4 day old baby and feeling a failure/ bad mum

[laurenamium]

my DD is 4 days old and I have been breast feeding since she was born, it took me a few days but I did master the art of the latch and have been lucky enough to produce lots of colostrum.

However DD feeds every hour to hour and a half for up to 45 minutes at a time,really chomping and sucking and I have found the pain increasingly unbearable,my boobs have became engorged since my milk came in and even hand expressing is unbearably painful. I tried the warm bath, hand expressing etc everything I could to lessen the pain but tonight it got too much, tiredness hormones and enough pain to have me in tears at every feed and I gave in and gave her aptimil.

I feel awful and an absolute failure that I couldnt sacrifice and take the pain for the wellbeing of my baby. I also have limited knowledge of bottle/ff babies. DD was 7 pounds 11 when born, how much should I expect her to eat? How often? Are there any other hints re making the pain at least tolerable to enable me to bf?

I remember the nights when I had tears streaming down my face while a baby was at the boob. 4 days is classic baby blues territory.

Please don't believe that you are failing. You're not. Babies do seem to want feeding almost all the time at first, but it will get better.

I am hoping that somebody slightly more sober might be along to encourage you , but even if they're not, I'm sure you're doing a great job.

Just wanted to say Day 3 and 4 are classic baby blues days. Think it is perfectly normal to cry - a lot!

I think you need to ask about the latch if it is hurting you that much. When will the mw come again?

I was posting on here in floods of tears after having breastfed for 4 days and then given formula, convinced I'd failed at everything and was a terrible mother...

((hug))

Classic time for feeling shitty. You're not a bad mum. You haven't failed. You can still breastfeed if you want to - it should NOT hurt that much and if you get someone (or lots of people) to help you with the latch, it doesn't have to. For me, the answer came around day 6 when a lactation consultant noticed that DS had a tongue tie, and so was unable to suck properly and was therefore razoring off the edges of my nipples every feed, and still being hungry, poor lad. Got that snipped and it was soo much better afterwards. I'm not saying it's the same for you, but I am saying there's probably a solution and if you're bloody minded and have lots of support, you will find what the problem is and find how to solve it.

Take paracetamol and/or ibuprofen for the pain, slather your breasts in lansinoh and dab on a patch of jelonet, rest, eat cake, hold your baby, cry, and know you're going to feel better very soon. Baby blues are awful but they don't last, and you're doing great.

(hug) not very MNish but have lots. ((hugs))
You're doing great.

OOOOUUUUUUUUUCCCCHHHH

sorry, I remember that pain.

I tried alternative positions, (holding in front of you, rugby ball holding the baby under your arm and coming in from the opposite direction, but best was lying down as it meant ds clamping on at 90degrees to the "normal hold" and NOT on the bruises.

I also tried a couple of different brands of nipple shield which helped a little bit but he got less milk.

Try taking baby off the boob (little finger in the corner of the mouth) and latching on again.

in the end though I knew it was time to supplement with formula when I looked at ds and thought I would rather let you starve than let you on my boob again just yet.

the midwife was really anti formula, he wouldn't carry on breastfeeding etc, etc,etc.
Wish I could see her now and tell her that he is still breast feeding 2 years 6months on.

I alternated, leftside one feed, right the next and formula for the third, that meant that each boob got several hours rest and opportunity to recover. as long as you continue to feed for a "bit" you can build up the supply when your boobs are better. (not sure how much thatbit has got to be though)

Don't be intimidated by the 2 1/2 years of feeding, believe me those firstdays are the hardest and you have managed 24 very long hours longer than me feeding before I gave ds a bottle. After a bit boobs get as tough as old boots and it gets an aweful lot easier.

By the way also mixed fed for dc1 at my gps insistance as we had similar problems with constant feeding, but she wasn't the chomper.

Just wanted to add that the first few weeks of DD1's life were probably hardest of my life. I cried A LOT. So did she. Boobs were agony. Latching on was agony. BUT it all settled down and I bf'ed for 12 months. It was lovely.

Be kind to yourself. Take any help that's offered. Take any chance to rest that you can.

Oh, yes, the pain. God it hurt. And I forgot to add that I'm breastfeeding him 20 weeks later and it doesn't hurt a bit and it's blissfully easy. You can do it! Get help, take painkillers, rest and pump or do what you need to take care of yourself. But you really can do it. :)

dude,has someone talked you through the basics.You need to get as much of the underside of your areola into the babies mouth so it's a proper 'nipple' in rather than just the teat-y bit.
chin to chest,tummy to mummy,hold your baby in a straight line (180degrees boday and head horizontally across you) the first latch on does hurt (quite a bit iirc) i used to call it a ten second toe tingler (and never in a good way!)if it's still hurting after that then take baby off and start again.
the teat bit of your nipple needs to face up and back being flattened by the babys tongue on the roof of her mouth,imagine it's firing up towards the dangly bit (the epiglottis) at the back of babys throat.
keep asking for help,it does hurt and take time to learn (for both of you) and if you do nothing but feed for the next week or two (and you might) then that's what you need to do,the pain should ease,keep asking someone to have a look at your latch.
a bit of formula wont have done any harm to your baby. only a few days ago the baby was inside so it's likely to want to be close as poss to you as much as she can.
try to do as little as possible\nothing while you sort this,have you got someone on hand to bring treats and drinks while you sit feeding. if not,coerce someone into doing it.
congratulations on your daughter. FWIW my 3 have done the same,it does chill out eventually and get easier but i have forgotten,every time,just how much it takes out of you. be kind to yourself kid. and merry christmas.

you poor love!

Agree with others that you probably have the baby blues.

You have NOT failed! You won't be the first to have resorted to formula in desperation and you won't be the last either. And your dd is fed which is more important than anything else. I was entirely ff and I am very good-looking and clever!

You can still bf if you want to but you probably should consult a lactation consultant, NCT if you are in the UK. Some hospital midwives are not the most qualified to judge on latch etc, the NCT ladies have seen it all.

Do get hold of some lansinoh if you can get it and not sure if you can still get them but silverette cups here are also supposed to be very good.

Hang in there, you are doing brilliantly!

Have you thought about ringing one of the helplines?
0300 100 0212 National Breastfeeding helpline.
0300 330 0771 NCT breastfeeding helpline
0845 120 2918 La Leche League

They will be very used to talking to women in your situation and can give you some tips on reducing the pain and improving things. They are also a good 'shoulder' to cry on!
Don't feel like you've failed! A bit of formula doesn't mean breastfeeding is over (although obviously it's best kept to a minimum).

here's a link from kellymom about engorgement and how to deal with it.

Really hope you're feeling a bit better today :)

You're not a failure.

Being a new mum can be exhausting and emotionally tough as well as wonderful and exciting.

I remember being in a similar state with DS1 and thinking as a mum I should be able to stand the pain.

Whatever you decide to do this will get better and you are a good mum, don't beat yourself up about it.

You are not a failure, i remember the feeling very well, I couldn't get my dughter to latch at all couldn't brest feed her at all and she ended up losing too much weight and had to ask for bottles in the hospital. It made me feel like a complete failure, and look at you, you've done 4 days of it.

If the baby is feeding (anything, bottles or breast) then that is what you need to do as a mum, care for the child, feed, bath, love, hugs, kisses and caring that's what a mum does....

hang on in there breast feed if you want, bottle feed if you want, make no pressure on yourself and relax.

this too shall pass...

((hugs))

I am shuddering reading this, clutching my own breasts, wincing for you. I remember the pain.

You are not a failure. It's bloody painful for many.

As the others have said speak to your midwife.

Whatever you do - BF or formula, you aren't a failure. Just a mummy wanting her baby to be fed to thrive. You love your baby so you cannot be a failure. Take care. And congrats on your baby.

I gave DD a bottle and me a glass of wine one evening when it all got too much. She had a lovely long sleep I relaxed about a 1000% and the next feed was the turning point when it all got easier. Get some help with your latch, and also understand formula isn't poison. It is a perfectly acceptable way of nourishing a baby and if that bottle has helped you on the road to Breast feeding your baby all the better.

I breast fed DS at the expense of my mental health and early bonding some thing I was determend not to repeat this time. With DD BF has been fab so far apart from some initial pain which the bottle and vino helped. She has the odd bottle and I am not going to beat myself up about it, it will keep me BF for longer
Good luck!

you poor thing

www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/contact-us.html this organisation is great too. call them all! i called one a day at least for the first few weeks.

now loving bfing ds2 at nearly 7 mths, but it was hard going to begin with. my mw wasn't much help, despite having bfed her own. told me my latch was fine (it wasn't). a helper from the bfn came to my house and spent HOURS helping and it made a massive difference.

if you do jack in the bfing though, for whatever reason, feel proud you have given your kid the best start of loads of colostrum. i have one bfed baby and one mainly ffed baby though and long term, bfing is far easier.

You just brought a load of repressed memories come screaming back - be kind to yourself, take it one feed at a time, get your position right in the early weeks complete pain in the arse but once they have a little neck control its easier -

If it hurts relatch do not try to power through - even if your despesate and they're screaming.

Once you've had a nice relaxed feed, baby will sleep a bit longer and boobies heal quick - they just need a break.

Your doing brilliantly to get four days in

Thankyou all so much for your advice and reassurance.it's really good to know that it's not just me!

I rang the advice line just after posting and they have told me to do the formula feeding fir 24 hours and hand express anything I can to top up whilst my boobs have time to recover then to try again, took this opportunity of sleeping baby to ask my mam to watch her this morning while I slept so I'm less tired and feeling much more positive! THANKYOU!

The 2 breast then formula sounds really interesting;if things don't improve after the 24 hours I will try this!

Others have given great practical advice, I just wanted to echo that I found day 4 awful.

I felt that DD was starting to get really hungry and I had no proper milk and that she would neeeever feed properly.

I remember crying on the phone to the HV who reassured me that a) she was getting some milk and b) it would take a wee while to settle down.

At the same time, DH was on the phone to a friend who had just called to say that she remembered day 4 being awful and that I probably felt I didn't have any milk and was starving DD etc. She said it would get better and it would all be OK.

I felt so much more reassured as it felt like she'd pre-empted everything that was bothering me. I had a day of being weepy and then felt loads better the next day.

Having said that, I didn't feel like BF bedded down properly until about 6-7 weeks, but once it did it was brilliant. DD self-weaned at 15m so we got there in the end, but if you'd told me that at day 4 I wouldn't have believed it.

Hang in there and don't give yourself a hard time.

I was crying and in so much pain with DD3 on day 4 (milk still not in) having BFed DDs 1 and 2 without batting an eyelid, it is sooo common! Great advice above, DH helped me space out feeds as much as possible (not more than 2.5hrs) to rest my nipples too (I was very confident that I wouldn't have supply issues though based on experience but you sound like you have plenty of milk too).

Yy to publichair's advice. Take hold of your boob in your hand (left hand left boob) and put your thumb on the outside of the aereole (sp?) which will be at the top of the babys mouth. Press to make the bit that will be in the bottom of the babys mouth bulge slightly. Then put into the babys mouth bottom bit first. This helps make sure that a lot of the nipple is in there. Also consider thrush. I had it with first dd as I'd had antibiotics during pregnancy. You've had lots of good advice. I remember crying cos dd wanted feeding again. You will get it sorted if you want to. And you never forget! That being said I'd never have bf dd2 if she had been my first as she never opened her mouth.

Glad that you are feeling a bit better today. I hope those boobs recover soon.

Yeah, just popping back to say that I hope you're doing well, have got some help lined up, things are hurting less - and the baby blues have settled down a bit. They are soo shit but they don't last, and that's very important to know!