Really starting to wonder if DS will ever stop BF

[StealthPolarBear]

Please reassure me he will. Preferably before he starts school!

How old is he now, Stealthy?

Are you ready to stop then?

He is 3y7m. I am, I think, I really am ready to stop. Trouble is he isn't :( and I don't hate it, am just put out by it, and I don't think that's a good enough reason to do it. Even DH, who started making suggestions that DS was too old for it around the age of 2 has given in and accepted it will be going on for quite a while longer.
I think it's because I don't feel he needs it any more. I've always felt he needs bf before bed, but he regularly stays at GPs etc and is fine. So I think if he can do it there, why not at home. But of course I know it's a lot more complicated than that and is about his relationship with me which is why I don't want to stop, even though I do.

Wow, I am impressed! It must take a lot of work to carry on BF until your DC self-weans. I'm planning on letting DD self-wean (she just turned 2) so hearing stories about other mums doing it is really helpful.

How often is he feeding now? If you are not enjoying it at all then I don't think you need to feel guilty about stopping, as you said he is fine at GPs without being BF. If he doesn't feed during the day could your get your DH to put him to bed? Maybe after a few days he'll just stop asking.

I fed my ds until he was 3.6. I did never offer never refuse and had been asking him to stop for a while. I even promised him a trampoline if he would stop! I feel bad about that now as in the end he self-weaned so easily and feeding him for so long is something I'm really proud of. One day he said he didn't want to do it anymore and, apart from a couple of feeds that we were both grateful for, that was it. I felt so under pressure to stop and like you kept wondering if I would be feeding at the school gates. Have you raised the possibility of stopping with him?

My ds2 stopped around that age so there is hope! :)

Yes, we've discussed it, but it's not something I want him to get anxious over so I've not stressed it. I've told him that big boys tend not to have it, and does he think he might stop having it soon, to which he says yes. But still every night he wants to feed (if I'm there, like I said he doesn't mind if I'm ont).
It is just at night Eau, and I know...thing is though it's the inconvenience more than anything for me, but it means so much to him :(
yellow did your DS cut down? You hear about people saying they go for a few days without a feed -that has never happened here, if I am available, he has a feed.
Maybe I should change his routine, milk and then a story with DH before bed? Trouble is we have the routine sorted now - I struggle to get DD to sleep so I feed her, pass her over and then I feed DS and he falls asleep by himself.

My ds did cut down but never missed a day! I changed his bedtime routine slightly so he stopped having a feed at night and I only fed him in the morning. I didn't really have enough milk for more than one proper feed a day. Just asked him if he remembers breatfeeding and he gave me a big grin and said yes.

Gosh, are you me ?

It is so tricky nursing an older child and well meaning as other people advice is, unless you have done it, I don't think they can truly understand.

I am nursing my children. My oldest is 4.3 year old and I have been thinking she will wean for the last couple of years.

I have tried talking to her, 'don't offer, don't refuse' (didn't work she just asked more) and saying 'no' (ending up back tracking as she would be upset, get ill etc)

Like your child, she happily goes to grandparents for a couple of days. Once she was away for 4 days and when she returned home wanted milk straight away.

When DH puts her to bed, she will either request milk when I go upstairs to the bathroom or ask for a milk feed before she goes upstairs with DH.

Some days she forgets and we can go 2 or 3 days without a feed, but as she sees me feed the younger two, I guess that reminds her.

Of course when she is ill, she nurses as much as she needs. I am grateful that she was still breastfeeding over the last couple of months when we have suffered several D&V bugs and she weathered the illness much better and quicker than her non-breastfed school friends.

Please try to worry about the school element, it is very unlikely to be a problem. My reception attending DD1 does not talk about or mention nursing at school. From talking to her, she just thinks this is something every child does, like brushing her teeth and having a bath etc. When I floated the idea with her that the other children won't be nursing, she was shocked and said that they must be sad that they don't get milk anymore...bless :)

Bottom line for me, nursing is one way to forge a bonding link between my children and me, alongside other bonding activities (cuddles, kisses, spending time together doing stuff etc). I would need a very good reason to try and prematurally break this bond by weaning before she is ready, without a good reason.

I know in my hearts of hearts that she will wean, when she is ready. But as she gets older I have doubts, wondering if I should be trying to more actively wean or not.

I am planning a visit to my local LLL group soon, as they have cheered me up in the past. I find it very to useful to be able to chat with other like minded mums, who understand the issues of nursing an older child.

Also highly recommend reading Ann Sinnott's excellent book called Nursing Older Children. I found it very helpful and interesting reading.

HTH

Hmm, it does sound tricky. Obviously I have no experience yet in this area but is it maybe just a case of figuring out which will be easier for you and your DS, letting him self wean or trying to change a routine that is working (even if you find it a bit inconvenient)?

I second the LLL meetings, there's a woman at mine that is feeding a 4 year old and I am in total awe of her!

stealth I've not been in your position as my 1st stopped at 15 months, before I was ready, but regarding your concern about upsetting him, I have heard people saying that their boob monsters actually forget about it pretty quickly which can be quite a shock.

If you're ready, I would suggest finding a way to do it (speak to a BF counsellor for options) which works for you and going for it - and feel proud of what you've done, which I know you are.

I did start going to LLL meetings which were wonderful but haven't been to the last couple for one reason or another - I dont want to take DS, it's a tiny room which is packed and it's not fair on him. It also clashes with the village coffee morning (and is a 30 min drive away) :o
Thanks all for your advice. BE I am not so much worried about teasing at school (after all he doesn't mention it at nursery - it just isn;t an issue) like you I have mentioned to him that children his age don't usually have mi mi and he just said "yes we do!" :o It's more just a cut off point for me I think - school will need a whole new routine and I am thinking bf probably shouldn't be part of it.
I think maybe I need to change bedtimes so he;s no longer feeding just before bed as that will help me with the inconvenience factor, and then trust he will wean when he's ready. yellow, that all sounds very hopeful!
organic, sorry your DC stopped before you wanted :( Defintiely have nothing to offer there I'm afraid!