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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Breastfeeding @ 18m & low libido

13 replies

SuperAmoo · 04/01/2011 12:46

Hi all, I am still happily bf my 18month DD2 and have no intention of stopping (she still feeds about ten times a day/night) but my relationship with DP is on the rocks because I don't just have a low libido, I have NO libido at all and we haven't been intimate at all since before DD2 was born. My DP is very upset but I just can't force myself to do anything. I can't even bare to have my skin touched at all. Is this connected with breastfeeding or do you think it's a separate issue? Thanks.

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 04/01/2011 18:51

My breasts are still like that after only 8 months bf (dd is now 2.10).

I had low libido after I stopped and just thought that was how I was, but then I was on the pill (same as I'd been on before ttc dd1). I had a tummy bug one month and so didn't bother with the pill and (once I was over the bug) I was pouncing on dh - bless him, it was a bit of a shock for him.

I know it's not the same but hormones are so relevant. I would say it probably is related to bf. Not against bf at 18 months but I am surprised by the amount she's having - does she eat solids well too? Just curious.

RhinestoneReindeerHerder · 04/01/2011 18:56

DD has just turned 2yrs and my libido is pretty low, but not non-existent. She still bf maybe 4 times a day. In my case it is mostly tiredness as she wakes in the night.

The times I have been most rampant was when we were ttc and so off hormonal contraception, so agree that hormones play a part.

How is the rest of your relationship with DP? Do you spend time together, get time to enjoy each other's company (in non-sexual way).

purcellfan · 04/01/2011 19:32

Also bfing at 18 months, fair amount of feeds in the day when I'm at home but libido has returned. It was very bad until ds was about one though. Now it feels pretty much normal apart from the fact that having an 18 month old isn't conducive to a lot of private time together! I'm not on the pill. Don't if that helps you, are you very run down or anaemic or anything?

IAmTheCookieMonster · 04/01/2011 19:35

I am bf a 8.5 month and find that my libido is fine when he is at someone else's house. If he is at home I just can't get in the mood.

pooka · 04/01/2011 20:00

My dc3 is 16 months. Still feed maybe 3 or 4 times a day.

Nil libido.

I feel rather 'touched out' by the end of the day. Also knackered, a bit anaemic and have cold after cold (obv not bf related). So can't blametge feeding entirely. But I do think hormones have a part to play.

Biggest fear though is getting pregnant. Health issues (for any potential unborn baby) means bad idea. So that combined with the above = very long dry period.

Original poster
SuperAmoo · 04/01/2011 21:03

It's hard to say really whether it is just hormonal, though from what you all say, it does play a major part doesn't it. Sex has never been a part of my relationship with DP that I like anyway. And I am also totally knackered all the time. DD2 doesn't really like food that much. She would much rather have milk from me instead. Generally she refuses to eat breakfast or lunch and then by dinner she's so starving she eats like a horse. But she feeds four times at night too, though not for long and it's usually because she's teething and in pain (she grinds her teeth and cries alot at night). I do give her Calpol sometimes, but it's worn off by 2am and then she starts crying and grinding her teeth again. I just want to do the best I can for DD2 and my instinct tells me that letting her nurse when she asks to (say 80% of the time) is good for her emotionally and physically. But I'm aware that it may push my DP over the edge.

OP posts:
Normal2feelthisway · 04/01/2011 21:20

BF dc3 (10mth) 4ish time a day usually once at night.

My libido has been none exsistant apart from a a couple of one off moments where i was gagging for it..dont know why but my ds had reduced feeding in the day and my first period returned...feeding is up again and the one off really was just that...leaving me with no sexual interest and a confused dh! Sad

Tweetinat · 05/01/2011 10:22

Interesting thread - I'm in the same boat with zero libido and still BF 14mo. Have also considered giving up as my relationship with my husband is (not suprisingly) at rock bottom since I can't bear him to touch me.

Original poster
SuperAmoo · 05/01/2011 10:39

Well although it's not nice for us, I am taking some solace from the fact that it's not just me. And it gives me hope that my relationship isn't doomed, it may purely be down to hormones. Whilst I will try to encourage DD2 to nurse less, I'm definitely not going to stop though. It's only going to be another 12 months tops - and there's no more babies after that - so I think DP should just be brave.

OP posts:
IslandIsla · 05/01/2011 11:44

Me and DH didn't have any intimacy during my pregnancy until DD was around 17 months. Are your periods back? I found when periods returned libido increased significantly - so I think hormones are a big part of it. (My periods came back around 15 months, a couple of months after night feeds went).
Even then it took me a while to get my nerve up for it, after such a long break! But once back on the horse it was fine, so to speak! (I'm still breastfeeding, now DD is 21 months).

Relationships are not all about sex, however your DH may be feeling a bit rejected. Me and DH talked about it and I felt guilty about it but he accepted it. Talking about it is very important, but I'm sure you know that!

porcamiseria · 07/01/2011 22:01

ha I loggeed on to find a BF/libido thtread and here it is!!!

Its weird as do not feel horny in the slightest, but in earlier stage that you lot as dS only 4 months

they dont tell you that in the NCT BF classes eh!

porcamiseria · 07/01/2011 22:02

ha I loggeed on to find a BF/libido thtread and here it is!!!

Its weird as do not feel horny in the slightest, but in earlier stage that you lot as dS only 4 months

they dont tell you that in the NCT BF classes eh!

YankNCock · 07/01/2011 23:02

Same here, still BFing 16mo DS about 3-4 times a day and sex simply does not occur to me. DH is too subtle and I completely miss when he is suggesting it (whereas before I'd recognise and jump at opportunities).

Still no periods, but I have PCOS and was very irregular before anyway.

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