anxiety about cosleeping making me miserable

[greeneone12]

Hi

For the last few days I have been feeling really down :( I am getting on well with breastfeeding but the only way I can do it at night is laying down as it means I get more rest.

I just feel so anxious that my dd will never sleep on her own. I also feel guilty and like I am a failure as many of my friends are breastfeeding at night sitting up and using their Moses baskets properly. I feel bad that I am using the 'cheats way out' feeding lying down but I couldn't do it any other way.

I know I sound stupid but this anxiety I am carrying is really making me feel miserable :(

Sorry for moaning but thought it a good idea to get it off my chest.

Thanks!

chill, this is so normal when its your first

THERE ARE NO RULES! every baby is different and do it your way

and why use the word "cheat", you are feeding your baby! most people do it lying down

its hard first time, so please relax and STOP focussing on what others do, its not important.

I think when you are with ante natal groups all people discuss is babies etc and it makes you anxious and compare

second time I dont give a flying shit, and I enjoy so much more

We co slept till about 2 or 3 weeks ago, ds is 15 weeks. He just gradually got happier in the mb, and each night went back in one feed later. The first night he did all night in there I missed him terribly, even though he was only 6 inches further away! We were reluctant co-sleepers really, but it was the only way we got any rest. I used to read the co-sleeping posts on here and people would say don't worry it doesn't have to be forever my child went happily into their own bed at 2, or 3 yo, and it would fill me with dread! no way did I want to co-sleep that long.

It doesn't have to be forever, or even for many months honestly!

I think KnitterNotTwitter hit the nail on the head - IMO 'good' parenting is about recognising when your baby is ready to do something rather than trying to force them before they're ready. The same goes for all the other stages of development. If you can get your head around that, life with a LO can be much more relaxed, knowing that they'll do things at their own pace even if you don't make a special effort to 'teach' them.

As others have said, there's not many hard and fast rules about how a baby "should" sleep. You can't "cheat" and should just focus on your baby's needs and enjoying your time together.

We co-slept from birth with DD (now 22 months). We hadn't planned to and had a little cot set up for her next to the bed etc.. However, once she arrived it just seemed like the obvious thing to do. I spent a lot of time researching before I felt comfortable with it.

We've all slept extremely well from Day 1, night feeds have been easy (frequently neither me nor DD fully wake when she feeds - she just kind of snuffles over in her sleep) and DD is now a very happy, confident little toddler who sometimes now sleeps in her own little bed next to ours.

It does mean that I don't have much material for conversations about sleep with other parents IRL because we haven't had the same nights of distraught crying, pacing the room, settling and resettling, that many aquaintances and work colleagues seem to have experienced. I don't feel we cheated. I do feel that we definitely did the right thing for our DD. (And that we're lucky that she doesn't have any health problems which would disrupt sleep.)

I'd also add that my parents had 4 children and although they essentially treated us the same we all learned / wanted to sleep by ourselves at different ages. I was happy to be put down in a cot awake from around 6 months and would go asleep in my own time. One of my siblings had to fall asleep on my parents' knee until nearly primary school age. The other two were somewhere in between. It depended far more on individual development than anything my parents did or didn't do.

Just echoing lots of previous posters here, but it sounds like it's working for you, so stick with it, and enjoy it! And ignore the comments of anyone who tells you that followign your instincts is makin a rod for your own back, it's not their choice to make.
I'm cosleeping with DS2, like you I couldn't contemplate feeding him at night and continuing to function any other way.
FWIW, DS1, who is 2, coslept in the same way, and has had no trouble going to sleep and staying asleep independently, for a 11-12 hour stretch in his own room - I actually wish he'd come in with me once in a while, I miss him!

We do a combination, DD starts the night in her cot so that we can have "adult time" when we go to bed, then when she wakes up at around 2am she comes in with us.

We're exactly the same as you Fibilou! Works for us

OP, please don't feel guilty! I'm because I have never got the hang of feeding lying down and have to sit up getting chilly! Trust your instincts.

Thank you everyone. I guess some of my anxiety stems from not wanting LO in bed with us past 6 months but I think doing what's suits us now is sensible. Great to have so much support! Have a lovely Christmas :)