should i stop?

[pinkyp]

I got mastitus on sunday felt shocking, felt rough still yesteday,parents came over to play with 3year old ds whilst i tried to feed baby as much as possible. Today i woke and now i have mastitus in my other breast too(god knows how), my parents came over 2pm, i wasnt dressed (ds was) and offered to take him out. I was holding baby as usual, they asked if he was a leach and i should put him down - i said i do but he likes to be held..my mum then gave me a big long speach about he'll get use to it, if i swaddle him etc. I'm now thinking maybe i should stop bf? my ds is spending no time at all with me, i struggle to do anything except feed...if i want a brew i have to put baby in his rocker and rush i kitchen and do it - chances are he's crying before i'm back. I do hardly any (if any) house work. My dh feels unloved as when i'm not feeding i dont want to cuddle up to him i want some space as i've been cuddled to a baby all day/night. i'm lucky if i can get dressed (still in pj's)managed to quickly bush hair but baby started crying so just screwed it up in a bun.

Now with mastitus on top of everything - is it something i'm doing wrong for it to be in both? When does bf get easier? baby is 4 weeks tomorrow - he's a fab baby and only crys for food and to be held. i'm sorry this has turned into a moan just feel a bit down about it all now :(

It gets easier - 4 weeks is still so new! Even if you weren't breastfeeding you'd still be holding the baby all day, but you'd have to wash, sterilise and prepare bottles too.

Those hour long feeds don't last forever either - my ds is 4 months and feeds for 5 minutes each side and that's it.

Are you being treated for the mastitis?

okay,firstly,buy a sling,a wrap one like this

is there anyhing pushing on the area of the breast you have mastitus in? a bra strap for example?
yoiu can try expressing to ease the pain in the breast.

4 weeks is very young,and tbh you need to give yourself more time to get used to this,it's such a huge thing (2 kids) i have a 2.5yo and a 4mo.i feel like im getting back into the swing of things now(it began to get better after 2 months) but i have friends who are ff and are still a bit of a mess!

try not to feel to guilty about your dc1,is there anybody who can come to yours,and hold the baby whilst you play with your older dc,have a shower etc?
i found that asking for this rather than asking people to take my dd out made for a much happier dd,and ds didnt really care who was holding him,he just wanted to be held

as for your mother,tell her child care has moved on from when she was doing it,leaving babys to cry releses stress hormones and can make for a very stressed adult.
you are NOT making a rod for your own back,or any of that nonsense. 4 weeks ago you ds was cuddled up inside of you,he still needs alot of reasurance from you,and hoilding him is the best thing you can do for him.

im sure more posters will be far more eloquent and perhaps have more advice...i just couldnt let this go unanswered.

THINGS WILL GET BETTER!!

(you can pm me anytime for a rambling,badly spelled answer to anything!)

Nothing wrong with switching to formula if it's not working our so well for you. People moan about bottle preparation - but I found it an absolute relief compared with the pain and misery I experienced while breastfeeding. If you have a dishwasher it's a piece of cake.

4 weeks of BF can feel like a very long time when it's not going well. Don't feel pressured to continue if you don't want to. Don't feel pressured to stop either! It's all entirely up to you!

blimey ive just re-read for my spelling and there are some shockers in there...

you know what? i think if you have a needy baby (velcro baby i called mine) then they will be exactly the same regardless of how they are fed.

what if you stop and then he is just the same, always wanting to be held? but on top of it all you would have the expense of formula and all the faff of making bottles up. you never have a free hand when feeding because you need to hold the bottle, so unlike breastfeeding you can't really st and read a book with your older child or anything while you feed

i would say think very, very carefully about it. I know what it is like to give up bf and regret it. once you've given up it's very hard to go back.

you aren't doing anything wrong. all new babies need to be held a lot and cuddled and fed frequently.
my second was a total velcro baby, i literally never put him down til he was about 6 months old. he is one of the most confident 3 yr olds i know now! he happily started nursery last year going in without me on the first day etc etc.... so you definitely aren't making a rod for oyur own back!

all i will say is don't mistake the general difficulties of having a small baby and a toddler with a feeding problem. chances are this is nothing to do with how he is fed and everything to do with him just needing you, and it being bloody hard dealing with a small baby and a toddler!

what thisisyesterday said!

see i knew someone would be along to say what i wanted to say,but better

i would like to continue i just feel a bit crap that its taken over my life. i've ordered a sling so hopefully it'll be here next week. i express once a day but wasnt regular with it but i'm making sure i express once a day around the same time (incase this caused mastitus). I dont think theres anything pushing on my breasts..itsaround the outside edges it hurts so i'll check how i sleep etc. I think baby is a good baby, easily settled etc. I didnt ask my parents to take ds out - i think they felt sorry 4 him having to entertain himself allday - which made me feel even crapper :(

honestly,dont feel crap,pepole did this for me too,but i found if i said, "actually,could you hold the baby, so i can play with/take out dd" they would always be happy to do so.

you dont have to leave the house if you dont want to,just some one on one time with your older child (even just 1/2 hr) can do wonders.

i also found getting dd involed helped her to love him ie,can you get a nappy for you baby brother-met with lots of praise when they do! or getting them to sing to the baby or show baby a toy,pointing out that baby really liked that,he only smiles for you etc.

According to Kellymom, mastitis on both sides is an indicator you need antibiotics, so I would get in touch with your out-of-hours GP if you aren't on them already. There was a thread recently about how you should have at least a ten day course, so that might be worth asking about if they try to only give you a week's worth.

I've probably only ever had blocked ducts, and they were bad enough, but feeding and feeding, and then feeding some more is definitely the best way to clear them. So regardless of what you decide, I think you'd be best to keep going until the mastitis has cleared up, if you possibly can.

it really is early days still though, your baby is so new

it does get easier, i promise you
i found personally that with breastfeeding it was short term pain for long term gain.

having formula fed ds1 from 4.5 months onwards, and having breastfed ds2 and ds3 for a lot longer I can honestly say that breastfeeding is SOOOOOO much easier as they get older.

just little things like when you're out with friends, being able to say "yes, i'd love to come back for a coffee" instead of "no sorry, i have to get home as I don't have another bottle with me"
not having to find somewhere to prepare/warm a bottle when you're out. not having to wait while your baby cries and cries as you get the bottle ready.
all small things, as I say, but it makes a real difference jus tbeing able to feed them as and when!

the thing that helped me most when ds2 was small was my best friend. She used to come over in the afternoon if she wasn't at work and take ds1 out to the park while I had a sleep, or she'd make us both tea and cake and sit and read/play with ds1 and keep an eye on ds2 while I rested.

breastfeeding IS hard in the early days. it takes up a lot of your time and it's easy to feel like you just have nothing left of yourself. But I think if you stick with it you'll be glad you did.
I know there were times when I would gladly have shoved a bottle in ds2's mouth but I couldn't as he is intolerant to dairy so i had no choice but to carry on, I really do know how you feel.

when we reached 6 months and I realised that not only had I MADE a baby in my tummy (which is, quite frankly, pretty weird) I had also kept him alive for 6 months using nothing but stuff my body can make.
it's kind of amazing!

and yes, you really shouldn't be feeling crap. you're doing an amazing thing. you're giving your baby the best start in life, you're bringing up 2 children... and you're worried enough about it all that you're posting on here for advice! you aren't crap, you're a great mum

Older children always have to entertain themselves when a new baby comes along. All parents feel crap about this. The older child may or may not object but there's nothing you can do other than get through the next few weeks (and past the 6 week growth spurt) and it will all start to settle down. You are torn between so many obligations and not getting a single second for yourself and noone is giving you enough support for it. You're getting critised for doing what feels right - nurturing and holding your baby who is showing that he needs you, and you're worried that your older child isn't getting the attention he deserves. All that makes you a wonderful mother as you're working really hard to do what's best for your children and on top of that you've become ill :(

My second was a velcro baby and I used to carry him everywhere despite dire warnings that I will still be carrying him at 18 or something stupid. From about 3 months he started to find being put down far more acceptable which made life easier. Some babies just need that close attention and support in making the transition from womb to the outside. Carrying them and holding them teaches them that you can be trusted to be there for them and from there they make baby steps to being independant. It's like a safety net for them. In the end they'll be more confident about being independant if they are sure that if they fall, they'll be caught (as it were). If you remove the safety net (ie leave them to cry and not pick them up) they don't know that it's safe in the world so it's harder for them to become independent. Research now shows that quite the opposite to spoiling a child, holding them is the best thing for them. Your husband could get some loving in by doing the carrying himself, thus taking some of the stress off you and allowing you to spend more time with your 4YO when you're not feeding your baby.

I remember screaming to my husband at about this time that "all I want is a shower!". It was the middle of the day and I was still in my PJs but he would scream if I put him down just for a shower. My 6YO has watched more telly in the last 6 months than he has done ever, I reckon! It's totally normal

But by month 2-3 life got much easier and you're well on the way to getting to that point. I'm so sorry you don't have the understanding that you need at home but I think it's great that the in laws will take your older boy out as he's then being well looked after and having fun - which is what he - and you - need. This won't last more than another few weeks and things will get better.

You've got all the support in the world here :)

thisisyesterday that could be me :) Mine is dairy intolerant so I had no choice either (and it was tough at the beginning) but I'm so glad I carried on as it's sooo much easier than faffing with formula. I know it's not THAT big a deal - I use cloth nappies and have to be more organised with them than you do with sposies - but it's one less thing which is always a bonus. Plus when he got a cold I liked that I could actively help him to get better with my anitbodies.

He's 6 months in a few days and we'll start introducing solids this month and I will feel really sad that I'm no longer, and never will be, the only person in the world who has made him (well, other than one tiny little cell )

I don't know whether you 'should' stop. If you want to you should and if you don't you shouldn't. It sounds like you don't want to stop, but you don't want to feel ill or exhausted or like you are letting down your other DS or your DH. Which is pretty reasonable!

If you don't want to stop it is probably worth calling the NCT breastfeeding helpline (0300 330 0771) Breastfeeding Network (0300 100 0210) or La Leche League (0845 120 2918) to talk over the mastitis. It could be a positioning issue. I've had blocked milk ducts a couple of times when DD has fed in an awkward position (generally at night) and not drained the breast effectively. Mastitis is so horrible I think you need to know that you have knocked it on the head and know what to do to prevent it returning before making a decision about feeding.

Your parent's comments don't sound very helpful. Some babies do just really really like being held. At three months I could not see how I would ever be able to put DD down. At 8 months and crawling I get a few brief cuddles from her each day before she is attempting to clamber off me and explore.

We used a Moby wrap sling and it was extremely helpful.

Also think about what are the things that matter to you. I needed to have a shower and a chance to get dressed properly every morning in order to feel OK, and if that is true for you maybe you need a bit of help or a routine in the mornings in order to be able to do that. Demand feeding is important, but if your baby has to wait 15 minutes in the morning whilst you get dressed that doesn't mean you aren't demand feeding.

I think right now your DH needs to accept you don't feel very cuddly. However you feed this may be how you feel for a little while.

Thank you, i'm glad its mot just me that feels this way - i thought i was doing something wrong.

I have antibiotics but only got told to take them for a week but i have 9 days supply (3 tabs a day 28 in pack - if my maths skills are right) should i just take them all?

I was wondering about thrush? When my baby latches on i normally get a bit of a pain for a few seconds then it goes but since sunday this pain really hurts and the other breast gets sharpe pains whilst its being stimulated (more painful than normal). Baby doesnt appear to have any white patches in his mouth tho - i do have one on my nipple after feeding but it fades after a min or 2.

I agree i do think its amazing that just my boobs have kept baby alive for 4 weeks and i dont miss bottles at all (i combined bf and bottle feeding with ds but eventually he was fully ff).

On the plus side my bank balance is happy now i'm bf as i cant get out to spend every penny i have in the sales as any trip out requies a few days planning so we just dont bother.

i wpould take the whole course, yes, just to be on the safe side.

thrush can be a side effect of antibiotics, but i don't think it sounds like that's what you have.
you'd expect other symptoms too... your nipples would be red and shiny and itchy/sore. you would expect to have pain between feeds as well as during them.

i would definitely try and see a breastfeeding counsellor because the pain could be due to a latch or positioning problem which would also explain the mastitis?
whereabouts in the country are you?

thank you organic cake that was a lovely post and has made me perk up a bit :) i might even attempt to get dressed today now.

Thank you all for your kind words, it really means alot to have some support (dh is a gr8 support too but thats pretty much it)

I'min south yorkshire thisisyesterday.

It maybe a latch problem perhaps, sometimes he is fussy when feeding but i think thats wind as he'll screw his legs and boy up and then stretch out etc. How can i get him to change his latch? will he not be set in his ways now?

there is a list here of LLL groups, I don't know if there is one near you?

Apart from what the other ladies here have said, 4 weeks is such a little time from having given birth. Unless you are very lucky it's comparable to a car crash IME. So what if the LO just hangs on permanently, he's been through the same crash but inside a different vehicle in the pile-up. You are doing nothing wrong, it's pretty amazing you can make a bloomin' cup of tea. Well done :)

Sorry haven't read all the replies but just wanted to say my DD1 is 3.2 and DD2 is 4 months. It is already so much easier than 3 months ago.

DD2 was carried most of the day in a wrap sling and could only be put down when deep asleep (sometimes) for first 7-8 weeks. But at least I could do some minor chores and make tea and snacks without baby screaming.

Got comments from my parents about bad habits, DD2 was mainly sleeping with me and DH in spare room. Comments about feeding too much, never putting her down, never getting her out of my bed again.

Well at 4 months she still likes to be carried but will happily go in pram, in bouncy chair, on play mat and sleeps on her own. Still feeding 2-3 hourly but feeds are really quick. This improved at about 6-7 weeks. They were taking a looooong time in the early days.

DD1 has coped really well and is really starting to take an interest in her baby sister who is now more responsive and fascinated by big sis. I don't think DD1 has suffered any long term damage from having to wait a bit for things and she hasn't shown any resentment.

Try not too make any big decisions just yet until things have settled down. I found a sling to be a life saver. Hopefully it will be a big help for you too.

Thank you,i'm hoping after the 6 week mark things start getting better, think i was just feeling low and my parents kicked me when i was down. Does it really improve alot after the 6 weeks growth spurt? will i be able to regain some kind of life?

pinky I think 2 months was a turning point for us (and DS2 was 3 weeks early). He definately hit a wall at 6 weeks or so. I was feeding, feeding, feeding all evening, swapping from one side to the other and knowing that I was really struggling to fill him up, but also having confidence in my body that this is what is supposed to happen. I knew that unless I just let him keep on sucking, my body wouldn't know what level to set my milk production to. It worked fine in the end.

My mum is quite vocal about making a rod for my own back and what have you. I just nod and smile :). I'm so pleased that your DH is supportive. Keep talking to him. DH and I never argue and we were really snapping at each other at 4-6 weeks as we were so tired.

It will definately get better, but, you mentioned your nip is a bit white when he unlatches? Get that checked out as it can be a sign of a poor latch and that could be why you're getting mastitis. Try seeing if your hospital has a qualified lactation consultant (phone the maternity ward - you should be able to self refer) or phone your local NCT group to see if there's a counsellor living near you. They will do a free home visit and sort it out for you.

thank u, i have a bf counsellor who i can ring,so i'll see if she can check as i've never noticed the white b4 it was dh who pointed it out, now i check and have seen it once ot twice. I feel like i'm constantly feeding now so i'm not too worried about the 6 week growth spurt at the min .

:) I would be interested in what she says.