I can't believe the pressure I'm under to stop breast feeding

[Wills]

I'm under pressure to stop feeding my ONLY 15 month old baby. I've had 4 children. The first I only managed for four months, the second with gritted teeth and numerous issues I kept going until 6 months but spent most of it in pain. The third I was told to give up after 3 weeks (and did ) and now having moved to a completely new area and having discovered that I suffer from Reynards and found a brill solution to my long term BF Thrush I am at long last still feeding my last child. She's only 15 months. At the start I was desperate to feed her for at least the first 2 weeks, then the first 6 weeks then I began to hope for 4 months and now at 15 months it simply hadn't occured to me that I should stop yet. Having had comments for all my others especially the one that I gave up at 3 weeks it really hadn't occured to me that people (actually mainly other women for some bizare reason) that I would meet criticism for feeding her past a year. DD3 still wants milk so I still provide. I only feed morning and night and she also has one bottle (brilliant suggestion from a very relaxed thinking bf midwife that enabled me to have some time to myself occassionaly) but surely 15 months isn't outstanding? Having done all versions i.e. bottle and breast its making me really angry that other women feel that they can make comments. What is it about breast or bottle that makes people want to join a side and criticise anyone on the opposite team. GRRRR Would love any support from others feeding 'still' feeding their kids after a year! (careful another rant coming) FOR GOODNESS SAKE they're still young and still need milk and if I can why the heck not!!!!

I'm sorry you are experiencing negative comments Wills.

I must admit that although I didn't get particularly negative comments when I bf DS1 past a year, I did get bemused ones. Most of my group of friends who had babies at the same time bf until about 5-6 months and then switched to formula. I mostly made the excuse that DS wouldn't take a bottle (which was true!) and that seemed to satisfy them until he was a year. After that, they couldn't really get their heads around why I would continue.

Tbh, I never really talked about it past about 15 months as he was feeding mostly at home at that point anyway. I certainly wouldn't lie if asked directly, but eventually the questions petered out.

I'm 'still' feeding DS1 (he's just turned 3), although it's very infrequent now and I did think he'd weaned a few weeks ago. I hope to continue to feed DS2 until he is 2.

I think the hard thing for me was to make people understand that it isn't just about nutrition for a baby who's been bf for as long as a year. It's about connection and comfort too. IME that wasn't a bond which was easy to break (for me, or DS).

It is annoying when people comment, especially when they wouldn't appreciate it the other way around. Try to ignore it OP.

DD is a year old (today!) and I'm still BF twice (sometimes just once but that's another thread!) a day.
Can't say I've had any negative comments but I've had the odd "so how long are you going to carry on for?" to which I reply "I don't know" which is kind of the truth as I didn't expect to have come this far.
I'm just waiting for the first person to make a negative comment and I will reply " it's good for her and I don't mind doing it, why do you have a problem with it?"
Actually I dont think a lot of people realise I'm still feeding her as I only do it first and last thing at home now and they probably just assume I have stopped.

mishy I have just read your post and agree totally about the connection thing. I'm not looking forward to BF ending as I feel it is a bond that DD and I share and I'm glad to read that someone else feels the same!

Argh! I've no idea why people feel the need to comment. It angers me that society makes it seem 'weird' to BF at all let alone past a few months :(

I have to admit, I did think BFing past 2 was... Not odd exactly, certainly not bad, I guess I just thought it was unnecessary, so why would you IYSWIM? I stopped feeding DD at 8m because she didn't seem bothered (she was mix fed anyway)

But as soon as I met people who fed their toddlers I realised it's no different really, and if my DS (now 18m) continues that far then that's great :) I really deeply wish I'd known them when DD was born as I'm sure BFing would've been more successful and continued longer.

Agreed that mostly people don't see it happening and possibly that's the root of the issue. Recently I've had a couple of occassions come up where unknowningly I've said that I couldn't do something cos of the breasst feeding and it really seemed to shock my friends. The first was saying that sometime later this year or next I'd like to go away for a couple of days with my dh just one to one but wanted to wait until dd3 had stopped feeding and the second was when I went out one evening to watch a film with girl friends and had the classic 'wet' spot appear cos i'd skipped her feed that evening and gone on to watch a film with a baby in it. Agreed I need to ignore but it does frustrate me. Part of the reason that I've been so successful is the degree of wonderful support I've recieved both from within the community (a fab bf nurse) to renewing my friendships with my mum and her complete support and help. So knowing that the only reason I've been successful is done to support around me it really disappoints me that others can be so critical - but heck I understand that's just human nature (hmmm getting a little cynical now). Think I should simply refocus on the fact that my dd4 and I are still enjoying this and on what we give each other.

you are unusual, as a matter of fact.

but your boobs, your baby, no one else's business.

Freud - EXACTLY!!! People are looking for me to name a date when we'll stop. But I can't. I truly think its up to her. Its a bit like the joke around a child sleeping in bed with its parents that they will grow out of it and wont bring home their future partner to share their parents bed, equally she will stop and wont go to the Cringly awful 'Little Britain' image.

Nagoo, I realise I'm unusual, but is that through choice or peer pressure?

WHO advice is 2 years. I am still going at 20 months. If asked/pressured smile sweetly and tell them to mind their own business. It is your child and they are your breasts. If I want to I will feed my child until I/she is ready to stop. Surely breast milk is more suited to your baby/toddler than cows milk which is for calves and breast milk changes over time to provide more of the immune supporting factors a toddler would need as they start to roam. In other countries people feed there children to between age 3 and 5 and no one bats an eyelid. It is only in the west that the most wonderful natural thing such as feeding your own child is seen as weird or even dirty, and we call ourselves more 'civilised'!

FreudianSlippery- for me there's definitely a comfort level where the age of the child is concerned. For instance, I definitely wasn't ready for DS1 to wean when he was just over 2, but wasn't unhappy when I thought he had at just over 3. I can already tell nursing doesn't hold the same importance for him as it did even a few months ago. Other things are taking it's place. He's growing up, but at his more vulnerable moments he still uses it to 'touch base' so to speak!

ignore them all.. It really is nobody's business but yours.. My DD self weaned at 14 months.. 8 weaned DS at 20 months because neither of us seemed to be getting anything out of it anymore.. In different circumstances I might well have carried on for another good while.

FWIW I think people make these coments through their own insecurity. just can't believe their saying that to you on your 4th child.. They knew better than to mess with me second time round!!!

I bf my DS for 2 and a half years despite many subtle and not so comments from other women. My mum assumed I gave up at 10months but I just didn't tell her I was carrying on. One of the mums at a playground I went to told me I "should have knocked that on the head a long time ago" when I got to a year. But what did it matter to them? It was 10mins in the morning and same again at bedtime, hardly a big chunk of my day!

You carry on as long as you are happy to. I finally stopped when DH organised a weekend away for our anniversary and I thought about spending the weekend with sore boobs halfway up a mountain! Ds bless him didn't miss it and happily took a cup of milk instead so he was obviously fine with the new arrangement!

You have done a fab job getting to 15months, don't let negative comments stop you. Go Wills! shakes pompous

Only listen to advice and comments that make sense to you.
If you are happy bfing then carry on.
Mine fed until they were both nearly 4. I stopped feeding them in public by about 18 months to 2 years though.

we can't escape the fact that we're starting from a skewed cultural mindset where ff is the norm :(

A lot of people think that the advice to ebf for 6 months means 'stop at 6 months'.

So even where we all make individual choices, we're starting from a POV that after 6 months is 'extended' bfing.

I would say that since it's quite 'private' as time goes on and you feed less, it's more of a personal choice, but you are never going to get away from peer pressure.

If you ignore the recent events OP and just keep quiet, it'll blow over and people will forget about querying if you are 'still' feeding.

Alternatively you can become a poster girl for it, but you're better off adopting a serene detachment then getting all no matter how right you are.

I'm feeding my 20month old but don't talk about it much. I hadn't realised no-one knew I was doing it until my mum asked me if I thought dd remembered breastfeeding And my mum sees us about 3 times a week! Wondering if I should be more "out and proud" about it now.

The average age of weaning (globally) is 4 years 2 months I think.

I identify with Mishy's comments about people being bemused. DS is 14 m.o. and I get the same sort of response.

It is sad that our culture assumes that bf is only for tiny babies though.

You're doing a great job - keep going as long as you're happy with it. :)

i wouldn't dare comment on what other people gave their kids to eat or drink and would be more judgy about a kid drinking juice out a baby bottle, but i still wouldn't comment on it. bf past a year would get my approval any day. my older 2 self weaned at 13months and 11months cause i was pregnant. am interested to see how long dc3 feeds for - no more pregnancy plans!

DD is one today.

I am feeding her morning and evening now, and have arranged my work hours for when I go back to fit round this, but have been made to feel a bit like I'm just being awkward. And definitely had some exasperated looks from friends who want to know when I will be available to get pissed in the afternoon. For some reason they seem to think I should decide now when I'm going to stop...

Wills just refuse to discuss it. I do sympathise but as long as you and yoru dd are both happy to continue then you should do. Concentrate on those people who are still supportive.

Just ignore them!
People are so prejudiced about breastfeeding beyond 6 months - I just don't understand it.
I am still BF at 2.5. I only do it at home morning and evening and once during the day if I am at home when he has a nap. I do wonder how it will stop sometimes...
I have lately decided not to tell people unless asked but it seems ridiculous that it needs to be secret.

Still breastfeeding my daughter at nearly 2 and a half. Usually just before bed and some mornings (depends whether she gets up before me - if she does she gets into bed with me and helps herself otherwise it's straight to breakfast! :o ). I can go away for a couple of nights without her and it doesn't make a difference.

Oddly enough I don't know anyone who hasn't breastfed to some degree and I know more people who have breastfed past a year than haven't. Must be just the weirdos I hang around with

You're choice, just breath deeply and ignore the comments. :)

Lots of 1 year old's this week. Mine's one on Saturday and she has about 6 feeds a day at the moment.

I somehow don't give people a chance to comment. Actually I don't know anyone in RL who had BF and only 2 now that I have 'mother friends'

MIL does a cat's bum face everytime it's mentioned. She doesn't say anything bad, just doesn't understand. I can the lights blinking 'does not compute'

Anyway good luck dealing with them all. Sounds like your family are on board.

Ignore them all, and smile sweetly in the knowledge you can comfort your baby whenever you want, have a lovely time in the day when you can sit down together, and that there will be a right time to stop. In my case it was just 2 years old. That felt right, but certainly not before. They were v. active independent toddlers too. How anyone who feeds their 15 month old bottles can possibly criticize breastfeeding is beyond me. If the people who criticize only believe in cup feeding they have a leg to stand on, but bottle feeding is just another form of suckling, and breastfeeding at that age is equally valid. I see children of three drinking from bottles all the time...
Why are you any more tied to a 15 month that breastfeeds than to any 15 month old? They both need lots of love and attention, and if you have other children breastfeeding can be an excellent way to make sure of that special attention.