Freaking out (a bit)

[GreenCar]

I'm giving birth shortly and really really want to breastfeed. But...everyone I know either bottle-feeds or breastfeeds but have older babies (6 months plus) who wake every 2 hours or more often at night and feed continuously during the day.

I've read loads of books about breastfeeding to prepare myself and my impression was that if the baby takes a proper feed then it should last a bit between feeds and certainly at 6 months should be sleeping for longer during the night.

Does anyone have any more "positive" breastfeeding experiences? Any tips as I'm not sure I'll be able to cope with a baby permanently attached to my breast day and night and this isn't really what i envisaged breastfeeding would be all about.

I'm no expert, and I'm not about to offer tips, but if you are collecting stories, I'll tell you that my experience has been different. My baby started differentiating between day and night very early (certainly before the HCP said that they "could" tell the difference) and would go longer between feeds at night than during the day. Between the ages of nine and sixteen weeks, she slept from 11pm to 7am and I caught up on all my newborn exhaustion then. That didn't last, and I still do feed at night (post 6 months) but not always, and it doesn't take long. I have never co-slept, as I haven't "needed" to to get a satisfactory amount of sleep. As time has gone on, she has stretched the gap between daytime feeds, and doesn't feed continuously at all. I pretty much feed to a schedule now. As you can imagine, with the luck I've had I have found breastfeeding to be an extremely convenient and easy way to get the job done!

I love breastfeeding and have found it quite easy-going really.

My ds fed 2 hourly during the day and several times at night (not sure how many exactly as I co-slept and didn't always entirely wake up) for the first few weeks. Feeds took up to an hour so I caught up on lots of boxsets. By 8 weeks he was going to bed around 7-8pm and sleeping til 3am.

His sleep went a bit wrong around 4 months, as most babies do. By 5 months he was going to bed at 7pm, feeding twice in the night and up and 7am. Fed every 2-3 hours in the day.

Now 6 months and weaned onto solids, he breastfeeds around every 3 hours in the day and sleeps 11-6 most nights.

To be honest though, if you're imagining breastfeeding to be feeding a baby for 20 minutes and then they go nicely into their moses basket for 3-4 hours, you're likely to be disappointed.

my baby is 5 weeks old and is ebf and sleeps for 5 or 6 hours each night wakes for feed. Feeds for 10 mins approx and back to sleep for another 3/4 hour. feed between every 2/3 in the day and tends to cluster feed in the evening. I dont co sleep, baby sleeps in moses basket next to bed. I know i am lucky as most people i have spoke to say they feed all the time with a bf baby but this has not been my experience ( altho it is early days for me)
Oh and baby is gaining weight well, so its not that he is not getting enough milk

Hope this gives you hope that bf can be a positive experience.

Please note day time feeds are much longer tho can be 20 to 40 mins but he just seems to need a 10 min top up in the night

Unfortunately a lot of books are very misleading and misinforming when it comes to the normal course of breastfeeding. Which ones have you been reading? I'm going to hazard a guess at What to expect - the First Year, The Contented Little Baby Book, The Baby Whisperer and perhaps something by Claire Byram Cook.

I'm not being mean but if it is any of those books and not books like The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, The Food of Love by Kate Evans, The Ultimate Book of Breastfeeding Answers by Jack Newman, then the books you have been reading have not got great advice or information. I made the mistake of reading TCLBB and my DH was so appalled at the 'information' on bfing he throw it in the recycling!

It is VERY normal for a baby of 6 months to wake in the night to feed and to need feeding frequently during the day even if on solids. You wouldn't expect a 6 month old baby to be taking enough food to majorly alter the amount of milk they are consuming breast or bottle fed and equally it is very normal for a baby however they are fed to want to be close to mum and feed a lot especially in the early weeks.

Not all babies feed every 2 hours 24 hours a day but the occasional one will do, it may be your friends have just all got ultra-frequent feeders - nothing wrong with that. There is a good set of charts to show how a newborn spends it's days here so you can get an idea of what the first couple of weeks might be like.

A newborns tummy is only small and they need very little but very often. Wearing baby in a sling can help a lot as can getting out in the day even if you end up feeding whilst out - it's a change of scenery to the sofa!

Sometimes we, as parents, need to adjust our expectations of what life with a baby is going to be like - it's a darn sight easier to adjust that than to adjust a baby with it's millions of years of evolution telling it what to do (stay close to mum, keep feeding, feed in the night so the tigers don't get me, cluster feed in the evening so mum doesn't put me down just when the predators are getting up and are hungry!).

It may seem like life with a baby is unrelenting but the more 'with the flow' you are the easier it is, it doesn't last forever and it'll be easier before you know it. Time flies with a baby - I should know my eldest daughter is not quite 5 years old, my middle daughter is 3.2y/o and my 'baby' is 16m/o and it seems like yesterday DD1 was a tiny baby let alone the 'baby' being a baby.

Good luck with the rest of your pg and enjoy what sleep you can get

Everyone's experience will be different. My Mum ff me and bf my sister. I didn't sleep through until I was 4 and had started school, my sister slept through from 6 weeks. My bf has bf both of hers and both have slept through from 2 weeks.

Does that help to balance it up a little?

You will be probably be feeding for hours at night at first though, it is natural and no indication that anything is wrong.

And some of the worse sleepers I've ever met have been ff.

Lovely post Truthsweet- funnily enough that list of books ran through my head when I read the post.

Maybe, think of bfing as more than just 'feeding' Greencar. I use it as a way to soothe and calm my baby as well as to offer food and drink.

If you do have a baby that needs feeding frequently OP, then you can find ways to cope with that- a sling, co-sleeping for example. It's a lot easier to roll over and offer a breast to a baby in the middle of the night than it is to fiddle around with a bottle.

Greencar

From just a few weeks my ds would sleep for 4 solid hours without a feed at night, he'd go back to sleep after. Then about 6 weeks he moved onto 5-6 hours solid.He's now 9 weeks and is sleeping 8 hours solid.

Bf is so much easier in my opinion (very challenging in other ways) esp when out and about, my ds2 went to a&e monday we were there 8 hours - i could just bf when i wanted no bottles to worry about. My ds does feed every couple of hours but once he's finished i simply fasten my bra back up.No bottles to wash, sterilise, make up feeds, buy forumla etc.

Once you get past the first 6 weeks things get load easier

my first baby is 6wks and breastfeeding has really clicked for us in the past couple of weeks.

he tends to feed every couple of hours during the day and a bit more in the evening, then sleeps most of the night waking around 5 or 6 am for a feed before going back down for a few more hours.

it is an absolute pleasure to sit down with him for a feed, and is so much easier i imagine than making up a bottle.

imo early motherhood is about being constantly present, and that applies however you feed, so bf is no more demanding than any other part of the day, but it is a wonderful chance to sit on the sofa, relax, and enjoy cuddling your baby

I think it's hard at first but comes in to its own after a while, at about 4 weeks for us. At first it felt like I was feeding a lot and I had to just tell myself to stick with it. Then it was like we both got the hang of it. Now I think it's fab! Convenient, I don't have to worry about how long we'll be out or if we have enough bottles, we just go. When I do express some milk I find sterilising such a pain.

In the night feeds I just pop him in to bed, he feeds quite quickly at night, I lie and relax and then pop him back in his crib, for me it's barely an interruption to my sleep! I'm sure that must be easier than getting up and making a bottle.

I think you do need to be determined to stick with it though so good luck.

Are there any LLL, NCT or baby cafes groups near to you that you could go to and meet everyone before you have the baby? Meeting some new mums who are bfing might help to put your mind at rest.

I have had nearly everything that could go wrong with bfeeding happen to me. starting with low supply, then over supply. thrush, mastitis, and nursing strikes. it was hard going, much harder then thought it would be and I often thought of giving up or at least mix feeding but then I would bf dd and she would caress my chest with her hand. look up at me and smile, pinch my side. and there was no way I was going to give up this time and intimacy with my baby.
I have spoken with other mums, those who bf and ff and we all agree that bf is much harder at the beginning than ff but once established (from 6-8 weeks, a not longer for me with all my problems) bf is much much easier. well worth going through a rough but sweet first few months to have it easier the next 6 or more.

DS1 was FF and was always a terrible sleeper - didn't sleep through until he turned 2!

DS2 is 9wks now, BF and very different. During the day, feeding can be really erratic - some days he just feeds ALL the time and barely naps at all, other days he can go a few hours between feeds and has a good nap in the afternoons. At night, he always went at least 3hrs between feeds from day 1 and quickly started stretching them out so that now he's going a good 6-8hrs at night.

Don't know why it's working so well for him when it went so wrong with DS1 and I know other mothers with little BF babies who behave very diffently. Babies really do change all the time and you just have to go with what they chuck at you!

Thank you to you all for the encouraging and realistic replies. Clearly I have been reading the wrong books!!! But it's great to hear so many positive reports of breastfeeding and I'm looking forward to getting going!

DD is 22 weeks and has slept 10pm - 7am since 8 weeks. She does feed every 2 - 3 hours during the day but I don't find this to be problem and DP can always give her a bottle if I fancy a break.

I did find the first few weeks hard and she went through a phase of evening cluster feeds but BF has been a wonderful experience for us both and I hope to continue for some time yet!

Wishing you well for the rest of your pregnancy and getting going with BF

DD is nearly 6 months and I've found BF easy. Now she is starting on food she can go 4 hours or more during the day (if feeling ok and not bored!), and she feeds at about 2230 (should get a whimper soon!), then sometime between 2 and 4 am and then when she wakes, sometime between 5 and 7am. We co=sleep half the night, so sometimes she wakes about midnight wanting to come in with us (in cot next to the bed) but normally I just bring her in at the early morning feed.

She probably doesn't 'need' those feeds, she's just waking for a cuddle. But that's fine to be honest. If she is still doing it in a few months I'll start jiggling instead of just feeding, but I'm lazy and feeding guarantees sleep!

DD1 and 2 both bf. DD1 slept through at 5 months, dd2 at 6. But then I also did a routine based on (whisper it) Gina Ford. Both very happy babies who now sleep through anything, even on a campsite!

When she was newborn I woke DD every 2-3 hours counting from the beginning of the feed. She always fed for a solid hour and I discovered that after 2 weeks it was much better to feed her every 4 hours. I initially had to wake her to feed by stripping her to her vest, but then after about 3 weeks she started to wake for a feed pretty much bang on every 4 hours with feeds lasting an hour. The HV told me that the feeds shouldn't last that long and she was comfort sucking and I should stop her after 30 mins. I discovered through painful experience that that advice was wrong for us. At 4 weeks she started going for longer between feeds at night and started to practice sleeping through from 2330-0800. At 6 weeks we got into a routine of bath at 2000, feed from 2030-2130, fall asleep at breast, transfer to bed for the night- sleep through. Its still working bar the odd hiccup.

During the day she feeds every 4 hours on demand but during growth spurts feeding can go on from 1200 to bedtime continually. If I don't go out with her in the day she'd feed/comfort suck pretty much all day if she could. She's 17 weeks and hasn't found her thumb and won't take a dummy. Some think comfort sucking is wrong, but others think its all beneficial for breastfeeding. Its not really a drag and on the whole she's a star in the feeding department. The hour long feeds did usually feature a nappy change and a bout of hiccups. She now feeds for about 40 mins and only the foremilk swallowing is audible. My letdown is slow so expressing is a chore and we're still on slow flow teats for when she uses a bottle.

Good luck and hth.

My little one has been a really good sleeper and from about 10 days old would sleep a good 6 or 7 hours at night.

On the flip side, I had real difficulties getting the feeding right and so had to fight through destroyed nipples by expressing and bottle feeding or using nipple shields for the first 11 weeks. Howerver, I do think giving a bottle of expressed milk in the evening helped fill her up so that she then slept through when she was really little.

We're now at 17 weeks and feeding is great - no more expressing or shields. It was well worth the agony of those first few months when I would dread the thought of her coming anywhere near my boobs! Now it's ace just to be able to whip one out whenever she's hungry wherever we are - so convenient and much cheaper than formula.

In terms of times, she'll go 3 or 4 hours between feeds in the morning and afternoon and then cluster feed in the evening. Typically she'll feed about 8.30 in the morning, then 12 or 1ish, then about 4ish then from about 7 or 8ish she'll probably only go 1, maybe 2, hours between feeds till we go to bed about 11ish. Then she'll sleep right through.

Whilst probably not text book to have her go to bed so late, it fits in with our lifestyle nicely and we are happy and chilled with this routine.

By way of contrast, one of my friends has had absolutely no problems at all with pain or damaged boobs and has found feeding a breeze but her son wakes her every 2 hours for feeds through the night!

Good luck with your little one and feeding. I hope it works out well for you.

It's likely that having a baby will be a shock. I don't think you can really prepare whatever. And whether you bf or FF, needing feeding every 2 hours is normal at first and for a lot of babies for longer.

Having said that, my DD is now 8 wo and although she cluster feeds when awake during the day (would typically feed every hour), we've now got her napping and she regularly sleeps midnight-6am and then 7.30-9am! This is way better than all the FF babies in my NCT group who are on 3 hourly feed schedules with maybe a 4 hour break at night.

BFing is really really hard at first, but it can be lovely and once you're over the (actually very short) nightmare stage, it's brilliant. An NCT friend and I went to the cinema yesterday with our babies and they were quite happy nursing during the film. I don't think I could have done that if I hadn't had the instant comfort and ease of breastfeeding!

I agree with other posters that BF-ing can be very hard to start with (1st 6 weeks really tough) - and then after that, gradually it gets a lot easier, and the benefits of convenience really kick in.

I also agree that while there are these wonder-babies out there who seem to feed very infrequently and sleep like logs - most BF babies don't. Most need to feed very frequently, and need to wake to feed frequently at night. It's what's best for them, but can be very draining for us....

And I do think actually that having a baby permanently attached to your breast day and night is a much more realistic expectation, esp in the 1st 2 months, than the 'will feed every 2-3 hours, sleep nicely, and wake on schedule for next short efficient feed' scenario. Shoot me down if you want! but I wish I had been better prepared for how constant early feeding was.

I got so wound up by reading about how 'convenient' BF-ing was during the 1st 6-8 weeks. I wish BF-ing advice prepared new mums better for those 1st few weeks - I think so many give up because they think it's supposed to be easy and convenient from the start. But feeding a 6 month old is so different to feeding a 2 week old.

My EBF DS is nearly 7 months old, thriving, and BF-ing is SO much easier than FF-ing would be now. Yes, I have to do all of it at night still, and he wakes pretty much every 2-3 hours, but only for half an hour a time... and it makes going out on trips much easier, as I don't have to plan ahead and think where I'll be to make up feeds etc.

I'd say be very wary of baby rearing books that aren't explicitly about BF-ing. They tend to be based on a FF culture (which always involves a strict timetable, as FF-ing on demand is incredibly difficult and wasteful), and while they make token nods towards BF-ing, they can actually be very damaging. Mainly in terms of all this 'baby must go X hours between feeds' stuff. It will give you unrealistic expectations and might well bugger your supply up as well.

I highly recommend "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" which is quite a huge tome but absolutely brilliant. Ignore the rather feminist-sounding title. My only critisism is that it's US-based so the advice numbers, etc, are US numbers, but there is a UK version of all of their contact details (The La Leche League, www.laleche.org.uk/).

My experience:

Exclusively breastfed DS1 slept through from 7pm to 7am from 3 months old (this is very unusual in any baby).

Exclusively breastfed DS2 (well now just starting weaning) is now 7 months and will feed from once to loads overnight. But we co-sleep and he just latches on when he wants to and I hardly notice, so I get a full night's sleep. AND it puts him back to sleep so I can get a lie-in just by letting him suckle away while I snooze. Everyone's a winner

'The Food of Love' by Kate Evans is also excellent - and is hilarious! Plus it comes in a format so the book will stay open on your lap so its easy to read whilst feeding.

ooh yes, "The Food of Love" really prepared me for getting my head around having a baby - the sort of lurching from one urgency to the next - and how to just relax and go with the flow. That's the key to happy breastfeeding in the first six weeks, or it was for a control freak like me. Just relax, lounge about, and cuddle your baby. Plus it's funny and sweet and did I mention funny? Highly, highly recommended!