When do they stop wanting to BF

[Sinople]

Have most on demand BFing mothers found that their children naturally stop BFing b/w 2 and 3 years old? I cant imagine my DD ever wanting to stop!
Id love to sleep though the night without having to rouse to feed my DD.
CC is not an option for me, I just couldnt do it.
There doesnt seem to be any options to solve the night feeding ritual that I've got myself into.... radical and consistant acceptance is needed on my part I think.

How old is your DD?

I stopped feeding my DS on his 3rd birthday...he only breastfed twice a day by then, once before bed and once in the morning. He probably would have carried on, but we had discussed stopping and he was fine after the first night without it (big sobs when I said "no").

When they are old enough to understand and negotiate a bit, its quite easy.

My DS stopped bf-ing naturally at about 2.5yrs & for most of the last year it had only been a dwindling feed at morning cuddle time. DP & I made an effort stop night-time feeds at around 18mths as I was over it. We didn't use CC - I was lucky that DP got up to settle him, at first with expressed milk, then normal milk, then water if needed. I would go in though if it was taking ages, if he was ill or seemed particularly upset. Usually DP took him in to sleep with him & I stayed separate (but usually still awake as I could hear them & neeed to know how it was going!).

Within my group of mummy friends we have noticed it has the been the girls who have continued feeding lots. I think they are happier to stay cuddling more - the boys just want to run & do stuff!

Thanks TanteRose. DD is 14months, so not able to negotiate at this stage. Im happy to continue at the mo, but dont want to continue if it only gets more difficult and traumatic for DD when i do eventually stop.

Thanks elvisgirl, I think Im still hanging in there with night feeds, althou I do have my odd moments of not being so pleased about that.
My DH would be happy to try and settle her if that was the plan of attack, but I know that she settles so much easier and quicker if I attend to her... and she'd be upset and confused about why I wasnt there.
So I guess for the moment and near future all will stay the same... its good to know that people have managed to stopped without too much trauma at 2.5 and 3 years :)

Hi Sinople

I was just lying in bed wondering the same thing!! DS is a week shy of 14 months and over the past 3 weeks has dropped his 2am feed by himself so he now feeds 2-3 times during the day and then between 10 and 11 at night. He's always been mighty keen on BF'ing and at a year was still feeding 5-6 times per day and 2-3 times overnight so things have changed massively in the past 2 months.

Not sure what use this post will be but just wanted to say that we're in the same boat. :)

Is she actually feeding back to sleep?

The No Cry Sleep Solution is pretty good for coaching you through a very gentle way of gradually reducing the amount of night feeds and stopping them feeding to sleep.

DS is 4 in April, DD is 17 months, both still feeding. Have agreed with DS he will stop on his 4th birthday, but we'll see...

My Dd stopped without a fuss on her 4th birthday, although she'd have carried on if I hadn't instigated that. Ds1 is 2.4 and shows no sign of giving up, and ds2 is 7 months so has a way to go! I only feed the baby during the night though. Ds1 naturally stopped nightfeeding around 15 months.

"My Dd stopped without a fuss on her 4th birthday, although she'd have carried on if I hadn't instigated that"
oh pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease

Cairnterrier - it's nice to know im not alone. Ye, you never know what changes are just around the corner. Ive been optimistic about DD sleeping through for the last 14 months haha, not a chance. Im not actually sure exactly how frequently she wakes and what times, it's all a blurr by the morning, and ive stopped checking the time. Maybe I'll pay more attention tonight.

Thanks TimeWasting, I have read the NCSS. It was awhile ago, and I cant say I ever actually follwed any specific idea v closely. Im not sure if Ive got the enthusiasm, time or energy to read it again.

Hi there StealthPolarBear, Wow that's good going - 4 years!! I think I would have caved in and surrendered to the societal norms that we live within before DD is 4. My own mother, although v supportive of most things, would faint at the thought of me BF for that long. It's a sad world that we live in and such a shame that the perception that our peers have of us impacts on our mothering.
Good on you, I hope it all goes well on DS's Bday... and I hope your 4 years of BFing have helped produce a very secure and happy child :)

Well I am taking hope from CSWS's post
and also bribing him with a Fireman Sam fire engine, which is ridiculous as it will be his birthday!

CantSleepWontSleep - I now have this crazy idea that 15months will be the magical number for me, lol. Fingers crossed. Although I should say that DD's cot is like a side car on my double bed, all on the same level, one side of the cot is off...essentially sleeping in the same bed. So maybe being so close will hinder the magical 15month idea. We shall see :)

yes i suspect you'll find it harder with her in with you. ds1 had been in his own room for a few months by then, and I was pregnant again so might have had less milk to wake up for.

Good luck spb!

It was around 16 months when DS started sleeping through, related I guess to him starting walking at around 14 months. They have a lot of energy to use up.

Sinople

One thing that I have found useful is giving DS a dream feed at about 10pm before he wakes up. This way I don't get disturbed 20 mins after I've just got to sleep and I'm hoping that he will get used to not waking up at that time.

When I settle him down at 6.30 to go to sleep, I do bath, feed then story time once he's lying (ish) down in his cot. I found that this has started to break the association with feeding to sleep and he will now go down reasonably happyish without needing to be fed to sleep.

I'm just trying to think what I've found helpful so far in case it's of any use to you. I think that DS just wasn't ready to sleep through before now but something really seems to have clicked over the past few weeks and I'm not convinced that it's anythign really to do with what I've been doing. He's a late crawler so has only really just got very mobile and active during the day so I'm wondering if this has helped??

I'd love to hear how you get on :-)

Sorry, re-reading my post, it sounds really preachy, it really wasn't meant to :(

Your story just really struck a chord as it sounded so similar to us and I was just wondering the very same thing about when they give up breastfeeding that morning that you did the original OP!!

DS has a vomiting bug at the moment anyway so all bets are off - unlike the washing machine

Time for a and a methinks.

Self weaning is usually characterised by slowly dropping feeds over a period of years. By weaning I mean the continuum from first introducing solid food to baby to the day the child no longer has any breast milk ever again. It's considered normal for self weaning to occur anytime from 2.5 - 7y/o though there is nothing to say that a little gentle mother lead weaning is harmful or bribery of that matter

DD1 self weaned at 3.6y/o and DD2 is bfing at 3.2y/o but has had no night feeds since she was 16m but I was in 1st trimester with DD3 so that may have played a part (I have given her feeds if she was poorly in the night and asked but that has been about twice).

DD3 usually has a feed between 10-12 and one somewhere around 4-6am an if it's closer to 6am DH brings her into me so I can feed/doze rather than resettling her in her bed.

I expect when she is ready to sleep with out feeds she will do and as she has had health problems and weight gain issues we are in no hurry to stop her feeding in the night like we did with DD1 when she turned 1y/o which was probably a bad idea (thanks HV) given her weight gain issues but was ok in the end (3.5lb gain in 3 months on just water at night)However we are not willing to risk it with DD3 as her health problems are ongoing rather than resolved like DD1.

DD2 normally is down to one feed of about 10-20 seconds (both sided though) every other day/every few days though just recently she has been keener and has had up to 3 feeds like that a day (just one day of that though!) but she has been very poorly so I don't mind.

To add to TruthSweet's excellent post , a woman called Kathy Dettwyler has done lots of research into the natural weaning age for humans and has written some interesting stuff. Here is her website.

Also I bought this book recently which is brilliant but I think more about children that are 2 yo+.

Eaurouge - fascinating reading on that site :) and wish I could afford that book. Bet it isn't in my local library!

Crikey, it's gone up, I got a used copy for £13 last month. Is there a LLL group near you? They might have a copy in the group library.

Must be supply/demand pushing up the price

I probably do and keep meaning to look them up. Good idea.

DD is now 15 months. DH has been settling her at night (with me in another room) but has not been able to do it consistantly (work commitments etc)... we've had some improvements and one occasion of a 7 hour stretch of sleep, then a 9 hour (830 - 530am) but this has not been sustained... something always comes up, by in-laws are staying at the moment and my main difficulty at the moment is actually settling her to sleep at the beginning of the night. It takes so long and involves many many story books, a BF then singing.... jeez it's hard work!!!

I do think the sleep thing is very variable. My 14 m.o. has generally been not-a-very-good sleeper and has always woken/fed quite a lot at night. However, he now refuses more than one night feed. He wakes for a feed/nappy change shortly before I go to bed - if he doesn't, then I wake him. On a good night he then sleeps through till the morning. On a not-so-good night he wakes due to having had poor naps or teething / wind etc, but still doesn't want to feed. Oh, and I feed to sleep at bedtime, so it's not as if I help him self-settle.

Four months ago he was wanting lots of night feeds, so as carinterrier says, it can change a lot in a short space of time.

At 12 months he was feeding 6/7 times in the day and a few times at night. Now it's 3 times in the day and once at night - that's dropped off very quickly, although one at a time. I sometimes offer at other points in the day, but he usually refuses.

I found reading 'Mothering your nursing Toddler' helpful when I was getting fed up (still do )..
Dr Sears has some tips on nightweaning but doesn't really recommend them bewfire 18 months or so. The involve DH lots . I'm thinking about doing something maybe, if I can be arsed, as DD is 2.1 and still nurses at night. We cosleep so not a big deal but I would like DH to be able to put her to bad. Since she was around 18 months she's just wanted me in the evenings. V. tiresome.