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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

struggling with breastfeeding

10 replies

Weasy · 02/02/2011 15:43

I have a beautiful and much longed for 3.5 week old daughter. I intended to breastfeed exclusively for 6 months but am now in complete despair : (

My DD had a tongue tie but did some pretty severe damage to my nipples before this was diagnosed and treated. I had alot of advice and support re latching etc and persevered with b/f and it finally got easier. Then last week I developed thrush in my nipples and b/f is excruciating again. The worst thing is that I know that thrush can take weeks to properly treat and the thought of weeks of painful breastfeeding is making me really desperate. As it is I cry for hours as I feel guilty that I find b/f an ordeal rather than a pleasure. I also feel guilty that I cry for hours when I love my DD and DP so much and this is making all of us miserable.

My DP thinks I should give up and switch to formula (DD already has top ups because at one stage she wasn't putting on weight)but I feel like that would make me the worlds worst mother plus I am clinging to the hope that in a day or so my symptoms might be better and that b/f will become easier again. I go round and round in circles with all of this and don't know what to do. Confused

I would appreciate any advice. Why do I feel so guilty every time I even think about giving up b/f?

OP posts:
tiktok · 02/02/2011 15:54

:( :(

You need real life help, I think - I worry sometimes when I read about situations like yours with all the involvement from HCPs there must have been - in just 3.5 weeks you have had TT diagnosed and treated and now thrush diagnosed (I am suspicious of thrush a a diagnosis, always....but especially in the early weeks. Not saying it does not exist; am saying the diagnosis is sometimes offered when people don't know what else to say). Oh, and you have had worries about his weight :(

All the support and advice you have had - I bet that has been an ordeal in itself as people will have contradicted each other all the time.

Obviously a switch to formula does not make anyone a bad mother (let alone 'the world's worst' :) ). You feel upset because you want to breastfeed and it hurts and you are not sure what to do - that's understandable.

Can you return to whoever you feel gave you the most well-informed support and ask them to help you start again with getting your baby latched in a way that is comfortable and doesn't damage you? Use whatever you need to heal your nipples. Re-visit the diagnosis of thrush. Don't do anything other than focus on your baby and yourself. Don't let people who are not your 'chosen' support get involved.

Hope this helps.

halfcaff · 02/02/2011 16:00

Sounds really similar to my experience (but the thrush thing was inconclusive with me, I think it was just down to poor latching) and I can really sympathise. Go and get some help from a bf counsellor or health visitor. I have to say nipple shields really 'cracked' it for me - I am sure I would have given up without them, just gave me a chance to heal and start over. I persevered (though still had some problems with soreness up to 3 months with dc1) and went on for a year with both my dc. If you are already using a bottle to top-up you will not be worrying about 'nipple confusion' - it didn't seem to be a problem for us.

Good luck!

halfcaff · 02/02/2011 16:02

And tiktok gave brilliant advice. So soothing!

japhrimel · 02/02/2011 16:27

Hang in there. We've just had thrush ( hope think it's gone!) and it was agony!

As your LO has some bottles already, you could do what I did and express some feeds so that when it's just too painful, there is the option of giving a bottle and pumping. Or give the odd bottle of formula and try to pump. Whatever gets you through IMO - it does not mean the end of breastfeeding!

smithster · 02/02/2011 16:27

Hello,

After a very similar experience, and after giving up breastfeeding after a month, I have come out of the other side smiling. Please try not to be hard on yourself, if you can carry on then that's brilliant because that's what you want to do. If not, don't waste time beating yourself up about it. I really gave myself a hard time over it even though I had tried so hard to make a go of breastfeeding.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad and don;t compare yourself to others, everyone is different. My 10 month old is happy, healthy and bottlefed. Enjoy this precious time with your baby and don't let guilt spoil it. I felt exactly the same, now I just feel angry that I was made to feel this way by all the pressure put on you to breastfeed. If you switch to formula feeding or combination, you will be in the majority. The majority of women are not bad mothers!

Whatever happens, in a year's time it won't seem like such a bad thing. You'll have a crawling a walking baby bumping their head to feel guilty about instead Wink. it will all work out one way or the other, honestly xx

smithster · 02/02/2011 16:52

Hello,

After a very similar experience, and after giving up breastfeeding after a month, I have come out of the other side smiling. Please try not to be hard on yourself, if you can carry on then that's brilliant because that's what you want to do. If not, don't waste time beating yourself up about it. I really gave myself a hard time over it even though I had tried so hard to make a go of breastfeeding.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad and don;t compare yourself to others, everyone is different. My 10 month old is happy, healthy and bottlefed. Enjoy this precious time with your baby and don't let guilt spoil it. I felt exactly the same, now I just feel angry that I was made to feel this way by all the pressure put on you to breastfeed. If you switch to formula feeding or combination, you will be in the majority. The majority of women are not bad mothers!

Whatever happens, in a year's time it won't seem like such a bad thing. You'll have a crawling a walking baby bumping their head to feel guilty about instead Wink. it will all work out one way or the other, honestly xx

smithster · 02/02/2011 16:53

oops - so good I posted it twice!

softpaw · 02/02/2011 17:16

hon..it hurts like hell for about a week..and then you have the freedom to do what u like and go where u like..make sure you have the babies mouth right around your nipple.oh and sleep with the baby..there's nothing to compare with those intimate days

Original poster
Weasy · 02/02/2011 18:05

Thanks everyone for your messages. I really do have thrush - it is completely different from the injuries I had from the tongue tie - I have had classic symptoms of thrush and don't feel like I have been fobbed off or anything.

I have had breast feeding specialists, peer supporters, m/w, lactation consultants all of whom have said that my baby latches well -one said I could give lessons in breastfeeding!

I sit and cry for hours and just don't feel that I can really carry on and, yes, it is guilt that's making me put myself through this. i had 3 miscarriages before my precious LO arrived and I feel that I just can't enjoy her because this aspect of our life together is so painful.
Smithster - your reply has made me feel so much better. It was worth posting it twice! Thank you - I really wanted a positive response from someone who had come through the other side. :O x

OP posts:
Jen2727 · 04/02/2011 16:34

I had a very similar experience with thrush and feely your pain. With my DD, i was dreading eeach feed as it was so painful and i think it was starting to affect my bond with her. I have been using nipple shields which made the pain almost completely subside straight away. Try them, they really do work! Good luck xx

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