need encouragement to keep bfing 5 mo

[ExistentialistCat]

DD2 is 19 weeks. I EBF'd until 16 weeks, at which point I introduced a ff at bedtime so that DH would be able to put her down sometimes. All that has gone without any problems. There is some fussiness during the day at times, but ff'd DD1 was the same at this age. She has 2 feeds in the night, which I gather is normal.

Thing is, I AM ON MY KNEES with tiredness. We've had a few awful nights of not settling after feeds and being awake very early in the morning. I am overwhelmed with the feeling that it has to be me all the time. I feel utterly powerless and helpless and I just want to DO something, and switching to ff is so tempting.

Reasons for ff: So I could leave DD with DH for a whole afternoon. Dropping night feeds (rather easier if you're gently reducing a bottle by an ounce every 3 nights than witholding a boob, I think). More predictability/routine, longer between feeds.

BUT we're so close to weaning age and I can also see that it would make sense to go on bfing. I'm just so shattered and grasping at straws.

Please be gentle. I know bfing is the best thing for DD2 but I am starting to disappear in the process.

About this stage nightfeeds were getting a bit much for me (it was every hour or two though) so we decided on 2 nightfeeds at 10.30pm and 3.30am - if ds woke other than those times DP went and rocked him to sleep. The 10.30pm feed was formula, so I could go to bed after dinner and get 7 hours sleep in a row. Now he's 26 weeks and weaned that 3.30am feed has become 6am anyway.

If you want a routine, start a routine - you don't have to keep feeding on demand if it's not working for you. It might have to be based on 2-3 hourly feeds rather than 3-4 hourly though. And as for going out for a whole afternoon, why not? Your DH could always give a bit of formula from a cup or something while you're away, it won't do any harm to your supply at this stage. I started weaning at 22 weeks and then it became even easier as ds could have a bit of banana or porridge til I came back.

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IMO, not settling after feeds and being awake very early is probably due either to overtiredness (from being awake for too long at once during the day), or due to the 4 month sleep regression. The regression usually settles down once they're around 19 weeks from their due date. (More info here, here, here and here). How many naps does she have & how often?

Are you co-sleeping? I found that made all the difference to my levels of tiredness with night feeds. It could help as a temporary measure to help you feel a bit better so you can make a decision you're happy with in the long run (whatever that might be).

Could you get your DH to ff one of the other feeds even if you continue to bf?

Thank you, MoonUnitAlpha and AngelDog.

I tend to shove a boob in DD2's direction whenever she's a bit fractious, so I suppose I could try to implement a bit more structure. It's hard at night because she settles to sleep on her own and gets positively irritated by any interference in the form of rocking, patting, shushing or singing, so when she wakes I only really have feeding as a method for settling her down.

Overtiredness seems plausible. I've been trying to get her to nap in her cot a bit more but she'll never do more than one sleep cycle, whereas I can get her to last 2-3 hours by rocking her in her pram sometimes. It's so frustrating because I have a 19 month-old DD1 and spend the hours between 11 am and 4 pm persuading one or other to sleep. But if that's the price to pay to avoid these killer nights (up from 12 - 3 and then again at 5) then so be it.

I'm afraid co-sleeping just isn't for me as I don't sleep at all...

Honestly, if you want to keep going with BF, the end is in sight.... my DD2 was a very frequent feeder, also feeding lots at night - DH was on the sofabed and DD2 spent most of the night in with me. Once I started weaning things got a lot easier. Suddenly the daytime feeds spaced out loads and once she was on 3 meals a day it all settled down to a reasonable pattern. At night things got a lot better too. We had a brief couple of weeks around 6 months of waking every 2 hours which was hellish, but I put it down to teething. Now age 7 months she mostly sleeps through the night, in her cot. On the odd occasion she wakes at 5 it is so much easier to shove a boob in her mouth than make a bottle of formula!

If you feel ok about it, I would suggest cosleeping. Just for now - what I used to do was put her to bed in her cot but bring her in with me from the first feed onwards. And can't your DH get up for DD1 if she wakes?

Good luck!

Trying to get decent naps is horrible when you've only got one - must be so much worse with 2. Could you use the pram indoors and jiggle at the end of each sleep cycle? Will she feed back to sleep when she wakes in the cot? (My DS will do this even though feeding to sleep doesn't usually work for naps.)

I'd try to make sure she has a nap after 1.5 - 2 hours (ish) awake to avoid overtiredness, so she should need at least 3 per day. Around 9am and 1pm are times of the day when babies find it easier to sleep, but it's more important to follow their tired signs. If she's up at 5am, I'd try for the first nap at around 6.30am. The earlier you can put her to bed at night the better she's likely to sleep.

There's some biological basis to 'awake cycles' being 1.5 hours long, which is probably why she's up for 2 x 1.5 hours in the night. Next time she's wide awake at night, you could try feeding after she's been awake 1.5 hours and she might go off again.

Hope it improves soon.

Have you tried a dummy? This was a life saver for us - if DS went straight back to sleep, he wasn't hungry. If not, then I fed him. Found out he didn't need feeding half as much as I thought...

Oh and at 6 or 7 months he only had 3 feeds in a 24 hour period - it got so much easier and weaning was, I think, much easier with continuing to BF.

You are so close to weaning now, hang in there and it will get a LOT easier! I felt exactly the same as you at 5 months. I carried on and now ds is 10 months and feeds less and eats 3 meals a day plus snacks.

Much easier to offer an occasional bf than be preparing weaning foods and bottles. Then again if you do blw you'll really have the best of both worlds, occasional feeds and just chuck some of your food her way at mealtimes!

If bfing is what you want then just keep going and things will get easier very soon, promise!

Thank you all so much. I think I'm over that blip. I do enjoy breastfeeding, really. It's just such an easy target when nights are hard and formula seems like a quick fix.

I've made sure that DD2 sleeps more in the day these last couple of days, and nights have been markedly better. I still reckon she gets more calories at night than during the day, but her older (ff'd) sister was the same at this age, as there were just far more interesting things to do during the day than eating!

Thanks for the reassurance, everyone who mentioned it getting easier at weaning age. I'll do my best to hang on in there!

Glad better naps have helped. :)