NHS website

cryhavoc · 10/03/2011 22:18

My bf DD was tiny. She had bad reflux (rivers of vomit) was 6lb 6 at birth and didn't hit 10lb until she was 6 months. I was told to weigh her weekly, repeatedly told by HV that I should ff, and at one point had her parked outside my house ringing me asking to be let in.

Presumably if your friend is on her 7th child she knows if a baby is feeding well and is happy. I dealt with my HV by telling her I felt pressured and bullied and threatened to make a formal complaint. She backed off. My tiny DD is healthy, solid, and swam 25 metres with no armbands before her 3rd birthday.

MsHighwater · 10/03/2011 22:25

I'm willing to bet that the "because she is BF" is a pretext and they just want to keep an eye on the development of a baby who is youngest of 7, 3 of whom have problems of one kind or another, with a mother who has recently broken up with the child's father.

DioneTheDiabolist · 10/03/2011 22:35

My son was considered underweight everytime he was weighed. I simply nodded, smiled sweetly, explained that he was BF on demand and asked for suggestions as to what I could do. Her reply was "nothing". However, the fact that I listened and respected her expertise (albeit on government recommendations as opposed to my child) was enough for her to accept that I was doing what was best for us and back off.

I agree with MsHighwater that given this woman's situation the HV's may want to monitor the situation within this family more closely than others. It is possible that they are not victimising this woman, more they are looking out for the child and that is their job.

pyjamalover · 11/03/2011 16:43

I agree that HV using weighing as an excuse to visit. To be fair this sounds reasonable as your friend is quite vulnerable, with 7 children, newly single and SN kids as well as a new baby. If possible try to see it as support and concern for the familys wellbeing rather than intrusion. I'm sure if she and the children seem to be coping fine, and the baby is thriving the visits will gradually stop. I think to make a complaint would be a mistake and may even raise suspicion.

mspotatochip · 11/03/2011 16:50

If that is the case the HV shoudl be honest and explain what they are at not use bf as pretext

nailak · 11/03/2011 16:53

if it was me i would tell her to get lost, but rationally maybe tell her that you feel this is unneccessary and intrusive and it it is obvious the baby is gaining weight and if there is and other concerns you would be happy to discuss them, but you cant if the hv doesnt tell you what theya re

VeronicaCake · 11/03/2011 18:24

If she wants them to stop it she can say so or write to the practice informing them. She can also not let them in. She is not under any obligation to do so.

However, it sounds as if she is already feeling anxious that she will be perceived as not engaging. There obviously is very little she can do to alter that perception if she chooses not to engage with services.

And I can't help thinking she is a single parent, has 7 children, 2 of whom have special needs and she has some difficulties herself which may make it harder for her to access services, particularly if she needs to complain (and I've never met a parent of a kid with SN who hasn't had to get arsey at some point!). That doesn't mean I think she is a bad or inadequate mother, she sounds like a fantastic mother. But I can understand why the HV is worried that she may struggle to cope at times, and wants to have close contact so if problems arise she can offer support quickly.

Is there anything the HV could usefully help with? Maybe just helping her keep on top of everything that is going on and where necessary following up referrals and making sure the child with a speech delay is receiving appropriate help.

If there is can she turn this situation around by saying I really don't want you weighing my baby weekly because it is not necessary and goes against current guidelines. However, I am happy to see you regularly for help with X,Y and Z.

That way she is still clearly engaging and she may get some benefit.

The other thing that probably doesn't help is getting a different HCP turn up each week. Even if one of them is knowledgeable about bf-ing the next one who turns up may not be which means your friend probably doesn't find their advice consistent or reliable. Is there someone in the team she thinks is easier to get on with or more useful than the others and can she ask to see that person for preference?

schmee · 11/03/2011 20:37

I think she can probably find reasons to tell them she doesn't want the weekly weighing, but it might be in her best interests just to go along with it for now. It's doesn't sound like she is in a position where she is strong enough for a confrontation, and it would be pragmatic to avoid it.

I know that's not the advice she's looking for...

eskimomama · 11/03/2011 20:43

I think she should challenge the HV and ask if she just wants to monitor her home rather than the old BF excuse. Then they can talk about it calmly. To defend the HV (never ever thought I'd do that, as I have met loads of really clueless HVs myself), she must just see the "dyslexic single mom with 7 kids and 2 with special needs situation" and it's normal she wants to make sure everything goes fine with the little one. Anyone would need help in such a situation (I know I would if I had 6 kids + a newborn to look after!), but the HV has to be honest with her in the first place.

MsHighwater · 11/03/2011 23:34

I agree it would be preferable not to use concern over BF as a pretext for closer involvement (if that is what is happening here) but I can, sort of, relate to what the HV is/might be trying to achieve.

I think it would be good if this mum got good support to look after her 7 children given the SN of 2 of them and her own dyslexia. I hope she gets it, one way or another.

BreastmilkDoesAFabLatte · 12/03/2011 13:00

I had this from our HV. Both the BF excuse and SS threats. To me, it felt both dishonest and bullying, and made me utterly disinclined to want to 'engage' with anything.

If I were in the same situation again, I would write to the PCT outlining my 'concerns' about the HV's 'techniques' to 'foster my engagement', and would request another HV 'with experience of supporting breastfeeding in experienced mothers'.

I know you say the mother has dyslexia, but could you help her write a similar letter? Or direct her to PALS or another similar advocacy service who also could help?

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