Tempted to wean 10 month old from breast - please talk me down!

[FrozenNorthPole]

DD2 has had a cold in the last couple of weeks so has been breastfeeding more and eating virtually no solids. Now I am trying to get her to eat more solid meals again since she will be at nursery tomorrow and not able to breastfeed for eight hours in a row. Every time I put her in the high chair, she screams and won't stop til I take her out. She has spent most of the last few evenings screaming and biting at my breast, not sleeping til 10 or 11 o'clock at night. She rarely manages a feed longer than five minutes before screaming again to come off. We've had her checked out by our GP, we've given her paracetamol and ibuprofen, we've tried absolutely everything ... she's just being an angry, screaming baby and I can't seem to help her.

I'm very close to stopping breastfeeding. All pleasure for either of us seems to have gone from it. I know that I would regret it if I did stop, but I am so fed up of my evenings - in which I'm trying to mark essays - being filled with screaming, clawing, scratching and biting. I'm at the end of my patience but need to find some more from somewhere. In my position - what would you do? Would you stop?

PS - when she goes to sleep, she rarely stays asleep for more than an hour. Whilst she's never been a great sleeper, this is definitely a lot worse than she has been for a while. She wakes, has a snack at the breast and then sleeps again. DH is shortly deploying so I can't pass the night-time waking on to him, and she will not take a bottle of EBM at all.

If all pleasure is gone, why do you feel you'd regret it if you stopped? You'll have to stop at some point, and ten months is a huge achievement. How long do you intend to continue for?

in your position no, i don't think i would stop

you may find that she is absolutely fine back at nursery and perhaps it will be the turning point? she may happily have her solids there because she has no choice?

i know that when my lot are ill they really go off their food, esp ds1 and it's a real battle to get him to eat anything, but once he does he improves a lot! so I hope it's the same for your dd

once she is over the cold and everything I can really recommend Elizabeth Pantley's no-cry sleep solution. We did it with ds2 when he was around 9/10 months and it really worked for us

oh, and at home, for meal times I think i'd forget the highchair for a bit. try not to stress about it too much if she doesn't eat much- you don't wnat to create negative associations with it iyswim?
so just maybe let her sit on your lap and offer finger foods if she wants them?
i wonder if she has had a sore throat and breastmilk soothes it and food aggravates it?

btw, i gave up breastfeeding ds1 before i wanted to, and i have always regretted it, so i would say make sure you're 100% sure you want to do it before you give up.

you need to give up when you know it's the right time, not when you're in the middle of a bad time IMO

Oh poor you, that sounds really hard. I was going to say, could she have an ear infection, but the GP will have checked that. You have done really well BF to 10 months. It may improve a bit when she is at nursery - you may find that when you are not there, she readily accepts solid food, and that may begin to translate to home, once she's got used to it again. Is teething a possibility. My lovely DS2 turned into a sleepless, thrashing maniac for 2 weeks - I was at my wits end, and then 4 molars appeared simultaneously, poor mite. It sounds as if she wants more comfort and is frustrated. DS2 was like this, I wasn't BF at that stage, but I was trying to cuddle him which normally makes him feel better, and he was pushing me away, screaming. I felt useless, and frustrated too - but it was all the teeth, and he's back to normal now. The teething came at the end of a really long-running cold which made him difficult at night for several weeks. I then caught the cold myself and realised why he felt so awful - I have felt dreadful with it too. I thought he'd never settle again, but he has, and even sleeps 11 hours through the night without a peep now. Maybe tell yourself you will just carry on for another week or two, and assess the situation then? Is there anyone who can give you a break in the daytime so you can get some sleep/time to yourself then? Good luck, let me know how it goes.

Dansmommy - I would feel awful if I stopped like this. I wanted our feeding relationship to go on til she self-weaned. I wouldn't judge anyone else for stopping at any time if they wanted, but this is a massive goal for me. I feel like a bit of a failure for even thinking about stopping. Thank you for reminding me that no-one else would judge me if I stopped though!

Thisisyeaterday - You make a good point re: nursery - perhaps having other children to distract her will help, as will the structured day. Maybe having me around just makes her think about milk all the time? She's only has two settling in sessions at nursery so I think I'm a bit on edge about her first full day tomorrow. I like Pantley's potty training book (using it with DD1) so will have a look on amazon for it.

After her last screaming fit (during which time I put her down on the rug and walked out of the room for a few minutes!) she is now asleep at my breast and looking like an angel. Feel so guilty for considering breaking this bond - I love her so much but need to find some patience from somewhere.

Wolfhound - oooh. I just found another little pointy tooth-tip on her top gum ... hm, maybe that's the problem? It would certainly explain my bleeding nipple!

As well as the teething it could be the 46 week developmental spurt - in the run up to spurts, babies tend to be cross, clingy and crying. This is the second half of the 8/9 month sleep regression, which should really be titled the 8-11 month sleep regression.

There is a great book explaining it called The Wonder Weeks by two scientists who researched all the developmental spurts in the first year or two.

They say:

"Your baby may start sleeping less well. Most babies do. She may refuse to go to bed, fall asleep less easily, and wake up sooner. Some are especially hard to get to sleep during the day. Others at night. And some stay up longer both during the day and at night."

There?s useful information about it here, here and here.

The good news is that it does pass. It's horrible when you get the sleep regression and teething as well though.

Aha! a tooth! Hopefully that explains some of it, FrozenNorthPole My DS2 wasn't BF any more, but would chew the carpet/toys in a really rough tearing sort of way. Fingers crossed things calm down. There might be more than one tooth coming through, so maybe be patient a bit longer if it's not calmed down yet. Hope for the best! x

p.s. Angels - haven't heard of the WonderWeeks before but sounds really interesting. Definitely experienced those regressions. Might get the book before DC3 appears. Thanks.

It's well worth a read - the spurts affect mood, behaviour, eating/feeding as well as sleep. It's so reassuring - just when you think it's all going pear shaped and you're creating lots of bad habits, you realise there's a biological reason why it's just a phase which I find a great relief. :)

It also suggests activities that your LO might enjoy once they reach each new spurt.

Make sure you get the new version (white background on the cover) - it has 2 more developmental spurts covered compared with the old edition.

Angels - have just ordered it on Amazon. Think it will be v. helpful. Thanks for the tip re: white background, got the new one.