EBF = No libido?? Am I alone?

[Candinha]

Just wondering if I am the only weirdo out there that looses libido all together when BF, I am on my 3rd baby so that's a lot of months lost to poor libido and DH is going slightly loopy...

u r not alone . 3rd baby here too and have been continutously bf and pg for about 4 1/2years so far and absolutely no libido here either . dh is being v. good about it, but am hoping it comes back with a vengence when i finish with this lo- then dh will not know what has hit him .

Nope, you are not alone! I was gagging for it all through the pregnancy so its a shame really!

Thanks Guys. I was a bit like this while PG but not as bad. It seems to have vanished completely now... Like dottyhenson I am hoping it will return with a vengence

same here - feel terrible about it but just can't seem to summon up the energy!

No you are not alone. I've had very low libido since about a week into our honeymoon which is when I found out I was expecting DS!

DH is very understanding bless him, but he'll be glad in a couple of years once this baby (I'm due in March) has weaned and things are back to how they were.
At least I bloody hope they will be, otherwise I shall be purchasing myself some pills of some sort!!!

same here - just starting to come back after a year of EBF DS2................poor DH

I had completely nil libdo when ebf and didn't relate the two things, was just very worried that birth has put me off sex forEVER... but never fear I stopped bf when ds was 7 months (only a month ago) and about 1 week later went to see the movie 'the kids are alright' and thank the lord thought pwwoar that guy is fit and that looks like a great idea (saucy scenes between Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo) and went home to make my husband's night. Bless him he must have been even more concerned than me about our newly plutonic relationship but never said a word.

Sensibly 'possible lack of libido' is not something they put in the NHS breast is best leaflet :) - but I gather bf suppresses oestrogen production (hence usually no menstrual cycle and lowered libido) A clever evolutionary birth control method maybe? Your dp might be pleased to learn that there is a simple scientific explanation it is not that you have embarked on an affair with a handsome SAHD from the local stay and play group :)

Thanks gingermama that did make me laugh

As with others, libido hit rock bottom while EBF, but starting to come back now DS (8 months) is feeding less

Had a very understanding DH, we both agreed BF was more important at that time (he said through gritted teeth!). And it does come back

I am bf, also pg or bf for years as this is ds3.

not sure if low libido is just bf, or having 3 small children, a baby who wakes up every hour at night and being really tired all the time! When the dc are in bed, there are chores to do, dinner to cook and when that is all done i stagger to bed with no energy for anything else.

I too hope that in a year or two things will be better!

Not alone, no. I had virtually no sex drive for about a year after having DS1. A mix of bf hormones and lack of sleep!

More upsetting was the almost total lack of natural lubrication - which my GP had warned me about. I had to use horrible commercial lube, which I hate. Mine only started coming back at around 18m. I bf for 26 m, until I got pregnant again. Now I'm bf again. I love breastfeeding, don't get me wrong, but I'm quite depressed at the way our, ahem, marital relations have been derailed by pregnancy and bf for over 3 years now.

I think it's as much to do with sleep deprivation and being at everyone's beck and call all day long - when you do get an hour to yourself, sleep is just too tempting.

no, me too. my libido is gone gone gone

DD2 is now 7 months and there are occasional stirrings as the amount of bf has dropped a little in the past few weeks - none of the stirrings have coincided with a decent opportunity yet. Poor DH!

Dc3 here too. After Dc1 libido was gone for a good 6 months+, though we id manage it a few times before that. After the 2nd and 3rd I was quite up for it in the first 2 months, though it was nearly impossible to arrange, but dry as a desert for well over 6 months so lube essential. After that libido co pletely non-existent until around 12 months both times . I find return of libido co-incides with fertility beginning to return and things moistening up a little more. I have had 12 months, 15+ months, and 13 months and counting without a period following each birth . I have been breastfeeding without a break since the arrival of DC1.

Dh is very patient, and just as tired as me! With 3DCs within 5 years the first year of DC3's life has been tough tough tough and nighttimes have often been complete circus with one, two or even three children awake for good parts of it . With Winter illnesses too that can wipe everyone out in turn for a good fortnight, at times sex couldn't be further from either of our minds. In the grand scheme of things this is a short phase of our lives and marriage, and things will change again .

"In the grand scheme of things this is a short phase of our lives and marriage, and things will change again"

So true... (at least it's what I tell DH!)

I am glad I started this thread it does make me feel a lot better... Lack of sleep is obviously something else I am suffering from as DC3 doesn't seem to sleep for more than 3 hours in a stretch and only does that once at night!!

I have to keep thinking we did make DC2 and DC3 so at some point I must've had some fun...it just seems like a long time ago

Candinha - I think the important thing is not to lose the affection. DH and I kiss, hold hands, cuddle etc etc and try our hardest to be polite through the tiredness!

No we aren't having much sex, but we haven't lost our physical or emotional closeness and that is hugely important to both of us.
Hopefully the sex will just slot back in once we are out of this baby phase, although we are both prepared for the fact that it might take a bit of effort on both parts! :)

We have been rediscovering our freindship over Christmas as dh has had quite a bit of time off and we've even managed a few whole uninterrupted conversations . From this the affection naturally follows, and hopefully soon a rejuvinated lovelife . Time together feels like such a luxury at the moment, but it is a really important one .