How the hell do you bf child no 2

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Dd is 4 wo, I have been bf but now dh and all other support gone I have a grumpy 3 yo who is suddenly unable to do anything for herself (normal I know) and am feeding dd2 for an nourish every two hours day and night no time to express and now rowing with dh too as I amsnapping at him.

Poor dd1 is bored senseless and acting up. I have tried a sling to no avail, whenthey heed for so long so regularly how do people manage to bf no 2?

I am feeling I am failing dd1 massively by not doing anything with her.

I found that the TV was my friend..

won't be forever, and your DD2 will eventually start feeding a bit more efficiently.

someone will be around soon with more acceptable suggestions, I'm sure..

When at home - set them up with something like Playdoh, jigsaw, Peppa Pig DVD. Or you may be able to read them a story while feeding (until baby gets a bit bigger and is distracted by you!)

I started going to a few play sessions at the childrens centre so DD could get out a bit and be entertained, someone was always happy to keep on eye on her while I was feeding DS.

I found they do wind you up a bit when they know you need to sit quietly for a minute - DD always needed a wee or a drink or something the moment I flopped a boob out.

It does get easier but it is a bit shit at this stage TBH.

I did try not to put the Peppa Pig bit first, but yes, CBeebies or similar is the main answer really

Chin up. This bit is hard and there is no magic way to make it easy. You are doing brilliantly.

1. Persevere with the sling.

1. When dd2 is sleeping use as much time as possible to focus on dd1. The housework will wait. Your priorities are YOU and your two dds.

1. Does dd1 have a baby doll to look after? My dd used to change her baby's nappy and put her baby to sleep while I was doing the same with mine.

1. All snuggle up together on the sofa with a big pile of books; Dd2 on boob, dd1 under your armpit and read some stories.

1. Have some friends round. Do you know anyone else with a baby and a toddler?

1. Can you get out to the park / soft play / something like that? I used to sit feeding ds on a park bench while dd played. It was nice to get out of the house too.

1. Involve dd1 in what you're doing. I used to do a lot of "Oh dear me! That baby needs changing again! Shall we go and do his nappy? I'll need your help to undo his poppers and choose the clean nappy for me. Whatever would I do without my best helper? We're getting pretty good at looking after this baby aren't we?

1. The 'Go and Fetch' game. Get a basket and send dd1 to fetch various things to fill the basket. Something orange. Something you can eat. Your favourite teddy. Something smaller than a cat. two things that are the same. etc etc

1. Cbeebies or a pyjama party.

Am going to try and keep going but my eyes hurt they are so tired I have roared at DH and Dd 1 already. I just don't know if it worth the relationships with the rest of the family.

If she's 4 weeks old, you're more than halfway through the hardest part. This is breastfeeding boot camp :) If you can get through just a couple more weeks then things will get easier, feeds will get shorter etc - and it's easier to breastfeed with a toddler around than bottlefeed, at least you will have one hand free.

Are you co-sleeping? If not that could save your sanity.

Also do you feel comfortable feeding out and about yet? Could you go to any toddler groups etc, especially sure start groups where the staff will often be happy to interest your DD in something if they see you are busy.

Walk with baby in pram to the park with DD?

Also a bit "woo" but a lot of my friends found a cranial osteopath helped their baby feed less intensively.

Don't worry about the sling yet - when you've got the hang of feeding standing up while holding the baby one handed, that is when it will become easier.

Also drafting in any friends and family to help that you can! Please don't feel you are failing your DD1 - she will be fine, it's such a short time relatively, and your DD2 needs you too. It will all be worth it in a few years when they are best friends :)

Cbeebies on from breakfast to bedtime. Lots of snacks. Not really leaving the house. Ready meals for all of us for weeks.

I never cracked being able to bf no.2 and cope with life so just let it all slide for a few months.

TV helped, but my ds1 was only happy watching it for half an hour at a time.

After ds2 was 6 weeks old i also mixed fed...especially around 6-8 pm...i would give him one bf then a bottle, he would otherwise cluster feed for the entire two hours at this point before bed.

As he got older i just did whichever easiest at he time, either a bf or a bottle.

Probably not what you want to hear (and not a popular action on mn) but it worked for me.

Congratulations!

It's hard, dd watched lots of tv in the early weeks as Ds wanted an hour at a time too.

I eventually started asking what she wanted to do while I was feeding. Usually she would go off and find some colouring to do which would occupy for half a feed and tv would fill in the other half. I let her get new sticker books and felt tips, kids magazines, that sort of thing.

It's infuriating when they bring out tears, need help with something or ask for a drink when you're not in a position to get them what they want. I started asking dd if she could wait until we'd finished and often she would be happy to wait a while. It is hard for the older child, but I'm not sure if it is down to time spent bf or just adjusting to new sibling in general. If you weren't bf, feeds would prob be quick and you might have two awake dd's wanting attention rather than one feeding and the other a bit bored. That's how I looked at it anyway...

Bertie is right, you're well in to the hardest part, it gets much easier. It really does.

I feel your pain although my DD is 4yo so a bit easier to cope with. Lots of me and DP snapping at each other too. I think it's just something we have to ride out - def is "breastfeeding boot camp"

Anyway, mainly I just wanted to say you are not failing your DD1. This part only lasts a few short weeks, even though it feels forever, and it's not the end of the world if the TV is on all the time or you get a bit shouty sometimes or whatever.

I've found the thing about getting settled in with boob out and a pile of story books to read with DD helps (although I haven't got the hang of bf with one hand free so dd has to turn the pages herself!) Also helping with the baby works too, to a degree. And jigsaws - those have been DD's 'thing' for a year or two. Does your DD have anything like that that she will do mostly by herself for half an hour or so?

The 'Go and Fetch' game sounds great. I might try that.

Keep your chin up, have a and let everything else slide.

Good thread here with loads of ideas

Cbeebies! Ds was 2yo And really played up, but we are now 5 months in and alot easier :)

It was really really tough-but it DOES get easier! Congratulations, it's worth it

Oh yes - and lots of and chocolate for you!

Is your oldest in nursery at all? If not/as well as, could she go and play with friends as often as possible? Ditto dh or others taking her out when they're around.

The 'feed the baby whilst reading/playdou-ing' or 'focusing on the oldest whilst the baby slept' thing didn't really work for us - dc1 was so wired up about the baby that she couldn't concentrate at all.

The only thing that worked for us was getting out, though I did manage to bf baby in sling, which helped immensely. This will get easier when the baby is over the newbornfeedathon.

This bit will be over very soon. Don't feel bad about decisions you made re feeding/tv viewing; they seem momentous now but won't in a few months/years.

We're heading out of winter now, so things should all start to feel a bit brighter hopefully.

What good suggestions! Look in 'parenting' under a thread i started 6 months ago called

2 month old and a 2 year old - help!!!

Pretty much similar situation and the replies I got were soooo helpful! In reterospect, I think I really was dealing with a small grieving process of losing that special one on one with my DS! Add that to a healthy dose of sleep deprivation - and you have a snappy shitty sad mama thats for sure - and that isnt how we want to be with our darlings is it!?

I agree with many of the above - this time will pass really quickly and you are really half way throught the most full on time! Get out of the house if you can - but i found having guests was even better - someone new for DS to play with while I did what I needed to do (BF, settling etc). I appreciated company a LOT in those weeks!

One thing that stuck in my mind from the mumsnet advice was 'if only 1 out of the 3 of you is crying at any given time - you are doing ok" :) I liked that! Also - someone said they felt like they brought the enemy home from the hospital only to realise years later they brought home the older child's best friend (yeah - get the tissues weepy hormonal BF mummas!!! haha)

My lil DD is now 8 months and I can already see the brother sister relationship is so strong - kids are pretty resilient and they know more than we think - be straight with DD1 - she will appreciate you taking her into your world a bit

oh - and tv is great! I always thought Id be a 'no tv' mum - but 'real parenting' is different to 'starry eyed unrealistic dreaming about when i am a parent' parenting! dvds are good as they dont have ads - and some dvds you can even set them up in a foreign language so it is kinda educational on a whole different level! (haha - not for everyone but my DH is Dutch - so Dora speaks Dutch in our house!!)

keep on trucking - you are doing great and you obviously have the very best intentions for your lil ones - so it will come together soon

oh - and get exercise into your day somehow if you possibly can - miracle drug - better than coffee!!!

Really feel for you OP, it's tough! You're through the hardest part already, it'll get easier and easier all the time. Remember even if you crack open the formula you'll still have a 3 year old and a 4 week old, formula is not going to magically make that easier!

I ff dd1 and managed to bf dd2 (and still going). Dd2 is 6.5 months now, so we're through the worst. Fab ideas here!

It's so tough emotionally but it will get better, we promise! Don't let arguments with DP sap your energy, it's the last thing you need atm.

It's all been said before, but go out every morning then home for nap/quiet time. Sling sling sling. Orchard games do really good board games. Cotton reels/buttons/beads to thread on a string (galt do them I think). Try to get friends round as much as possible, even better if they have toddlers to entertain your 3 year old, and they can hold the baby too!

Tea, wine and chocolate. Beans and toast for you and toddler. No guilt, whatever gets you through.

Good luck! [unMN hugs]

I have a 2yr old and a 3 month old. Frankly things were pretty horrible until we discovered Finding Nemo (or 'fish telly' as we call it in this house. Try Toy Story as it has 3 episodes!

Good luck and Just Keep Swimming - things are much easier here already.