Stopping bf my 20 month dd ... how???

[crookmum]

I am breastfeeding my 20 month old dd and I really really want to stop now.

She bf to sleep at bedtime and I put her to bed, but currently we are co-sleeping in a single bed in her room as she feeds throughout the night (for comfort I guess..) and when she was in our bed she was too wriggly so my husband couldnt sleep. She also has a bf during the day in order to have a nap. I am tired of the feeding at night, and during the day, I am just worn out actually. I feel completely tied to her as its so difficult to leave her for a night out as no-one else can get her to go to sleep and I cant leave her overnight for the same reason.

If my husband tries to settle her she just screams and screams, and I admit I dont like hearing her upset, and we also have 2 older children who need their sleep.

Im at a loss of what to do.. can anyone help? Its my husbands 40th in a few months and I really wanted to treat us to a weekend away minus the kids as we havent been away on our own for a long long time, but at the moment it seems impossible :(

Hi there. Sorry you're having a rough time. I found this link on the Kellymom site. It's got a section on Toddler night time weaning and some really good links to Martha and Bill Sears' sites and Jay Gordon's. They deal with co-sleeping and toddler weaning and give some case studies which might give you things to try.

If I were you I'd try to work out which of the feeds is most tiring and disruptive for you and work to move away from that one first. So if the daytime feed is less tying and tiring, perhaps offer an additional daytime feed/lots of cuddles and then try some of the nighttime weaning techniques on Kellymom. (Even if it means a few nights of you going for a walk while DH settles her to sleep.) Also are your older chilren big enough to explain to that you are going to have a few nights of disruption while you nightwean DD? Then when you've got night times under control you can daytime wean if you still want to.

Can you just dissapear out one evening and just see what dd does when left alone with dh? I am in the same boat as you - my 21 month dd2 just loves the breast. Although - I will go out in the evening and my dh will put her to bed. He does this by letting her stay up until later so she is really really hanging tired and then giving her a beaker of milk in bed and then lying in bed with her for a short while. He said that on the infrequent occasion if she doesn't fall asleep quickly - he would just bring her back downstairs and let her watch some telly with him! She 99% of the time falls asleep cuddling up to him or he will take her back upstairs to bed.

I also work occassional night shifts so dh will co-sleep with her and he finds she will wake up briefly but realise it's not me in bed (ie.no boob) and then go back to sleep).

dd2 will bf about twice a day and then at bedtime and when she gets up.

I started weaning her successfully and was just doing the morning feed but she then developed swine flu and couldn't eat/drink for about a fortnight. The only thing she would consume was by breastfeeding about 2 hourly!!!!!! So I'm on the very slow process of trying to wean her again.

I'm just doing it very slowly over the next few months. I try distraction in the day and dh puts her to bed. Also lovely dh has offered to co-sleep with her in our kingsize bed and I'm snuggled up sleeping blissfully in the spare double bed with dd1! So much for my pre-children thoughts of thinking my future children would sleep in their own rooms! It is complete musical beds in our house.

I think it is difficult to stop at the age. dd2 gave me a picture yesterday - she is very good at drawing circles. She had drawn a large circle with a very small circle in the middle of it. She said "Mummy - boob!! and then kissed the drawing!!!! I'm feeling a bit guilty denying it when she loves bf'ing so much. Also - when she was really poorly I'm sure it helped her with her recovery and she definately would have been hospitalized with dehydration if I didn't.

Good luck with the weaning though - if you find a magical/easy way - please let me know!

Thanks Gruffalomama I will have a look at that link :)

Reesie thanks for sharing. I didnt put in my post as I had forgotton but on the very rare occasion I have gone out then dd will eventually go to sleep on dh shoulder but he cant get her into bed and then when I come home she wants me to catch up with her missed bf! Maybe I will have to stay out overnight and see what happens..

Its so difficult isnt it!