At wits end - 5 month old refusing to wean to bottle or cup

[1974cupcake]

Sorry for a negative post but really feeling upset and down at the moment.

Back to work in 3 weeks and still no real progress with weaning from breast to FF or expressed, bottle or cup (you name it we've tried them all). I blame myself for having EBF for 5 months and not having had to use a bottle before, I had not planned to BF at all an wish I had stuck with the original plan to go FF all the way. I'm also fed up that with all the advice to EBF for the first 6 months and at no point did anyone warn me this might be a potential problem and whilst there are loads of people on hand to get you established no one seems that interested in helping you wean.

I had a KIT day a few weeks ago and he went from 7.30 until I got home at 5 without a feed and then went 10.30 until 4 on the following Saturday so when we've tried dropping a feed and only offering formula he simply refuses. I now know that's not uncommon but just don't feel thats a practical solution when I go back full time particularly as I can be away for 12-14 hours and have occassional overnights.

Well meaning friends and family keep telling me to make him just go "cold turkey" but it just seems wrong to starve him into submission and refuse him food just to get him to do what we need to do but maybe thats the only way but I'm not happy about that. I'm also worried that given the experience of KIT day etc that even that isn't going to work, have tried restricting the time he feeds for this week and only offering FF or EBM in between but he'd still rather wait until his next feed. Yesterday I went a step further and only offered one side at each feed and it made no difference - it really upset me when he wee'd on his change mat and it was really yellow and not as clear as usual so I know he didn't have enough to drink.

Really want to do baby-led weaning as well, some people have said once he weans (meaning traditionally) he can replace nutrients from milk with that from food but can't see he will be consuming that much whichever way we go.

This has been a long post but am hoping someone out there can give some advice or reassurance, last 3 weeks of maternity leave is starting to look like a nightmare and not the enjoyable time I wanted it to be.
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When do you plan to start on solids? You mighthave more success if you give him a cup with a meal and he watches you use one.

What happens when you give him a bottle? Does he try or just turn his head away? With a cup it took DS a while but he actually did better with an open cup. You have to keep trying but stay relaxed when you do. Who will be looking after him when you've gone back to work?

Also well done for getting to six months. I have a friend who's boy refused a bottle but did finally get the hang of a cup. A doidy cup, which are quite cheap, is worth trying.

Hi, no real advice but just wanted to let you know you're not alone. My DS (now 4mo) started out on bottles and we moved to bf at about 6 weeks with regular bottles so that last thing I expected when he went to the CM for a trial two weeks before I was due to start back at work was for the bottles to be a problem.

He flat out refused to take the teat in his mouth and like yours he would happily go the whole day without eating. I was also starting to panic because I also couldn't realistically cope with reverse cycling with my job.

We also tried different teats, EBM, FF, etc. What finally worked for us (and not straight away but I only perservered because I was getting fed up of chucking my hard won milk down the drain) was hot formula. I tried him on a bottle for every one of the day feeds he was supposed to be getting but carried on bf in the evening and night (against advice of CM) because I didn't want to lose my supply). It took about 3 days before he would take the bottle and drink a bit and then on the 4th day it seemed to suddenly click. I then tried with heated up EBM and he also took that.

Try heating the teat as well, try cold milk, warm, room temp, etc. if you haven't already. Do what feels best for you though and try not to stress (not easy I know). Do you have a reasonable back-up plan (extended mat leave, holidays, unpaid leave?) to take some of the pressure off? I booked a week of holiday and decided I would take an extra two months of mat leave if he still wasn't drinking by middle of that week.

It was a rotten week as I didn't feel I could go out with all the screaming around the bottle refusals. It was a crappy end to mat leave but he's on his second day with the CM now and everything seems to be going all right. I'm about to call my boss to confirm I'll be in next week and not taking another couple of months off.

Good luck.

How did he react to the bottle? We get full on screaming and back arching , am trying to persevere with cup so could try that for morning feeds anf just steel myself for reverse cycling. My biggest worry on top of this is keeping supply going until its all sorted

Sounds familiar :(

Are you replacing one feed a day at a specific time or all the feeds he would be expected to take during the day when you're away? Who is trying to give the feeds?

I would keep up the feeds and try and move to a bit more structure if you can - so you're feeding at certain times of the day. Then with a routine it's easier to swap as he'll be hungry and expecting it. Also can you keep the morning and bedtime feed plus night feed?

He currently feeds (within 30mins I'd say) as follows: 3am, 7.30 am, 12pm, 3.30pm, 7pm, 10.30pm . I had actually considered combined feeding but given the battle we're having am concerned that this could either confuse him or result in him holding out for me and not taking during the day. I will have to travel with my job and whilst this is manageable in the short term it isn't in the long run.

Just out of interest what do people do when getting someone else to give a feed if they refuse - i.e. if DH were to give the 7pm feed every night and he refuses at first do we just wait until 10.30pm?

No I'd feed him myself if DS refused! But I tend to take that general approach - if it doesn't work, stop And try again later. Maybe try when he's not so hungry so he's more amenable and will learn. Think about it - id you're hungry and you know your usual source of food is available, why have something new? But if you're fed and happy then you can have a taste of the new thing. No idea if that makes sense.

It will get easier once solids are established. I suggest focussing on that, give water in a cup with solids then he might get the idea.

IT makes sense - problem is the "you'll take it cause you're hungry" and the "you'll take it casue you're not hungry" have both been tried without success!

I think you just need to keep trying - which is easy for me to say! There is no magic answer - it's just convincing him that milk from a bottle or cup is food. Someone suggested warm milk - worth a go? Also can you drip some out first so gets the taste then gently ease into his mouth. Maybe try holding him facing out and sitting up so it's completely different to being BF iyswim.

You're right - I had that attitude but it really got to me this morning and stressed me out which I know doesn't help. Apart from a quick try with some expressed milk and some MAM bottles I got today (he has a MAM Soother so someone suggested he might accept their teat) am thinking we should all have a night off, step back and start again tomorrow.

I have to be out from 5pm - 9pm tomorrow, usually I come home quickly for the bedtime feed but am thinking that might be a good time for DH to try the feed with me out of the house for a change

Yes, try it when you're out. I'd be tempted to give it a rest too tonight.

I should have also said we only succeeded once I put DS in his bouncy seat and fed him facing him. Might be worth trying some different positions.

With regards to the temperature I started with cold milk and kept heating it bit by bit until it seemed to go down better.

Hi - just going to give you my experience of just this week and you cna decide if its usefult o you or not!

my dd2 is 5.5 months and I too am returning to work soon. She too had been a real nightmare to get on to bottles, taking sips here and there, rolling teats around, screaming sometimes - the works!

I cracked on Sunday though and decided it was stressing me out that I had to do something - I have gone cold turkey which I know is not advised but it appears my dd2 is an all or nothing kind of girl because it has worked! I have been in agony and I am pretty sad that I haven't been able to phase out feeding (I wanted to continue night and morning feeds for a while) but it has been worth it.

I last bf her at 6.30am on Sunday am. She refused the bottle completely until about 11am and then I gave some in a cup as I didn't want her to get dehydrated. To cut a long story short, I just tried in various different places, made sure she had sleeps by taking her out in the car/ buggy and eventually she took about 20z lying on her changing mat, nappy off, listening to her music mirror toy (she was watching herself too!). God knows why this worked but I recreated it a couple of times and then after a battle, she took her bedtime feed. I alternated breast milk with formula as she seemed to be getting stressed with the formula.

Now she is totally bottle-fed - I am tempted to give a bf here and there but am worried she will refuse bottles again! Cold turkey can be done (its agony though and I am still expressing a lot to avoid blocked ducts etc) but if done with some thought, doesn't need to be stressful for baby.

I think the breakthrough was finding the right room (her bedroom) to feed in - it went from there!

Good luck!

Ginger 2000 - that is useful , its the first time I've heard of what someone's experience of cold turkey actually was! Hadn't thought about trying a different room as well.

Discussed with my DH last night we're going to continue for the next week (i'm going to be out for the night feed today and afternoon tomorrow and Sunday) and reassess next weekend - if by that time no improvement it might have to be cold turkey, am hoping if I express that might alleviate being so uncomfortable.