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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

OK - I am going to get flamed - DD Christmas present

75 replies

StealthPolarBear · 28/12/2010 15:37

DD (15months) got a "baby" complete with high chair, push chair, bouncy chair, feeding bowls and spoons and a bottle.
The bottle has accidentally vanished.
Because DS never got "girly" toys he play breastfed his toys at slightly older than DD - DD has already been taught to feed the baby a bottle.

(NB I didn't swoop in and snatch it off her - she played with it and then when I was tidying it all away that was put into another bag)

This was all from MIL - should I mention it to her or not? I don't want to be argumentative but I think she might actually understand. Or would it just be bad manners?

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 28/12/2010 17:32

"How hilarious that you are so hung up on BF and yet allow a 15 month old to eat chocolate!"

Sorry, don't see the link Confused

Oh well, sorry a lot of you think AIBU, this is just something I feel quite stronly about - much as you apparently do about chocolate chips. Difference is, not giving chocolate should you choose not to is relatively easy, but breastfeeding, even if you want to can be incredibly hard. Part (and note I say part) of the reason for that is the normalisation of ff and the implicit message even within the NHS for some people that "breast is best (but it's a lot of work and formula is just as good and a lot less hassle). If we saw formula for what it actually is - an intervention, rather than a bog standard thing that every baby receives by birthright, then maybe the priorities would shift and some mothers who currently 'can't' breastfeed because of problems they aren't getting the right help to fix, would be able to breastfeed.

OP posts:
JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/12/2010 17:33

Peppa so glad your up for a good argument as I'm so not. Its just so boring, we've even had the millitant cliche trotted out already.

chipsncurry my kids would probably be just as happy with fruit, and often choose it as they've been brought up having both and see both as normal. I see too many older children who simply go nuts when offered sweets or chocolate as they have no idea how much they should have.

Caz me too. Think I will have to do a bit of tongue biting if DD ever has her own.

cryhavoc · 28/12/2010 17:34

You're overthinking this, seriously. My DD was bf until she self-weaned at 16months. She then went straight to cows milk from a beaker, so never had a bottle.

All of her 'babies' however are bottle fed. I have asked her if she remembers milk from me, and she doesn't have a clue (she is 2.10). She's an only, and most of the othe babies she sees are bottle fed, which is how she knows to use the bottles for her dolls. (Allcame together in a big bag of hand-me-downs from a lovely lady on my course)

I'm not concerned. She is just playing. As well as bottle feeding them she also puts them to bed in drawers, lobs them downstairs by their legs, and runs them over with her scooter, none of which I ever did to her, and none of which I imagine will be parenting choices she makes if she ever has real babies.

RhinestoneReindeerHerder · 28/12/2010 17:34

I get it SPB (athough maybe I am OTT too...and I give my children chocolate)

JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/12/2010 17:34

Well said Stealth.

CointreauVersial · 28/12/2010 17:35

OP I agree wholeheartedly with your last post - I just don't think a 15 month-old child is going to absorb any "implicit messages" simply by using a plastic bottle to feed a doll.

Northernlebkuchen · 28/12/2010 17:36

My dds have always gone in for mixed feeding their plastic offspring. Bit of bfeeding sometimes and a bit of bottle whenever they happened upon one whilst they had a doll in their hands.

I've told them about the virgin gut - but will they listen? Tsk, tsk.

SPB - I think you are overthinking this. T is old enough to remember you feeding dd. What you need to do now is have a few more dcs at wide intervals so that they see younger siblings being bfed. Grin

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 28/12/2010 17:39

NL - I will always be letting down the last one :(

Not to mention MORE BABIES NO NO NO NEVER

CV, I do see your point. But at what stage do I decide that this is it - this is the point at which their messages will be absorbed and influence their thinking?

OP posts:
chipsncurrysauce · 28/12/2010 17:40

Don't get hung up on the my choc remark. I give my DD chocolate too - although didn't when she was so young. It just made me laugh that someone who is so up her own bum about BF isn't a bit more imaginative about finding healthy treats. BF is after all only one part of feeding. Oh, and for the record, I also agree that breast is best but still feel the OP is a loon and needs to get over herself. I hope that my DD will make her own choices when/if she becomes a mother and do not think for one minute that toys she had when she was a toddler will influence those choices.

TheFeministParent · 28/12/2010 17:42

SPB, do you never go out whilst you have a child under one/two? Bottles can be full of expressed milk you know! Gosh I genuinely hope the dcs don't think it's okay to throw plates like they did when they were toddlers.

OP I see where you're coming from but I think your attitudes are far more likely to pass onto your dcs than the odd bit of plastic.

Northernlebkuchen · 28/12/2010 17:43

SPB - if you have lots more babies Grin at big intervals then the youngest will see the children of the oldest being bfed. Tis all good. Grin

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 28/12/2010 17:44

"SPB, do you never go out whilst you have a child under one/two? "

Yes, you can bf while you're out

OP posts:
TheFeministParent · 28/12/2010 17:46

Of course I mean without your child.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 28/12/2010 17:49

Yes, I have worked full time since DD was 10 months. And went out before that - DD had milk in a cup before that or just food & water.

OP posts:
peppapighastakenovermylife · 28/12/2010 17:56

Jilted - but I'm bored, I want to play breastfeeding cliche bingo Wink

Northern - virgin gut Grin - they just don't listen do they. DS (4) was telling me how my breasts were nice and big for making milk for DS2. I said yes and attempted to engage him in conversation about the media and sexualisation of breasts but he did not appear interested Wink

Chips I get your argument but think there are more benefits to breastfeeding than there are risks to giving a bit of chocolate...so not comparable.

I also worked full time from 5.5 months, 7 months and soon to be 6 months ish. Neither DS or DD never had a bottle - beakers or just food and water.

TheFeministParent · 28/12/2010 19:20

Well I think it's all a bit much but if you, for whatever reason and how bizarre, think your children will be affected by bf attitudes in early childhood, in order to decide how to feed their own dcs, more than the fact that they were bf then take all bottles.

Original poster
StealthPolarBear · 28/12/2010 19:55

Yes, I think our children's attitudes as adults are largely formed by the way they are raised and what is seen as 'normal' in their childhood. Obviously it's not all family, lots of peers, schools, friends etc.

OP posts:
hmmSleep · 28/12/2010 20:06

My Dd1 and Ds both play bottlefeeding and breastfeeding their toys. They see me breastfeeding Dd2 and Dh bottlefeeding her expressed milk when I'm out. I used to play bottlefeeding when I was a child and have breastfed all 3 of my Dcs.

Dd1 also drew with biro all over her doll's face and pulled it's eyelashes out, hopefully she will still breastfeed but won't draw all over her baby's face in biro.

whatagradeA · 28/12/2010 20:13

I was a bit Hmm when MIL was excited to have got DD a doll with a bottle just before I had DS. As it turned out she preferred to bottle feed as she didn't see herself as the doll's mum, she was just looking after it! She'll occasionally bf, as will DS but tbh isn't that interested in dolls anyway.

AngelsfromtherealmsofgloryDog · 28/12/2010 21:08

Reverting back to an earlier stage of the conversation, you can buy a sling for dolls from M&S here. It's nice to see that you can get toys for a range of parenting styles. :)

SPB, I think I'd do the same - not because I think my DC would be likely to bottlefeed as as result (as I'm sure you don't). But it's a way of being consistent to the principles I hold to - that bf is the default means of feeding for humans, with bottlefeeding being the alternative for those who can't/don't want to bf, or for those who need/want to supplement bf for whatever reason.

mjinsparklystockings · 28/12/2010 21:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Babieseverywhere · 28/12/2010 21:33

Just lose the bottle.

I understand why you "don't want them to buy into the message that bottlefeeding is by default how babies are fed." But I think we are fighting a losing battle.

My still nursing 4.3 year old DD who has watched me nurse her younger brother and sister (neither of who have ever had a bottle). Yet alongside modelling breastfeeding behaviour with her dolls, she also insists that our baby NEEDS a bottle.

She even talked me through what needed to happen. Mummy, take milk from your breasts and put in a bottle and give it to the baby. Make me a little sad that she feels so strongly about it. What can you do ? And she has never had a baby's bottle for her dolls.

She also insisted we needed dummies for the baby too. Again something her younger siblings have never used.

Caz10 · 28/12/2010 22:15

jiltedjohnsjulie you are nicer than me then, if Dd bottle feeds without good reason I will not bite my tongue! Grin

CaptainNancy · 28/12/2010 22:36

I have given DS (22mo) a doll for christmas, that came with a bottle... he has never been bottle fed, yet knew immediately what to do with it!

DD had the same type of doll, but hers didn't come with a bottle, she instinctively bf hers.

But surely these are the actions they will have to take when they are grown if they have children? DS will not likely ever be able to bf...

Both their dolls had cloth nappies mind Grin

TheFeministParent · 29/12/2010 08:24

I certainly will be that mother/mil who craps on about bf!!

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