Complete BF novice alert - help please!

[ChessyEvans]

Hi, I am currently pregnant with first baby and due in April. I have always assumed that I will EBF and still plan to do this although I am aware that this is not necessarily possible for everyone.

However, I am completely confused about bottles, expressing, sterlising etc if breastfeeding. My SIL formula fed from the start and my mum EBF without any bottles or expressing so I have nobody to turn to!

Can you please explain how expressing works in terms of how long milk can be stored for (doesn't it get cold... ), whether the same sterilisation rigmarole is needed with the bottles as for FF, whether it can be frozen and then used, whether part of a bottle can be drunk and then the rest still used etc. Or if you think I need a book (!) any recommendations?

Am convinced BF is the best way for so many reasons but am a bit concerned that I'll be very about feeding in public (and by public I mean anyone other than DH!) so would like to have the option of expressing bottles so that I don't live like a hermit.

Thanks for any replies!

Hi Chessy

Don't worry too much, the vast majority of women can BF but it is a skill to be learnt (by you and baby!) so don't worry if you do need a little help. I would get in contact with your local LLL group or NCT, you should be able to get plenty of ante-natal info that will help you.

Don't worry either about BF in public, I think everyone feels self-conscious the first time they do it. I certainly did but now I'll happily BF my 2 yo DD anywhere I like. You don't have to flash any flesh and once you get into the swing of it then most people won't even notice what you are doing.

Bottles shouldn't really be introduced until BF is well established to avoid nipple confusion and supply issues. Feeding on cue is best for the first few weeks to get your supply established and so you can both get the hang of BF.

If you want a BF book with info and tips then I like this one. The Food of Love (kate Evans) is popular as well but I've never read it myself. You don't need a book though, there is a lot of information available elsewhere. Kellymom is a really good website.

Hope that helps a bit.

To add, you do need to sterilise and stuff still with expressed milk and bottles but I only express now and again so it's not too much of a faff, it's more of a faff than just feeding though. I express maybe once a week so baby is used to a bottle and then only if I'm going to be away from him for any length of time. I can't remember the exact details for storage so don't want to advise but I think it is on the NHS website, it's certainly in the books you are given. I just stand the bottle in a jug of boiling water for a minute or two to get it to a better temperature before giving it to DS.

Try not to think you will express rather than just feed in public, it's much easier just to plan to feed out and about and it really isn't daunting once you are used to it. At first I had to feed at home, in a particular chair, in a particular position. Now DS is 8 weeks and I could do it anywhere and feed happily in public. It's much easier than trying to express. Honestly. And I never thought I would be able to.

Kellymom.com has all the info you need. I wouldn't worry about expressing straight away if you don't have to though. I had to as my baby was in SCBU for 3 days, but it really can cause issues with confusion and supply. Ideally you'd wait a few weeks until you've both got the hang of breastfeeding first.

I highly recommend the book 'The Food of Love' by Kate Evans fwiw.

Feeding in public is nerve-wracking at first but after a few goes it becomes the easy option!

If there are breastfeeding cafes, or NCT coffee mornings, or breastfeeding groups near you, those are good places to try feeding in public first. Because if you flash a boob, nobody will be alarmed or surprised, and it's a good way to build up your confidence.

Expressing is a giant faff. Breastfeeding, once it's working well, is the lazy option - expressing ruins that!

realbabymilk.org is a good place to look for local bf groups - you can search by your postcode.

Lots of good info from previous posters, just wanted to say good luck. Make sure you get good support from your midwives in the early days (DEMAND home visits as often as you need them!)

And definitely prioritise getting bfing established before you start expressing and introducing bottles.

Good luck for the birth too, come back and let us know how you get on with it all

You don't need to express unless you're going to be away, so don't worry about it at first (and, as others have said, it's better to get bf established first before introducing bottles, if you can).

I EBF DD until she started solids, and still BF at 11 months (and hopefully for quite a while longer, if she's up for it!), I've been back in work full-time for 4 months and whilst I agree that expressing is a faff, I think less so than FF.

To answer your questions in order:
Milk can be stoed in a fridge for anything up to 8 days. Sometimes it starts to go off after 4 or so, just smell it in the way you would ordinary milk. How long it lasts depends on things like how often you keep opening and closing the fridge, how cold it is in the fridge and just some people's seems to last longer than others'.

Yes, it does get cold. Babies can drink it straight from the fridge but some prefer not to, in that case it can be brought back up to room temperature.

Yes, you need to sterilise the same as with FF. Because you won't be using as many bottles you probably won't need anything expensive like a steam steriliser, microwave or sterilisation tablets in a bowl work fine. I'm less meticulous about this now DD is older.

Sorry, didn't mean to finish there!

Yes, you can freeze and deforst milk. In the same way as anything else which has been defrosted, you have to then use it all asap (within a day), you can't refreeze it if it's defrosted. The way round this is just to freeze it in small quantities e.g. express 6oz, freeze in two lots of 3oz. There are special freezer bags for milk.

As long as it hasn't been frozen or out of the fridge for too long, it's fine to give part of a bottle then put it back in the fridge for later.

And finally, it's really normal to worry about feeding in public. Everyone else has already given great advice about groups etc. I would say it is embarrassing at first, but try it at groups, with friends who have babies etc. After a while, once you and baby have got the hang of it, you don't need to expose large amounts of breast and in fact someone can be sitting right next to you and not know (this has happened to me several times - despite DD being a very noisy feeder, I've had people thinking she's cuddled up to me asleep when she's feeding). Most people won't bat an eyelid even if they do know you're feeding, I've had nothing but positive comments from nuns, priests, shop assistants, farm workers, binmen etc.

Good luck! Stick with the BF, it's well worth it!

What all the others have said

If you are so inclined, please read 'The politics of Breastfeeding' - it does not give any practical advice on BFing as such (you are better with RL help anyway, IMO, if you run into problems), but will inspire and reassure you so much that you CAN BF. I wish I'd read it before I had DS1...

Put baby to breast everytime it squaks, have no other plans than to sit and hold/love/feed your baby for the first few weeks and you two will learn to become a great BFing couple. Good luck.

Thanks so much everyone, I am 100% determined to breastfeed and it's really reassuring to hear all your positive advice. Will have lots of support from my mum for the initial stages anyway (I'm assuming it's not something you forget!). Am not the most sociable person but can see the advantages of joining local groups so will look into that too.

Hope to be back on here in 6 months or so offering advice!

I'm sure your Mum will be a great help but my Mum and MIL both bf and both did forget what the first few weeks are like and were giving me unhelpful suggestions on spacing feeds etc.

They are both pro-breastfeeding but tbh I think most people find their memories of the first three months pretty hazy because of the sleep deprivation. You might find practical advice from your midwife, health visitor or a breastfeeding counsellor more helpful because they will be helping women to breastfeed every day.

Mmmm, I agree with VeroniaCake- my Mum did bfeed, but 'back in her day' they were told to feed for ten minutes on each side. That said HVs do spout some fairly outdated ideas about bfing too so check out your local bfing support group for really good help.

However, it will be good to have someone on hand to do things that will let you just sit on the sofa and feed, feed, feed. (bring you a big glass of water, chocolate cake and the tv controller for example

Great suggestions from japhrimel about kellymom and Food of Love too. I'm just reading Ina Gaskin's Guide to Breasfeeding and that is good too- explains how to get bfing off to a great start and the importance of skin to skin.

Good luck

On the BF in public - you'll be nervous, and arrange outings to be of a length that you can be sure to be home by the time he's hungry again, and then one day you'll be out longer than expected.

When that day comes you won't think twice - hungry baby really will trump your nerves, and you'll be so busy watching the baby you won't even notice the people around you.

Good luck! I second the advice about feeding at every squawk (about hourly for the first week!) to get the supply up and running.

Also, feeding when you are in public is 100x easier if you go for a coffee with another bfing mum, it gives you confidence and then you become proud of it and stop feeling so self conscious.

I'm a first-time BF'er too but this is my second child.

DS2 is 6wks old now and I won't lie to you - the first month is hard work. He fed pretty constantly the whole time and around 4wks I got to the point of throwing in the towel because I got a blocked duct and was just feeling sore and chomped on. I stuck with it though and the benefits really are worth it now that he's slowly settling down again.

My DH is always on evening duty because I'm cluster-feeding pretty heavily from about 7pm onwards so he has to do dinner, etc. We introduced a little bottle of formula at 4wks when I was desperate and we've kept it up with expressed milk because we want him to take a bottle when necessary but sterilising is a PAIN (DS1 was FF and it's the main reason I wanted to BF this time) so we just do it when it's convenient now, every few days.

BF in public is really easy actually. Having kids, you soon realise that you have to not care about what others think or you go mad. Today, for example, DS1 decided to have his first major on the floor, screaming tantrum at the busy checkouts in Sainsburys. I always thought that would mortify me (I'm a very reserved person) but I didn't blink and just hauled him up off the floor and went on my way! Your baby will likely take up all your attention anyway so just concentrate on what you're doing and once you've done it once, you won't look back.

Good luck to you :)

Oh yes,

Agree with being prepared for evening cluster feeds (which often don't start straight away so come as a surprise). Expect to get nothing done and DH has to do everything.

Expressing: agree with others, get through the first few weeks then revisit the idea, otherwise information overload.

Going to BF cafe's/NCT Bump and Babies whilst pregnant I found was useful just to normalise it and see other mothers not care about feeding in public etc.

I planned to EBF and express sometimes so bought good electric pump, steam steriliser and a few bottles in advance. Am really glad I did, but it would also have worked to have done the research to know how things worked and decide which things I wanted, then waited a little while to see if I definitely wanted to be able to express. Once I decided I wanted to I was too exhausted to have to start from scratch learning about it.

In first few days when I was convinced I had no colostrum I tried the pump and a little came out eventually which was hugely reassuring.

I bought the book 'so thats what they're for' which was interesting but I mostly found it made me feel guilty that I mixed a few early expressed feeds with 50% formula so my husband could feed dd and give my breasts a break. I've found the info in 'what to expect in the first year' suits me best. Also like kellymom website, has useful info about things like nipple shields which I needed to use for a few weeks for pain/dd's tongue tie/inverted nipple. I bought those in advance too as I knew the nipple could be an issue but also I'm the type that likes to be really prepared for every eventuality in advance!

Now dd is 6.5 weeks and my milk supply has started to be well established. I can pump reasonably well from both sides (one side is smaller and inverted and only produces 50-75% as much milk as the left when I pump) and I'm going to start gathering a freezer stash for when I want to go out. Until now it was only 2-3 times a week so dh could help with feeding at night when I'm so tired and sore (though think I'm unusual in that soreness is lasting a long time). I found giving a bottle of expressed milk really helped end a cluster feed and get dd to sleep.

I think the best advice is to expect to get bery little done in the the first few weeks (at least four!), while you spend time getting to grips with breast feeding (and trying to grab some sleep in between feeds.

I have read in several places that things get easier after 4 weeks or so. I have to say, it took more like 6 - 7 for me, and I felt very down at the 4 week stage as I had subconsciously put this milestone in my head and didn't meet it.

There are several things that can cause problems in the early weeks, and if you read some of the posts on this board, you'll have an idea of what they are (I wish I'd found this board before the birth). The support on here is amazing, and most problems can be overcome.

Good luck with the feeding, and please allow time for you and your baby to learn this new skill and for problems to settle down