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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

"demand feeding" - what is it exactly?

15 replies

MamaChris · 21/01/2011 12:03

please excuse the probable dumbness of this question, but am having a bit of a crisis of confidence in my ability to parent twins, and could with someone spelling out what demand feeding really is in words of one syllable.

when the dts were very little, they would root and I would feed them. now (3mo) they rarely root, and instead I try and remember to offer a feed between naps. if they cry, my first response is generally to cuddle, rock or distract (whereas with ds1 it was to feed). I feel bf has become just about food, and not nurturing which is how it felt with ds1. but if I am to feed on demand, I need to be able to know when they want feeding - how can I know that?

OP posts:

tiktok · 21/01/2011 12:16

Twins are a huge job of work, MamaChris, but eventually, bf is easier than ff them, but I would say from my observations, this 'wow, it's easy!' stage happens rather later than with singletons.

Demand feeding is 'responsive feeding' or 'cue feeding' - you take your cue from the baby.

I am not sure why you cuddle etc rather than just offering a feed when they cry....get the impresh you're not sure either!

A cry is very often a sign to say 'feed me' and actually, it's sometimes said to be a 'late sign' but at 3 mths, I think this is less certain to be the case, as babies of this age cry for lots of reasons. Feeding does solve some of those reasons, even so :)

Feeding cues at three months are easier to spot if you have been cue feeding all the time - but you're coming to it later :) Feed them (or offer) when they seem twitchy, fussy, alert but not 100 per cent content, sleepy but not ready to zonk out, and deffo when they cry. You will not always get it right - that's no problem. But you will regain the 'nurturing' you say you miss.

Night feeds can be lovely snuggly ones, too.

Hope this helps.

Original poster

MamaChris · 21/01/2011 12:35

I think bf has become the last thing I offer because dt2 was very colicky. offering a breast would get him more upset, and it's since become a pattern. he also won't feed to sleep or be put down, so spends lots of time in a sling, reducing access for dt1.

we co sleep, so they do get lots of feeds at night (although I'm often asleep!), but
I will try remembering to offer every time they get fussy and hopefully that will allow me to learn their cues.

btw, I am finding bf twins easier than bf my ds1. my worries are more about how I parent twins and try and meet both their needs. bf was such a central part of that with ds1 but it's as if I've forgotten how to use it like that this time.

thanks

OP posts:

HappyAsASandboy · 21/01/2011 22:34

Hi MamaChris,

I am also feeding 3mo twins. I can't answer your questions as I'm making this feeding lark up as I go along, but I'd be really interested to hear about how you cosleep and feed asleep.

I sort of cosleep in that I sleep on one side of my king size bed and the twins sleep on the other side, across the bed (i.e. at 90 degrees to me, with their feet to the middle of the bed and their heads at the side of the bed. I have a toddler rail to stop them shooting themselves off the edge!).

Obviously I can't feed like that! Can I ask how you do it?

germum · 21/01/2011 23:28

Hi mamachris

I actually disagree with ticktok ( sorry tiktok)

Sometimes feeding a crying baby can actually make them worse because they may have wind issues and sometimes feeding a sleepy baby can create a feed to sleep association.

I think if you follow the baby whisperer philosophy ( very loosely as I think it's too rigid) it's a good start.

The experience I had with my kids was that I shoved my boob into the mouth of my first born every time he squeaked and he was feeding 2 hrly until he was 5 mths old and never slept longer than 30 - 40 mins because he was not full enough.

For my next two I was much more discriminating between cries and their needs and tried to make sure they were actually hungry rather than just crying. It led to much more contended babies.

I think there is a big difference between feeding on demand and feeding every time they cry.

tiktok · 21/01/2011 23:47

germum - I agree that feeding is not always the 'answer' to an unhappy, crying baby. But in most cases, with most young babies, soothing crying by breastfeeding is appropriate. It's really not important if the baby is 'really hungry' or not, as breastfeeding is more than just a way of getting milk into a baby.

I don't agree that it is a bad thing to create a 'feeding and sleep' association. This might be an issue with a much older baby or toddler and you might want to teach a baby/toddler other ways of settling, but in a young baby it is perfectly normal and developmentally expected behaviour - to suggest this is somehow wrong (as that idiotic Baby Whisperer book does) creates distress in mothers and babies.

Happy you found a way that worked for you and your babies, though. One approach does not necessarily suit everyone :)

Original poster

MamaChris · 22/01/2011 10:06

germum I did like with ds1 that bf was more than food. you're right that bf is not always the answer, but dt2 seems to be past bf making him more upset and will just refuse to feed when he doesn't want to. I'm sad that bf has become the last thing I offer rather than the first. I'm trying to feed every time they get fussy, but it's difficult to remember, and sometimes difficult to do if one baby wants playtime or rocking when the other gets fussy. perhaps that's really how I've ended up here, an inability to multitask while bf.

tbh, a feed to sleep association sounds attractive, I am currently rocking two babies on my shoulders for 20-30 min naps every 2 hours and my back is ready to break!

OP posts:

Original poster

MamaChris · 22/01/2011 10:18

Happy sorry for the delayed reply, I was looking for a photo.

I have one baby either side and a not at all squishy but fat bf pillow outside each baby. If just one wakes I can feed lying on my side, but generally if one stirs the other does too, in which case I lie on my back, both pillows brought tight in under my arms, like this, except I have the babies' heads on top of my upper arms and their bums in my hands to help position them. I can now do this without barely waking, and then fall into a doze while they feed, till they pull off and I can move the pillows out again. It took some practice to do this and get them happy to latch on in this position, but now we're there I'm getting a full 8 hours a night with only brief interruptions and it's fantastic!

OP posts:

runnermum2 · 22/01/2011 14:11

Wow - very impressed with how easy you make it look!! :o

Original poster

MamaChris · 22/01/2011 14:16

not a photo of me runnermum! but the same idea :)

OP posts:

AngelDog · 22/01/2011 14:55

IME with DS, only sleeping for 30-40 mins at a time was either due to him being unable to settle himself for a second sleep cycle after waking from the first, not being able to sleep for more than one cycle because he was working on developmental spurt(s), overtiredness from being awake too long, or not having been awake for quite long enough to need a longer sleep - not hunger.

That photo's great - it's amazing how much sleep you can get in an odd position, isn't it? :)

My DS wouldn't feed to sleep in the day till about 14 weeks or so. They might start to do it yet.

Congratulations, OP.

theidsalright · 22/01/2011 22:49

mama just want to say it sounds like you are doing an amazing job. Twins AND another child? Wow.

Feeding to sleep is a wonderful tool given to us. Use it while it lasts-IMO not too long after six months!

Also, to agree with tiktok, the BW book is nonsense and will not help answer your question....

Zimm · 23/01/2011 12:20

Glad to see some feeding to sleep fans on this thread...at 5.5 months we still do this, was beginning to think we were alone! Well done all mummies of tiwns!

HappyAsASandboy · 23/01/2011 17:31

Thanks MamaChris - that photo is amazing We'll give it a try as it'd be fab to be able to feed them together (something I've not mastered in any position yet), let alone do it in a position I can doze in!

Thank you

Original poster

MamaChris · 24/01/2011 11:55

Happy see lots of other photos here. Although I know it works for many, I don't enjoy double feeding in the day. The hold I use looks like this, but I think my dts are happier feeding singly daytimes too, as they take fuller feeds that way. still, very useful when time is short or both hungry together.

AngelDog I think they can't resettle, as they go for longer naps in sling (dt2) or when I can feed on waking (dt1). Don't think it's hunger at all. Was very unimpressed with HV last week who said "they must be hungry, you could try a formula". That was her first response when I said I was struggling with short naps! I have no issues when people choose or need to use formula, but I have chosen to bf and we're lucky it's working well for us. She shouldn't undermine that by saying my babies are hungry because they don't nap well

OP posts:

AngelDog · 24/01/2011 21:46

Feeding to sleep stopped working for naps around 8 months for us, but it still works a treat at night.

to your HV, MamaChris.

Have you tried trying to get them to sleep after a shorter period awake? I'm interested that they only nap for 20-30 mins. From what I've read, that's normal for tiny babies (and I'm guessing they were probably born early, which would make their adjusted age younger than 3 months). But in older babies it can (not always) be a sign of overtiredness from being awake for too long since the last sleep.

IIRC at that age DS couldn't go more than about 1.5 hours awake before needing a nap, and more like 45-60 minutes after waking for the day and needing his first nap. At that age he would refuse to feed if overtired, so I had to rock/bounce him - but if I'd got the 'sleepy window' right, he'd feed to sleep without any problems.

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