talk to me about bf toddlers

[MamaChris]

I'm getting way ahead of myself here, since my dts are only 5mo, but I stopped feeding ds1 when dp and everyone else seemed to think I should (around 15mo, but we were down to only morning and night feeds by then and he never asked for milk). I don't know this time how long we'll go, but I don't want to stop until it feels right for me and the dts.

but... when I see people at LLL feeding toddlers, they are constantly having their tops lifted to feed for a few seconds or so every few minutes. this is (of course) absolutely fine if it works for them, but it wouldn't work for me- I am quite private, and don't think I could deal either with a child just lifting my top to feed, or with being that physically exposed in public. is this how feeding a toddler always goes or are these just the ones I notice? if I set clear "rules" would that work? will it be difficult for one twin to wait while the other feeds (I don't like feeding them together)?

don't want to ask at a LLL meeting in case someone thinks I'm judging how anyone else feeds/parents, which I'm not, and I don't know anyone outside of these meetings who has bf past a year.

I've seen a lot online about "breastfeeding manners" which is definitely something I'll have to learn more about if we get that far as I wouldn't be happy with being an on-demand snack bar for a toddler either!

Go ahead and ask at LLL. No one at the groups I'm at would mind.
Breastfedding manners, Breastiquette, whatever. you can set boundaries and limits as with all other parenting.
I personally operate a 'use it or lose it' policy (can you tell I'm from a rugby family?) so if DD is on-off-on she gets off my lap. DS2 asks nicely and gets milk but not often these days.

bf ds1 until 16 months, ds2 until 18months(during 1st six months of pregnancy}, ds3 until 4 years,currently bf ds4{10 months} With ds3 I fed morning and night from when he was about three and tended to give him other drinks from his beaker when we were out - i would bf at home in the day but found that from about 2 and a half we operated on a policy of "don't offer, don't refuse' when out - he would snuggle up sometimes and that was fine - he would always ask first by gently tapping at me. I am fully intending to let ds4 bf as long as he wants to.
HTH

My almost 4 year old still breastfeeds.
I confined it to the house from about 18months and it is now confined to bedrooms, before bed and first thing in the morning.
She never asks for 'mummy milk' outside these times, and seemed to catch on quite quickly when it was acceptable to ask and when it wasn't.
I don't think anyone outside immediate family has any idea she still breastfeeds.

i think that at LLL meetings people are more laid back though.

I do know a couple of people who didn't really feed their children in public once they were over 2.5/3ish, but were happier doing so at LLL meets as they knew no-one would comment

so... what you see at an LLL meet isn't necessarily indicative of their relationship out and about generally, and there's no reason why you can't teach your children set rules about when and where they nurse

but DO bring it up at your next meet, i'm sure you;ll get lots of advice

I haven't really fed my 21 month old in public since she was about 9 months old. The only exception was on two long flights about 2 months ago. Her nursing manners are generally pretty atrocious.

She's happy enough to keep it as a home thing. Thankfully she calls it 'milkies', sometimes 'Mummy milkies' so no one could be sure what type of milk she was demanding.

thanks for all the stories - helpful for me to imagine a future with breastiquette.

thisis I do imagaine people are more relaxed at an LLL meeting than in tescos, for example, but I couldn't be how they are in my own home, I think. each to their own :)

My 17 months old never feeds in public

Too much other stuff to interest her

Her nursing manners are improving - she calls it "do do" so even if she asked for it then no-one would know what it was

I still feed my 3 year old (quite infrequently now), but he didn't tend to feed in public after about 15 months. LLL meetings are slightly different as they are a bit more relaxed.

IME you can continue to feed but set boundaries which you are comfortable with (e.g- feeding at home, not lifting your top etc).

My ds2 is 20 months and has only had milk before bed and first thing in the morning since 12 months, because I purposely didn't want a toddler pulling my top up (nothing wrong with it, just not for me), but also didn't want to give up.
When I first went back to work he used to want milk when I got home but I discouraged it and he's been fine since.

He doesn't have a word for milk but very clearly slaps my chest and launches himself at me with great gusto when he wants it at bed time. That would be slightly embarrassing out in public...

I fed DS morning and night until he was 2 - we only fed at home from about 16/17 months I think, he just never wanted milk when we were out because there was too much else going on.

I bf until DD was about 2.5, but don't recall doing it in public after she was about 1, it gravitated to specific times, mostly bed time/waking and when I got in from work and I didn't encourage her to feed when out - she was usually more interested in what was going on too.

I bf DS2 until he was 2. He mainly just had morning and evening feeds from about 12m. I do remember him having a few day feeds on occasion, and sometimes to comfort him but I didn't encourage him when we were out and about. He did go through a phase of demanding it all the time, and I just said "boo later, at bedtime" and it wasn't a problem.

ruby, quite a lot of kids call milk dodo? but i suppose they would think she was asking for a bottle!

We sit on the floor at our LLL meetings, so perfect height for toddlers. DS1 always asked for milk loads at LLL. I think he wanted some every time he saw another child having theirs. And, when you are trying to chat to others, letting a toddler nurse is a good way of getting peace and quiet to do so!!

I would imagine that if you saw the same mother/toddler pairs out and about the nursing pattern would be completely different.

Lenin I forgot to say this is one of the things I was wondering about - someone said to me "ooh, I can't imagine surviving twin tantrums without bf". If I use bf as a tantrum calmer, does that make it harder for dp to deal with tantrums when I'm not around or for me when I'm out and don't want to feed in public, say (due to inconsistency of approach)?

Like others I'm still feeding my almost 4yo, and he seems gradually to be self weaning during the day - he's at preschool some days, and other times is often happy with a cup of milk or something else instead.

However he does sometimes still demand milk from me in front of other people, and I usually oblige to keep him quiet. I hate bfing in public but if it's the choice between that and no conversation, I'll bf.

He still feeds a lot at night, especially if he hasn't managed to eat a lot in the day. But it's getting far less now.

I also ban twiddling! It makes me VERY cross!

LOL re the twiddling. Banned here too!

DD is 2.3yrs and still having daytime feeds, often at bedtime and always at 5am. She's never jsut lifted my top for a feed, except perhaps when I half asleep in bed in the morning.

She calls it 'nulk' and even says please sometimes... I still feed in public if need be, but not so often these days as she is generally busy doing her own thing. I have noticed her asking more when she sees small babies being bf at toddler group, suppose she doesn't want to miss out.

And definitely no twiddling allowed, or pinching - ow!

My DD used to say 'feed' and look all expectant, she still misses bf now and mentions it from time to time, she actually got quite upset a few weeks ago, she had asked to feed (having been stopped for well over a year) and I said there was no milk anymore. She had brooded on this for a few days then came out with saying she wished I would make milk for her again so she could have a feed and burst into tears! She didn't twiddle, but still sticks her hands down my cleavage sometimes when having a cuddle. I think she finds it comforting - and warm..

My 17 month old is a bugger for walking over to me and lifting my top up or pulling it down at the neck. When we're out he doesn't feed much now, too distracted, but at home he gets as much as he wants and that's his way of showing me he wants it!

I'm pg again now and am trying to decide whether to wean DS off, or to give tandem feeding a try. Like some of the posters have said, I imagine he's going to want to feed too so as not to feel left out. I'm not sure if I've got the stamina for two!