Fed up with BF'ing! Feel almost like i've been lied to tbh!

[SleepDeprivedGrumpyBum]

Title says it all really!

I'm thoroughly fed up with exclusively BF'ing my DS. He point blank refuses to feed from anything other than me and its driving me crazy!

I think i'm beginning to resent BF'ing a bit and feel like a was purposely misled by all the HCP's who were advocating BF'ing whilst i was pregnant. Why is nothing ever said to prepare you for how hard it is? when DS was between 2 - 4 weeks and he was feeding almost constantly i felt like a freak and that it shouldn't be so demanding and challenging. It's only through coming on here i found out it was perfectly normal!

Also all the gumpf you get about not giving bottles until 6 weeks as it will affect yout supply! Why does no one mention that its highly likely that your DC wont take a friggin bottle at that age? I would have liked to have known that so i could have made an informed decision. (especially when it seems such a common problem judging by the number of threads on the topic)

It just feels like i'm the only person who can care properly for DS. Bedtimes, night time, early morning i have to do them all! DP would happily do night shift if he could but its just not possible.

I know its a bit selfish but i just wish i could have some time to myself. Or to at least feel like it was an option. Feels like i've lost all choice as to how i feed my DS, and i'm backed into a corner having to continue to BF :(

Sorry rant/moan/winge over

i don't think you say how old your baby is, but it gets easier, honestly

(my 2nd and 3rd point-blank refused bottles too, despite having been introduced to them early on exactly as i had done perfectly successfully with ds1. eventually got ds2 onto a cup at 14 months, and dd is now just starting to accept milk in cup at 12 months... it IS hard but after the first few months it does actually become a pleasure, and i'm not at all a knit-your-own-muesli type)

You are not alone... I have a beautiful 11 week dd.... I love her so much it hurts but

Today has been so hard for me, in fact dh has stayed home to help with her. It is becauseof the relentlessness of it all- I am breastfeeding too and whilst most of the time I think it must be more convenient and I am pleased I am doig the best for dd- today I feel crap, my boobs hurt, I feel tired and dizzy (which is why dh is home). And all I want to do is switch off and sleep- but she seems to need to feed just as I start to relax and although she was taking a bottle she has stopped. And think that since my bookbs hurt I need to keep going with it anyway.

Basically I feel like crying! I am not hijackig your thread, just feel so down and wanted to offload but also let you know there are others going through it. But it doesn't make me want to give up ebf, because the thought of trasping downstairs (or listening to dh) while dd screams with hunger just seems so horrible.

However, when I am having a bad night I give dd to dh to wind and settle so I can go back to sleep. Do you think that is worth a go? That way I don't feel so alone in the night and she gets used to being settled by her dad?

Hope you feel more positive soon

I feel your pain! DS is 9 weeks and we are only now starting to get the hang of bf'ing. I have had many nights where i have literally cried for hours in frustration aand guilt at how hard this "natural" thing is.....especially when everyone in RL finds it such a breeze (or at least says they do )

I know what you mean about feeling let down - i was really looking forward to bf'ing and had no idea it could be so hard! But then i keep thinking realistically it is for such a short time in the context of your child's whole life, and i'll probably look back and miss it in years to come (however, if someone suggested that to me at 4am i'd probably punch them in the face )

Have you tried expressing and getting someone else to give the bottle? DS flatly refuses to take one from me - can obviously sense the real thing is close by!- but will take one from DH and my mum. I can only express enough for one feed, but I usually save it so DH can do one of the night feeds, which helps me to feel not quite so alone....

I hope things get better for you soon.

so... given we've all been surprised at how hard BF is, would you have still started it had you known then what you know now?

I probably would have done TBH and would have been nice to be prepared.

I know exactly what you mean and a few weeks ago I felt so down :( I wish I had given more bottles in the beginning as we only gave one every now and then and now she won't take one. But when I think about it I keep telling myself it's not really for that long in the scheme of things. Feeding does not take as long as it used to and she goes 3 hours between. I do miss being able to have the odd night out but again I just keep reminding myself of how quickly 3 months has gone and also how quickly the next 3 will go too......I was really not prepared for my new job as a Mum!

pyjamalover, I would probably have mixed fed - mainly BF but one bottle of formula a day from pretty early on. I wouldn't have wanted to risk messing up my return to work in the way I have.

I completely understand! It feels so hard and the reality of it all is now setting in. My dd was a bottle refuser and I was gutted that my choices seemed to have been taken away from me. With perseverance we managed to get her to take one, though that is not true for everyone.

'Things will get easier. Breastfeeding is (usually) more demanding and time consuming at the beginning than ff, but later on, the sheer convenience and speed of bf makes it less demanding and time consuming.' This is so true though. Think of it as short term pain for long term gain :)

I really do sympathise, it's a big responsibility. But in the grand scheme of things a very short time.

I do hear what you're saying. It can be very disillusioning to realise, at the peak of sleep deprivation, that you, the mummy, are surgically joined at the hip to your baby, and that nobody else will do. I'm on my second baby, and believe it or not, I'm feeling just as aggrieved that I seem to be the only parent as far as my new baby is concerned!

But honestly? I think this is a larger issue than breastfeeding. Sure, you're the only person in your partnership who's lactating. But babies very often simply prefer their mummies in the early weeks and months. I often come across dads who feel a bit sad because of this. It will pass, honestly. Your baby will be less reliant on you in the months to come. She may well take a bottle later if not now, and if not a bottle, a cup. At the moment, you're still in the depths of feeding round the clock, but I think you'll find this changes very soon. And you've done really well so far. As others have said, soon breastfeeding will become second nature, and with any luck, less time-consuming, and will seamlessly fit around your life, rather than dominating it. Wheras preparing and sterilising bottles (and storing all that paraphenalia in your kitchen! I haven't got a clue where I'd keep it all) would continue to be a hassle as long as fed your baby that way.

I do understand what you're saying, that you feel that breastfeeding has been misrepresented to you, in that you feel you were never prepared for the extreme full-on-ness of constantly being The All for your baby. But not all babies, not all breastfeeding relationships, are like that. Breastfeeding encompasses such a huge, wide range of experiences that it would be impossible to 'prepare' someone beforehand.

Personally, I think the best way someone can prepare to breastfeed is to talk to friends who are, or have, breastfed, and maybe to get some helpful contacts together, like helplines and local drop-ins. This isn't always possible - for instance, you might not know anyone else who's breastfeeding - but I wish MWs would give out this sort of information in good time, before the birth. Mine didn't, anyway (DS1). I got a list of local resources and drop-ins at the first HV check, but that wasn't for about 10 days.

Honestly

Some women love breast feeding and find it easy.

Some women don't and find bottle feeding easy and very enjoyable.

If you were just to look at the baby or the 1 year old you wont be able to tell the difference between the bottle fed babes and the breast fed

I'm sorry you feel so overwhelmed. I felt exactly the same way at that stage (probably from about 8-14weeks) because it just soooooo relentless. And if I put him down or gave him to someone else he'd howl! It got to the point where I dreaded even driving to the supermarket because he just wouldn't shut up for a second whe driving there and then I'd only be able to manage a small basket of stuff because I had to carry him around constantly.

However, it wasn't breast-feeding that it made it like that, rather the fact that I have a very demanding baby. I'm sorry you feel ill prepared for it but I think that a lot of new mum's feel like this whether bf/ff.

My DH helped me tremendously by getting up with DS EVERY morning (and still does) and only bought him back to ke when leaving for work thus giving me about 1.5-2hrs sleep.

I call this the 'rocking in the corner' stage with BFing. If I say this out loud, mums either back away slowly or practically hug me with recognition.

They will feed less often, and then ingest other things and then drink other fluids and then not BF at all, and all too soon.

I completely understand, my dd is 11wks (dc3) and at times it feels that there is nothing else but meeting her needs. The things that I have found that help are:

Getting out and meeting other mums, explain to them how you feel and I can guarantee that they will say that they have felt the same, if not at that moment then in the past.

Remember that things will change very quickly as your dc grows and develops. The one thing i remember with dc1 was that it felt as though things were never going to change. I now know that no matter how bad things seem they will change and often very quickly.

Take time each day for you, a bath with essential oils, even a walk round a supermarket, listening to music, a favourite ddvd or time with friends. Arrange with your partner for me time at a time when you know dc has just had a good feed and you can feel happy to have some time for a short while.

Consider the possibility of postnatal depression and if you think it might be an issue get some help. It is so easy to have good and bad days and to think, I will get some help tomorrow, then tomorrow is a better day and you think "Oh, I'm fine now" and not get the help that you need. There is a great infomation pack on the website for the royal college of psychiatrists about pnd.

The overwhelming feeling of caring for your baby is something that I know that I have felt many times and you aren't alone. Take time to look after yourself as and when you can. You can't care for your baby properly unless you are looking after yourself.

Reshape, DS prefers his dad - always has. If I weren't the milk supply, I'd have been totally uninteresting to him for the first three months. It's getting better now and he likes to be with both of us, but even some BF babies prefer their fathers!

LunarRose, you speak a lot of sense. Some of us clearly just aren't cut out for BFing.

petsville I have nothing helpful to say but I am in exactly same position and really sympathise.

I feel your pain. DP went back to work this week. Because of this, I have been doing my best to ensure he gets a good night's sleep and doing all the night time stuff. DD is 4 weeks and feeding constantly. I am knackered, and for the last few days I have barely managed to shower/eat/go to toilet let alone do anything around the house.

I have been managing to express a bit and I suggested he could take over when he gets in and perhaps give her a bottle while I cook and catch up with housework and maybe even shower/bath. This has yet to materialise. I even dared ask if maybe he could take over all the night feeds on ONE night this weekend. He said "oo, don't think I could manage the whole night..."

Um - I have done the whole night every night since she was born...

Yes I also didn't realise how hard it would be.

And so sorry your lo won't take a bottle. But as my experience demonstrates you have to have someone that is genuinely willing/able to take over when it comes to the crunch! You're very lucky to have your DP!

Just wanted to say to those of you who are worrying about returning to work and baby not taking a bottle, try not to worry too much. My DD wouldn't take a bottle and as I was starting back at work a day a week when she was six months I really stressed about it. She never really did take a bottle but took milk first from a doidy cup and now at 10 months from a sippy cup. She will even point at the cup so grandma knows when to give her milk. That said she won't take milk from a cup at night but i'm working on that! It will all work out in the end and breastfeeding does get so much easier.

Hi all thanks for the responses, so good to know i'm not the only one out there who is struggling a bit. Like it said its not the physical side of BF'ing i struggle with, i was just honestly suprised at how full on it is / can be (can you tell i'm a first timer )

pyjamalover I've thought about that alot, and yeah i think i would still have breastfed. I'm not a lentil weaving type and when i asked about BF'ing before having DS i always replied "I'm going to give it a go"; so for me personally I think knowing a bit more about the realities of BF'ing wouldn't have put me off, I would still have been willing to try it but i would have probably felt more reassured when things got tough that it was all perfectly normal IYSWIM.

That said i would also have introduced a bottle earlier and would have got DP to try and give a bottle of EBM every day. I know there's no guarantee that it would work though.

Lunar I totally agree, but i have a resolute bottle (and cup - tried because i have a very strong/fast let down) refuser on my hands. If i could give a bottle i'd have no qualms about it

MsScarlett i think a sharp kick up the backside might be in order for your DP? I know i'm very lucky with my DP, with his first DS he did all the night feeds as DS was FF'd. I know he'd take over in a heartbeat at weekends if he could.

GrumpyBum I am a bit late to this thread but just wanted to sympathise. I too have had no physical problems with bfing but now at 6 weeks am wishing I didn't have to do it any more.

Quite apart from the relentlessness of it (I am a lone parent and never get a second to myself), my massive boobs give me horrendous backache, I walk hunched over everywhere and the only supportive bras I have found creak when I move (I think they are made mainly of chicken wire).

My DS fell back to the 0.4 centile so I've introduced one bottle of formula a day and it's so tempting to just give up.

SleepDeprived, I am with you that BFing is often missold.

I for one, would have done better with DS1 if somebody, anybody would have actually said out loud 'yes, sometimes it is hard/relentless/all consuming, but that does not mean you are doing anything wrong/milk is too weak /there is not enough milk' yaddayadda.

And yes, I would have BF with more success if only I had known or if I had found MN 8 years ago - FWIW it took me to DC3 to have BFing 'cracked' - and now I don't want to stop (DS4 is almost 11 months, feeds 2-3x/day and it is A Breeze ).

Being pigheaded helps and also just thinking about 'the next feed' and no further helped me. I only ever did the next feed and all of a suddedn 3 months had passed .

Don't get me started on slow wt gain... GAH!

Am loving tiktok's glass of water analogy -wish I had known about that one...

my main feedback is dont confuse BF with the fact that babies are such bloody hard work!

for example sleep, I thought my baby was sleeping bad cos of BF, he is now on 3 meals a day (plus BF) and guess what, still waking at night!

likewise issues such as colic, waking, screaming etc , all regardless of BF/FF

that said BF CAN be hard work, and I also felt a bit cheated esp with DS1

I think you always hit a wall at 12 weeks as it all just comes to hit you

but what you say about baby being too dependant on you. well I for one would NOT judge you if you left baby, DP/DH with a bottle of cow and gate (or whatever) and had a break! you sound like you need one

and they do eventually learn to take a bottle, honestly!

I am SO with you. If, IF I had had the slightest hint of a clue about just how hard it was, I may have just had a chance of sticking at it, instead of being convinced I was crap at it and a awful mother because I wasn't loving every second of it.

Instead I read how bad forumla was, saw all the NHS puctures of big fat happy helthy babies snuggles up to thier BF mums and decided (admittedly very reluctantly) to BF.

Oh boy, was I in for a shock. In fact, one of the reason I get so angry about the way formula is portrayed is because of the way the harsh realities of BF are kept firmly undercover.

SDGB I could have written your post at 12 weeks. And 14, actually. and mayyybe 16 though I did struggle through a BITCH of a 4 month sleep regression. Mind you, it really was better by 17 weeks and OMG now at 27 it's actually been easy for so long I've sort of forgotten the 'rocking in a corner' stage of BFing. It definitely happened to me, though. I'm someone who likes a bit of time to herself, and around 12 weeks I had a "NO ONE TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN!" moment.

HAH!

Now he's sitting up and passing toys back and forward and babbling away and wanting me to do horsey rides all the time and teething I could weep for the days when I just lay on the sofa with a boob out...

Oh well. Kids. Bloody hard work! More power to ya for BFing even though it does your head in sometimes!