URGENT HELP PLEASE FOR A DESPERATE BREASTFEEDING MUM

[Pheebe]

Hello all, hopefully you can help us. My sister in law is desperate for help but is getting no useful advice from her health visitors or breastfeeding advisors! New baby is 10 days old and breastfeeding but there are 2 major problems. First she's cluster feeding twice a day and she's only feeding for 5 minutes at a time then going to sleep. Should mum use a dummy? Any advice to help her feed for longer. Second bigger problem is very very jealous toddler (18 months), violent to mum, baby and herself, walking so mum can't really contain her anywhere, sobbing until she's sick and breaking mums heart. Mum thinks the occasional bottle of formula for baby might give her a break from cluster feeding and time for toddler but is scared it might disrupt breast feeding. Any advice?? Thanks everyone.

Anyone that can take toddler out to play during the day? nursery? parents etc. dh help at night. How about expressing the milk in a week or so and someone else feeding baby?

Pheebe, problem 1, the cluster feeding:

I'm assuming that she is feeding, sleeping, then waking and feeding again. My ds (dear son) is 8 weeks old and I remember it well! A few ways to encourage her to feed for longer - stroke her hands or feet while feeding, as that often stimulates sucking. When she drops asleep, take her outer clothes off and feed her in her vest - the slight cooling down will encourage her to feed as it will wake her up a little. Change her nappy when she has fallen asleep mid-feed rather than before/after she has fed - that should wake her up a bit too. And bear in mind that it is just a phase that she will be through in a couple more weeks, once she becomes a little more alert - it really doesn't last long. I wouldn't advise giving her a bottle because I doubt it would help (unless by giving her a break you mean that someone else could do the feeding) - she would still fall asleep just the same at this stage. Plus also it may interfere with her supply.

Re problem 2, the jealous toddler - unfortunately I have no wisdom to impart, my dd1 (eldest dear daughter) was one of those strange children who was never jealous of dd2 .... hopefully someone else will have some advice on that one!

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What a fab idea!! Never heard of that one.

My dd was early, and the first two weeks she was SOOO sleepy and never seemed to finish a feed, just fell asleep and woke up for the second half after 20 minutes. It really, really does get better, by 1 month she was a really good feeder, although still a bit slow. 10 days is still early, tell her to hang on in there, and don't give up on the breastfeeding, it will get better.

I had dh and grandparents entertaining my toddler, another pair of hands does work wonders if it is remotely possible. Also special times for the toddler when someone else has the baby, and we still often read a book while I'm feeding (but this can be tricky, to balance and turn pages etc) I love the box idea, wish someone had told me about that.

try breast compression

how to

Thanks everyone, they've had a better day today. Unfortunately we live at opposite ends of the country else I'd be there helping out! The box idea sounds great and she says its a huge relief to know that it's weeks not months before things settle down.

Thanks again

10 days is very ealry for the toddler to adjust, my dd needed about 3 wks, and then she feed her baby too.
her sil just needs extra friends to distract toddler and cuddle baby so she can talk with toddler.
it will settle and she has to remember to keep talking to the toddler even if baby is in her arms and toddler wont feel left out, tell what shes doing etc banal but at least its something to occupy the lo and distract.
cluster feeding is normal, the la leche league is agood recommendation by someone else for support and a chat

I'm new here (only just signed up) but just to say that baby has a growth spurt at around 10 days so the constant feeding is to stimulate your milk production and up the ante to get more (if that makes sense). I've breastfed both my daughters (still am the second) and the first 3 or so weeks are probably the hardest but it really does get better.

With the jealous toddler, the box idea is great. I think for a while, the older child doesn't see that you're feeding the baby, just that it's getting more cuddles than they are. I found that explaining to my oldest that this is how baby gets it's milk food because it's too little and can't eat food like big girls helped and in the end, whenever the youngest cried, she'd say to me "mummy, I think she needs some boobie juice!" I'd even ask her which boob I'd used last, just to get her involved! Once they realise baby is here to stay, the do come round!

Hope some of this helps

Tigger1611

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Just very quick as I'm off to bed, but has she tried a sling? Eg huggababy, a cloth type one. The baby lies inside and once you get the hang of it you can feed easily with your hands free, even walk around if you need to. Obviously she will be struggling to get the hang of feeding at the mo, a sling will be another thing to master, but in the long run it could help a lot, as the baby is hidden from jealous toddler and mum can concentrate more on the older child.

My only other thought was: could the older child breastfeed as well? Many mums do breastfeed two and it can really help with jealousy, there have been some recent threads which mention this. Obviously the mother may not feel comfortable with the idea, but worth bringing up the idea as it could be a BIG help if she fancies it.

Hope it improves soon.

LOL, frannyf, ds2 aged 6 said yesterday that he wishes he could be a baby again so he could bf too!