weaning/night weaning 12 month old

[macmama]

Anybody else weaning 12 month plus particularly at night?

I am feeling like I would like to wind down BFeeding with 12 month old DD2. I feed her once in evening (anywhere between about 5pm and 7pm) and at various times during the night/early morning (she sleeps in with me).

Ideally she would have self weaned but don?t think that will happen. Although I am ok with still feeding her (and in fact its handy at times) I know I don?t want to be BFing her in 12 months time or probably even 6 months time so feel I need to do something now.

DD2 goes down in her cot after a bottle (not a BF), awake. She comes in with me when I go to bed. So far I have been concentrating on getting her back to sleep without feeding sometimes during night waking. However in the early hours of morning I tend to give in. I am a bit worried the inconsistency is confusing to her.

Would love to hear others experiences.

Silly question but why don't you feed her before bedtime and in the morning then gently wean off the night feeds? How come you give a bottle in her cot then she comes in with you at night?

With DS I feed once at bedtime, once in the morning and try not to feed at night but will if I think he needs it. He's 16 months and has dropped his night feeds of his own accord although I suspect they'll return when he starts teething again.

A friend of mine stopped the night feeds cold turkey - her DH resettled everytime he woke. It took seven nights. After that she dropped the bedtime feed just giving him a beaker of milk instead. Then did the same in the morning.

Thank you Iggly and not a silly question.

Im not sure why I do it that way I think its because its much harder for me to drop the early evening feed (as its a way to reconnect after I come home from work and she expects it then) plus I hoped that ?tanking? her up on formula just before bed might help her sleep better.

I think my inconsistency is a problem TBH. I am very confused in my own mind about whether or not I actually want to stop feeding her or what I want to do. I thin kbecause I only fed DD1 for 8 months this extended feeding thing is new to me and not sure whether I am keen or not.

I think we could all do with better sleep and I don?t think she needs the nighttime calories i think its 100% comfort and habit but not sure if I care enough to stop it. But I think this halfway house where sometimes I feed her, sometimes I don?t is probably very confusing ? hell, its confusing me!

Well the calories in formula and BM are the same - formula is just harder to digest that's all.

What are your feelings about BF? do you enjoy it?

I feel a bit funny telling people I BF DS (16 months) but fine when I do it. I did get resentful doing night feeds so try not too - I send DH to resettle then feed if he screams for me. So some consistency. Maybe if you think she's hungry just BF at bedtime, then once in the night (maybe pick a time if she wakes at the same times every night) then every other waking don't feed at all-can your partner help? She'll probably drop the night ones herself then.

Hi macmama, I'm another one aiming to slowly and surely wean my 12 month old. Your story sounds pretty much identical to mine. DD3 has ALWAYS cluster fed her way through the evening (much more than my other 2 DC). From 5 months old she decided it was great to feed several times at night too but I knew this was down to me as we co-sleep. Two months ago I cut out all day feeds and put her to sleep in her cot, which went well. A week and a half ago my husband took over the night shift (as planned). Basically I fed her as usual during the evening and then slept downstairs. When the LO woke up my husband would cuddle her and, if necessary, offer her water. Then I would come up (usually between 5 and 7 am) for a good morning feed.

The good news is that the transition was pretty smooth. I could not believe - after months of being woken up 5 or 6 times - how easily she accepted. Yes, at times she will cry but for a couple of minutes maximum. One night I heard her crying and I came up at 1am. I gave her some calpol (teething) and cuddled her to sleep. The amazing thing is that she didn't show any interest in feeding so after a week the habit of night feeding was well and truly broken.

What is interesting is how she cannot be fed to sleep in the evenings anymore but prefers to go to sleep on her own. Tonight I have noticed that she wasn't really bothered about her evening feed. In a week she has cut down her own feeding time from 1 hour to 15 minutes.

So it looks like weaning is happening nice and gently which is exactly how I wanted it to happen.

Let us know how you get one. Good luck and have faith.

thank you jardins!

I think I am attached to having her in my bed.

and maybe I am also attached to feeding her.

as i said I am confused !

Dh is away at moment so its just me I have Dd1 in the bed too at moment. So I think that makes it harder to have the resolve not to feed her - its just me, constantly tired! (I work FT).

I would love if she just cuddled up without feeding and slept with me. Sometimes she does but then I slip up and feed her and we start over again... iykwim

sorry I mean I have DD1 and DD2 in bed.

Wow jardins, that sounds so successful, well done!
macmama, I was in identical situation to you when my dd was younger. Felt in a way I wanted to stop once she turned 1 but equally felt sad at stopping, so I mixed-messaged my way through the next 4 months. Finally stopped at 16 months after worrying it would go on for ever. I just couldn't bear her crying so broke every time. What broke our cycle was ONE night of illness (poor wee soul felt so rough she conked out without milk) and somehow her mind retained she didn't have to feed to sleep. Wasn't the end of our sleep issues, oh no, but was the end of feeding. Which made me both happy and sad. Sounds mad but prob most feeding mummies feel that way. Now I have brand new baby to start it all over with! Best of luck in the weaning process!

Ds2 is 1 in a few weeks and I always said I would stop at 1 like I did with ds1. It's bloody hard though isn't it?! We've attacked feed by feed so cutting out 11pm one (giving water) then a few weeks later the 1am one (giving water)- this one was much harder and we had a lot of resettling and shush-pat to do. Now I'm left with the 4am one ( however yesterday he was still asleep at 6 when ds1 woke him up!). Out of the last hour I've been feeding ds2 for 40 minutes! I think feeding is the one thing that soothes his gums, he's in such pain I can't help but empathise and feed him! I think you need to set some rules, like when do you feed in the night, and then really try to stick with it, so either "not feed before Xam" or "have at least 4 hours between feeds" and give water/ cuddles the rest of the time!?

Thank you all.

Well I have some new resolve today ? as last night DD2 literally fed all night. Working FT and by myself with 2 to cook, clean etc for I am on my knees with tiredness!

I agree consistency is the key the problem is that when I wake during the night I am like a zombie and cant be trusted not to feed her. Often I wake her when I go to bed and take her in with me (sounds nuts but otherwise she wakes herself within an hour when I am mostly asleep).

Last night I didn?t and can?t even remember when she came in with me but sure enough she was feeding all night ? no doubt I fed her to sleep the first time she woke which set the pattern.

Any tips for doing this by myself without a DH to assist?

I'm with you all on the mixed messages and not really wanting to give up bf. I get a lump in my throat when I think how when I finally stop this will be the last time I ever bf (I'm 42 ).

macmama I am in awe of you managing to work FT. I know how those continuously broken nights make me feel. I'm supposed to be finishing my Phd this year but it is soooo hard to find the energy. Have you read this page ? It sounds nice and gentle. I wish I could come and help you out myself! When is you DH back? Could you hang on (by the skin of your teeth) until then?

Thanks jardins - yes I have read that before but thanks . I have used some of the techniques but as I said crumpled and started feeding again and was never consistent in application . Maybe I should try again but properly (if only I could trust ?half asleep me? to do what she was supposed to !)

I don?t deserve any awe honestly I muddle through and am wildly inefficient at most things I do, spend too much time on MN etc etc . But I do think its why I felt so much that I wanted to be ?there? for DD2 at night during 1st year. I guess its just that now she is 12 months I feel like I need to do something about it.

Could I wait for DH to get back hmm maybe. But, TBH, I cant guarantee he would be a great help of the type that your DH was. He would probably start with good intentions then give in and tell me to just feed her and be done with it after about the 2nd waking

I do know what you mean about giving up. DD2 may well be my last baby (although I hope not) so it does make it harder....

I would pick feeds you are sticking with so you don't worry aboutwhether she's hungry. DS was def hungry at that age at night - he needed the 11pm feed. Also give her something for teeth in case it's that. Also there is a sleep regression around 13 months where it all goes mad for a bit anyway.

I'd suggest you keep her in her cot all night. And if you're not going to feed, don't pick her up as if you would feed otherwise that'll upset her more. Best to quickly cuddle then lay down again. And again. And again if you need too. If you don't think she's settling, then feed. Don't beat yourself about it - if after three nights it's not improving, then take a break because the regression (which it could be) will be making it impossible for her to sleep well.

Thank you Iggly! very useful :)

Not sure I could cope with not having her in my bed all night.. yes I have ishoos!