What am i doing wrong?? help help help!

[HelenEmjay]

My dd is only 3 weeks old and although she feeds ok during the day, she is a total different story at night! she feeds for about 5-10 minutes and then falls asleep, now i have been told to rub her feet and gently blow on her face or even to undress her a little or change her nappy to wake her up - which i do, and it does, but for about 20 seconds and then she goes to sleep again! after about 40 minutes or an hour of trying i give up and i put her in her cot and get back into bed, guaranteed within a minute or two she is awake and squawking! so i get up get her out, out comes the boob and she sucks about 5 - 10 times and she is snoring her head off again! i think i have had about 4 hours sleep in a week and im really turning into a zombie, what am i doing wrong? am i her 'dummy'? i have tried her with a dummy but she acts like i've given her a sour lemon to suck and she almost barfs it out! PLEASE PLEASE someone help im about one sleepless night away from rocking in a corner and twitching!!

Your not doing anything wrong but she's using you as a comforter and then waking when she can't smell and feel you. It shows your close.

Tonight try and put your smelly pillowcase or the clothes you are wearing today in her cost so she can still smell you. (I used to use a breast pad but thats just me)

Good luck and don't worry, being a mum is hard especially at the beginning. Please don't beat yourself up with things are right or as you expect them, it happens all the time.

Helen, my ds2 is 4 months now but I can remember those early weeks when you dont think you'll get any sleep. Its very hard isnt it? I used to often change ds's nappy before feeding which sometimes wakes them up a bit (even if you end up using loads of nappies), underssing them seems unkind but does work, and/or dabbing them with a little dampened cotton wool ball. I remember just sitting there for what seemed like half the night. I found a dummy wasnt any help for the same problems you quote so just made more work cos you have to keep getting up. Can you lie down and breast feed? cos at least then it doesnt matter if you drift off to sleep for five minutes or so and its more relaxing - if that's the right word. Dont give up -it will get easier even if it seems horrendous now

Well i do change her nappy to try and wake her up abit but i have a 5 and a 2.5 year old boys in th next rooms so i really dont want her to shout too loudly! Im scared to lay down with her as im really really paranoid about SIDS, i will try the cotton wool ball though! and i like the idea of clothes or something that smells of mummy for her to sleep with too!! i will try these things tonight! - im soooooo tired!

Helen I used to feed my babies one breast, then change nappy, then feed other side. It worked really well and if they slept through the nappy change then they usually slept for hours. If really desperate for sleep you could consider feeding her whilst lying in bed with you lying on your side and cradling her to your breast. At least you will be able to doze for a few minutes.

re. your boys waking up, I shouldn't worry about that. With my dds I just explained that they might hear ds crying and not to worry about it, just go back to sleep, it's just his way of telling me what he wants. They are a lot older, but it also worked for dd1 when dd2 was born (dd1 was 17 months). It is worth getting them used to her crying when they are in bed otherwise you will be frantically trying to keep her quiet for years to come!

Also - she may be a bit young for this yet, but my ds (9 weeks) needs to have a good cry before he settles down. I too was picking him up and feeding him, because I didn't want him to disturb dh (he is in our room), until dh said, just leave him and he will settle - and sure enough, within 10 minutes he did!

Do a "check" - how long has she recently fed for? (ie more than 15 minutes in the past hour) Is she in a dry nappy? Is she tired? Is she warm enough? If so, then put her down. She doesn't need feeding, she just wants the comfort. You could even give yourself a time limit, if you want - if she's still crying in 5 mins then pick her up again.

What happens if you just give her that 5/10 minute feed and then put her back down without trying to wake her up? My intial reaction on reading your post is why are you trying to wake her up when she obviously wants to sleep!!

I have to say though that when DS1 did something similar ( he was waking every 45 minutes or so between 1am and 4am) I just gave up and kept him in bed with me. I figured at least I wouldn't have to keep getting up and down, but he did actually sleep better.

Just thought, although I said she may be a bit young for this tactic, I used it on ds from about 3 weeks onwards.

I can't add any advice although I wish I had tried some of the things offered when ds did this!

I have to say I think the leaving to cry thing at 3 weeks is a bit hard!! They are such tiny babies and their only requirements are food, clean, warmth and love. With my 2nd baby I would feed him and put him straight in the cot whilst awake. Sometimes he would cry and I would comfort but most times he would drop off to sleep. I would wake up later and realise he had gone to sleep. Perhaps you could try this through the day. It might take a few days but she will get there.

mymama, I'm only suggesting leaving her to cry for 5 minutes, not hours! I have just put ds down for a nap - he'd just had a feed and a clean nappy and he was tired. He screamed for about 3 minutes, and is now sleeping peacefully. He didn't want to sleep, but needed to!

Another vote for sleeping with the baby. As long as everyone is sober and sensible (not preemie, no smokers), bedsharing is the best way to get through these early weeks. I got to the point with DS2 where I could feed him without really waking up at all.

Miaou I realise it is only a few minutes but I am hopeless with babies crying. I have 3 children and my dh had to take every one of them for the injections and I would stand outside the room crying. Each to their own with this method I just find it a bit tough at such a young age when they are still adjusting to the outside world.

Well I appreciate that my way is not everyone's way, but since it works great for me I think it's important that I share my experiences .

How long does she feed for at a time in the day? My dd only ever fed for 10 mins at a time and this was always enough for her. The second waking does seem to be a comfort thing. I used to put a t-shirt i had been wearing in the cot so she could smell me.

My ds did this in the early days - I just brought him into bed with us and he was much snugglier. I think when they feed and are snuggly then put back into a cold cot it wakes them, try putting a hot water bottle in the cot while you are feeding then take it out when you put dd back in.
Can you pull the cot right up to the side of your bed and put the side down? then you can feed her and then she's still near you after and you can just shoosh her and stroke her?

I found if I laid my little one on a blanket in my bed to feed, then transferred her complete with blanket so she wasn't feeling the cold of the cot she stayed asleep much better.