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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

11pm BF becoming a formula feed - HELP!

16 replies

SharkSkinThing · 12/02/2011 18:23

DS is 6.2 months old and EBF - plan on bf until 9 months, when we'll switch to formula.

DP wants to start making the 11pm feed a formula one, starting tonight! I don;t want to, but I can see it has to happen at some point in the next couple of months anyway, may as well get started with the one feed.

Any tips - should he just go for it cold turkey and see what happens?

OP posts:

PenguinArmy · 12/02/2011 18:38

Why does it have to happen?

At 9 months, only morning and evenings feeds can be done so if it's work, that doesn't matter.

If you don't want to I wouldn't, as it could start resentment. Also it can be the start of a slippery slope. DH could be if he has one, then why not more. But much more could easily lead to a bottle preference.

3 months is ages away, so there's no need to think about how to do until 8 months. Then the best way would be to drop a feed every 3-5 days to avoid problems for you

bubbleymummy · 12/02/2011 18:44

I second what PA is saying. Just dropping a feed all of a sudden could result in uncomfortably full breasts for you! 3 months is aaaaaaaaaaages away in baby time - just think back to what your DS was like when he was 3 months old and look at the difference!

Original poster

SharkSkinThing · 12/02/2011 19:10

Thanks - I've just said that I'm not doing it. Cue frosty tension, but I really don't see the point, and it's stressing me out. He's had bf the whole time, why can't we just stick with that for another couple of months?

I'm a bit pissed off with DP anyway, after he made a comment that he thinks DS is losing weight because we're now doing a combo of finger feeding and spoon feeding. He doesn't get how important it is that you move on from smooth purees. He thinks we should be shoveling in jars of puree. I've lost count of the amount of times I've had to explain that MILK is the priority NOT food. It's a gradual process. DS is already gnawing on bits of grilled chicken, what more does he expect?

I think I may have to go to bed and just read before I kick off.

OP posts:

PenguinArmy · 12/02/2011 19:14

Milk is the main food until 1, at which point I guess it's 50:50 (in a perfect food). I agree with the finger foods being better in the long run. Milk is more calorific than food so if weight is an issue, more milk and less food the better.

There must be a NHS thing with 'food is fun until 1' type thing on it somewhere.

We did the same with DD and at 11 months it's come together for her and she can a wide range of foods really easily.

good luck and feel free to carry on ranting

Original poster

SharkSkinThing · 12/02/2011 19:18

I'm going to have a fishfinger sarnie, you know, to take the edge of.

OP posts:

Original poster

SharkSkinThing · 12/02/2011 19:19

Off, to take the edge OFF!

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 12/02/2011 19:23

if he is losing weight then he needs more milk not anything else!

ask your dp what he thinks has more calories... a jar of puree, or a couple of breastfeeds?

if you don't want to do formula then don't. I know from personal experience how horrid it is to live with the regret of stopping breastfeeding before i wanted to, and part of that involved introducing formula when i didn't want to.

agree with penguinarmy too, if it's because you're going back to work then you can easily breastfeed around that, even if he has formula while he is there.
WHO recommend feeding until your child is at least 2, so you can tell your dp that too

but IMO, why pay for something when you have a better alternative which is free???

MoonUnitAlpha · 12/02/2011 19:48

Is he actually losing weight, or has his weight gain just slowed down?

TittyBojangles · 12/02/2011 20:24

oooh, a fishfinger sarnie,... I could so eat one of those! :( No fishfingers though.

narmada · 12/02/2011 21:25

Oh god, if you can possibly avoid giving bottles of formula, do it. I am exclusively FF my sonand it's a right pain in the arse, and from an emotional point of view I hate it. I think some blokes just don't get how important it can be to mums. I BF my DD1 for nearly 2 years and I can honestly say BF is so much easier, cheaper, and, well, better, if you have the option. At the time I was quite keen to get her to take a bottle of formula of an evening because I thought it would 'free me' but I look back now and wonder what on earth I was thinking....!

Original poster

SharkSkinThing · 13/02/2011 09:09

Well, I've woken up a bit angry still, it's just his complete inability to understand that bf is more important than food.

Moon - no, he's not losing weight! He's around 25lbs! DP just thinks he has, he still thinks we were making progress with jars, he doesn't get that things move on again with feeding.

We are so lucky in the sense that DS is EBF for this long, AND is getting to grips with food and finger feeding so quickly, i feel like I'm doing all the work and getting zero credit. He never reads anything I ask him to, preferring the opinion of the bloke at work to anyone else, even dr's, hv's or the breastfeeding counselor.

Narmada - the 'freeing' up is exactly what DP keeps saying, but I don't want freeing up, I want to bf DS right up until I'm planning to stop, at around 9 - 10 months.

DP is taking DS out later for a couple of hours and wants to tale a bottle of formula with him, 'just in case'. Just in case of what? He doesn't understand the whole bf on demand thing, and how much kinder it is to DS and my body. If he gives him a bottle of formula it throws me and the milk and everything out of whack. Plus DS has a cold - what he needs is milk, not formula, as Yesterday says! More milk!!

Anyway, blah, blah, blah. We've discussed again - I'm happy to wean him off bf to formula mid April, he'll be 9 1/2 months then, and what with going back to work, a friend's wedding and yes, I'm selfish, wanting my body back, I've told DP that DS will not be having formula until that point. He's going to come to the MILK drop-in in a couple of weeks so that he can hear first-hand (and not from the twatting bloke at work) how weaning works. Though he'll probably dismiss these people, too.

Urgh. he's generally a top bloke, but all I want to do is shout 'wanker' at him at the moment.

OP posts:

Cosmosis · 13/02/2011 10:56

Is your dh desperate to give him formula because he wants to feed him? if so surely expressing is a better way to go about that?

narmada · 13/02/2011 16:22

If he is reolute about wanting to feed your DS, you could express I suppose but it seems like a lot of hard work for you for not much effect

It may be he is feeling a bit like a spare part?If so, are there other things he can do, just him and the baby> Maybe he's afraid that if he takes you DS out and he starts crying he cannot respond with boob, IYSWIM! Maybe you could just reassure your DP that he can just give DS a banana or some other snack if he seems hungry...? You've probably tried that.

FF is so not freeing up, in any sense - just remind him of the extra effort and preparation involved e.g., for any longer journeys, holidays, etc.

Is he maybe getting stick from people around him about you 'still' BF? Some people do make wierd comments like that....

Also, some otherwise perfectly reasonable and normal blokes (well, ok, not perfectly reasonable exactly...) do come to resent boobs being seemingly all about the baby, when they used to be (partly at least) about fun for him! strange but true.

Original poster

SharkSkinThing · 13/02/2011 17:20

All of the above is true - he says he has no paternal urge to feed DS, I just think he wants to have an opinion. I've given him snacks to take just in case.

I think I'm just in a bad mood this weekend.

Sorry for being so boo hoo poor me. It could always be worse.

OP posts:

TruthSweet · 13/02/2011 18:32

If it's a MILK drop in on the south coast then see if your DH can speak to Elaine she's absolutely fab and will soon set him to rights (while being very diplomatic about it all of course).

I wonder if you could make your DH make up a feed for DS (you don't have to give it to DS though) so he can see how much faff it is. I mean if he is going to ff your DS while you sleep he's got to make it up right? If it's you who's got to be giving the ff, why bother as DS could just as well turn his head slightly and have a bf instead .

Have DH look at some of the documentation on how to correctly make up formula here and here so he understands what he will be doing in prep for the 11pm feed from about 10pm onwards......or you could just drop your bra cup open and feed the baby with a prep time of approx 5 seconds

narmada · 14/02/2011 10:37

Also, a cautionary tale from me to pass on to your OH. Babies can sometimes be intolerant to cow milk formula - my DS is suspected of having this and it makes him incredibly unsettled, wakeful, and generally hard to manage. The alternative is a horrible-tasting, super-expensive formula that DS doesn't want to drink ...

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