Just a bit of a vent, really - misconceptions surrounding breastfeeding

[5DollarShake]

I post on another, smaller, non-parenting forum. It's closed so we all know each other fairly well and there's obviously a few Mums on there, so we share stories and 'advice', etc.

Of course, as a reflection of real life UK, the vast majority formula feed, which is all good. The thing is, whenever the subject of feeding comes up, the breastfeeders are effectively silenced, since if you even mention breastfeeding (even if it's to give advice and support!) to a struggling Mum, you're just putting more pressure on her and guilting her. :(

Also, a lot of the advice from f/feeders is based on all the old misconceptions surrounding breastfeeding - that b/fed babies only snack (ergo they don't sleep properly), that you have to spend all day, every day feeding them, that forumula is the only way to get them to sleep through the night, etc, etc.

I just wondered if others experienced this? I truly think formula companies much be laughing all the way to the bank re the total free marketin coup they have achieved via word-of-mouth, which is of course so much more all-pervading in this age of discussion forums.

Formula is pitched as a magic elixir, and mention of breastfeeding is frowned upon, as it guilts and pressures new Mums. As for the 'happy mummy, happy baby' line that gets trotted out - again, a slogan worthy of any marketing mogul.

I have purposely posted this in the feeding forum and not in somewhere like AIBU, since it isn't one of 'those threads' and I'm not faulting formula feeders at all. More just commenting on how insidiously successful formula marketing really is, even though so many people attempt to deny it has any effect at all.

Most of the 'marketing' is free, not done by formula companies, and so much of it is just plain wrong. :(

I have a friend that was convinced that (because I bang on about feminism all the time) I would give her a hard time for FFing. It is really hard for FFers and I think that because guilt, sadness, shame and anger are all muddled up for people, any mention of BFing can feel like blame to some mothers. To counter this, some FFers talk about the benefits of formula. Hearing about BFing success can make people feel bad.

If only it were possible to support women to make good choices for themselves whilst taking account of what is best for the baby. Since becoming a mother I have been shocked at how my needs, thoughts and beliefs are all discounted because the baby's needs are paramount. I want my DD to grow up seeing a fully formed, happy, fulfilled woman as a role model. Not a person who behaves as if everyone's needs and wishes are more important than hers.

Yeah I've noticed this too - most recently at my postnatal group!

In my NCT group it doesn't happen thankfully as all the bf babies started sleeping through when the FF babies were still on 3 or 4 hourly feeds through the night.

For me, even though family members have really pressured me into giving both my DSs formula, it's actually the midwifes that have resulted in them having formula in the first place. Both times, in hospital and after being discharged, I'm constantly asked to give them formula. With DS1, I was told that I could not BF because of flat nipples. He wasn't latched on after 8 hours as nobody could give me advice on latching him on and finally a midwife gave him a bottle. When I was tired at hospital with both of them, midwives immediately said formula in a bottle is the solution. After DS1 managed to latch on on day2, he wasn't gaining weight too well after and on day3 I was told to give formula. With DS2, crying after 40 minutes feed on day 2 at the hospital and I started doubting myself - once again midwife said give formula top-up. Day 3 - I needed rest - give formula. As I was so tired from NO sleep I just did it. Therefore for me it's not word of mouth that did the initial jeopardising of BF, it was more due to midwives pressure and advise.

Don't see why mentioning BF would make FF people feel guilty. I never did feel guilty, just a tad envious! :) I think formula is wonderful and a godsend as I don't know what I would have done without it with DS1. But I am really into BF too, love to BF, hear people talk about BF and love seeing babies being BF.

Katey...you have hit the nail on the head. I never considered formula feeding until ds1 came along and resolutely refused to latch on. Day 5 he was readmitted to hospital for losing too much weight and I had to start feeding expressed milk and formula. Lack of stimulation meant that my milk stopped at 8 weeks. I found the whole thing extremely stressful and I still feel sad sometimes that I couldn't bf him properly.

While I still have no doubt that bf is best, I feel that sometimes responses to threads pressurise people to continue bf even though it is causing huge levels of stress. I think my ds was happier being dc by a happy mum than being shoved continually onto a boob and not knowing what to do to get food!

Oops..'dc' should read 'ff'

I agree, OP - I think it's really sad. A lot of the routine-based baby books perpetuate some of those myths about bf babies, IMO, as do many of the older generation. My mum suggested that formula would help DS sleep better, even though feeding was never any part of his sleep 'problems'.

And I see no reason for 'happy mummy = bottle feeding mummy' either - lots of bf mothers are happy because of bf'ing. But I've heard it a lot.

Like Katey, I'm sure that in many cases (not all!) people who've chosen to ff (enthusiastically or otherwise) there is a degree of defensiveness because of the 'breast is best' slogan, so they feel the need to bash bf to make themselves feel better.

And, I will admit that part of the reason I wanted to BF was that I am not an obsessive cleaner and a little lazy. BFing means I never have to plan DDs meals, sterilise or use a thermometer. Maybe more people would go for BFing if it were painted as an easier option (after the hell that was the first 6 weeks ). Also people don't say that, although some FF babies sleep longer, all I have to do is reach over, grab DD and off she goes. Feeding at night is done in no time. I'd rather do it a couple of times than once for longer IYSWIM.

Yes, I see this happening both on the internet and IRL. I was lucky enough to find BFing easy, painless and compatible with my normal lifestyle. I don't broadcast this fact IRL but if anyone asks, I will tell them how simple it has been for us and how much easier it made it for us to go out and about and have fun during mat leave.

From threads and conversations I've seen / heard, in most cases I think people who claim they being made to feel guilty are just oversensitive and should pull themselves together. If they've made an informed decision to FF based on their personal circumstances, then they should have a bit more confidence in their own judgment.

As a FT working mum since DD was 6 months old, I don't work myself up into a self-righteous frenzy every time a SAHM mentions how much they enjoy spending time with their kids every day. They're doing what is presumably best for their family and I'm doing what is best for mine. The BF/FF thing isn't that different.

The reason why bfing is often seen as 'tricky' or problematic (not talking about situations with genuine medical problems with feeding, btw) is because as a culture we have lost sight of the biologically normal ways in which a baby feeds.

Therefore a baby that breastfeeds frequently, maybe every 2 hours whether for comfort as much as actually to fill their tummy, is assumed to be 'not getting enough' and therefore hungry as the 'norm' for FF babies is that they only need fed every 3-4 hours.

Bfing is also assumed to mean more nighttime disturbance for parents in a culture where co-sleeping is advised against - and nobody believes me anyway that I actually felt all right after nights where DD fed 3 or 4 times because I took her in with us so I could doze while she fed.

It's an interesting point the OP raises about a lot of marketing being done for the formula companies now for free on internet forums and how it helps the old myths grow new legs (although I wouldn't say it happens on MN, where unsubstantiated nonsense seems to get routinely challenged!)

I think that what people need to remember though is that if someone has ff, then that is because ff was/is the best for them/their baby - even if that's what they've chosen to do over needing to do because of inability to bf, for example. So they're just as likely to rave about the pro's of ff as bf'ers are to rave about the positives of bf.

I also think that a lot of bf information is misleading - women are told how benefitial it is; how easy it is; how convenient it is, nobody tells you how painful it is, or how it might take weeks to get a decent supply established, during which time you might be best to confine yourself to bed and stay there in the hopes of being able to increase your milk supply or get baby to gain weight.

If people were as open about the difficulties of bf in the early days/weeks in the same day we have accurate information about childbirth, for example (yes there are some "birth is the lovely easy, fluffy experience" types, but they are in the minority and the majority of people know better ), then perhaps more women would go into breastfeeding with their eyes open rather than thinking that because bf is supposedly the most natural thing to do it will just come naturally, and then find that actually, it doesn't.

And there are certainly a minority of breastfeeding women who do judge women for ff. And the judgement of ff'ers is far different to the perceived judging of bf'ers, because it is implied judging that women are not/do not want to do the best for their babies.

I think it's also because many women try to breastfeed and it's really hard work, switching to formula is easier. It takes the pressure off of the mother and other people can help out.

A lot of women's memories of breastfeeding are that it's really difficult because a lot of women give up before they get to the point where breastfeeding becomes easier than formula feeding.

I bfed DD#1 for 6 weeks and then switched to formula, DD#2 is bfed. Those first 6 weeks were really, really hard both times, but now it's a lot easier to bf than make up bottles.