Any tips on stopping breastfeeding - I'm desperate!

[Rebecca41]

Can anyone help?

DS2 is 20 months old, and still breast fed at night. He has a feed at bedtime - I'm fine with that - but then he wants to suck (for comfort) intermittently throughout the night. We co-sleep because he's a bad sleeper, and it's the only way I get any sleep at all. The constant sucking is quite uncomfortable and actually keeps me awake, as it can last a couple of hours at a time.

I'm desperate to stop, but finding it hard because he makes such a fuss if I don't offer him a boob in the night. Basically he screams and screams until I give in, or he falls asleep out of sheer exhaustion, usually after a couple of hours.

Last night he woke at 2.30, howled for 2 hours because I wouldn't let him suck, then finally fell asleep, only to wake an hour later (at which point I gave in as didn't have the strength for another battle).

He has a dummy which he will occasionally accept at night time, but more often than not he gets even more furious if I try and offer it as an alternative to a breast. I've also tried offering milk in a bottle, which gets the same response as a dummy.

Throughout the crying spells he's lying next time me, I stroke him and say sshh etc, so he's not alone and without comfort.

Apart from disturbing my sleep, my main worry is DS1's sleep. When DS2 screams a lot it wakes DS1 as it's only a small house. DS1 is in year 1 at school and finds it very tiring, so he really needs his sleep. That's one of the reasons I end up giving in to DS2, to keep the house quiet.

I'm a single parent so there's no other person to lend a hand.

Has anyone else had experience with a determined toddler who won't give up breast feeding? Any ideas? (This is new territory for me as DS1 gave up voluntarily age 15 months)

Thank you

I'm not sure that this is a solution that you will want to try or not, but if I were you, I would take this as a sign to stop both co-sleeping and BFing at the same time.
Your DS will scream and shout, but it will only last a couple of nights.
Do you have another room/bed/cot in which he could sleep?
If so, put him to sleep in there from the off. Comfort him, stay with him, talk to him, but do not allow him into your own bed. You have to be strong about this no matter how much of a fuss he puts up.
If he wakes in the night, you can go to him, you can comfort him, but you MUST NOT under any circumstances offer him a breast.
It will involve a lot of screaming for a couple of nights, but that will be well worth it.
At the moment he knows that if he screams enough he will get a breast eventually.
You now have to teach him that no matter how much he screams, he will not get one.
Once he has learned that, he will give up trying and will go back to sleep without complaint.
At 20 months he needs to learn to comfort himself so you really need to do this for both of your sanities.
Don't worry too much about DS1. It will only last a couple of nights. He will cope.
Good luck!

Agrees.

What Ruth said.

As I personally cannot listen to my babies crying, I totally understand how distressing this is.

Could you go away for a weekend and leave somebody else to look after him ie his dad or grandparents??

He is ready for it and chances are that your and his sleep will improve.

Have a look at this article by Dr Jay Gordon

Do you want to stop bfing completely or just in the night?

You have my sympathies- it's a tough one to figure out.

I think it would be harder to stop co-sleeping and breastfeeding in one go as you are taking away two huge things from your DS who is still very small.
Can you try and cut out the night feeds (and continue to feed him before bed), as from your post it seems like this is what is wearing you down the most?
Do you wear a top in bed? Something which makes you inaccessible for feeding?
I'd be tempted to try and use the dummy to wean him at night.
My DS2 co-slept for a long time and often comes in to our bed still, he is 3. But I did manage to encourage him not to feed during the night at around 18 months, I also found it quite bothersome.

I would be doing exactly what you are doing, i can't bear to hear a baby cry. However, i did buy a book called "no cry sleep solution". I also co-sleep and continue to breastfeed once during the night (DD is 14 months). But this used to be every hour, so much imporoved after reading the advice in this book. The author is so down to earth in her advice - she had 4 kids, co-slept and breastfed. The premise of the book is that you can stop doing both (not all at once mind you) without baby crying. One of the techniques is the gentle removal technique, it takes persistence but does work.

Basically when LO gets to stage of sucking for comfort you gently removed your nipple from their mouth and gently hold their chin, they continue to do the sucking action but not on you. If they cry, you just let them feed again and wait 5 mins and repeat.

Good luck, it must be so hard doing it on your own. Hope you have lots of other support.

I agree with Ruth BUT I didn't stop co-sleeping at the same time - I thought it was too much at the one time. Cold turkey, but reassuring them you're still there was what I did. And honestly, with all of them, by the third night they were going to sleep without feeding (although sometimes still with a cuddle).

It might've helped that my other kids could sleep through an earthquake though...

Thank you everyone.

I don't think he'd tolerate a move to a different room, and I don't have one anyway. He's going to be sharing his big brother's room eventually, that's the plan.

I'm going to stick with breast-feeding embargo. The pyjama top is buttoned up!

Thanks again for the advice.

Good luck! I went through this with DS2 and we had a week of hell with me blearily watching the clock waiting for 6am when I decided it could no longer be considered a night feed! But after that week he got the idea and has slept fantastically ever since. So it will be worth it! We kept on with daytime and evening feeds for another 6 months so this need not signal the end of breastfeeding unless you want it to.