my 18 month old is feeding ALL NIGHT

[StealthPolarBear]

I can cope with the odd feed or two butthis is ridiculous
I am like an old woman with a hunched back, sore shoulders and bags under my eyes
I know the answer is Dr Jay Gordon (???) but I just want some reassurance that she will stop and someone to wave a magic wand
please?

Stupid question I know, but is she deffo hungry? I only ask because I was still feeding every two hours when babs was eating loads of solids so one night when she'd had a huge meal I just went in and held her and she went back to sleep.

Have you read the No Cry Sleep Solution? That might help...
x

Hi, thanks for the response! As with lots of things I have found once I post on MN the problem gets better - had a much better night last night, fed 2 or 3 times.

You're right, I doubt she is hungry (or if she is it's because she doesn't eat much because she feeds so much).
I can't resettle her without feeding, suppose I need to work on that DH can, but it's so much easier for me to feed/doze. OTOH if we picked when he has some time off and get him to work on it...
Have not read NCSS, but think i may need to,

As a matter of interest, is she co-sleeping with you? I wondered if she'd be more likely to smell you/milk and want it, if she were.

NCSS is nice and gentle, but not always effective. Though maybe I didn't persevere long enough...

(eyes teeny co-sleeping DS2 nervously, as this - night weaning after he's 1 - is something I do wonder about. Still. He's 10 weeks, that's long ahead in the future!)

sorry, again, let this drop off my threads Im On
She doesn't co sleep by design but ends up in bed with me on her first wake after I've gone to bed - usually midnight/1ish. I need to start making an effort to put her back to bed. Irony is with DS i used to go on about how easy it was (at times) - wake, feed, put down, back in bed within 20 mins. But it;s so hard with 2 and I am working FT. I just want all the sleep I can get.
DH has a week off in April and he is going to do some nights of settling her then

I started this thread 2yrs ago when dd was 18 months. All night. Latch off and she woke up rooting. It was almost as hard as the newborn feeding.

I did nothing in the end and she stopped. Then when she was a few months older I started doing Jay Gordon to deal with the remaining feeds but gentler if that's possible. Did just a few hours at first, not the recommended 6 or whatever and worked from there.

that sounds like a lot of work
urgh
had a better night last night but she is much worse than DS ever was
By this age I was pg (or nearly pg) with DD so life had obviously got quite a bit easier!

I think tbh you sound like you know what to do!!!

If you want her to stop feeding all night then you have to stop feeding her all night!!! She won't change but you will have to, at 18 months really she should be able to go more or less all night without needing feeding. Unless obviously she is poorly/ growth spurt.

I don't know how you do it and work f/t you have my respect because I would be on my knees!!! I was always clear in my head that my dd needed to sleep well and fairly independently as sleep deprivation turns me into a blubbering wreck!!!

Therefore I always made sure she could self settle (pick up/ put down, a little bit of cc) and that once she was big enough and eating lots in the day stopped the night feeds. The result is a dd who has to this day (she is now 5yo) slept well (12 hours a night!!!) and I was saved from the padded cell!!!

Hi,

How much understanding do you think your daughter has? My ds is18m and we are working on nightweaning. He had started feeding constantly after an illness. I left it for 3 weeks after he was totally better in the hope that he would just grow out of it but he was feeding 9-11 time between 11 and 7... and it got to the stage where i just could not cope in the day....:(

This week we have made a real effort to try and change thingd. He still has feeds last thing at night and first thing in the morning but i won't feed him between 12 and 7. We make a big point of saying night night ot daddy, his brother the dog etc and now the "gulls" (his shortened form of snugles!") I tell him the gulls are tired and they've gone to sleep until morning!

We cosleep. The first night he pulled at my chest and cried on and off for about an hour, He woke up three times doing that. I gave him lots of cuddles and reassurance, but stayed in bed with lights off, just kept saying that it was night time and the gulls were asleep that he can have them in the morning... The second night he kicked up a fuss and cried at the first waking but the further wakings he just sat up, then lay back down- altho he insisted on lying on top of me....
Last night he woke up three times. I think he may have asked for gulls once or twice but didn't really complain when told they were asleep and would come back in the morning.

The first night was hard and i was worried about traumatising him etc, but it has been a good thing for both of us, we couldn't carry on as we were.

good luck

thank you both
yes, I think she understands more than I give her credit for. lol at gulls btw :o
The annoying thing is I wouldn't really mind feeding her if I thought she would lie back down and go to sleep after.
Will try to explain the "no milk at night" thing. TBH I'd be happy to feed her before midnight and any time after 4.30ish - that is NOT a long time for a healthy 18m old to go without milk

Mine is 15 months and nights are terrible. I feel pretty low, and dreading the evenings. He started off well, buts its the teeth. Ds1 was pretty bad but I am sure ds2 is worse. Tbh ds1 only improved when all his teeth came through, so I am counting down the days. I do co sleep, but don't get much sleep really, and surviving on lots of caffeine.

I did sort of jay Gordon with ds1 and will say 'ok, finished now' with ds2 and he does unlatch now and then, but not if his teeth are hurting. He just clamps down harder then! It did work later on though with ds1 when I wanted to night wean, but he was nearly 3 I think by then.

Ncss was good to read, if only to help me realise I was not a freak and it was quite common for children still be waking at the age when mine was. Good for moral support.

What do you mean can't retreat yet?

oh preggers, so sorry :(
I agree - thought DS was bad but by the time he was 2 I could pretty much manage it. He will be 4 in April and I am biulding up the "big 4 year olds don;t have mi mi any more" line, but I know he will be :( and it breaks my heart

I weaned ds1 just before Christmas and it was pretty hard but the right time for me, I just couldn't handle it anymore. He has been absolutely fine and it was easier than I expected, just dwindled off, and I can't even remember now it happening. Night times are a lot easier now that dh can put ds1 to bed. I did feel a bit guilty about it, and worried for him, but he's been wonderful and our relationship is still pretty close and cuddly

At 18 mths DS was feeding 2-5 times a night... at 19 mths he was sleeping through! Largely down to NCSS, support on here and teaching him to self-settle (I never really co-slept, so he had to sooth himself in his cot. So don't despair, it can happen. :) I've found with most things that by the time I was desperate enough to think/post 'hey this really is a problem' I was desperate enough ready to change things to try to get a result and NCSS did work well for me!

Oh and DS is now 2.5 and still feeds 2-3 times during day and very occasionally at night if we're away or he's ill, but usually sleeps through - thank goodness!

Wow. You guys really have my respect to still be feeding through the night. I stopped BF at 12 months. I was dreading it because I knew how much she loved it but it was so much easier than I thought it would be. Also she instantly started waking up later for her morning feed (from 5/5.30 to between 6-8am) even though she had no bedtime milk as she wasn't interested in the cow's milk in the evening to begin with.

Good luck. I hope it all works out soon.
xxx

You could be suffering from the 18 month sleep regression (info here and here and here.)

Does she nap well?

Gah there's an 18mo sleep regression!?

SPB miniblinder is exactly the same. It's my fault tho. I went down the route of no feeds between 8pm and 5am. After a couple of nights grizzling she just accepted it.

The, over time I've relented and given the odd feed for a quiet life. It's gone back to worse than it was before. wails consistency is the first rule of parenting!!

Can you tell I need sleep?

I have had this problem in the past with DS (now 16 months). I recently weaned him from BF and now he sleeps through in his cot - he has a bottle with DH at bedtime and as soon as he started doing that he slept through, where previously he was usually waking twice for a BF, and often much more when teething - I would put him in bed with me and sometimes have him feeding all night.

Of course, you may well want to carry on BFing which is great of course. But if you are considering stopping I just wanted to let you know that's what worked for me. I had to stop as I was getting very sore and exhausted. But it was sad and I do miss it sometimes... DS barely seemed to notice though TBH.

spb - i remember this well, 16 months was the lowest point, started dr jay but very loosely, did it for a 3 hr period at first, and waivered a bit, (i know he says don't waiver, but it was fine.

went camping at 18 months and must have woken the whole campsite up getting irate telling my ds -its finished! no more milk!!"

i started my explaining to him by saying that nighttime is for sleeping, and if you wake in the night mummy will have to say no boobies just cuddling. i kept on with this script.

it wasn't too bad, and when it was i gave in.

it did work for about 5-6 hours in the night, and then gradually gave up bf completely by 22 months.

he is 3 now and still insiste on putting his hand down my bra night and day but i'm about to get tough on that too as i'm 5 months pg and this is now driving me mental!

i stopped the day time feeds by prizing his mouth away from my nipple with a chocolate button!

good luck. i actually started feeling like a normal person about a fortnightr after stopping

thanks everyone
going to have to do something fairly drastic though as my shoulder is so sore - just had some ibuprofen but it hurts to laugh
Definitely don't want to stop but certainly wouldn't mind making it morning and night - i.e. no night time feeding
But I don't think she'll go for that :o Will have to do somethiing

arrgh at 18m sleep regression - is there ever a time when they don't have sleep regression?

I think that's the three week period when their molars come through SPB