Want to night wean (BF) toddler

[bonkers20]

I wanted to do child led weaning with DS2 (nearly 2) as I did with my DS1 who BF until he was over 3.
However, DS2 is just NOT getting the hang of sleeping and I'm really tired and starting to resent it/him.

We co-sleep. Any weaning will be done by me.
I don't want to do cry it out.

Ideally I suppose I would rather not wean entirely, but if that might be easier then I can go with that.

I'd really like to be able to sit down at 9pm and watch a bit of telly now and again.

Tips?

It took me 2 attempts to night wean my co-sleeping toddler. The first time she was about 15 mo and wasn't ready. The second time she was about 18 or 19 months and it only took a couple of nights. She would BF to sleep and when she woke up in the night I just told her booby was asleep and cuddled and sang to her instead, it was surprisingly easy No CIO at all, very peaceful. I think if they are ready then it will happen.

She did stop waking up every hour for a feed but she still hasn't slept through at 2.5 yo. She's still feeding 5 or 6 billion times a day during the day. She wasn't asking to be fed at night until DD2 was born 11 days ago, I think she's going through some kind of regression now.

Sorry, that's all a bit garbled, I'm short on sleep

I had to have a few attempts with DD as well, and they were quite um loud, so didn't have the balls to persist with it until we moved from our terraced house to a semi which doesn't have a party wall in the bedroom. The only thing which really worked for us was for me to move into the spare room and let DH deal with her waking at night (and to trust that he actually could - when we tried before, I would always assume it hadn't worked and jump in and feed her as soon as she started crying ). It took 2-3 nights but improvement was very fast, though the first night was quite bad :(

Before that, we had some limited success with telling her that beebies were asleep whenever she woke up after midnight, so might be worth trying that. This was an adapted version of the Jay Gordon nightweaning/co-sleeping plan if you haven't seen that already.

She still wakes up at least once a night though, despite the fact that we nightweaned six months + ago

Thank you ladies. It's hard isn't it! I'm taking a tougher stance with the little milk monster. He needs to learn to find comfort in other ways e.g. with Daddy or cuddling with me and a book - during the day I mean.

Today I didn't nurse in the morning (he'd had some milk at about 5am) and also didn't when I collected him from nursery. I then had to leave him with DH while I collected DS1 so he didn't have any milk until bed time. I was pretty full by then so hopefully he's really tanked up, as well as having eaten a better dinner because he hadn't had milk earier.

I'll try and tell him that mama milk is sleeping when he wakes in the night, but I'm proper soft (and very impatient) so I know I'll find it hard to persist with patting/soothing/cuddling/rolling over and sulking.

DH won't help in the night. He sleeps elsewhere so isn't disturbed and well....it was sort of a deal with me having another child really. Complicated, but I'm sure I'm not alone.

He's much more of an oral baby than DS1. He's terrible for putting things in his mouth whereas I don't remember that being such a problem with DS1, so I suppose he loves to comfort suck. In principal I'm fine with the philosophy of it all but really....he's nearly 2 and it's time for me to resume travel at work as well as other things I'd like to do - like visit a friend in the evening and have a glass of wine.

- oh yes, I remember being full of resolve during the day and just wanting to get back to bloody sleep in the middle of the night - the same uncontrollable impulse that persuades me it will be fine to turn off my alarm and just close my eyes for a few minutes ....

DD gets water when she wakes up now, and takes an army of soft toys to bed (argh). Would it help to sleep separately at night, eg beside the bed on a mattress so you're there if he wakes up? I did try sleeping next to the bed (on DD's cot mattress - at least it got some use that way ) for a while because just being in bed next to her used to make her start rooting in her sleep (I assumed I smelled milky or something).

Oh, and you can have a glass of wine! :)

Forgot to say, re the travelling thing - we have not yet had a night apart from DD because, although my parents would have her, I am too worried about her (1) waking up and waking them up or (2) waking up and being upset and them not waking up The closest we have come is when we travelled down to London for a gig, getting back around 4 am - in actual fact, she went to sleep and apparently there wasn't a peep out of her until we got into bed with her and um woke her up So it might just be that when you're not there, he won't bother. Hard to know in advance though!

Thanks again. So, we have just finished day 2 of not nursing in the day and it's been OK. This evening was a bit mad because I was on my own with DS and he asked for milk many times. I was able to distract him but it was hard to cook dinner as well. Still, we managed and he's in bed now.

Last night he didn't wake until 1.30am and joined me in bed. Not sure what happended during the rest of the night but I felt quite rested so it must have been OK!

I feel quite sad and a little confused because I've always demand fed. I'm really hoping that we can continue nursing having set some boundries. I believe that child-led weaning isn't JUST about letting the toddler have their milk whenever they want, it's about the whole nursing relationship fitting in with the family.

Dita I haven't tried sleeping on an adjacent mattress, we haven't really got the room, however I do shove him right up to the edge of the bed (it has a bed rail) and then take myself to the other side facing away from him. Somehow we always end up in a tangled mess anyway - with him getting about 97% of the mattress!

Are you weaning altogether or just in the day? Glad to hear it's going smoothly so far.

I think you are right that you have to find a way that works for everyone involved.

My plan is just to wean at night really. My thinking is that if I set boundries up during the day he'll know what the deal is at night ie offering him cuddles instead of milk. I don't have the will to teach him these boundries at night!

Last night when he woke I was able to transfer him to my bed without nursing, even though I did so a little later and again in the night.

Who knows whether it will work, but I feel like I'm the one in charge and that I'm doing something to change what I'm not happy with.

That's what I thought re weaning in the day but your last post confused me a bit! Hope it's going well :)