Please help - DS 20 weeks and I'm really struggling

[FlingonTheValiant]

I've had huge problems feeding DS (EBF) from the start and spoke over and over again to GPs and HVs about him screaming when feeding etc. Two weeks ago I took him to a paediatric drop in and they diagnosed him straight away with reflux. They gave me medicine for him, and he doesn't scream as much, which is good, but that's about it.

He feeds hourly overnight, with a long stretch of two hours when he first goes down. He sometimes wakes more frequently than hourly (e.g. 3 times between 1.15 and 2.30 last night). He also feeds about two hourly during the day, although this goes up and down. This was something the paed thought would change with medicine.

And despite all that feeding he's still just clinging to the 9th percentile.

They were also worried that he only poos every 7-8 days, sometimes 10, but I think that might be OK.

He's also gassy and smelly, and the paed said he thinks he's dairy intolerant, but just told me to cut dairy out of my diet - I have a really low bone profile, so I'm not keen on doing this, but I'm trying and I'll look for some calcium replacements. I'm just worried by this vague diagnosis, with no tests to be sure, and no solid advice.

He'll only nap if he's held, and won't stay asleep if I lie down with him. And he doesn't sleep for long.

Oh, and he seems to be teething, and has turned from being smiling and happy the rest of the time into a grizzling, crying baby.

I'm just completely exhausted, I feel totally inadequate when it comes to feeding him, and I don't even get the smiles and giggles anymore.

On top of that (I feel awful saying this) when he isn't feeding or sleeping I now just want to put him down and leave him to it, at least for a little bit, so I get a break, but I can't even do that as he cries after a couple of minutes. So now I feel guilty about the growing feeling of resentment I have towards my lovely DS, and I find it hard to play with him or just be with him.

I don't know what to do to make it all better.

couple of thoughts here - it does sound like reflux to me too - my DS (1) had it and it wasn't fun! He also struggled to put on weight, in the end we were advised to wean early which we did and he has been far happier ever since. Obv you will need to speak with GP or someone to agree on that

If he's teething and grizzly - try ashtons and parsons powders - they are a godsend and sooth grumpy babies - also good for tums fyi

Does sound like there could be some lactose intolerance there (also had it with DS) You can now get LACTOFREE semi skimmed milk as a replacement, has pretty much the same levels of everything apart from the lactose - give it a go ? We have now switched to it as DD became intolerant in the summer for a while after an upset tum.

Hope you are feeling better soon - it can be draining

Thanks mummynose. The paediatrician suggested early weaning, but said to wait and see if the medicine helped.

I'll have a look for some lactofree milk, can you find it in supermarkets?

And I'll try the powders, can they be given with bonjela/calpol, or is it either or?

Thanks very much.

Does your little one take a bottle at all? If so you can Perhaps get nutrimigen or neocate formula milk for him, saves you breastfeeding him and also enourage him to take to the cup gradually...

yep I buy it in sainsburys and even my local tesco express does it - you can also get the yoghurts and cheese - although I don't recommend the cheese. The brand is actually called lactofree - erm kind of cow print and green at the top I think - comes in cartons of 1 litre

The powders are homeopathic I think and can be used with calpol etc fine

my son was clearly desperate for food - he wanted more and more and was literally up to meal size portions in a week and up to 3 meals a day in a month. Obviously be careful about what you give him - you can also still do BLW if that interests you either instead or alongside normal weaning - we did a bit of both to begin with as he was so desperate for it - but when he started leaning forward from my lap and swiping whatever fruit I was eating we decided he was ok to eat proper stuff!

He will take a bottle I think as he had to when he was younger. But I don't really want to switch if I can avoid it.

I'll have a look for that stuff theb mummynoseynora, thanks.

sorry, lactofree no good.

it is the cows milk protein (ie dairy) which causes the issue. cmpi and lactose intolerance are different things.

you need to be totally dairy free. pita to get going, but once it is underway it is okay.

there is a good new zealand website about reflux - cring over spilt milk. i would link, but my address bar is missing atm!

it is fucking hard. ds2 had reflux for the first 5 mths of his life and it was very difficult. you feel like you are poisoning him, but you aren't. you are doing the very best. breastmilk is much better on so many levels bu for reflux babies too.

there are several typpes of mediction you can try out. loads of info on that website. also do a search on here.

can you get support for yourself?

btw, i found rice milk and unsweetened soya milk for myslef were good substitutes.

also Cheezley and alpro soya yog.

if dairy free isn't helping, try soya free diet - it is another common intolerance.

Oh rubbish. Ok, I'll check out the website and then set about going dairy free. I'll get some of those alternatives in and then hopefully it'll be easier.

Is it the reflux that stops him sleeping, do you think? I really need some sleep.

Oh god, just read that NZ website with the section about dairy and now feel awful. If I'd read that before I could have given up dairy months ago and DS might not have suffered so much.

I really feel for you. That feeling of exhaustion is just awful. I'm sorry that I can't offer much advice, though I second the comments on Ashton and Parsons - DD loved it and it seemed to settle her whenever I couldn't work out why she was crying!

But just wanted to say that I went through a period of not enjoying being around my DD when she had a particularly miserable couple of months, so I understand that feeling. It is a horrible feeling, but it doesn't make you a bad mum! It just means that you are tired and need a rest. Please don't feel bad for admitting it.

Also, just to mention, I've always found Nurofen for children works better than Calpol for teething pain and fever with DD.

Anyway, hope things get better for you. I'm sure they will.

don't feel awful!

you are knocking you pan in doing the bestv for your child!

reflux causes vsleep probs, yes.

plus he is probably going through the infamous 4mth sleep regression.

IT GETS EASIER THOUGH, I PROMISE!

once he is 6mths and eating. that helps

then when he sits up himself, that helps too.

as time passes, they just get better and better.

if he is dairy intolerant, then in a few weeks he will improve too.

i feel for you. the exhaustion is hellish. it will get better, i promise

Thanks for the advice nicky and greenshoes.

I saw the GP who renewed the prescriptions, and who prescribed a non-dairy formula in case I want to use it to make up food for weaning. But it's a soya one and now I've read the boys especially shouldn't have soya formula. I'm so annoyed, and I don't know whether to ask for a new one.

It's particularly annoying as when I spoke to him I told him that the HVs (who I saw just before) suggested nutramigen or one other (beginning with P), and he looked them both up, and then suddenly announced "well, I don't see why the cow and gate one wont be good enough for you". Grr, they're completely different formulas! I think he must have seen the price difference.

Gah! Anyway, I've also been and got myself some non-dairy food, so fingers crossed we'll see some results with that.

its normal for a baby this age to poo every 7-8/10 days.

when you say 'clinging' to the 9th percentile - maybe he's happy on the 9th percentile? is that is line or did he drop to there?

i found 4-6months EXTREMELY challenging with DS as he wanted to feed every 1.5hours give or take a bit, round the clock. exhausting. i reached a level of tiredness i never thought i could reach haha. but if you can just hang in there a little longer it might all change. i co - slept on the floor for a few nights as i was utterly exhausted and he fed on and off all night. it actually gave me a bit of a rest!

hth

i don't understand something? are you ebfing DS? if so, why the formula?

I really feel for you as DS2 was similar. I also didn't want to cut dairy from my diet on the off-chance it would help. Saw an amazing health visitor who turned things round for me with the advice to cut out from my diet all foods that cause wind/bloating in adults. I was really strict and it helped loads:

• anything acidic e.g. tomatoes, other fruits esp citrus
• everything in the onion family inc leek, garlic etc
• broccoli, cabbage etc
• chocolate (made up for this w extra ice cream!)
• coffee, tea, fruit juice, soft drinks, squash

AND eat a baked potato for lunch every day. I don't know why it works but it does.

My new secret weapon for teething is paracetamol suppositories 125 mg - DS2 can't sick those up (he's still a bit sicky, esp when ill). Ask your doc for prescription as they are a shocking £25 in the chemist!

I also recommend an Amby hammock, as it feels to them as if they are being held. And don't feed on every waking - he's probably crying because he has the pain of indigestion/acid burn and milk soothes it, but if he's not hungry he'll get too full and sick it up.

Oh, and just remembered infant gaviscon is good too. Syringe it in (ask chemist for syringe).

x

oh sorry, i've read back - ds was crying and i quickly wrote it and pressed send - sorry!

That sounds tough. I sympathise although haven't had experience of this.

My first thought when I saw that he is 20 weeks was that you could start weaning him. I know it's an emotive subject and everyone has their own opinion. I weaned both my two DDs at around 21-22 weeks and they are both fine. Could be worth a go?

Don't feel bad about not switching from Dairy before now. It's not something that health professionals think of straight away. I've had three children and got it so wrong with my third despite having experienced intolerence with my first.

The comments about soya, unless he is also intolerent to this, should be read and applied in moderation. As he is mainly breastfed, a little soya formula in weaning food is likely to be ok.

Once you have sorted out the food intolerences, he is likely to become more settled and sleep longer. Wheat and sugar were also an issue for us but take things one step at a time as food intolerences are really individual - ask around your family if there are others with food intolerences.

Having a cranky crying baby who doesn't sleep is so so hard and can drive you to the edge of insanity. Sleep deprivation is hell and it is even harder to take care of the "reason" you are so sleep deprived all day. It is normal to feel this way, you are doing the best you can to find out what is causing this and it will get better when you find the answers.

DS2 had a miserable start to life and it took a long time to find our answers but now he is a happy, cheeky little two year old with a cracking sense of humour and I have regained my sanity and am no longer a grumpy old bag!!

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to offer support - you are doing an amazing job in what is really difficult circumstances. My DS2 has been very erratic at night for the last 6 weeks (he's 18 weeks now), and up every 2 hours for the last few nights, screaming, and it really does effect how you feel towards them, so to echo another poster, don't feel bad about that.

Like CamperFan, I can't offer any particular advice but just wanted to echo previous posters reassurances that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself; my DD is just 12 weeks old but already I know that being a mum is the hardest job in the world. Even when everything is going well - and I'm sure things will get better - the little darlings really take it out of you. When our DD was 4 weeks old she developed really bad colic and it affected my feelings towards her for quite a while, even once the colic subsided. Yes, it was horrific to see (and hear!) her in pain but I also felt resentment towards her at times and felt like a bad mother for feeling this way. Now we're past this tough time and when things get tough again (which I'm sure they will!) I have promised not to be so hard on myself. As mums we are all amazing but we're only human and I really think that it's far healthier to be honest about how we are feeling rather than bottle it all up in an attempt to maintain the illusion of a a perfect life as a perfect mum with a perfect baby. Not sure about your situation but do you someone who can give you even a little break? Even just a walk around the block can be enough to recharge my batteries sometimes. I hope MN gives you some good advice and also some comfort - sounds really tough. xxxx

Thanks all, it's really a relief to hear some support.

Ruby, he's fallen to the 9th from the 50th. He's been there a while now, but I admit I was hoping he'd go back up. I am starting to accept it though :)

We're cosleeping, I have an amby hammock, but he hates it for some reason. I might try it again though.

Porcupine, DH is French so the first thing my ILs told me was to get suppositories! I'll have a go at getting rid of those foods too.

Oh gosh Misty, I hadn't even thought that it could be more than just dairy! Fingers crossed it's not. Glad to hear you got it all sorted though.

Thanks again everyone.

It was only diagnosed two weeks ago? Gosh, you poor thing (and your poor DS, too), you must be utterly shattered. My 13-week old DD has reflux and she has been on Infant Gaviscon for eight weeks and I don't know how I would have survived without it. She was really miserable and feeds were a nightmare.

WRT sleep, yes, reflux influences their sleep, it gets worse when they are lying flat on their back. I know they are supposed to sleep on their back to reduce the SIDS risk, but have you tried letting him sleep on his tummy? Mine will absolutely not sleep on her back - even when she is fast asleep, she'll wake up within a couple of minutes - but she'll go for hours on her tummy. We got a Respisense breathing monitor which clips onto the nappy, but tbh I don't use it every night anymore.

Unless he's hungry all the time, I wouldn't worry too much about his weight, especially if he has stabilised on the 9th centile.

Have you seen the reflux support thread?

Hth and fingers crossed things get better soon. Reflux is awful, for both the LO and the mother, so don't feel bad about the way you feel at the moment. It won't last forever.

Hi flingon - I've got no advice but I had to post as I think you've got my ds! He is 17+ weeks and -

-EBF

-has dropped 2 centiles since birth (25th the 2nd/9th) and seems determined to stay there

-feeds all the blooming time day and night

-has an Amby hammock he doesn't want to go in

-co-sleeps (badly) with me

-windy and smelly

-teething

-only naps whilst being help and wakes up if I try to lie down with him

Absolutely bloody exhausting and soul destroying and has really affected our relationship. We have no answers so far but are going to see a paed tomorrow (I had to basically beg my GP as I am also struggling with pnd and so she thinks I am exaggerating/imagining symptoms). I am watching your thread with interest (and sympathy!)

i am pretty sure dropping from 25th to 9th and then staying there is not an issue, providing LO is staying on line.

sometimes babies are not meant to be the weight they are when they are born iyswim, they can also have extra fluid in them which makes them heavier.

so from a weight point of view - if your LO is chugging along happily, then i wouldn't worry... would you think there was a problem to look at your DS, Flingon?... Mums usually know if there is a problem too...

so i suppose it is your sleep that is the issue... i cannot really add anything to what has been said although i will say i TOTALLY feel your shattered pain! It is only now (at 17 months) that DS is sleeping more reliably - we got to 10 hours at 10 months but before that, tbh I have no idea how I got through... the formula might help him sleep longer - you could try it and if it doesn't work abandon the idea?

I've stopped feeding DS now and I do miss it! So cuddly and close! These days don't last for long - I want another one haha

Hello - I had exactly the same thing with my DS when he was little, silent reflux so wasn't even diagnosed by GP ('all babies cry' was his most helpful comment....)

I did get lots of helpful advice though so here goes:

1. Being held upright is the most comfortable position for him for at least an hour after feeding (it means you don't get to sleep at night, but at least he won't be crying)

2. Putting a wedge in any basket/pram/cot you want him to sleep in so his head is higher than his tummy will help stop the milk coming back up (which is what reflux is). We had the cot on small blocks til he was six months or so.

3. I'd take the dairy-intolerance with a pinch of salt - we were told the same about DS but it was bollocks - it's just that reflux is hideous and painful for them to eat.

4)If you are worried about his weight I would recommend adding a bit of formula to his diet - at 3 months I started giving him one bottle of half expressed breastmilk and half formula in the early evening. It took the pressure of the constant feeding and is very good for weightgain. I know there is huge pressure about formula but I found it very reassuring to know he was getting all the iron and vitamins in it, as well as all the goodness of breastmilk the rest of the time - it doesn't cancel out the goodness of breastmilk to mix the two.

5. Buy The Baby Book by Sears and Sears - it has an amazing long chapter on reflux (the only book I ever found that even mentioned it) - it also has a massively useful section at the back on all sorts of ailments and development milestones etc.

6. GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK - I utterly failed to do this but in retrospect the single most useful thing I could have done was to accept all the offers of help from people to take him for a walk/do his bath/give him a bottle (expressed). I PROMISE you will never look back and feel bad about it - rather you'll be patting yourself on the back for grabbing the opportunity while it was there.

7. It gets better. I wanted to punch every person who said this to me at the time but it is true :)

Good luck

Daisy