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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Lack of routine

20 replies

Zimm · 02/02/2011 09:50

Sorry - this is not strictly BF but this forum seems to be the best one for me on mumsnet. Following a weekend at my Dad's and stepmums I am feeling like a bit of a failure. DD is nearly 6 months and EBF. I want to start BLW next week. But now I feel like I have been a lazy parent. DD dropped her daytime naps very early - about 8 weeks and after that would only sleep in the buggy during the day. I therefore walk a lot to try and make sure she gets at least 2 naps a day, although they are rarely longer then 45mins. At night she feeds to sleep (I feel as if she be going down on her own by now) and will usually wake once or twice between 8 and 6, then up for a feed at 6, back down til 8ish. So she gets about 11 hours at night. I feel bad for not putting her into more of a routine and enforcing day naps. I also feel like a bit of a freak as i am the only one of all the mummies I know to have waited til 6 months to wean. We do a lot of activties - swimming, sing and sign etc which would make a routine difficult - but now I wonder if I have done it all wrong :-( Mummy meltdown!

OP posts:

Squitten · 02/02/2011 10:31

I take it you are happy and baby is happy? Sounds good to me! Did your relatives say something to make you doubt yourself?

MoonUnitAlpha · 02/02/2011 10:36

If you're happy then carry on!

If not and you want to change things then you can, you haven't missed an opportunity. You could work on self-settling and napping in a cot if you want.

SXMummy · 02/02/2011 10:41

It sounds varied happy and active. I agree with last post, if baby is happy and it all fits ur life as seems is happening then don't stress. If baby is tired it will either let u know or drop off regardless. U can't force sleep, my personal view anyway. Trust ur instincts is best advice I have yet received, sounds like u were... Has something happened to make u doubt?

theidsalright · 02/02/2011 10:46

hold on a minute-you just described a typical day-there's your "routine" right there!!

Honestly, where's the failure? I can't see any-I hear a Mum who is out and about having great fun with her baby. Is your baby fractious? What's wrong with sleeping in the buggy?

FWIW DS was exactly the same for the first six months, but he woke every three hours during the night til 10months. I did BLweaning at six months and found it to be a real PITA because I had to have more routine, instead of just going with the flow, demand feeding, no preparation involved!

I think you sound like you are having a great time with your baby-don't over think it. For all you know all your other friends are envious of your chilled out approach. The comparison is a bit of a waste of time though!

varicoseveined · 02/02/2011 10:56

Your child doesn't nap for more than 45 mins a time and you take her out for walks so that she naps? That doesn't sound like lazy parenting at all! :)

Sounds like you and your DD are happy - what need is there to change? I agree with everyone else, just enjoy this time and keep doing what you're doing.

NinkyNonker · 02/02/2011 10:59

Your daytime sounds exactly like mine! Except dd also loves to sleep on me, as she is now. She's never slept properly in her cot during the day. We just started blw, great fun!

nickytwotimes · 02/02/2011 11:03

you are doing well!

she sleeps well at night! fantastic. sounds like my first. bit of a nnightmare to nap, but slept at night. unlike ds2 who is the other way round!

some people have very draconian attitudes wrt babies. you DO have a routine. and buggy napping is great because you get out and about instead of hanging round waiting for baby to wake.

feeding to sleep is fine - especially as she is managing to sleep well. don't worry about it. very ffew wee ones settle themselves. if it wasn't boob, it'd be a dummy or rocking etc.

honest, you sound fab

tiktok · 02/02/2011 11:07

Zimm - what on earth is wrong with what you do? You are responding to your baby's need for daytime sleep and enabling it by taking her out for a lovely snuggly rest and nap in the buggy (and keeping yourself fit in the process!). This also enables you both to have a nice social time with other people.

Plenty of babies your dd's age and a lot older need some sort of winding down/feeding in order to settle for the night - nothing wrong with that at all. Once or twice waking in the night - also fine. Little feed first thing followed by a short sleep which enables you to have a little longer in bed and then get up in time to wash etc and be ready for the day - perfect timing.

What's prompted the lack of confidence? You and your dd sound as if you have a very nice, fulfilling and fairly ordered but very flexible life! :)

Original poster

Zimm · 02/02/2011 11:11

Thank you everyone - it is mainly comments form relatives and also worry that she is not self settling and the fact that no one else seems to wait til 6 months to wean. It's true, she is generally a happy baby. Sometimes overtired in the evenings but I guess this happens even with the great nappers.

OP posts:

tiktok · 02/02/2011 11:17

Your relatives are uninformed and also very rude and unkind if they have made comments that leave you feeling 'a freak' , 'lazy', a 'failure' and 'done it all wrong'....wow, that's quite a lot of self-criticism in that first post, isn't it?

They are freakish to undermine a mother like this. They are lazy in passing negative comments instead of thinking of ways to support you. They are 'failures' in spoiling your weekend break. And they have certainly 'done it all wrong'.

You, on the other hand, with your happy, healthy baby and busy social life are doing everything right :) :) :)

varicoseveined · 02/02/2011 11:22

tikttok - hear hear!

This is just the start. I've found that as a parent, no matter what you do (or don't do), there will always be some dissent or criticism from some quarters, whether it's BF, BLW, which school you choose to send them to. Keep making well informed choices that suit you and your little one and stick to your guns :)

nickytwotimes · 02/02/2011 11:26

god, yes.
from birth you are always 'wrong' according to someone.
ignore, ignore, ignore.
you sound like you are doing perfectly!
enjoy.

MoonUnitAlpha · 02/02/2011 11:37

My mum is just the opposite - doesn't believe in routines, rocked her children to sleep or went for a walk twice a day so we'd sleep in the pram. She thinks I'm quite cruel for putting ds down in a cot for naps and having DP settle him in the night instead of me feeding him And I'm sure my approach is way to soft for some people too.

You can only do what works for you, and having a happy child is a sign of your success.

Original poster

Zimm · 02/02/2011 13:38

You are all right of course - have a feeling that stepmum did Gina Ford with my brother (the horror!) so we are never going to agree on parenting methods! She also commented that she 'didn't have a baby monitor because your brother never cried' and 'he never made any mess when weaning' - these two statements are rather worrying I think!

OP posts:

varicoseveined · 02/02/2011 13:45

LOL - that plus a short memory Zimm - my aunt swears that my cousin was potty trained at 9 month - and we're not talking elimination communication

theborrower · 02/02/2011 15:49

You are doing brilliantly Zimm, and you do have a routine, a flexible routine that seems to suit you both, and you get out and do lots of great activities and walking which is great for both of you :)

Forget the parents and PILS, you'll never agree on parenting, just do what you feel is right and suits you. I was always getting asked about weaning before 6 months too and getting the [hmmm] face when we said we were waiting until 6 months (which, by the way, is what is recommended so you are not a freak and are entirely sensible). Unfortunately, now we're at 6 months and just started it so now we get phone calls from the MIL asking for a commentary. I know she's just interested but it is slightly annoying as she wants to keep offering 'advice'

Chin up Zimm, you sound like a great mum :)

MoonFaceMamaaaaargh · 02/02/2011 16:17

SOunds like you are doing really well Zimm!

FWIW DS (11m) will only sleep on the move or on the boob. I don't mind and when others care for him they just take him out in the buggy.

I know in time he'll put himself to bed, and am happy to wait. Aslong as it's within the next 17 years...otherwise I might resort to CC

mrsnellie · 02/02/2011 16:51

Zimm, thank you for posting this, it is almost identical to what I am experiencing at the moment and the advice you have been given is brilliant. It's not nice when you believe you are doing the best for your baby and everyone tells you that you are wrong.
I think it sounds as though your baby has had a great start to their life :)

Original poster

Zimm · 03/02/2011 16:14

Thanks again all, I feel much better now!

OP posts:

porcamiseria · 03/02/2011 21:43

YOU SOUND GREAT! honestly, its fine, all good normal

dont beat yourself up!

amd your baby is sleeping better than mine I must tell you

not all babies nap in day, its very normal, DS1 did, DS2, no way!!!

please dont let them get you down

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