DH says it's time to stop BF as it's 'bitty'

[pombal]

DS2 is 8 months old, was mixed fed until 4 months due to his TT and BF since.

DH wants me to stop BF now as he says at 8 months old, it's getting a bit 'bitty' as in Little Britain and also and I quote 'it's got teeth' referring to DS who has 2 teeth.

I have explained the benefits of continuing and he believes that the WHO guidelines are only relevant to developing countries.

He also thinks I am making our baby 'clingy '

He is adamant in his belief that most people would agree with him and in RL I think he is right, they probably would.

Anyone else had a similar situation, what did you do?

Am not going to stop btw, just don't understand why it bothers him.

Interestingly my first stopped at 16 months, and was frequently sick, had a lot of coughs and colds and so on and still does.

My younger one who is still bf at 3.6/7, has had two colds (including the flu we all had when he was one, and even had that very mildly), and has had two tummy bugs, the latest where he was only sick once.

I do wonder if it has had an impact on his immune system. Or maybe it's just luck!

He still looks like a baby when he is feeding to sleep. And it is such a good source of comfort, also, when he is upset.

Pimbol - glad you found the links useful.
And that your DH is getting used to the idea.

The 'Bitty' comment is extremely distasteful, but if this is has been his only exposure to bfing, then I can sort of understand that he may be ignorant about (still would have slapped him if he was my DH!!!).

If this was my DP I'd tell him to grow up! What a nob!

It is not 'bitty' at all.

I bf all three of my children (dd1 till she was 3, ds till he was 2 and am currently still bf dd2 14mths)

pombal We're at 7 months here now and have 4 teeth. I have no intention of stopping until at least a year as it feels like it would be such a waste, of money and effort (it was so hard going in the beginning, it feels like we've only just got to the other side).

I've had a couple of comments from people, my step mum told me that the thought of BFing a baby with teeth made her shudder, and I told her it's just as well it's not her boobs then. And my MiL keeps telling me, he's loose interest soon and then you can just give him solids. the woman insists that she didn't feed either of her children milk (formula or breast) past 6 months. According to her, my DH self weaned at 6 months.

Well we as a result of the replies on the thread DH and I had a discussion last night about why he wants me to stop.

He has said it's because he can't settle DS,which I understand, it's an out of control feeling when a baby is crying and won't settle. I think it's male logic to want to find a solution and 'fix' things and sees FF as the answer.

beijingaling one of the reasons I want to continue is because where I live water and electricity cuts are common. We are also in an earthquake zone!!

Hotgiggity Is only a matter of time before my Mum starts putting her oar in and I really need a united front at this time. I was FF, rusks in the bottle, solids at 12 weeks etc. She takes it as a personal slight that I haven't done the same.

Thank you to those BFing past a year for sharing, it helps to know it's out there and DH can see there are real people in the world doing this.

saggy DH is indeed a bit of a nob :) (hope he reads this emoticon)

Look. If your DH wants to stop breastfeeding, he's perfectly welcome to! I do think it's a bit odd that he's still breastfeeding when he's a husband and father.

(But of course as to when your DS stops breastfeeding, that's up to your DS and you ...)

oh my god OP, your DH is an idiot. That sketch has so much to answer for.

If anything BFing is likely to make your baby more confident and less clingy!

WHO guidelines are for everyone. I believe the American Pediatric Association (or whatever it is called) also recommends at least till one year and to continue on as long as mutually desireable. Does he think the U.S. is a third world country too?

And so what if he has teeth? Some babies are born with teeth!

Just keep showing him the evidence, have a look at kellymom, and do NOT stop BFing. Your DH will just have to get used to it.

I am still BFing at 18 months, and the only reason I am considering stopping is because I am trying to get pregnant again and I appear to be one of those who can't while BFing, even getting down to 1 feed a day hasn't helped.

OOOh, also tell your DH he will be so grateful when you are still feeding and your DS gets ill and refuses to eat. Saves an awful lot of worry when you know they will get nourishment and hydration from BFing!!!

I'm glad you've got to the bottom of why he asked you to stop - at least you know what he's thinking!

I Bf'd DS until he was 2, and DH found his own ways of settling DS, which got easier as DS got older.

Being embarrassed or squeamish would be an incredibly shallow reason to make such an important decision.

I also bf for partly ideological, and partly convenience reasons! When we started using other milk (12/13months), the hassle of washing was very depressing! I'm planning to bf a second child much longer, so I don't have to ever arse around with bottles.

Your DH already seems to be coming round, but for other people, your power cut and earthquake risk situation is all the argument you need for the easier sterility of breastfeeding!

pombal, sorry your DH isn't very supportive :( BF can be tough enough without having those close to you on your side.

I'm another one of those weirdos breastfeeding past a year , DD is 2.4 yo and still BF several times a day and I'm expecting DC2 any day now (hurry up!!). I think it's a lot more common to BF past a year than people think but a lot of people keep it to themselves due to unhelpful 'bitty' comments.

There are loads of advantages to BF past 6 months, hopefully your DH will come around to the idea. For me, as well as the health benefits it is also a brilliant parenting tool. If DD falls over or has a melt-down because of being overtired then it's very easily fixed and I really think this has been a major factor in how happy and secure she is (people always comment on it).

She is not even remotely clingy to the point where I'm wondering if she can teleport, whenever I take her to playgroup I spend most of the session trying to find her

Hello,

We're at 17 months now and it seems totaly normal. Your DS won't turn into a big toddler overnight. :)

My DH is a SAHD and DS settles ok for him with a cup of warm milk at night - I work evenings sometimes.

DD has had a couple of bugs in the last few weeks and I have been so glad of bfing when he wouldn't eat anything.

My Mum was very about feeding past a year I think - she mentioned my younger cousin who was bfed to at least 14 months, she thought it was bad him lifting his Mum's top etc. (My DS doesn't do that - he doesn't 'ask' much, he has recently started politely tugging on my sleeve!)

Mum has kind of warmed to it now after I told her about it helping him when he was ill etc. (Well she's stopped hinting about stopping)

Hope your DH comes round to the idea too:)

I missed the explanation, but OP, my DH also had the same concerns. Worrying about how to settle the baby is not a reason to stop. He will find something that works for him. For my DH it was playing guitar at DS or rocking him. DH is also the one who makes up a lot of the silly games or reads the books and does weird voices.

He shouldn't let his insecurity get in the way of your DS feeding.

If it helps any, I was in hospital for 5 days and couldn't feed DS, and DS barely wanted to know me after a few days hanging out with daddy!

Do they spend any time alone together? I found that really helped with DH being able to settle DS--he needed the time alone to get more confident about being able to take care of DS.

pombal - maybe this is a good time to start working on other ways to settle your ds then? Your DH could cuddle, rock, pat, stroke, sing to the baby. We changed our bedtime routine around so now it's milk-bath-story-cuddle-bed - DP can put ds to bed too and actually I really appreciate not being tied to bedtime and not being the only person who can go to ds in the night!

Glad you've got to the bottom of it OP. My DD is nearly 9 months and I thought I'd have had this sort of line of thinking from DH by now (she only really settles with a Mommy cuddle at the moment). He's been really great about it though. He doesn't want her to stop bfing until at least a year, doesn't 'agree' with formula seeing as bfing is going so well.

Really I think he just realises that he doesn't ever have to do a night waking, not that he'll admit it

MoonUnit - how long did it take that night time routine to sink in? We've tried it, but DD still really wants that last feed right before she goes in the cot. I'd like to move it to before pjs and story and let DH have that bedtime half hour as their time.

(Sorry for hijack OP)

At 5 months I think we started doing me feeding ds in the living room (before then I was feeding him to sleep in bed) and then DP taking him through and rocking him to sleep with a dummy. Honestly, the first few nights there was a lot of crying but I'm mean and am ok with crying in daddy's arms being comforted.

Once ds got used to that though we were finding he was falling asleep the second I passed him from me to DP, so was asleep before he even hit the cot. He would then wake up crying 45 minutes later - I think he'd fall asleep with us there, and then freak out when he stirred and realised he was all alone. I found the key to him sleeping well is knowing that he's going to sleep alone in his cot. So we did milk before bath so he wasn't already half unconscious from the milk, and then he needs a story and a cuddle in the bedroom to sort of wind down/transition from the bath. First night probably took 45 minutes for him to drop off (with us going in to him every couple of minutes/when he started crying), by the 4th night he would grizzle for a couple of minutes, roll over and go to sleep. He's 6.5 months now.

Dancing ThroughLife DS is the same, he wants to be fed to sleep and goes beserk if DH tries rocking or anything else, literally raging - he is otherwise quite easy going - honest.

moon well done perservering,with that. I think it's good if both parents can settle baby. DH does need to spend more time with DS2, what happens at the moment is he baths our toddler in the evening and I bath, feed, settle DS2, I think we need to swap a bit more.

Jaggy and YankNCock that is reassuring. I worry what will happen if I have to start working shifts again or had to be apart from DS. Although I think in a few months time when he's closer to a year, things will get easier naturally.

I've told DH still no-one supporting his POV on the thread, I think I've had the last 'bitty' comment for a while :)

Some of the ideas in 'the no cry sleep solution' might help - a big theme is helping babies to learn to sleep without sucking (as this is often a factor with older babies who won't sleep through). We also found that DD will settle far better for DH if I'm out of the way - if she heard or saw me, she wanted milk. Now he's actually better at settling her than I am!

Well I think your Dh is quite right, if God meant women to breastfeed he would have given them sackfuls of milk on their... oh hang on

Eek, sorry ok will stop taking the piss. Feels really bizarre even pretending to be a Little Briton.

I think you've had some good responses here and some good information so I won't tell your husband any more what a bad idea it is to base his parenting on Little Britain comedy routines.

And I agree with others that just because a baby is bf, it doesn't mean that the dads can't settle them. I have to work evenings quite a bit and DH puts the kids to bed when I'm out without any problem. When I'm there the little one gets a bedtime bf, when I'm not he doesn't. Simples. As they say.

But 8 months is still very little, plenty of time for all that.

Thanks MoonUnit. I don't mind a few tears either, another meanie here She stopped feeding to sleep before Christmas, but we're battling teeth at the moment, so she's very groucy and clingy with me (nothing to do with bf, just teeth).

Will give it another go with DH on his own. It took a few days for the CC to settle when we first did that after she wouldn't feed to sleep, so I'll give it a few nights with no feed just before bed too.

leonie Yes, the research is quite clear that not only does FF increase the risk to the mother of BC, but also the FF female child has an increased risk when she becomes an adult.

OP I can understand your DH being frustrated that he can't feed your baby to sleep. Unfortunately, stopping BFing simply removes your ability to feed your DS to sleep. It doesn't suddenly give your DH an alternative. But you know that.

I also understand your mum's POV that you doing something different to her is a personal slight or criticism of her parenting choices - even though we all know it's not. It's pretty tough to get through that. Can you talk to her and explaint that it's not that at all, and you truly respect the decision that she made with you, and if you want to try something different that's not in any way being critical of her??

Good for him for wanting to help.

He can help in lots of other ways, and he is still the Daddy, the only and most important Daddy your baby has! Maybe he can take lead resonsibility on bathing? That's what my DH has done, in order to have that kind of special physical intimacy with our babies.

Of course it's normal to continue bf until 18m or 2 years, maybe for morning and bedtime feeds, once they are eating good meals of solids.

Good luck!

my dh really doesn't understand bf either. he thinks it is a bit weird and unnecessary after 6 months despite my best efforts to educate him.

i bf ds2 until nearly 3. every few months he would start an argument about it, upset me but i would just carry on until he wore me down and i stopped poor ds feeding.

anyway, just wanted to say i know personality is influenced by a huge number of things, but my ds1 was bf for 4 months and under lots of pressure from our families he was looked after, fed, settled by lots of different people from early on. now 5 years old he has always been quite clingy and shy. ds2 was carried in a sling by me, bf until 3 yrs and lots of co-sleeping etc. he is so confident and happy. he totally adores daddy and i hardly get near him at the weekend, he even says 'i love daddy more' and in the week 'daddy's working so i love you today'!

tell your dh that parenting is not a sprint, it's a marathon, and there will be plenty of time when HE will be the one that your ds2 will want above his mummy.

agree also with the bathing, that is what dh did as his special thing for ds2.

weasel your DH sounds similar. Good to know you carried on anyway, nearly 3 is impressive. DH is adamant I shoudn't carry on past a year, and really thinks 6 months should be it.
I made him bath DS2 tonight though and it went well and it was nice for me to spend a bit more time with our toddler :)

japhrimel I got No Cry Sleep Solution last week which has helped. DS was co sleeping and I've evicted him to a side car cot (evil mummy)

organic that is a good point about not giving DH an alternative and I think with babies if something is working - stick with it.
If I do manage to carry on past a year I'm expecting to have to deal with a lot of from my entire family. Like yourself I do understand it as before I had children I believed BF was for 6 months or until baby got teeth, in fact the local midwife told me so antenatally

my DH was much the same - came from a family of bottlefeeders and HATED that he couldn't settle DS, who slept with us and fed 2 hourly for ever. In the end he came around -
DS was BF until he was 2 and now our DD is 9mo and of course BF, and DH wouldn't have it any other way, because he knows how great it is, having witnessed it. He couldn't settle DD either, and still can't at night, but it isn't an issue. he's seen DS grow up into a confident nearly-3 year old who adores his daddy and everyone else and isn't clingy at all (recently zoomed off to pre-school far easier than others his age). The fact that he was totally ignorant at the beginning (like your DH) was actually good, because everything he learned he learned from me, and is now a bit of a lactivist. Good luck. I found just getting on with it and not inviting anyone's opinion helped loads. Babies need breastmilk and need their mums and aren't we lucky that there are other options if those things aren't available, but if they are then let your baby enjoy them x