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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

feeding again??!!

12 replies

picc · 30/01/2011 22:48

How do you respond if people say this to you?

I BF DS2 (15 weeks old). He feeds every 2 -3 hours or so (which I would expect and am happy with).

But I guess I don't just feed him when he's hungry.... I'll do it if he's a bit cranky or tired or whatever, too.
Again... my choice.... how I've always done it... and what works for me.

So sometimes it's more often than every 2-3 hours. Especially if we're out, cos it's an easy way of not having a screaming baby! An easy comforter.

A couple of times recently, people have said to me
" feeding him again?"
or
"feeding him again ?"

And in that moment, I just feel really small. Like I'm doing something wrong. Like I'm starving my child or something.

Yes I know I'm oversensitive!! :)
Maybe more so than I might have been, because I really struggled to BF DS1 (although I managed eventually, but I always felt like I "didn't have enough milk")

This time I have a huge baby (98th centile) and milk everywhere....
but it still makes me feel really small when someone says that.

Should I just swallow my insecurities, accept it's not meant unkindly, and smile and nod?
Or go into a deep meaningul discussion each time about how BF isn't just for nutrition?...

Sorry for ramble! Not really sure what I'm asking or why this gets to me. Would just be interested if it's just me!
(fair enough if it is!)

OP posts:
EauRouge · 30/01/2011 22:59

I would just try and laugh it off with a jokey 'yes, he can't get enough of my milk, must be good stuff!' or something like that and then smile and make eye contact in a way that says 'so bog off'. People are probably just trying to make conversation (albeit badly), I don't think they are trying to judge you or anything. If they question any further then you can start hitting them with facts and figures.

You are not doing anything wrong though, so please don't feel small :) you sound like you're doing a great job. I've always fed DD whenever she asks, there's nothing wrong with feeding for comfort or to keep them quiet when you're on the phone Grin

Original poster
picc · 30/01/2011 23:20

ah. thanks! :) yes...
god! isn't it odd how these insecurities stay with us?
I'd never have thought of a lovely positive comment like that.
Just a defensive one!

Even if I don't say that aloud next time, I'm going to make sure I at least say it to myself! Grin

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MoonUnitAlpha · 30/01/2011 23:28

My parents are the only people that say this to me - I have a baby who fed at least every 2.5 hours til he was on solids. My mum breastfed 3 children til 6+ months so I don't know why she's surprised Confused

I just say "yes" and don't get into any further discussion!

Original poster
picc · 30/01/2011 23:38

I think time really does make you forget...

My mum has never commented on frequency of feeds, but when I was struggling to feed DS1 she remarked that she "just didn't remember it being that difficult"

thanks mum!! Hmm

(must clarify that it was just said without thinking! she's always been very supportive. but I think she'd forgotten how... intensive?... it can be at times)

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PenguinArmy · 31/01/2011 02:57

fuck them (not literally, your too good for them)

mine was every 2 hours the whole clock around until 7 months

Zaft · 31/01/2011 06:51

I get this too. A friend told me the other day that DS "feeds too often for you to stick at bf for much longer". My mother (who bottle fed) says I am "pandering" to him by feeding him each time he cries. I take heart from reading posts on here and realising I am not doing something completely mad. It is the easiest way to settle him so why wouldn't I? Hang on in there - some people may never "get it" but try not to let it get to you too much. As others have said, a cheery confident response is probably the best defense. I have learnt over the past few weeks that everyone likes to think they are parenting experts, if I listened to all the contradictory advice I would go insane.

Original poster
picc · 31/01/2011 10:59

Yes... it's amazing how everyone else becomes an expert when you have a baby, isn't it?

I think the reason I reacted to this so much in the end, was cos, with the last couple to say this to me, they then went on to tell me how proud they were of getting their DS into a 4-hourly feeding routine by letting him cry for 10 minutes longer each time before feeding him.

I let them say this to me and just smiled politely... I let THEM offer me an opinion

Yet I wouldn't allow myself to say what I was screaming to say inside (about undermining BF if not demand feeding... about how I'd never just let my baby scream for 10 minutes several times every day just to try and stretch out feeds.... about how I didn't see that sticking a nipple in his mouth for comfort was any worse than sticking a dummy in there.... etc etc...) cos I didn't want to be rude/ judgey...

So I just bit my tongue and felt insecure instead.

hmmmm.....

Maybe I need to sort my own complexes out, then grow a backbone! :)

OP posts:
mamjo · 31/01/2011 11:12

I am in the same boat. My DD never goes more than 3 hours between feeds and is a total gorgeous chunk of babyness that I am compelled to nibble on several times s day, but still get a little unsure of myself whenever anyone has an opinion on her demand feeding and being 19lb at 17 weeks. I have tried once or twice to do it their way and it makes her and me miserable so I now just do what feels right for us and smile sweetly whilst bigging up the obvious quality of my mummyberry juice!!!!

Cosmosis · 31/01/2011 12:44

I just smile and say yes, that's why he he so lovely and chubby and happy. Or something about how great bf is because it doesn't matter what the problem is, it solves it. Or I don't not allow myself a snack or drink by the clock so why should I make him?

pearlgirl · 31/01/2011 13:09

It sounds like you are doing a fab job. I think people often make comments like that without realising how it comes across.Babies can't tell the time - they just know that they are hungry/thirsty/need a bit of boob to settle them. I really struggled at the beginning of breastfeeding with ds4 as I had forgotten how often small babies feed - once I had remembered I found it much easier to say that "yes i was feeding ds4 again and that he was happy about it as well".

Original poster
picc · 01/02/2011 10:30

thanks or the lovely comments.
am going to just try and relax and enjoy it. like you say... no one means it negatively (probably! Wink )
it just passes so quickly, doesn't it?
DS1 is not even quite 2, and he seems so grown up. seems a lifetime ago that i BF him (and i only stopped 9 months ago or so)

i shall just try and enjoy it while it lasts.... :)

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Original poster
picc · 01/02/2011 10:31

for the lovely comments!!

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