BF hell - help!

[WhatWillSantaBring]

Hello all,

I need some support to get me through cluster feeding nightmares. DD is 4 weeks old and cluster feeds every evening from between 5pm and 2am. She's now started cluster feeding in the morning too, and today in the afternoon. I've tried co-sleeping but that was awful - I didn't sleep a wink.

I think I may have thrush, which I've heard can affect supply, but I can't get a Dr appointment till Tuesday.

I'm also suffering issues with the thought of BF in public (it grosses me out when I see other women doing it and I'm self conscious about the fact I have to use a nipple shield because of my inverted nipples) and I hate the size of my boobs (which are ginormous - I'm now a 34I (from a 32D) and feel so self conscious about them. Will they ever go back to their normal size? (And how long after you finish BF does that happen?)

Please can people give me some friendly un-mumsnetty type support to get me through this. I really don't want to give up BF but FF is sounding very tempting - I find the cluster feeds sooooo draining and dispiriting, and it makes me feel like a failure. And I feel like I can only go out if I know DD is going to sleep the whole time, which is quite limiting.

Sorry, I know this sounds rather whingey (sp?) but please tell me it all gets easier? :(

Hi there. I have been where you are and it honestly does get easier. My ds is now 12 weeks and things are much calmer. It could be a growth spurt, that's what they kept telling me when i was in the same boat. I also had mastitis then thrush which made things hideous. You just have to go with it- I know its really hard but just veg on the sofa, get a stash of snacks and DVDs and just feed. You are still regulating supply i think and your dd is just ordering what she needs to grow. Re feeding in public - I was very anxious about that too but have now realised that no-one even notices.

It is bloody bloody hard but you are doing really well so keep going. My boobs now feel more klike their normal size too, cos the amount is more regulated. Sorry that is quite a garble but wanted to say keep going!

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/thrush-and-breastfeeding.html
This is useful information if you do have thrush As for the cluster feeding If you could get someone in the know to check out if the baby is attaching to the breast in the best way possible so that she is stimulating your supply and accessing your milk as effectively as possible. You can call the National Breastfeeding Helpline and talk to a Mum who has breastfed and has had training to talk through breastfeeding problems - 0300 123 1021 they are there every day of the week from 9.30 am - 9.30 pm.
Hope it all sorts it's self out - sleep deprivation is a torture.

Some people find cluster feeding easier to cope with than others. For me the only good thing about them is that they stopped quite quickly. About 8 weeks for DD (which I know feels like a lifetime away from 4 weeks but is in fact only another 4 weeks - and by the end she was feeding more 6-10 rather than 5-2).

To survive them you need someone to make you dinner and bring you drinks, you need to be somewhere comfortable, and you need something fairly unchallenging to entertain you. This is what the DVD box-set was invented for.

Honestly they will not last long.

On the going out point I think everyone I know says that bf-ing in public is nowhere near as scary as you might expect. I've been doing it 8months and have only ever had some polite and kind attention from other mums. I'm a bit disappointed by this as I had loads of great lines stored up for people who disapprove.

You could practice trying to feed discreetly at home and ask your partner or a friend to tell you how much is visible. You could also find out about local breastfeeding support groups as they provide a nice safe environment to practice feeding in public in. You could look up the feeding facilities in local shopping centres and department stores. Our local shopping centre has great family rooms with private rooms in which you can feed your child. John Lewis and Mothercare also tend to have good facilities.
You could try and find another mum friend to come with you so that you aren't feeding in public by yourself first time.

Or you could throw caution to the winds, whap your baps out and try feeding in the middle of your local pub. Drastic maybe but once you've mastered it bf-ing in public generally isn't scary.

You are doing an amazing job. Try not to worry too much about how things will work next week or next month. The only bit you need to think about is right now. I remember freaking out when someone on MN advised me that feeding 2 hourly is normal and that her DS was still doing it at 8 months. I decided I could never handle that and nearly gave up. What I didn't know was that although DD still feeds frequently at 8m the feeds only last 2-3 mins. So much easier than making up bottles.

I too found it really hard at that stage and also now at 11w have even started to enjoy BFing which I never thought possible at the start. Initially I was counting down the weeks to the 6 month mark which I honestly thought I would never reach!

I think once you get to 6 weeks your supply should be better. I'm not sure that you are really meant to do this but after this point dh would try to distract dd during cluster feeds and (provided she was happy and not crying) this helped to increase the time spent not feeding! I wouldnt do this until your supply is sorted though, and I'm sure the textbooks may say not to do this - but for me it made the difference between going mad/giving up and continuing.

Can't really comment on v large boobs but like Salander I now feel comfortable with the size (initially i used to wear a bikini top in the shower as having been very small they felt enormous and uncomfy!) so I think they must have settled a little.

I'm still not keen on BFing in public. Have done it at a support group and this does make me feel a little more confident. If I really need to feed in public I would try and find a secluded area - although I've nothing against people feeding in full view it just isnt for me. Another option may be expressing a bottle. I did that recently for a funeral I went to when I felt that however discrete I was it maybe wasnt the place to feed in public. Just my opinion though.

My DS is 7wks and it was at 4wks that I had a crisis, not helped by a blocked duct, and very nearly threw in the towel. A mere 3wks later and things are much better. Still cluster feeding sometimes (like right now!) but the night feeds have drawn out to a 6hr gap and the days are better. It WILL improve but you have to stick with it to get there!

I BF in public for the first time last Saturday. I'm very reserved in public and was concerned but found it surprisingly easy. I would recommend doing it for the first time with someone supportive to accompany you (I was in a restaurant with 2 friends) and just concentrate on your baby and nobody else. It's surprisingly easy. Found myself feeding alone, right in the entrance to the hospital yesterday and nobody batted an eyelid - and neither did I!

I FF my elder son and I grew to hate it in the end so all I would say is not to think that FF will solve your problems - it has it's own set of annoyances too!

Good luck whatever you choose :)

It gets easier. We're at 6 weeks.

If you suspect thrush get treatment asap and be manic about keeping to the treatment plan as it really really hurts and makes bfing so hard.

Bfing becomes so natural you get over the nerves of feeding in publib ime.

It does get better. Like you, the three-four week mark was really difficult for me with my DS. Like you, I was ready to pack it in. He is now seven weeks old and feeding has fallen into a more regular pattern in general, i.e. he will mostly have 'proper' feeds rather than snacking. I do express sometimes but fiddling with bottles is a lot more tricky than breastfeeding, honestly! And once you have turned to formula you will be stuck doing the bottles all the time! It is definitely worth trying to introduce expressed milk in a bottle around six weeks though - get someone else to feed her these. Saves your sanity as it means you can leave her with someone else for short periods without having to worry.

Hi I know this feeling and remember saying to my partner that is it bottle feeding. I also remember crying my eyes out at three in the morning, leaking everywhere. My little girl is ten weeks and is now giving me at least six hours a night. It does get better I promise.
At five weeks you can start expressing and giving her a bottle of expressed milk. I really would advise doing this so that your partner/friend can feed her so you can get some sleep bath/internet. One benefit is that you will lose any baby weight. I have also expanded in the chest area but again it seems to be coming down. Good luck