Babies at Hen Parties?

[VictoriaDC]

Hello Mums!

I am desperatley seeking some adivce.

I have no children and I'm not pregnant, so my knowledge of baby related things is very limited. Most of my friends have children so I've picked up some info, but it all seems to change from Mum to Mum.

Here is my 'issue'. I am getting married next year and I'm having a hen party in August, there will be a fair amount of drink involved, and will be quite loud in general, we're planning on staying at home, but may venture out to a pub or club etc. My best friend who I adore has just had her second child back in November. She has said there will be no way she can leave her baby at home with her husband as she will still be breastfeeding and will have to bring the baby with her. I really don't think a hen party is an appropriate place for a 9 month old, especially if we decide to go out.

Am I being unreasonable, or is there something she can do, like expressing that maybe she hasn't thought of?

I don't want to upset her, but I also don't think it's a great idea.

So, I leave it to you, the experts. Please help me!

I was invited to a daytime hen do when dc3 was 9 months. She was EBF for 6 months and at that age only had breastmilk in addition to the small amount of solids she was taking by then. I had to politely decline, as she still breastfed every 2hrs or so, just like all 3 of mine had. If I had been asked 7 months in advance this would have been v predictable. 9 month olds may seem very big, but they are still v dependent babies.

Dh or Granny would have been able to keep 9 month old DD happy for 4hrs or so, but after that she'd have needed feeding (and I'd have needed to feed her or my boobs would have got REALLY full and I would have got blocked ducts, which I'm quite prone to anyway, and very likely mastitis). To a 9 month old whose never had expressed milk and not in regular childcare, a cup, beaker or bottle of EBM is unlikely to be a good substitute for the milk, cuddle and Mummy that a breastfeed means to them and that they have had their whole life.

To go I would have had to have arranged for my baby to be cared for nearby and met up to feed her at least every 4hrs or so. As the carer would have had to be dh because there is no-one else local I could call on, the venue was an hour and a half away, and he would have had all 3 dcs in tow I decided it was not feasible and declined the invite. Leaving my babies with anyone except someone who knows them really well is not an option for me. I tried it with one of mine at that sort of age and they cried and grumped for the whole 3hrs I was away . If a baby is in childcare regularly and using that is an option then it may be easier to sort out.

At 9 months neither of my DDs were eating much solid food yet (not all babies take to solids quickly). She's never had a bottle and quite apart from the fact that at 9 months they know their own mind very well and are unlikely to start taking a bottle if they've never had one, I didn't want her to have one.

Hopefully reading this might give you some idea of the difficulties this sort of invitation of event can pose for a breastfeeding mum of a 9 month old. When the event is something you really care about and the person someone you don't want to let down it's v hard. I agree with the others that a 9 month old at a party may not be practical, and of course if you don't want the baby there it's better to say so, even though your friend may feel disappointed or unable to come. A babysitter upstairs could be a good option if she sleeps in the evening, but not all babies do, even at 9 months