BF, a success story, but need emotional support to stop now..

[linspins]

Hello all. Casting my eye down the list of threads on breastfeeding, I feel like I've had pretty much every problem going - but carried on regardless, with fantastic support from my local breastfeeding group, and from Mumnset. My little boy is now 14 months, and we're down to one bf a day (morning) and 2 formula feeds. I've dropped the other 2 breastfeeds over the last month or so, and keep telling myself enough is enough, and I would quite like to stop....BUT I DON"T KNOW HOW! [wails, and bottom lip trembles emoticon]. And before you just say, "er, you just stop?", I am a real emotional mess about this. I always wanted 3 children, and have 2, and for a million reasons, that will need to be it, so finishing this last feed will be the last ever feed I do. Oh blimey now I'm crying. Anyone got any advice for me? Getting myself in a right old state. I had decided that this week would be it, and that on saturday he could have a bottle in the morning, but now I'm facing my last 2 feeds I don't think I can do it.
How to stop without tears..?(mine not his, he prob won't care!)

Oh gosh, you poor thing. I don't really have any advice for you other than a well done for getting all this way you have done so so well.

The only thing I can suggest is that when you do stop to be gentle on yourself have some and do whatever you need to do to get yourself through it.

if you don't want to do it yet don't! at that age it's all easy enough isn't it i think? you can go away for a couple of days and it's all fine and dandy

i gave up with my first when i didn't really want to, but felt i had no choice and i've regretted it ever since, so i would just say think very carefully about it!

if it's making you this upset then i would just carry on. but then, i don't know your reasons for wanting to stop...?

But why stop, if the thought upsets you so much?

It's fine to continue and let the feeding peter out naturally.

BTW I know exactly what you mean about the last feed.

I felt similar to you, second time round carried on till 22 months! (Twins). Couldn't bring myself to stop before that, I loved it, and it made me feel good as well as being good for them.

When I did stop, I was down to 1 feed a day, then dropped that. I did get engorged. A lovely 'advisor' on Mumsnet suggested letting one of the baby's feed off the engorged one (several days later!) and it relieved the pressure. It was my last ever feed!

There were a few benefits to stopping. Why, I now feel like I can go away for the night or send the kids to their grandparents. However, I have never done either of these things. The downsides for me were, loss of 'happy hormones', weight gain etc.

Don't feel like you need to stop. Just stop when you feel good and ready.

Argh I shouldn't have posted that without an emoticon. So bare it could be misconstrued. But just doesn't quite fit. You see, other feelings and behaviours do eventually fill the gap. It may be miserable at first, but things move on and what feels very final and painful becomes just one more amazing step along our journey.

The thing is thisisyesterday, I do want to give up...I think. I'd like my body back, and I also find it hard being 'snuggly' with hubby when part of me still feels like it belongs to baby. And I would like to have the odd lie in. I am worried I'll just carry on because I can't face stopping, rather than carrying on because I want to. All confused. My son likes his morning feed but I'm sure he wouldn't miss it terribly if he had a bottle and a cuddle.
I fed older dd until she was 11 months, then stopped and it was tough emotionally, but this is worse cos he's my last baby....sniff.

What I meant to say was the my 'last feed' wasn't in fact the last one, as dd had one more go to relieve my pain, bless her. That is the one embedded in my memory.

Fed dd until 13 months and ds1 until 12 months.

DS2 is my last baby. There will be no more. He's 18 months now, and still has about 3 feeds a day - though sometimes more, particularly when he's under the weather as he is just now.

I know that I could stop if I put my mind to it. But it's getting harder, not easier, to do that, because he's becoming so much more of a little person rather than a baby, able to show me how much he wants a feed (by pulling at my top, pointing, saying "dat"). Also while the older 2 had comfort items (a clothie for ds1 and a soft blanket for dd), ds2's comfort items are my boobs. He nestles and just strokes the top of my cleavage.

So I don't have any advice for you. But increasingly I'm personally leaning towards letting it peter out rather than imposing the stopping on him, despite the questioning looks from my mum (v. pro breastfeeding herself, fed all of us). And the underlying feeling that I really ought to stop - would like to be back to normal, despite being massively conflicted knowing that will never get this back again. Sob. It does actually bring a tear to the eye.

Prettycandles, how does it just peter out? One feed will one day have to be the last? (and on another note, my snivelling has just managed to wash a contact lens out, now that's a first!)

DD2 is 16 months and I can't be bothered to stop her morning and night time feeds. I'll be away for the whole weekend and know she'll be fine without me as she's had nights away before, but I'll probably feed her when I see her again if she wants.
If you really want to stop, then you're just going to have to stop, but give her some milk when she usually has a feed. A tippy cup will do, no need for a bottle or formula imo.
I remember stopping with DD1 and she just wasn't bothered, but I felt slightly bereft. It's a big deal to you, but means nothing to anyone else and even DS may not be that fussed.

Oh Pooka, that's so cute! And Merrymarigold, I like the thought of your little one coming to your rescue.

See, with ds2, if I'm not there he's fine and doesn't mind not having a feed. So I don't have to be there to put him to bed or in the morning.

With you on the body conflict thing - I do suffer from lack of libido, and do think is related to the sense that my body isn't my own. But at the same time, I'll miss the lovely snuggly feeds so so much when they're over.... :( And at the moment ds2 isin no way being forced to feed (au contraire) so it seems like no bad thing to carry on.

It is sweet most of the time, but can be a bit embarrassing when he leans in for a grope while I'm pushing a shopping trolley, and I do have to keep his nails short

Its awful I know but honestly once you have done it you won't feel so bad - sad. I was in pieces when I stopped feeding DD1 but a lot of it is hormones. Think about how much good you have done for DC so far- BF is just the first step - so many other amazing ways that you will care for DC coming up! Its not the end just the beginning of our relationship with our children and WOW you have given your DC the most amazing start. Try to do last few feeds on busy days when DH around - you will be fine once hormones settle - sending a big hug x

Thanks Etalb.

With dd, she was feeding mornings before breakfast and evenings during storytime as part of the bedtime routine. At about 22m she announced that she wanted to drink milk from a cup like her big brother. TBH I was a bit shocked, not feeling rejected exactly, more taken aback that she was launching herself onto the next stage. But I went along with it, and just conti ued with morning feeds. Then a few days before her 2nd birthday, I suddenly realised that she had not had a feed for several days, and, in fact, I had not noticed her last feed.

Ds2 started losing interest in breastfeeds at about 16m. If I had done Never Offer Never Refuse at that stage, he, too, would probably have self-weaned within a few months. But when he was 18m old I discovered that he was dairy intolerant. So I started encouraging him to breastfeed again, and we continued until he was 3yo. (Through choice, not because I couldn't wean him.)

My one regret about breastfeeding is that I weaned ds1at 5.5m. I felt proud of having got that far, because it had really been a struggle, but, with the hindsight that I gained from feeding dd and ds2 for so much longer, I realised that I had not needed to stop. After a certain point, breastfeeding becomes a much more relaxed activity - more a relationship with the child than a means of nutrition. It no longer matters if you miss an occasional feed, or have an extra one, or do it later or incompletely.

If you feel tied down, would it work for you to breastfeed at a different time of day, or at a convenient time rather than at a fixed time? Doing it that way would also allow the petering-out to occur, or for you to go down the Never Offer Never Refuse route.

But, if you are determined to stop now, I think I would either go cold turkey by handing mornings over to your OH, or by shifting the time of the feed so that you could, in a few weeks' time, start finding distractions for ds during the time when you would normally feed. And brace yourself for a couple of weeks of hormonal upset as your body readjusts once you stop completely.

DS self-weaned at just over 2. I didn't notice that he'd stopped because it was so gradual! Easiest on us both that way :)

Well, update: ds had his last feed today...
I almost finished a few weeks recently, but couldn't quite do it. But this week, I think my supply has really dwindled, and he was a bit grumpy (possibly not getting enough) so this helped me decide to finish. Saturday was going to be the last one, but I sneaked a bit in this morning too, and then topped him up with a bottle. On Friday I fed him in just his nappy, with me in just pants, all wrapped in a duvet - truly snuggly, aahhhhh.
Feeling quite sad, but not distraught. And he does give me lovely cuddles anyway.
I can't quite get my head around the fact that my body is now my own, and that's it, no more feeding, ever. But I'm pleased he got 14 months worth. Not sure if there will be emotional/physical changes now for me? Would be nice to lose the last bit of weight, and the 'mum tum'! Sigh.
Happy Mother's day to all of you.