breastfeeding - breaking my heart

[OnEdge]

I have three children, 3, 18 months and 18 weeks. I have always struggled to breast feed. I put them to my breast - they scream i end up expressing and then bottle feeding it to them - no screaming.

4 days ago, i decided to stop with the 18 week old. was only managing to pump about 50 mls a day.

just now, she woke and was crying for a feed. While I was waiting for the bottle to warm up i noticed a wet patch on my nightie. I just offered her the breast, and she took it and i fed her for about 2 minutes no screaming Then, I slightly altered my position, and she lost the latch, and then started screaming. Now she won't do it. When I ofer her the breast she gets really distressed (normal for me and babies)

I am sooo sad, I would love to have one last chance at feeding but I just can't seem to do it. That little peep through the looking glass was really lovely.

I don't know whether to continue expressing now or stop or what. I am very emotional and an't decide what to do.

Any advice ??

HOw many different positions have you tried with her? I could only feed DS lying down to start with - he had a tonguetie and couldn't latch in any other position initially; and fed for ages until I had his tonguetie snipped. Tongueties are hereditary - DH has one too - have yours been checked for tonguetie? It can affect breastfeeding really badly even if it's only a partial, DS's was only slight but it made a hell of a difference having it snipped.

Have you contacted any of the breastfeeding support groups? A breastfeeding expert might be able to help you with positions and checking for tonguetie if you haven't already ruled that out (mind you, 3 MWs told me DS didn't have a tongue tie, it was the bf'ing expert who found it)

As your DD is taking expressed milk in a bottle, you would be able to supplement her feeds with formula if that's what you want/need to do; but the more you express, the more you will produce.

Apart from this I can't offer any more advice - in the end you have to do what is right for the both of you - but do get more expert advice on the bf'ing before you let it go completely, as you clearly want to be successful with it. Hope you manage to get what you need. :)

Second finding a good bf counsellor.

Can you try to remember every little detail abut those 2 mins?
Exactly the position you and baby were in, the fact that milk had already started flowing before you put her to your breast, etc.

Perhaps if you manually/or with pump expressed a tiny bit before you put her to you, the let down would have started and there would be milk there, maybe your flow is a bit slow for her getting started?

Definitely get some irl help. Makes a huge difference

Not going to claim any expertise here (my 1st baby is 8 weeks and EBF so far) but I reckon you have to do what keeps you sane with 3 kids to look after! yes get help if you want to BF but don't be heartbroken.

just my 2p worth.

I think you should call one of the helplines and try and see an rl bf counsellor who maybe able to help.
Best of luck
National Breastfeeding Helpline
0300 100 0212
National Childbirth Trust
0300 330 0771
Breastfeeding Network
0300 100 0210
La Leche League
0845 1202918
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers 08444 122949

Definitely put less pressure on yourself, your other 2 DC are fine and happy right?
Pat yourself on the back for all the good work you've done so far :)

I really think there might be something to the let-down thing though.
If you think about it, the bottle provides milk as soon as they start sucking, if your let-down is a little slower off the mark & they are a tad impatient (lol) they will scream as not being fed as soon as they want.

Your body knows what to do, by responding to the cries, but when they start screaming i imagine you tense up, they sense that, and it all goes wrong from there.
When you go to express, you are more relaxed as not demanding so much of yourself, so it works.

I realise with 2 other young ones it could be near impossible, but can you take you & baby off to a quiet(er) room for the next feed, maybe try to pre-empt it with a little bit of manual expressing to start the milk off, then put baby to breast and see how it goes? Lots of relaxing thoughts, don't allow worrying to creep in, comfy chair/bed, etc?

Thank you for your support, lovely !

I tried again, and she got really upset again I just think she must have been half asleep and done it absent- mindedly

Just have to decide whether or not to express for a little longer.

Wonder why my babies and I can't breast feed. The trouble is, when they get upset, I kind of feel like they are rejecting me personally, so I feel very sad, but really I know its not me

OnEdge - this happened to me. I have a very impatient, permanently hungry baby, one who would latch fine if I stayed totally still but who would soon start yelling and getting really hysterically upset, whatever position I tried. I sought advice, BF counsellors. It didn't really help.

So I got on the pump, at first ten times a day to get the supply up, now relaxed to six times a day. I now express all feeds and don't bother to latch him. It was just too stressful, we never got anywhere, the whole process made me feel guilty and upset and DS was picking up on my anxieties, I feel sure. It was bloody hard work but I consistently make a litre a day. DS is now fifteen weeks old.

Wrt your last post, if you give them ANY breast milk, even not at the volumes above, you ARE breast feeding. SOD the method of delivery (thumps table!), it doesn't work for all of us and we do the best we can with the babies we get (remember you are only half responsible for how the feeding transaction goes.....) I also felt rejected at first, but I am over that now. I see the little face light up when I wave his bottle of EBM at him, and we always stare into each others eyes when feeding. Sometimes he won't drink because he's beaming at me! You can't get that eye contact generally when BF "normally." So I have made my peace with the situation. I really hope you can make yours.

That was such a great response auburnlizzy, so supportive, thank you.

I find it almost impossible pumping 6times a day having the 3 of them. So wish I could .

It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this and other people find it tricky too, feel less of a failure.

onedge this is absolutely nothing personal. Your baby has a problem with something but it's not you. If you feel you can, it should be possible to find out what that problem is but it will take help from professionals (ie the numbers already given) and probably a personal visit - ask your local NCT group for the local counsellor.

Have you tried breast compressions to start a let down before feeding? Your stress may be interfering with your let down anyway which might compound it.

There are various things you can try such as visiting a cranial osteopath to check for any physical reasons why this is happening.
You're obviously making milk which is wonderful, and I'm sure that you will find a solution if you get the right help, but in the meantime don't ever, ever think that you're doing anything than being a wonderful mum whose babies love her and need her, however they are fed.

Hi Onedge,
I'm in the exact same boat as you today and can't stop crying. I had decided to give it up this week and go with formula 100% as the time it was taking to express such a small amount of breast milk and the sadness I feel every time my 4.5 month DS rejects the breast was too much to take. Today is the first day that I haven't had to express and I know that my milk will be gone in a day or 2. This is making me so sad and now I'm second guessing the decision to stop even though breastfeeding has been a really hard road from the beginning. We've had cracked nipples, mastitis and chronic thrush as well as constantly clogged ducts on one side.
I look forward to hearing how you get on. I hope it all works out.

Exactly the same thing happened to me 3.5yrs ago when my DD was born. I have no idea what went wrong, or why it didn't work. I 'think' it might be because I have quite flat nipples and it was too much effort for her. My friend did very well with breast shields, so I think if this every happened to me again I would try them. Feeding at night is meant to be the best time to bf, babies revert to instinct and latch on easier.
I had one golden feed when she was a few months old for an hour at a breastfeeding cafe, she fell asleep then woke up 2 mins later and drank a bottle of formula! I went on to ebf her until she was 7 months old, but mostly only got a smidge by the end. Made me feel better I guess.
Still makes me sad to think about it, but she is a strapping lass now with no health issues, so we didn't do badly