Need info for my website - help!

[pcurious70]

I am a dad to be - so be nice - k? I already posted before on how I never saw anyone breastfeed till I was 23. I have had hardly any exposure to breastfeeding and wasn't sure how I would feel with my wife breastfeeding. (I know ... you probably thinking "typical man".

Fact is: I felt a little insecure with it because it seems so intimate and what would I have to offer? So I felt a little jealous and unsure about the whole thing.

I started doing research on the web in hopes of finding info for dad's on the subject and most of the info seems to be for mom's - duh. To make a long story short ... I found info that was helpful to me and I really want us to do what is right for our baby. But since I feel the information is fairly scarce ... I have decided to create a website to help new dad's with the breastfeeding thing and I am currently in the process of gathering my research together.

If you don't mind ... would you please share what issues you and your husband had/have with breastfeeding? Feelings on NIP? Nursing toddler? Did you and he talk about it or was it just your decision? Has hubby been supportive or discouraging when it comes to breastfeeding? What does hubby do to get involved? Blah blah blah.

Any info you can provide will be helpful to me and hopefully many other dads out there. If you want me to email you a list of questions to give hubby - just let me know.

Tom

Hi Tom
At first my partmer wasn't sure how he'd feel about it, he saw them sexually, not as a way of feeding your child. I was actually quite horrified at first and couldn't believe he felt this way and then realised through other male friends lots of them felt the same way tto, (not about my breasts!!). Once our DD was here it wasn't really an issue and I just made sure they stayed sexual to him as well as then feeding our daughter. He was actually very supportive and would remind me to express in the evenings while our little girl slept so he could have a turn feeding her and we had no problems in the end at all. I was just shocked that men would have a problem with it at first and thankfully my partner got over it before it was ever an issue.

Am speaking for my partner here, so not quite from the horses mouth, but .... I have breastfed our dd (now 13 months) and had terrible problems for the first few months - soreness, baby refusing to open mouth to latch on, agony at every feed. My partner was amazingly supportive. I have eczema, asthma, allergic rhinitis, nut allergies and so felt breastfeeding was really important to try to protect my dd from inheriting these tendencies (so far she's fine!). My partner was brilliant - sat up with me for night feeds for the first few weeks, mopped up the tears as I was in so much pain, really encouraged me to keep going and to get help with the feeding from breastfeeding counsellors.

Now, with dd at 13 months, I still want to feed and have no intention of stopping just yet. My partner's mother has made some comments about the inappropriateness of feeding at this age, so I had a chat with my partner about it. He is amazed that anyone could think breastfeeding an older baby is inappropriate and still is totally supportive of me carrying on.

I asked if he feels excluded, but he says that he has other ways of bonding with our daughter. He always does the bath, he delivers her and picks her up from nursery and they have a wonderful relationship.

I think more information for fathers to be would be brilliant - I know plenty are not as convinced of the benefits as my partner. Good luck with the website and post the URL here when it's done!

From the POV of a mum:

For me, my dh's support was fundamental. During my pregnancies we talked about what we wanted to do as parents, so when things got rough we were already pulling together. As things changed, we continued to talk and revise our plans together. It's the togetherness and knowing that you can rely on him that helps through the rought times.

It's also important that he speaks up if things are getting too rough for him - then you can adjust together. In our case the adjustment was to set a date by which I would give up trying to increase my breastmilk and accept whatever proportion of breast and bottle mixed feeding I had achieved.

Something that I think men often just don't get, is that feelings need to be acknowledged and accepted. It may be something fairly irrational, 'she' may even know that herself, but knowing that you can talk about feelings without them being poo-pood takes a real load of your mind.

Sometimes you need a buffer between you and the parents/in-laws/HV/the centile charts.

Then there are the little things like bringing you a drink whenever you sit down to feed, and in-between as well. Making a plate of sandwiches last thing at night so there's something ready for you during the night feeds and pre-breakfast feeds.

dh felt much more involved with child no1, who was mix-fed, but with no2, not only was he looking after no1, but as I was breastfeeding no2 he felt even less involved. When I bfeed, my boobs become very non-sexual to me, and I really dislike having them touched. I tell my dh (and the babies) that the boobs have been lent to the baby and he'll have them back as soon as the baby doesn't need them any more. At first, with no2, dh seemed keen that I would stop bfing when we no longer needed to sterilise, ie about 6-9 months, but as we get into that period, he seems less bothered and begins to feel, like me, that there's no real reason to stop. I think that the difference (between now and 3-4 months ago) is that as no2 starts crawling etc, she becomes a mmore interesting person and he feels more involved, bfing is less of a chunk of her day, IYSWIM.

HTH, and really looking forward to visiting your site - make sure to give us the url.

I don't think my hubby had ever seen a woman bfeed till me. I guess I always said I would bfeed and he always said he wanted what was best for the baby. I think he is quite proud now of how successful ds and I have been with it, especially as we had trouble in the beginning because ds was premmie. On my worst days when I wanted to give up he just listened and listened until I talked myself out of it.

I bought my dh a book to help him with the whole new fatherhood thing, because I was really disappointed that during my pregnancy he didn't feel a need to study up. I knew it had to be written by a guy and be humourous to catch his eye - so I highly recommend 'She's had a baby - and I'm having a meltdown: What every new father needs to know about Marriage, Sex and Diapers' by James Douglas Barron.

The things he does that I find supportive are: buy me books to read while I bfeed. Not complain when I ask him to bring me all kinds of things while I'm bfeeding. Not complain when I bring a crying ds to bed in early hours of the morning to bfeed as I am too tired to sit up.

The things that he does that annoys me is that he is such a neat freak that he tidies my 'Milkplatz' so that I go to feed and have to dig out the pillow, my bottle of water, the TV remotes, my book, ds's vitamin D etc etc. He also struggled with the idea that there were some staple items in his cooking that I couldn't have (at least in the early months) like onions and garlic and other stuff too that might have given ds wind or affected my milk. I must sound mad - I'm complaining about a guy that is a neat freak and does most of the cooking .

Stuff that get's my dh involved is buying new equipment (car seats, strollers, toys - especially ones with batteries), bathing with ds and showing ds off to his family members, taking photos/videos, e-mailing photos to friends, hanging with friends that also have small babys.

Dare I suggest that a website just about bfeeding and fathers might be a bit too narrow? When I was pregnant I looked for websites for dad's and found a couple that weren't that good and it looked to me that the main reason was that they just weren't being accessed by men. I would think that perhaps a broader website that doesn't just appeal to 'Snag' style men might meet with more success. Something that answers the questions that most men think but don't ask and has stuff about sex and cars and beer .

PS: I don't mean to sound like a cynic & I have enjoyed writing this post, but how do we know you are legit?

When I was pregnant with my ds, I said that I planned on bfing. My dh already had 3 children none of whom had been bfed. And I don't think he knew anyone who had bfed, or even thought about it. During the entire pregnancy he made lots of comments about how he was never going to "let" me bfeed in public or in front of anyone, etc. etc. I had my ds by emergency c-section so wasn't able to go out for several weeks after having him. During that time my dh got used to and more relaxed with the idea of bfeeding. He realized that not much of the breast has to be on display. And most importantly he realized that HE didn't have to get up at night to do bottles (like he had had to with his first 3 kids)! That alone would have been enough to turn him into the biggest advocate of bfing you've ever met.

Thanks for all the replies. I certainly appreciate your perspectives on the issue. I agree that there needs to be more education available for dads otherwise I might not have struggled with the issue as much as I did.

AussieSim - I think that is a very legitimate question. I guess there really isn't any way for me to prove the legitimacy of my intentions yet ... I'm still gathering the research. I appreciate you response.

It's actually pretty encouraging though, because I am finding a wide range of feelings out there on the subject and definitely realize that there is a need for helping dads ... I am hoping to have some of the website done in about 1 - 2 weeks (thought my wife is scheduled for induction on Wednesday of next week so I might be a little distracted).

Thanks again for the info. I will post a link as soon as I get something uploaded. I think it will probably be at geocities but I don't know for sure yet ...

Tom

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Dh was great whilst during the 9 weeks I did breastfeed but after that decided that my boobs were his again as soon as I stopped - didn't give me any chance to let them be mine again in between which really did my head in!

Things that helped whilst I was feeding - he made sure I ate and drank enough, kept me relaxed about the whole thing, offered encouragment when needed but managed to keep off the subject at all other times, picked dd up for me during the night as I couldn't reach that far (had a c-section), fed her himself on the couple of occasions I did manage to express any.

The main problem we found was that I was producing so much milk I had to change my top at least 5 times a day, and that was with using all sorts of things as pads to try and mop it up, so I didn't want to go out at all - for some reason he had problems understanding why I was reluctant to go out!

It really makes a difference when you've got a supportive DH/DP to help with breastfeeding. My DH gave me loads of encouragement when I was having big problems breastfeeding and although I stopped after 6 weeks anyway, I know I would have stopped earlier if he hadn't supported me. He (with advice from bf counsellor) managed to make me feel like I should keep trying at the breastfeeding, but without making me feel like I had no choice. That's the most important thing if you're having loads of problems.

He brought me drinks etc while I was breastfeeding and also came to the breastfeeding clinics with me which really helped. He could watch all the positioning stuff from a better angle than I sometimes got and, because he's got a eerily good memory, he could remind me of exactly what the bf counsellor told me to do.

Sorry forgot something! Major point - men need to realise how important it is to a lot of women that they breastfeed in public. When dd was about 3 weeks old, we went to my MIL & FIL's. When dd was crying for a feed, MIL told me I could use the spare room and that it would be 'private' for me. She meant well but I was feeling really depressed and the problems I had breastfeeding really stressed me out. So I had to really strongly explain, especially to DH why I wanted to breastfeed where I was, instead of being shut away. FIL went off, which is fair enough, but MIL kept popping in and out, pointedly not looking at me but at least I had DH to talk to. So it's important for a DP/DH to know where 'his woman' wants to breastfeed and support that.

Just to continue my rant, it really p*ed me off when yesterday (dd is 9 weeks now), we went to the IL's and DH's cousin was visiting, with 6 mnth baby, and she just started bf'ing in front of everyone and no-one acted uncomfortable or as though she shouldn't be doing it!!! Was probably because of the fuss I made before, but still got me!!

My most poignant and probably only association of breastfeeding with my husband, is him coming home from work each evening, leaning over to watch me feed the baby and exclaim (to the baby) "Doing a good job there, son!"

Breastfeeding does keep the bosoms big, you know.

There's lots of talk about supporting dp/dw while they are breastfeeding, but we also need that support when we stop. Not just at weaning, but particularly if we decide to give up and go over to bottles. Sometimes dads only see the positive in that - suddenly they get to feed the baby, you can go out together in the evenings, there'll be time to get things done in the day because the baby can be left with someone, etc - but it can be a very depressing time for a mum who has been trying desperately hard and feels like a failure for stopping.

Another good book for 'lads' is You're Pregnant Too Mate by Gavin Rodgers, though it's more about pregnancy and immediately p-n.

Thanks for all the replies and support! I have a questionnaire that I posted on several other forums and it is a little more focused (which will help gauge various responses against each other). I should have posted it earlier so the moms who stopped breastfeeding could have shared why they chose to stop. Here is the complete questionnaire if you feel like responding to it, great!

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Please remember that there are no wrong answers when completing this questionnaire. If you are uncomfortable answering a question, skip it. Just please be honest. If you would prefer to complete the survey via email, just let me know. Responses will be treated as anonymous on my upcoming website. Any help is appreciated.

Which method would you choose to use in order to feed your baby (breast or bottle)?

Please describe the first time you saw a mother breastfeeding her baby? How old were you? What kind of impression did it make on you?

Was/is your partner supportive of you breastfeeding? If breastfeeding, was your partner supportive from the beginning or did it take some getting used to?

If breastfeeding, what issues have you and your partner encountered that have been setbacks with breastfeeding and how did you overcome them (such as lack of support, society’s attitude toward breastfeeding, lack of information, work schedules, fear of showing too much breast while feeding in public, partner feeling left out or jealous, negative comments, bad experience, etc)?

What were/are your partner's feelings about nursing in public and what are your feelings about nursing in public?

How does your extended family (parents, in-laws, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc) feel about nursing in public?

Realizing that there may be media coverage, would you participate in a nurse-in or other breastfeeding demonstration if a partner, friend, acquaintance, or activist group asked you to? Why?

Do/did you regularly attend meetings (La Leche League, playgroups, etc) where breastfeeding is supported?

If you could change something about you partner's attitude toward breastfeeding, what would it be?

If you have breastfed and have stopped, what was your reason for stopping (child’s age, returning to work, etc)?

What is the oldest age that you think a child should breastfeed?

Here are my answers to your questionnaire, pcurious:

breast

can't remember

yes. from the beginning.

nothing major. a few people were sniffy but they
were ignored and /or sneered at from afar

both are fine

not sure. cannot see that their feelings are relevant.

no. i shun jolly communal events when possible.

no

nothing

my children lost interest

who cares if everyone's happy with it?

My answers

1. With my fisrt baby bottle, with this one I plan to breastfeed

2. I was 28 and my daughter was 3 months old when I first saw a woman breastfeed. I was fascinated and a little horrified. (Not horrified she was doing it but oh my god I could never do that sort of thing)

3. He did not want me to breastfeed 1st time. this time he says he will support me but if the going gets tough wants me to turn to bottle.

4. Midwife told me mixed feeding wasn't possible. Lots of family members told me I wouldn't cope with breastfeeding. Going back to work is a worry.

5. He beleives breastfeeding should be done in private. I have a problem with showing any of my body so don't think I could do it in public.

6. Not really printable what my parents think about breastfeedinf in public. Very strong views against.

7. No I wouldn't as I wouldn't be comfortable doing that.

8. I regurlaly attend NCT coffee mornings.

9. I wish he could see why I want to try and not just keep going on that bottlefeeding never did him/me/our daughter any harm. I wish he could understand why I feel so bad about not trying with our daughter.

10. I never started.

11. My baby aged 1. Someone else if they choses to up to age 2.

my answers

1. breast

2. can't remember the specific occasion - first time i can remember was probably in my early 20s. Didn't really make any impression particularly!

3. Husband assumed I would breastfeed and was very supportive from the beginning.

4. I can honestly say I never encountered any problems throughout the 3 years I was breastfeeding my babies. I was happy to feed (discreetly) in public, and never once had a negative remark.

5. i can't understand why anyone would object to such a normal and natural activity in a public place. I think most nursing mums are pretty discreet when feeding in public anyway, so there is absolutely no reason for anyone else to take offence. The only scenario I would find a little weird is if a woman was nursing an older child (i.e. a toddler or older). But I would never comment on it just as I wouldn't comment on other strange sights I see on the street!

6. as far as i'm aware, none of my family think there's anything remotely wrong with feeding in public

7. no

8. wouldn't change anything - he was totally supportive ... it was never an issue

9. i stopped feeding my daughter when she was 2 because i was pregnant with my son, I stopped feeding him when he was 1 and i returned to work.

10. there are no shoulds. I find it a bit odd if a child older than 2 is still feedting i guess

Might as well add my 2 pence worth...

1, breast

2, 21, BF was first to have a kid by a long shot, I found it fascinating even though she had trouble.

3,Of course from the beginning.

4,none

5,He's never expressed a problem with it - I just asked him and he said ' No, because you weren't exactly flashing them about'...I think we need to have a little chat in a minute. I'll breastfeed in public but if there is somewhere clean comfortable and private I'll use it.

6,They've always been supportive.

7,Yes, because the more people do it the more relaxed everyone will become about it.

8,I don't think they have a particular agenda about it, but I went to a MAMA mother and child group.

9, His wonderful ability to be able to sleep through a baby crying 6 inches from his ear, just because I'm the major food source.

10, ds1(around 10 mths) a mixture of going back to work, him getting sharp teeth and my flat being very cold in winter.
ds2(around 7 mths) my FIL died and we spent a lot of time at my MILs with lots of visitors arriving, many from overseas. Very difficult and intense time, found feeding very hard in such an emotional atmosphere so switched to bottles so friends and my family could help.
expecting dd in 8 weeks, am aiming for around 12 mths.

11, It makes me feel a bit creepy when I've seen kids walking up to their mums and helping themselves, but thats their business. I don't think I would be comfortable after a year.

Hope this helps!!

I love surveys and questionnaires ... here are my answers.

1. Breast

2. I was 11. My mum's friend had a baby and I saw her breastfeed. Didn't bother me in the slightest ... accepted it was normal, thanks to my mother telling me that she breastfed all of her 4 four children.

3. My DH and I didn't even discuss it when I was pregnant ... I was going to breastfeed and that was that and he never made me think that he was going to have a problem with it.
   He was very supportive from the start but when I hit problems at 6 weeks he was keen for me to introduce a bottle so that DS would be happier and less hungry ... and because he was convinced that I would be happier if the baby was happier.

4. We started off really well but due to DS being ill and lack of knowledge about expressing and lack of support from health professionals I ended up giving up at 8 weeks ... against my will. Next time I will know a lot more and will endeavour to keep going ...

5. DH never had a problem with it. I was a little bit embarrassed to start with but got used to it. Was convinced for the first couple of weeks that I was going to open the door to the postman/plumber/milkman with my boobs hanging out as DS fed so often that I never bothered to do up my shirt
   DH and I have no problem at all with seeing other people b/f in public ... it is a normal part of parenthood ...

6. Very open family on my side ... no problems at all with b/fing. I think my dad was proud that I felt comfortable enough to go ahead in front of him.
   Not sure about DH's family ... they were not around when DS was born ... will be different next time though as we live much nearer them and they will see the baby when it is born ... so I will know then how they feel...

7. I would love to be brave enough to take part in a 'nurse in' but I don't know whether I ever would unless the opportunity was presented to me IYKWIM!
   Why? Well I think that b/fing is important and people who are anti it and people who discourage it in public need to be made aware ...

8. No ... never did join NCT ... perhaps if I had I might have had more support re. b/fing my DS ...

9. Would not change anything.

10. My son had to have surgery at 4 weeks old. I wasn't allowed to feed him for 48 hours and no one explained to me the importance of expressing to keep my flow going. I just expressed to relieve the discomfort. When I was able to feed him again my milk was on its way out. I desperately tried to get it going again over the next 2 weeks but made the mistake of introducing a bit of formula to top him up and he liked it more ... then he was in hospital again with a meningitis scare at 7 weeks and I lost the plot when he had to have a lumbar puncture and just gave up by 8 weeks ...

11. Personally I don't think I would b/f past a year but for other people it is up to them ... I do think 4 or 5 is a bit over the top though ... (Have a SIL who b/f her dd until 5 years)

Pcurious ... I think your website idea is great!

Breast (at first, weaning onto bottle when they start to take solids or I get fed up!)

Wasn't used to seeing women breastfeed at all, I think the first time I saw it done I was disgusted and embarrassed.

Partner very pro-breastfeeding as he comes from a breastfeeding family, so it was the norm for him.

Setbacks include the night feeds that only I can do. Lack of freedom as again, only I can feed and if you're not good at expressing, you don't get much of a respite from your baby. Leaky breats, it was much messier than I thought it would be. You still need all the bottles and equipment to express. It hurt a lot more than I thought it would and it took longer to establish. Also as I'm very shy at these things, I used to go and hide every time she needed feeding. Plus when your breasts are squirting milk up to 5 feet away, you get embarrassed and you don't feel sexy at all. I often got alarmed at the gush of milk from my breasts.

I have no problem now with anyone nursing in public, apart from those who insist on showing their whole breasts to everyone! I wouldn't do it because I found it messy, so it was impossible for me to be discreet, and I'm just very shy and private. However once the feeding became more established and comfortable, I did get a bit bolder, but never in front of family!

Dh's family are fine about it as all his sisters have done it. My family get embarrassed.

Maybe if it was for a very good cause, and if the feeding had become established, so I was able to do it discreetly. I would have a problem if others were not discreet.

Yes, toddler groups and NCT coffee groups where no-one bats an eyelid.

To stop comparing me to a cow and not to think that my swollen breasts are a free for all!

I was moving her onto solids, so didn't think exclusive breastfeeding mattered as much. I also wanted my life back, so that I could go out without worrying about expressing enough to feed her, and having swollen and leaky breasts. Being paranoid about anyone knocking into them, and forever looking down at my top to make sure there were no tell-tale stains.

Don't really have an opinion on this one. I guess I would feel a bit uncomfortable if I saw a child being breastfed over the age of 2.

Brilliant idea by the way, I'd love to see the site once it's done.

Hi Tom - interesting discussion, great to hear that a dad is so keen to get involved. Totally agree that more info should be available to dads and I look forward to seeing your website.

There is a website here with a paper (written by a man) under the section -

Issues in Breastfeeding Promotion

How can we increase the father's involvement in child care?

Hope it is of some help. Will get back to you with the questionnaire.

1.Breast
2.Can?t remember exactly but my sisters breastfed and I was about 15 when their first baby came along. I didn?t think twice about it really ? just seemed like a totally normal, natural thing to do. They were happy to do it in front of the family.
3.Yes dh was very supportive. His first wife didn?t b/feed so he had some experience of bottles which he didn't like. He did sometimes feel a bit left out but I really couldn?t have done it without his support.
4.Lack of support ? bought a book from La Leche League which contained everything I wanted to know. A lot of it was just relying upon gut instinct and not listening to bad advice. I?ve also done a lot of research on the subject (you may have seen my posts around the site) and this has been invaluable to me and I bore a lot of people with this information! I?ve volunteered to help out at workshops to show other women how to do it.
5.We both felt that it was OK provided done discreetly and that I should be able to do it anywhere and not be shut in a special room. This is particularly important as we have 2 children now and its not always easy for me to get up from a table in a café and drag the older one into a room if he is still eating for example.
6.No problem at all with extended family. Mother is a bit old fashioned and doesn?t believe in nursing toddlers but she respects my wishes.
7.Yes if it helped other women to successfully breastfeed.
8.I did attend a meeting with my first as I had a few problems with him.
9.No need to change anything.
10.N/A ? still breastfeeding.
11. Well my 4 year old still does have a comfort feed at night but I feel he is getting too old for this really ... but it is up to the individual. I?ve heard some go up to age 7 and that doesn?t bother me if both parties are happy with this.

My answers:

1. breast

2. can't remember- I have 22 first cousins and am one of the elder ones so I saw my aunts feeding my cousins.

3. Yes supportive from the beginning. use dto hold my hand at the beginning when ds1 was latching on (sooooo painful) and badgered the midwives to get some sensible advice when I was struggling. Was also totally non judgemental when I mixed fed at the beginning.

4)didn't really have any setbacks- except it was hard going in the beginning with my first child. Got through it though in my own way (the advice I got from breastfeeding councellors was a bit judgemental)

5. dh totally happy for me to feed in public. I have no views- it's hardly flaunting. i think people who have a problem with it are the ones with the problem.

6. My mother used to try to shunt me off to the mothercare toilets when I was feeding ds1 in public., With ds2 I notcied she didn't - I asked her why and she said "no point is there because you'll feed in public anyway" I also noticed that she really couldn't tell when I was feeding though as a number of times she said "ahh he's gone to sleep" when he was chomping away.

7. No- I think being too militant either way is a problem. it's a person's choice, don;t really see how its relevant to anyone else. if a cafe had a problem with me feeding on their premises or something I just wouldn;t ever use them again, rather than make a stand.

8)Used to be quite a few people feeding at toddler groups etc- but then I think people feed everywhere now anyway.

9. nothing

10. fed ds1 until 13 months- then he weaned himself off. Ds2 is 19 months and still bfed- although not in public- he's too nosy and wants to look around at everything

11. Don't think it matters- no-one elses's business.

Tom- are you american ?(just wondered as you wrote 'mom". I think feeding in public is more of an issue in the States than it is in the UK- where most of us are posting from. Wasn't someone in Texas arrested for public indecency for feeding in a car parked in a far corner of a car park?

Thanks for all the support. Yes Jimjams, I'm in the States though I have received a wide range of answers regarding breastfeeding in general on various forums (US and UK) and they are fairly the same - mix of shy and not so shy, with and without support, etc.

Most of the States have laws that protect moms who are breastfeeding in public. I read somewhere that the breastfeeding rates are on the increase in the States, though I don't know the exact numbers right now. Breastfeeding in public is becoming more popular among moms - especially on the west coast it seems. Personally, I don't mind a woman breastfeeding in public or anywhere else though I am still a little stuffy about MY wife doing it in public - but she is too. I am guessing that has something to do with our culture, but I'm not sure. That is one of the answers I am hoping to get when this research is all said and done. If I had to pick something that I hate about American culture ... breastfeeding attitude would be ranked pretty high up there. I wonder how different I would be if I had grown up in a culture that was more comfortable with it.

Thought it might be nice to share a little of what I have learned so far. Remember that this isn't a scientific study:

Interestingly enough for me, it seems that a moderate to high level of support from the partner has been one of the most referenced benefits when it comes to dad's involvement. I have found that dad's being jealous is actually quite common (believe it or not) whether that means that he was 1.) jealous of all the boobie time for baby or 2.) jealous that he couldn't feed the baby in the same manner. Although, in instances where dad was jealous of all the boobie time for baby it was usually due to the breasts being seen by the mother as only working breasts and not sexual breasts. Per the responses, hubby wasn't jealous when the breasts were viewed as both working and sexual.

It seems that having a very supportive partner actually nullified most of the other negative experiences and attitudes. Interesting, huh? Affirmation that dad's need support too.

I am actually having a hard time getting responses from families that are bottlefeeding vs. breastfeeding. That's a bummer as their responses are important too. I'm guessing that there would be a higher incidence of lack of support, jealous partner, misinformation, etc.

Once again, I appreciate all the responses. You "mums" are a BIG help.

Tom

I was discussing this issue with my dh last night and he said that he was jealous too, which surprised me a little. Without his support and instigation I may not have gone down the breastfeeding route, and certainly would not have stuck with it for as long as I did. But last night he told me that he did feel left out when I was feeding the baby and he longed to be able to give it a bottle, although he admitted that these reasons were purely selfish and he would never have admitted them to me at the time.